Name: Milan, Hotel Light Controls, Puking | Monday Morning Podcast 7-21-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-07-21T18:33:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Milan, Hotel Light Controls, Puking | Monday Morning Podcast 7-21-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Milan, Hotel Light Controls, Puking | Monday Morning Podcast 7-21-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-21. Transcript available.

Milan, Hotel Light Controls, Puking | Monday Morning Podcast 7-21-25 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
2025 what's going on how are you how's it going on jeez what are you doing are
you doing what
everybody's doing right now is that what you're doing are you just listening to
the information
that you agree with rather than all of the information that's what people do it's
what
i do it's what everybody does i don't want to hear that i want to hear this i
like this i don't like
that if i listen to this it makes me feel like i'm right then i feel like i
have control i don't i
don't like what you i don't like the that what if i was to tell you that the
answer is this and that
how about it's everybody's right and if you put it all together then you get
the fucking truth
rather than just fucking leaning you know i saw this woman the other to one
side or the other i
saw this woman the other day and she was fucking showing the claws of lions
while they were sort of
snoozing i don't know where she was there was no context on how she became bros
you know and besties
with the male and female lions but they were just sort of like
you know chilling and she's going look at this and there's the fucking claw and
this gets a build up we need to work on that and she come up pet him right on
the head
oh yeah like a fucking dog
unreal unreal and then at one point one of them just stretched and scratched
her fucking leg and
she goes oh you got me yeah it's a fucking lion
what are you doing the fuck are you doing petting a lion
that has to you don't love animals do you have an ego issue there's something
going on that that you
would fucking do that and film it
you know what i mean because we all have to see how you know lions eat you but
not me
they dig me man i'm fucking bros you can't be friends with a lion
jesus christ
can can you see the red flags at the beginning of this relationship
it's a fucking lion oh i raised it i don't give a shit
fucking thing weighs like 800 pounds just you're gonna come home and it's gonna
jump on you like
a fucking dog it's gonna crush your rib cage
those things take down those fucking sometimes they get killed whatever those
those those
giant bulls looking things they fucking tell jesus i eat too much fucking food
here
i've been eating like a fucking animal my stomach's fucking
i ate so much when i was in italy like two fucking nights i went out i just
said
fuck this i'm eating like a chef and now i'm paying for it and i got addicted
to sugar again
happened on my birthday i fucking had a cupcake and i was i just have one
you know and i had it and then like i've been off but now i'm back
um i'm not fucking with sugar anymore but jesus christ that stuff dude it's
like it's like you took a
hit off the fucking crack pipe um
you just you know that's why i didn't have a fucking cigar when i was in italy
i just said
fuck it i'm not doing it i'm not doing it because i know it's going to happen
i'm gonna i'm gonna have one and then i'm gonna wait four days and be like yeah
see i'm not addicted
and then i'm gonna have another one on the fifth day and the next thing you
know
i'm gonna be smoking like i'm at the fucking track i'm just not doing it i don't
know
plus where i stayed in italy they didn't really have a bunch of places to buy
cigars
they had them and you know those the worst place ever to buy cigars the place
that also sells like
lottery tickets and bubble gum and they're like you got cigars here and they
got this little
and sad humor door behind the register it's just like i'm not fucking i'm not
trying to make a blunt
here do you have a fucking cigar um anyway um plowing ahead so i had a great
time when i was in italy
i did the show in milan it went fantastic the crowd was awesome and i gotta
tell you guys this
shit uh i'm gonna tell you something i've done that fucking luigi joke
that fucking louie the kid who shot the ceo i've done that in la new york city
london abu dhabi and
now milan italy and it fucking murders the second i bring that kid's name up
everybody goes nuts applauding
you know it's one of the great things about travel as you learn that we're all
looking at
it the same fucking way there's just a whole bunch of people out there that are
busting their asses
and they're not getting paid their worth and then there's these ceo cunts
taking all the money for
themselves and just watching cnn and fox news both of them not telling the
truth of that
it's just fucking you just know who they're working for you know who they're
working for
they're not working for you although that's what they say that's how they act
it will never cease to amaze me watching people listening to billionaires
um the emma i guess if you're a billionaire and people are happy where they you
know and they get
benefits and they're treated all right i would listen to somebody like that
like all right this
person made a bunch of money and they didn't forget where they came from and
and you know if you work
for them they you know him or her they treat your right but like most of them
they they treat them
like shit underpay all of them fuck over all of them for people sit there you
know every
fucking election there's some fucking billionaire now telling you oh yeah you
know it's those people
over there it's this country nobody it's you it's you you cunt it's you but it's
not gonna happen no one
will ever wake up to that because of racism sexism homophobia fucking shit
about religion racism all of
that shit shit red state blue state hollywood texas florida new york california
there they got it
they got us so fucking it's a masterpiece
fucking masterpiece
even when we all agree on something very quickly we all start fucking arguing
they got bots in there
