Name: Daddy Daughter Day, War, Sex Scenes | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-31-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-07-31T20:46:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Daddy Daughter Day, War, Sex Scenes | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-31-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Daddy Daughter Day, War, Sex Scenes | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-31-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-31. Transcript available.

Daddy Daughter Day, War, Sex Scenes | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-31-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon,
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in, checking
in on you.
How's it going, man? Yeah, yeah, how's it going? Good. That's good. That day,
you know, that day, you know, that's a good thing.
You know, it's good. It's always good. One of the things you have to learn as
an adult, when people say, how's it going, you just say, good.
How's it going? It's going good. Unless it's a friend of yours, and there's
fucking margaritas in front of you, and you're a lady.
Then all of a sudden, it's just like, guys, I'm sorry. I didn't want to do this,
but I just, I, no, no, I want to hear about it.
Why do you want to hear about it? Because you want to help your friend, or
because you just enjoy watching your friend have a worse day than you?
Oh, there's a lot of layers with the ladies. No, I want to hear about it. Sorry,
I'm rolling this fucking window down.
I want to hear about it. I want to hear about it. Well, I just, you know, it's
like, I was supposed to meet my boyfriend for lunch,
and he said that he wasn't going in the last day, and he said he didn't want to
go in the last day, and he said he didn't want to go in the last day, and he
said he didn't want to go in the last day, and he said he didn't want to go in
the last day, and he said he didn't want to go in the last day, and he said he
didn't want to go in the last day, and he said he didn't want to go in the last
day, and he said he didn't want to go in the last day, and he said he didn't
want to go in the last day, and he said he didn't want to go in the last day,
and he said he didn't want to go in the last day.
No, you just say, how's it going? Good, good. It's going good. This is what I
say. It's going good. Like, it's enough. Don't fucking ask any more questions.
Yeah, how's it going? It's going, it's fucking, it's going how it's always
going.
Um, anyway, oh, Billy, fucking baseball face. I've been watching the Red Sox. I
missed the drubbing of the Twins yesterday.
Kicking the shit out of them. I don't even know who we have next.
All I know is they got, like, baseball is fucking brutal. They got, like, ten
games in a, in a, not this stretch, the next, they have one day off.
Oh, Thursday. Today they have a day off, and then I think they just play, like,
ten days in a row.
Um, I'll tell you what, Jaron Duran, Jesus Christ, all that guy does is hit
doubles, triples, and home runs.
Now, granted, I only watched this week, but I'll tell you, I, I am duly
impressed.
This guy here who could barely hit a fucking wiffle ball underarm to him by his
fucking, you know, kids.
I am duly impressed. No, I, this, this fucking team is all right.
They're young, they're talented, we got some money.
Today's the trade deadline.
Who's, who's the, that kid out there in, uh, Oakland?
I'm getting all caught up.
The big Amish, whatever they call him.
Hit five home runs in one game.
I guess nobody's ever done that.
Here's a question I have, like, who the fuck was pitching after he hit four?
You know?
What do you want to do?
Ah, you know, I think we should challenge him.
Let's keep sending it right down the fucking middle.
Serve it up.
Let's see, you know?
Let's see if he flinches.
Um, yeah, I got caught up with some of my motorcycle races.
I saw the, uh, the, the Germany race.
I got one more race and then I'll be caught up.
They're on break right now.
So I got a little time, but Mark Marquez just keeps winning.
Um, he had a bad start in the sprint and it's actually, that's like better.
That's like back in the day, like, uh, Lewis Hamilton.
If he had a bad qualifying and he was like second or third, you're like, oh,
this is cool.
I'll actually get to see some racing.
But if he was in pole position, it was a race to the first turn.
And then that was the end of the fucking race.
It's MotoGP has kind of been like that with Mark Marquez.
But, uh, that German track, like I had to like, look it up to get a picture of
it.
Cause they just kept making, they started going left.
It's like, you come out, you go right.
And then there's a little chicane and then they make like nine left hand turns
in a row.
And somehow they don't end up back where they started from.
And I'm like, you know, I know I didn't do too well in, uh, geometry, but this
doesn't make sense to me.
And ended up, uh, looking up the track.
That's a cool one.
You know, I don't know if people complain about it the way they complained
about the track we had in Vegas.
That, you know, everyone was around the world was saying was lame.
And then it was the most passing.
At least it was two years ago when I was watching.
I mean, that's the story that, uh, that's the story that I'm sticking by.
So I'm doing a daddy daughter day today.
It's frigging hilarious.
I'm like, all right, sweetheart, where do you want to go?
And she goes, my favorite store.
And I was like, Ikea?
She's like, yeah.
I go, you want to go to Ikea for a daddy daughter day?
She goes, yeah.
I just like looking at the different setups and stuff.
So I was like, all right, I guess.
You know, of course she doesn't ask me.
I fucking hate Ikea.
You know, it's like being in the court system.
Once you're in, you can't get out.
I know.
Oh, my God.
I already know how this is going to go down.
And they have that awful hot dog at the end.
You know what I mean?
Some sort of just terrible food.
Because they know.
They know that once you get in, you can't get out.
And it's like an hour long just walking the fuck around.
And people, they're going to get upset.
But if you give them a hot dog in the end, the option, just the option of
getting a hot dog in the end, maybe.
You know, maybe they won't be so upset.
