Name: Spying Phones, Classic Cool Guys, California Grifters | Monday Morning Podcast 7-28-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-07-28T18:37:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Spying Phones, Classic Cool Guys, California Grifters | Monday Morning Podcast 7-28-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Spying Phones, Classic Cool Guys, California Grifters | Monday Morning Podcast 7-28-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-28. Transcript available.

Spying Phones, Classic Cool Guys, California Grifters | Monday Morning Podcast 7-28-25 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's phil burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
july 28th i think they haven't looked at the calendar uh 2025 what's going on
how
the fuck ah yeah how's it going uh geez billy freckles trying to knock out the
fucking podcast
here in my podcast studio driving my old truck man i kind of like just having
the old truck
although i do like i need some sort of daily driver i don't think i do though i
don't think
i do anyway anyway what am i babbling about uh i just watched the last three
red sox games in a row
i missed the one today they won four to three against the dodgers they won
the night before i saw that one they lost the first one
and then the phillies i see like they won the last one so they're doing all
right you know they won
three out of five
kind of an exciting team to watch it's a young team and i never i thought you
know
when they traded devers i was just thinking well jesus i guess we're just
throwing in the the the
towel for the rest of the season um not the case very exciting competitive team
to watch and uh i got all guess i got all the time in the world to watch them i
went from having and
this is really what show business is like i had i didn't have time to think for
the first six months
out of this year and now i got all the time in the world until the next thing
comes along so we'll see
so i'm trying to enjoy um this time off that i have uh acclimated i'm back on
west coast time
i took my lovely wife out to breakfast today i went to a car show with dean del
rey
you know checking out a bunch of old rides
that's a great way to do it because you just get to look at them enjoy them
and then you're like i don't have to keep this thing charged i don't have to
have like
whatever this thing's issue was i don't have to deal with it
um but i will tell you what's great about those old cars is they don't try and
spy on you
they don't try to fucking you know through you know somebody i know got a
fucking toyota and they just automatically have the onstar system on it and
they go
oh it's you know you haven't paid it off yet and it's in case it's like no it
isn't
no it isn't it isn't you're not because you look you're getting all of this
information
all the time and you're selling it to other people whether i'm making payments
or not
and that's another thing too all of this shit you see on instagram where these
fucking nerds are going like here's some things that you need to know about
your iphone because
your iphone is fucking spying on you you need to go into settings you need to
deselect it
and let me guess let me guess it's not following you anymore i mean that is the
ultimate ultimate
fucking control
on their way to microchipping us on their way to replacing us with fucking
robots
which sounded fucking insane
when i first started my podcast way back in 2007 and now it only sounds kind of
insane
i love how they're trying to make us be like like into these robots like oh you
check these
see what they can do do you know easy your life is gonna be when these robots
come in
like how many times how many times are they gonna tell you that with this with
with whatever new
technology that's coming in your life is going to get easier and it keeps
getting harder it keeps
getting more expensive you keep having to work more hours you know and these
fucking billionaires
that are creating the that we have to chase on the wheel what do they do they're
like the mean girls all
they do they constantly pointing at other people it's not us it's completely
broke people from another
country those people who have no fucking money their dreams are crushed even
more than yours they're the
they're the reason why you can't pay your bills
excuse me i'm gonna go buy another yacht
um anyway
i've been saying this for a while now we need to have reverse hunger games
rather than regular
people running for their lives i think ceos billionaires
if we could just somehow get the rednecks in this country to point their guns
at the right
people i swear to god because forever the billionaires have had them pointing
at black
and brown people and foreigners and all of that and then meanwhile it's always
been them
and they i don't know they just they fucking they they pull it off they're like
the mean girls
man they just fucking pull it off and people believe it they really fucking
believe it
this country has weapons of mass destruction do they do they really have are
they really a threat
do they really not like our freedom or is there something in that country that
you want
at least come up with a different lie this time oh billy billy's got his
fucking day he's got his
tinfoil hat on look at this fucking guy running up this hill no shirt on fanny
pack
i like this guy he's like you know he's getting a little vote is it vitamin d
is that what you get
i'm fucking leaning on my elbow can't even sit up straight drinking a cup of
coffee and this guy's
here just showing me up i'm not gonna lie to you he's he's been taking smaller
and smaller steps but
he's still going wait a second is this a metaphor on life is this a metaphor
what i've just been discussing
how we gradually turn around these fucking uh
these billionaires having us hate on people who are in the same situation we
are are worse
and we gradually little steps little steps we all just sort of stop
marching towards each other for yet another war war another war and we just
gradually turn around
and you look over your shoulder and what do you see huh what do you see
some fucking billionaire who just got done banging a 12 year old eating a deep
fried eagle
that's what you need to be looking at all right and with that um oh billy red
