Name: Women, Instagram Head Nodding, Chat GPT Therapy | Monday Morning Podcast 7-1-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-07-01T17:13:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Women, Instagram Head Nodding, Chat GPT Therapy | Monday Morning Podcast 7-1-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Women, Instagram Head Nodding, Chat GPT Therapy | Monday Morning Podcast 7-1-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-01. Transcript available.

Women, Instagram Head Nodding, Chat GPT Therapy | Monday Morning Podcast 7-1-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, June 30th, 2025.
What's going on, Hawaii? I'm going to say it one more time. Hawaii? I don't
know how you're doing, but I'm doing fucking great.
Sorry the podcast is a day late. I was traveling back from New York City
yesterday, back in Los Angeles,
for the Glengarry Glen Ross at the Palace Theatre. Performances are complete.
128 performances in the book.
In the book? In the books. One Friends and Family, 23 previews, and 104 from
opening night to closing night.
It was an amazing, amazing, amazing experience. I learned so much.
I made so many new friends. I got to experience what Broadway was like, and I
had a whole bunch of friends come out and see me.
And then I met a whole bunch of people that I'd never met before.
And I don't know. It's too big to try and process at this point.
I will probably be babbling about it for quite some time in little spurts here
or there.
But I can tell you this.
The company, I guess, guess is what you say in Broadway, not the cast.
The company that I worked, the whole thing, everybody was aces.
And I am so proud of my fellow castmates and everything.
Our final shows, there was no dip.
There was nobody looking at the exit door.
Everybody went out there and did what we've been doing the whole time.
It's just having a great time just feeding off of each other.
And there was still things that were developing in the play.
There was a bit that Kieran and Michael McKeon were doing, asking, where were
you last night?
And all of that stuff that turned into this whole bit.
And then Bob and Kieran trying to save the sale when Link comes in, turned into
a whole other incredible bit that I know nobody's ever done the way that they
did it.
It was so funny and it was so brilliant.
And, yeah, I don't know.
It was just, I don't know.
I still can't believe I got to be a part of it.
And I don't know.
Howard Overshone, Donald Weber, John Piricello, Michael McKeon, everybody.
It was, everyone was just on fire.
So, anyway, like I said, I'll be babbling about it here or there over the next,
I don't know how long.
I've never done one of these before.
I've never been post one of these before.
But that is the deal.
I am back out here in L.A.
And I am not doing fucking shit for a couple, two, three days.
I do have a show in Glendale because I have to get ready because I'm going
overseas like a fucking moron.
I don't know why I booked these gigs so close to the end of the play.
But, you know what's weird?
It is something different.
So, it's not going to feel like a grind.
I am looking forward to doing this stuff.
Why is this so fucking quiet?
I don't understand what's going on here.
I'm not getting like the usual, uh, the usual, what you call here?
The, the, the, the, the waves on, on, on, on the, hello, hello.
There we go.
There's some waves on the, on the screen here.
Listen, this is, this is a fucking small operation what I got going on here.
All right.
I got the, uh, what would you call it?
The fucking, you know, I'm sitting in a car.
All right.
I fucking hate these new cars, man.
I told you I sold.
I'm not, I'm not driving anything that wasn't made before 2000.
That's made after 2005.
Fuck all of these stupid ass cars.
They're fucking trying.
They try to do everything.
I was sitting in the car and I'm just sitting here, not doing anything.
And the fucking alarm goes off.
Um, I don't know.
I don't, I don't understand.
I don't, I don't, basically I don't fucking understand most things.
I saw this, like I'm on Instagram, right?
Cause what am I going to do?
Read?
I actually have been reading.
I've been reading a lot of plays.
If you can believe it, I've been, uh, kind of caught the bug when I was back
there.
And Howard Overshoen got, got me, uh, this book of Sam Shepard plays.
So I've been reading those.
But anyways, going back to the, uh, what I was watching was, um, I see this
woman on Instagram,
right?
One of my people, whitey, Caucasian, right?
And she's sitting there.
I don't know how old she is.
We'll say 30, 31.
I don't, I don't fucking know.
Right?
White woman.
And she goes on there and she goes, uh, I think the Beatles.
Are the most overrated pedestrian, milquetoast, blah, blah, blah, band there
ever was.
And you know, they basically, they ain't shit.
They haven't done shit, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then she ends it.
She goes, what?
I said what I said.
It's the funniest shit ever.
She goes, I said what I said.
I mean, it was like, dude, we all have got to get off the fucking, at least
social media.
Like the level of egomaniac that we are all becoming.
I'm not singling her out.
Like I'm not a fucking lunatic too.
But it was just like, when she goes, I said what I said.
First of all, another expression white people took from black people.
And it makes sense when somebody non-white goes, I said what I said.
But when you're white and you go, I said what I said.
It's like, well, yeah, you're the ones that say what people can say.
Your people are running shits.
But anyway, she goes, I said what I said.
Like everybody's mind just melted.
Like, oh my God.
Wait a minute.
Were we all wrong about it?
Everybody I know under like the age of 45, for the most part, that is their
take on the Beatles.
They think they stink.
They think they're fucking overrated.
And why wouldn't they?
Their fucking music was 60 years ago.
I'm surprised they made it that long without people trashing them.
But just because you don't like them doesn't mean they're not going to sell
fucking records anymore.
Whatever the downloads.
It's like, lady, it's okay you don't like them.
The Beatles will be fine.
They were fine before you and they'll be fine after you.
And they're fine with your opinion.
I said what I said.
Oh my God.
These fucking, goddamn fucking car.
How does the alarm keep going off?
