Name: Baseball, Screens, California | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-24-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-07-24T17:53:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Baseball, Screens, California | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-24-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Baseball, Screens, California | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-24-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-24. Transcript available.

Baseball, Screens, California | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-24-25 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you whoo how's it going ah jesus
christ
it's fucking 3 45 in the morning oh billy jet lag billy jet set billy over here
now he's over
there oh billy what are you doing up there i thought i beat it i thought i beat
it the jet lag um
flew back from italy stayed up the whole fucking way connected in atlanta
and uh i was just like i'm just not gonna go to sleep i landed you know we left
the hotel at seven
in the morning arrived back at my house at 9 p.m or something like that fucking
west coast time
and then i just passed out and i woke up the next day at like 6 30 and i was
like i i did it look at
that i beat this jet lag shit you know you can't do it going going west to east
you know it's way
easier going east to west because you it's way easier to just stay up than it
is to not be tired
and try to make yourself go to sleep you know what i mean it would be like you
know like trying to just
shit on command it's like i just i don't have to do this right now
oh god i'm getting i'm getting my lazy comedy years right now i'm just i got
nothing i'm going
right for the shit joke the old shit joke the old shit joke she ate what she
used to be
um yeah that's gonna be me playing c-grade casinos don't you see this did you
see this in the news
today i mean it's it's all in the papers some poor 40 year old kid dragged to
the show by his parents
looking at his parents like what's a paper the fuck is a paper um anyway i
watched my first red
socks game of the year last uh last night no what a dandy it was you know i i
know we were ripping it
up right before the all-star break one like 10 in a row or some shit then we
came out all sluggish
we basically we dealt raphael devers to san francisco and everybody's like what
the
fuck did they do that for and then then only won 10 in a row like you know dude
i was saying
dude i was saying that made a lot of sense i mean the guy didn't want to take
grounders
at first to dirt during spring training the fuck dude let's get him out of here
and let's
get some other fucking prospects um and then we started you know slumping again
so anyway anyways
i um i watched the game yesterday i put it on right five to nothing no four to
nothing
and i'm like ah well you know what are you gonna do and i've always liked the
phillies you know what
what i mean i liked them way back when pete rose in 1980 steve calton mike schmidt
and i i just
fucking loved the national league they played on astroturf in those multi-purpose
stadiums and the
game just looked faster it was hit and run people were stealing and everything
the phillies had a
really cool cool uniform i was actually thinking yesterday last night that you
could argue that philly if
you look at all four of their sports teams combined uh in the early 80s
i mean i don't think you had a city that had four teams that collectively had
better uniforms than
that you know i mean the eagles yeah it was all right but the flyers had a
great uniform the creamsicles
before they they lost their way years later before they went back to it they
had the creamsicles right
then they had the phillies had that cool blue with the maroon and then the 76ers
i mean
i still maintain the 76ers warm-up uh
track suit whatever the you call it um during the dr j mo cheeks andrew tony
years
um i don't know i would put that up there i would put that up there against
anything
i'm trying to think of another city that like four teams all four teams
i mean the patriots when we had pat patriot when we had paul revere look at
this guy driving down
the street with this i'm sitting in my truck by the way the guy driving down
the street with
his roll bar with the lights on on top is that what the i'm looking at i don't
know
oh no that's some sort of rent a cop it's a rent a cop dude dude you don't have
to give him your license
i'm on best buy property i had to do it nah dude you fucking pussied out anyway
so it was four to
nothing but you know the great thing about baseball is it takes a little while
so you can jump in and
four to nothing you have no idea what's going to happen then it becomes five to
nothing and i'm like
yeah what the fuck you know there's something great about in the dog days
a baseball as a fan just sitting there watching your team down fighting five to
nothing after four
or five innings i think it was four innings right i'm like i don't give a fuck
i'm gonna keep watching
this shit well wouldn't you know it the top of the fifth i think it was some
kid goes up i don't
know anybody's name on the team some kid comes up he hits a fucking double well
there you go look at
that then there was a walk and somewhere in the middle of all of this they
interview the phillies
manager and they're talking about the the kid who's pitching for the phillies
and i guess he had his
wife uh gave birth at 3 30 in the morning that's funny i'm doing this podcast
at 3 30 in the morning
it's a little apropos wouldn't you say let me know what that means there's a
little serendipity
there's so many of those expressions that i've just kind of you know smiled and
nodded at
you know for the longest time when somebody said he was lucid i thought that
meant he was like
fucking drooling and was you're not paying attention and i use that word wrong
and he used that word a
lot oh but when i did i was the most interesting man in the room because
everyone was like i don't
know what the fuck this guy's talking about so a lot there was a lot of furrowed
brows he's saying this
guy's out of his fucking mind i thought he was firing on all cylinders he was
fine all cylinders