face oh billy red face
uh i was mentioning the other day i flew the helicopter the first time
in a while and uh it just it's like going to the back to the gym first day it's
like
man i'm doing this every day this feels great so um
i'm gonna uh you know go up with my uh instructor i'm gonna do like nine
million fucking
auto rotations get myself fucking acclimated and then i'm gonna go back to what
i was going for
before i was trying to do these long solo flights to expand uh airspace that i
was comfortable flying in
and the next one i wanted to do was i wanted to fly all the way all the way all
the way all the way
all the way up to pasa robles which if you guys have never been out here um
that is a great place
to take your wife a couple's place you know just wine country you know if you
drink going up there
you got to admit wine makes you feel good about being an alcoholic doesn't it
you know what i mean
you can't sit there with a case of budweiser and say that you're having a
tasting
you're nothing you're a drunk with a rapidly emptying giant court cardboard box
that's all the
you are not having a tasting you're getting you're getting you're getting
shit face and hey god bless you god bless you um i'll tell you right now if i
if i
you know back in the day old billy ford pickups like i've always had my whole
life
um way back with my little two-wheel drive ford ranger first generation i had
the 83
i don't think that truck was more than a couple of years old old they had
another one
i forget the name of it chevy had a i had a uh a smaller um
i guess a a compact pickup truck called the chevy love luv and uh i wanted one
of those that came in
cool colors i just thought they were cool when i was a kid and uh and ford had
one too that just
didn't sell nearly as many units at least in massachusetts where i was living
because every
once in a while i'll see one out here and i'm like what the hell is that
so anyway uh whenever that one was whenever they phased that one out
they um came back with this fucking uh the ford ranger came back whatever i had
an 83
but anyway back in the day you know if i was in this truck right now i would
have a nice six a sixer
of bud talls for a nice sunny july day
oh my god ball game on the radio just gradually through the innings becoming
lobster red not
realizing it you know having to go to work the next morning i remember that
getting sunburned
so bad one time right before my senior prom and the next day i was at work
unloading trucks and people were like joking like they literally could have
their hand just near
my fucking torso and they could feel heat coming off you know like i i had just
gotten out of a
fucking toaster oven it was the worst fucking sunburn i'd ever had
um and then it was just you know for those of you with pigment after you get
the brutal sunburn
and you're just in fucking agony for a good three four days
uh then one day you wake up and the pain is gone and it's replaced by this
fucking
literally literally lose your mind itching it starts peeling and then it gets
fucking itchy and you're
just like you know and then that there's some point during that process
as a ginger you get your final sunburn and you just say i don't give i'm never
going in the sun
again i am tired of trying to keep up with these italian kids i'm going to they
just
they bronze up and they look like gods and i go the other way where they
succeed
i have a going out of business sale as a fucking approachable human
i mean i literally would get like lobster red and i'm not exaggerating fire
engine red
it just was not a good look like other people they would go in the sun and they
would get out and
people oh my god you're glowing you look amazing i would come out of the sun
and people would just be like
i mean to this day if i go anywhere near the sun these people give just start
shouting like unsolicited advice at me hey dude you might want to put a hat on
hey yeah you got sunblock you got sunblock on right
complete strangers
dare i say the kindness of strangers just literally out of nowhere just starts
coming at me
like hey bro like you know
you might want to put a hat on you know no homo i'm not trying to hit on you or
nothing
you know i'm not secretly saying i'm into gingers but not burned up once
i'm just fellow human being here you might not want to do that
um i don't know oh billy's reminiscent today going to that car show some of the
cars that i saw man they
reminded me back in the day you know when i had my paper route and everything i
saw like a
mid-70s like lime green monte carlo two-door green dashboard with white
interior and an eight track
tape player and i was just like thinking of the original owner of that car
maybe the second or third owner of that car the level of puss that they got
in the 80s when that car was still only seven years eight years old you know
but if you had it in high
school i mean it was impossible to not bang a cheerleader possibly a teacher in
a loveless marriage
i mean you were just going to get some ass in that car and that's all it was to
it
it like it was one of the options if you looked on on the sticker
on on on the window one of the lines line items was an ungodly amount of in the
early to mid 80s
and i'll tell you those were the heroes when i was growing up those were the
original
influencers before social media before the internet before all of that the
influencers
for for young people coming up where were young guys in their their early to
mid 20s with cool cars
that were banging chicks you were afraid to even even talk to you just get
tongue-tied and they and
they were fucking you know banging away could give a could give a
like i used to look at him like if i was with that chick i'd be looking the
other guy like can you
fucking believe she's with me that was they didn't have that look at all
they would come walking into a bar like they forgot they were with her and that
was like the thing
we didn't know that that was the vibe that was the vibe i mean
damon said it in fast times at ridgemont high hey you don't care if she comes
stays laser praise
wherever you are that's the place to be isn't this great they just knew that
they just knew it and i think it was like a mind for hot chicks because like
everywhere they went
like drin