Oh my God.
My wife's going to fucking kill me.
I just woke up everywhere in the house.
This is the second time it fucking happened.
Oh, I know.
I'm moving around.
I'm being animated.
We're just causing these sensors to go off in the fucking car.
You know what these fucking cars are?
You know what these cars are?
They're like those fucking women on Instagram.
Everything's going to be about Instagram because I don't fucking have any other
reference at this point.
You know, who go on and they go, I don't need a man.
I don't need a man.
It's like, well, obviously you do.
You're missing something.
You know, you don't need a man.
Fine.
Get on with not needing a man.
Why do I need to hear about it?
You don't need a man.
Yes, you do.
Unless you're a lesbian.
You need somebody, you fucking idiot.
That's like me walking around saying I don't need a woman.
I 100% do.
It is specific one.
The lovely Nia.
Goddamn right I need her.
These fucking women.
I don't understand what, like, women like that.
What are you trying to prove?
Oh, my God.
You're so tough.
You're going to live in a world without love.
All right.
Well, fantastic.
And let me guess.
Do we all have to suffer now?
Did you come to town fucking trying to, I don't know, make up for the fact that
nobody holds you at night?
Nobody rubs your head and tells you it's going to be okay?
You know?
What are you and your vagina going to do?
How many are you going to fucking fold your legs back over yourself and, I don't
know what, rub your head with your fucking, your taco there?
I don't know.
Do whatever you want to do.
Human beings are not meant to be alone.
That's my, what?
What?
I said it.
No, what did she say?
I said what I said.
Dude, do you realize how funny it is with, like, what's going on in Iran?
What's going on in Israel, Pakistan, whole Gaza Strip, the whole fucking world,
what this fucking lunatic is doing.
He's taking everything away from everybody, you know?
And half the fucking country is cheering him on to do it, destroying the whole
fucking thing.
He wants his face on fucking Mount Rushmore.
He's clearly mentally fucking, he's out of his fucking mind.
He's literally out of his mind.
Spent a hundred million dollars on a military parade, like fucking, I, I, I,
and your hot take is you think the Beatles are overrated?
Listen, I get it.
You got to keep it light sometimes.
I'm guilty of it too.
But like, I said what I said.
Oh my God.
What?
I said what I said.
I remember a long time ago, there was a comedian, he went on stage, uh, I'm not
going to say his name.
He went on stage and he fucking tagged everything that he said that night with,
what?
I said it.
I'll say it again.
Like none of us could handle what he was saying.
Like society was being changed in real time by his shit and dick jokes.
What?
I said it.
I'll say it again.
Once again, once again, um, it's just the funniest shit.
It's just funny to me watching people acting like, I don't know, like what they
just said.
Like you just, like nobody has to be freaking out about it.
You're just going to assume that everyone is freaking out that you just said
that shit.
Oh my God.
The car made more noise.
What's going to happen?
She's going to give me shit.
Why'd you leave it in the garage?
It's like, cause I can't find the fucking opener.
Here's another thing.
Back in the day.
Back in the day.
Oh, there it is.
There's the opener.
Okay.
Now maybe, okay.
Now I can get out of the garage.
Out of the garage.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
But what happens is with this fucking car, listen to this shit.
You turn it on, right?
You turn it on.
You turn it on.
Oh, wait.
Oh, I can't do, oh shit.
I have to unlock it.
Now it plays the sustained chord.
Now I press the button.
Now it's on.
Now it bing, bong, bing, bong, boom, bing, bing.
All right.
And now like it's projecting my, my two mile an hour speed limit on the inside
of the windshield.
Remember people don't drive distracted as, as you, you, they fucking flash
information inside the goddamn.
I just realized I haven't driven a car in like fucking five months.
Oh, yes, I did.
I came out here.
I snuck out here one day because it was my lovely wife's birthday.
And I've never missed that in 21 years.
And my son's birthday was right after.
So we did a, uh, a collage.
Now I hit stop.
Now I hit stop.
And now, now look at this, this is like literally like, I don't know what it is.
Was that supposed to be like the logo of the car?
Like the whole fucking windshield is, is an iPad next to an iPad next to an
iPad.
Don't drive distracted, everybody.
All right.
What if I open the door and then I fucking close it?
Does that do it?
Nope.
It's still playing the chord.
Ah, I have to hit lock inside the fucking thing.
So now it thinks that I walked away.
But now if I shift my weight from one butt cheek to another, it thinks somebody
is rocking the car trying to get into this plastic piece of shit.
I'm driving a fucking iPhone.
Anyway, speaking of which, yeah, so I sold all my vehicles.
So I'm looking, I'm in the market for something.
And like I said, I'm going to buy something.
I got a good mechanic.
I'll get it up and running.
I'm driving something fucking old.
Fuck these goddamn new cars.
Hey, you know, what?
I don't like new cars.
What?
I said what I said.
What?
I said it.
I'll fucking say it again.
Hey, Bill, Bill, nobody's saying.
You can't say it.
Although there have been some, there have been some things that you couldn't
say in stand-up.
There has been.
I remember when you weren't able to say tranny anymore.
And then, but the new word was also TR something.
Cross dresser.
I don't know, all of those words, transvestite, all of those words for some
reason overnight
became, you can't say that.
And then there was all these new ones.
Remember that?
It was like, like all of that came and went.
Like, remember that music, new metal?
A rap, rap and metal when they tried to do that unholy matrimony.
And that usually works.
Like when you combine different genres of music.
Or like food, Tex-Mex, you know, Asian infused cornflakes, whatever the fuck
they say, right?
Japanese infused fuck