well not according to the ball ginger in the corner he just called them lucid
no wait then they would understand how i meant it
yeah whatever it's fucking 3 30 in the morning what do you want from me so
anyway
they fucking it's five to nothing and then whatever the the manager they talk
to him
and they go well yeah his wife gave birth to his first child 3 30 in the
morning
and i said to him you know what do you want to do you know you do you want to
take the night
off he's like no no skip i want to pitch right great story he comes out he's
dialed in
he's mowing us down they're up five to nothing what a great way to invite your
first kid i believe
he had a baby believe he had a baby boy he had a baby boy his wife did shut up
bitch um
anyway right after they interview that guy the kid lets up a double then then
there's a walk
then he walks another guy there's two outs somewhere along the line he walks in
a run
it's five to one here comes the tying run of the plate walks in another run
four straight pitches
i think it was duran he walked and then the guy who hits after duran comes up
it's five to two there's a shot to left field this comes again fucking grand
slam
grand slam now it's six to five
and i'm like would you look at that there was a guy used to play for the yankees
long time ago named
yogi berra and he he told all of us it ain't over till it's over that's all
baseball fans know that
expression it ain't over until it's over and that's not true it ain't over
until your team comes back
five to nothing it goes up six five and then you're sitting there like a fat
dumb orange cunt going
this game is fucking over six to five after six six to five after seven here we
go
top of the eighth we don't get nothing six outs away and the second i started
counting
outs i'm like don't count outs bill don't count out there's a fucking shot to
straight away center
phillies tie it up six to six we go into extra innings top of the 10th red sox
score a run
to go up seven to six and i'm like all right come on we do you know i talked to
my wife for half a
second next thing you know there's a guy standing on third for the phillies i'm
like what the
fuck happened every time every time we come back from commercial there's a
first pitch hit this guy
just hit a triple he did not he hit a double then there was a bark or some
shit he goes over to third and there's one out and the guy announcing the game
goes that
doesn't matter man what the fuck you mean it doesn't matter
the fuck do you mean it doesn't matter how could you say that oh no that was
that i'm sorry i got
ahead of myself there i don't know what the fuck happened it was seven to six
and then the phillies
tied it up bottom tenth seven to seven
right no that was what they did they got the guy over to fucking third bottom
of the
tenth that's what it was so it's seven to seven and now i'm thinking like
all right now we're at the top of the 11th there's something about baseball
after the
11th i'm rooting for my team i'll root for my team through 11 innings after 11
innings i just
root for everybody somebody hit a home run and this fucking thing it's a
goddamn work night there
ah geez people gotta go to work um anyway we end up going up i think we had a
home run a two run shot
we came out with a double right after the commercial break we go up nine to
seven
and then we get one out then they get somebody on base and i'm like this game's
never gonna end
and it ended up ending after 11 innings nine to seven i can't tell you who was
pitching on either
side i can't tell you who did what i don't know who shot i don't know who's not
right and uh
and that was my first red sox game of the year
and get used to that and even more in-depth baseball coverage right here on the
thursday
afternoon just before friday monday morning podcast um there was one home run
that the red sox hit
during all of that that you know the phillies reviewed they were like oh my god
i want to
fucking see i want to see that again because i don't think that's a homer and
never never
like fails to like blow my mind when you just have fans at baseball games
and the way that they reach out for foul balls and home runs with no clue of
the score it's like you
knew the score until you saw that ball coming at you and just your instincts
you know did you learn
nothing from that poor fucking bastard out there with the cubs i mean that kid
had to move he had to
move and what killed me about that was there was a whole bunch of people
reaching for that
fucking foul ball and he was the poor bastard that it hit he was a poor bastard
that that that
that it hit you know and then what happened he disappeared then years later
they won the world
series and then they tried to make it up to him i will say one of the worst
things ever was when i
watched the documentary on that the local uh disc jockeys the djs they gave out
the guy's
fucking name and address so a bunch of deadbeat dads degenerate pieces of shit
could go over
there and harass this person who the fuck would do that i could see if you got
a kid who's got the
fucking time to do that how many years do you not win the world series before
you realize it's the
organization not the dungeon and dragons kid in the fucking crowd so anyways
the the ball
the ball coming down uh
the red sox goes to hit the you know hits the fucking home run and there was
two red sox fans
that reached out and grabbed it okay that's what they were looking at but there
was a philly fan in
there too some lady and she had a fucking glove and once you have a fucking
glove on when you go to a
bread soccer uh a baseball game you're not a woman anymore you're a baseball
fan all right you're not
just there because your husband's there you know what i mean you're not there
to get attention
tying off the back of your t-shirt into a knot so when you sit and you lean
forward to look at
something they see the top of your booty crack you're not there for that you
brought a glove
you brought a glove that means you care maybe a little too much maybe a little
too much you may
be keeping score taking your glove off between fly balls to right field or left
field like jim abbott
remember that guy the one-handed pitcher keeping score right
or maybe you're right-handed i guess a