You know?
I don't know.
Anyway.
I don't know.
What else the fuck was I watching?
Oh, I finally saw, like everybody else, they actually showed footage of what's
going on in Palestine, man.
It's just, it's unbelievable.
I was really thinking about this.
You know what's fucking amazing is, like, if you have a problem with your next
door neighbor, you can't go over and kill him.
That's illegal.
Bless you.
That was the loudest fucking sneeze ever.
Dude, you hear that guy?
For some reason, you can't, you know, you can't kill your neighbor.
There's an outside chance if you're a woman, if you're a woman, that you could
possibly, you can possibly kill your neighbor.
No, you know what I mean.
You can't kill your neighbor.
You kill your neighbor, that's murder.
You're going to jail.
And all they're trying to decide is, was it manslaughter, third degree, second,
I guess third degree is manslaughter, right?
Second degree, first degree, or self-defense.
That's all it is.
You're like, you're like, you're not allowed to do that.
But if you work for billionaires, you know, you join the military, you're
allowed to kill people.
You can kill whoever you want.
Yeah, like, why don't we hold, like, the banks and the oil company?
Like, there's just no reason to still be doing this to people.
Yeah, so I kind of thought, like, world leaders and billionaires are able to
solve, like, why are they allowed to kill people?
And then you have to do it.
They send us to kill each other.
And then they profit off of it.
But, like, if you have a problem with your neighbor, and you fucking kill that
person, you're not allowed to do that.
And why is that?
You know why?
Because that person you just killed was paying taxes.
That person had a mortgage.
That person was, they were making money.
That person's an asset.
That's a person that we can drown in debt or send off to fucking fight our
fights so we can get more goop out of the fucking ground.
There isn't, this whole fucking thing since, since Vietnam, like, the big thing
is, is if you say anything against war, that means you're this.
Like, that's what they learned in Vietnam.
They learned if they lost, you know, first of all, they needed to take control
of the media.
And then also they had to control the narrative.
And that's when the support the troops came out.
Like, as if there was people not supporting the troops.
I guess in Vietnam, the hippies got a little crazy and they started yelling
baby killers at troops because, you know, there was no social media.
How could they find the truth?
How could they find the truth?
So there was an element of guilt.
But what the powers that be did, they turned into, if you as a citizen said,
hey, why are we going to war with this country?
That meant you were a communist and you didn't support the fucking troops.
It's like, that's, that's not what that means.
I can support the troops and also say, why are you sending them there?
They, they, they always do that.
So now if you look at starving kids in, in Palestine and you go like, hey man,
this isn't the way to go about doing this.
Then they go, oh, you're anti-Semitic.
You support Hamas.
It's like, no, I don't.
I can be like, don't starve that baby to death.
I can, I can say that and not be anti-Semitic.
I'm just, I'm anti-starving children to death.
I'm anti-seeing moms holding empty pots with children fucking crying.
It's, it's, it's insane.
It's insane.
War should not be legal.
And I think the reason that it is legal is because there's never a
justification for it.
Does that even make sense?
Like war has to happen because whatever they're doing is wrong.
It's the whole thing is fucking wrong.
It was, Hamas is wrong.
Starving innocent people is wrong.
The whole fucking thing is wrong.
Most of the shit that my country's has been involved in.
Turns out it's always about something else.
The whole fucking thing is wrong, but it's for the profit of billionaires.
So then all of a sudden, now it's okay to kill people.
Now it's okay to starve people.
Now it's okay to just shoot fucking rockets into innocent people on both sides.
It's fucking insane.
And you can't have a rational conversation about it.
People just start fucking screaming and go, oh, you're at this, you're at that.
I'm like, I'm saying don't starve kids to death.
How is that the wrong side of the argument?
And how does that mean that I would then want to starve people to death on the
other side?
No.
No.
I think, you know, from my world travel, everybody's fucking cool.
It's the leaders or it's the corporations that get everybody's, they're like
mean girls.
They get everybody all fucking stirred up.
Religion, throw that in there.
That's another one.
Gets everybody all fucking stirred.
We would all be getting along.
We would all like, be honest with yourself.
You don't really know what anybody's doing in another country.
You don't know what they're thinking.
And you don't give a shit.
That's how they are with you.
Nobody gives a shit.
But then these fucking assholes at the top, you know, say X, Y, and Z.
And then the media that they own go, oh my God, they're coming to get you.
I don't know.
Maybe I am oversimplifying it.
But did you see that?
There's another one that's shooting.
That person went in and, you know, they're trying to go, oh, you know, they had
CTE and
they were trying to get to the NFL floor.
Oh, yeah.
Is that what happened?
Is that what happened?
And when the elevator doors opened and they saw a completely different
corporate logo there,
they were still confused.
I don't know about that one.
I don't know.
A lot of shit has happened this week.
A lot of shit has happened this week.
But, yeah.
I wish we could start a dialogue where we could talk to the world leaders and
just be like,
just exactly how is war an acceptable way to solve these problems?
Like, how do you justify, how do you go to sleep at night knowing that you
greenlit this or they greenlit that or whatever?
You know what I mean?
All I've seen from all of that stuff going on over there is all I've seen is
innocent people die on both sides.
And that's what always ends up happening.
And then the people that perpetrated the whole fucking thing, I don't know
where they are.
They're underground or they're in a fu