just stirring it up if everybody's agreeing about luigi then a bot will come in
and just be like
a murderous murder i don't give a fuck and then everybody's like
and then we just start fucking arguing well you can blame joe biden for that
millionaires they're like mean girls just walking around starting rumors about
everybody
anyway um
when i was in uh milan italy doing my shoe
um i was with my lovely wife and uh she wanted to go to this sandwich place
because gwyneth paltrow went there and was like oh my god
this is like my fucking favorite sandwich i love this fucking sandwich right it's
not how she talks
but like i don't know like the level of fucking people taking pictures of their
food now
um nobody cares what you ate nobody cares
everybody else is waiting to eat can we start um i shouldn't say nobody cares
because those those food
things everybody fucking loves them um i don't give a fuck about like you know
somebody like like that's like a big thing everybody's got to like fucking oh
my god there's
this fucking spot you have to go to it's like well now you don't you fucking
ratted it out and i'm
going to go down there and there's going to be 20 fucking people in line
this is what this is how you use instagram when somebody tells you to go to a
fucking restaurant
what you do is you go across you go to that restaurant and then go across the
street
go to that restaurant and what they lack in good food they make up in with lack
of having to
fucking wait um sorry i'm an impatient person anyway so i was out here and i
rented a vespa
which i've always been nervous to to like rent a fucking scooter and ride
around a city i don't
know anything about but i was finally like listen i'm riding a fucking
motorcycle i can handle a
goddamn vespa so i rent this thing right and uh i go uh i take it around the
block and i go all right
yeah get on this thing let's let's let's go right up the coast here so where
were you staying we were
staying on this lake right so there's really only kind of like one main road so
i should have gone
left but i went right instead and uh this little blue and white adorable vespa
and nia's having like
a great time so she's riding on the back and very quickly we go you know we
wind through this little
rural area then we're into another town and then the town ends and there's like
this mountain that
fucking meets the lake so all of a sudden i get on this on-ramp i'm like wait a
minute is this like
the fucking highway and it was a two-lane thing and i got on it and we went
through the tunnel
of the mountain i was like wow that was like cool and then i looked my rear
view mirror there was a
guy right on my ass and it was like 50 kilometers so now i'm doing 55 he's on
my ass i'm doing 60 he's
on my ass i'm doing 65 he's on my ass and i got this thing fucking you know
wide open i got no more
with it's a fucking scooter and it's got two adults on it so i'm going as fast
as i can we get in this
fucking tunnel the guy's right on my ass i got motorcycles passing me on the
fucking left and i'm
just like ah like trying to get through this thing and this is what and then we
would get to another town
and then we would just sort of da da da da da da da da through the town and
then we would be back like
going through like a fucking tunnel like one of the tunnels we went through was
like two minutes long
at 65 kilometers like i thought i was getting up in switzerland um and i was it
was it was dark in
the tunnel i didn't have my fucking glasses on and i was just like going all
right i hope there's no
potholes here because this is not going to end well but i you know i didn't say
nothing because my
wife was on the back or whatever so i finally just found a place and i pulled
over and let
all those lunatics drive past me and then i kept going straight and he was like
why did you turn
around i thought you were going to turn around there she didn't realize it was
like a blind turn
you know a little bit in front of me and it's just like yeah that's how you end
up on the news
if you want to end up on the news make a fucking u-turn on a two-lane highway
with a blind
fucking turn right there that's that's how the way these people are driving
fuck that so um
we finally made it uh to a place where i could turn around and uh and then i
went back and you know
on the way back i just was like i just rode over to the right so people could
just like go past me it
was i'm not gonna lie to you it was not fun that aspect of it was not fun but
once i got i finally
got off and also i didn't really pay attention to where i got on um i knew like
what it looked like
and there was a couple of things in the tunnel that i had noticed so on the way
i mean we must
have gone through like 10 10 of these little villages and 10 of these fucking
tunnels
and uh every time we would get into the village it was like oh this is what i
wanted to do i just
wanted to kind of putz around it like you know 15 miles an hour because my wife
is looking at ice
cream and pizza parlors and shit that's what i wanted to do um but in between
it was like i was
in a fucking tom cruise movie and that's literally what he ended up saying she
goes that was amazing
i felt like i was in a felt like i was in a movie and the dude in front of me
like slammed on the brakes
because this fucking police car went by so i slammed on the brakes and you know
with all of that weight
on there it was like i realized i'm falling a little too close like i was
having to learn all of this
shit in real time um and then like yesterday we were you know before we left we
was just sort of
walking through town and then i found the the the curvy zigzag up into the
hills street i was like
this is the street i should have gone up um but it was funny when we when we
got off the scooter
nia was all just like that was all you know one of my favorite parts of any
memory ever with nia was
we were going through uh the tunnel skies on my ass but she was having a great
time
so you know she's riding behind me and she hugged me so i just sort of brought
my arms down like hugged
sort of like her for her arms that were around me it was such a nice loving
little moment while this
fucking guy was like right on my ass and then also it just it's one