Name: Driving An iPad, Seeing The Sights, Facial Recognition | Monday Morning Podcast 8-4-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-08-04T16:01:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Driving An iPad, Seeing The Sights, Facial Recognition | Monday Morning Podcast 8-4-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Driving An iPad, Seeing The Sights, Facial Recognition | Monday Morning Podcast 8-4-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-04. Transcript available.

Driving An iPad, Seeing The Sights, Facial Recognition | Monday Morning Podcast 8-4-25 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
august 4th 2025 what's going on how's it going how the fuck is it going i'll
tell you how it's
going with the boston red sox they had their first sweep of a series this year
against the
cheating ass astros they got one legit title you got to give it to them you
know they came back
they're like all right we cheated the first time or as as as that guy said in
the booth their first
championship was was uh complicated it's complicated you know they had an entanglement
with with the
trash can so every time uh was it el tuve el tuve was up i was by myself
yelling at the tv going he's
wearing a wire he's wearing a wire hide the trash cans you know something and
then he would immediately
just you know slap a fucking single to right or whatever he's a fucking great
player you know what
i mean i feel like that he got you know he was a victim of who he was hanging
out with they always
when i was growing up they used to tell you watch out who you hang out with
because you'll end up with
them he didn't need to do that shit is what i'm saying he didn't need to but
those owners those owners
of the houston astros they needed to they didn't win when they were the colt 45s
they didn't win with
nolan ryan they've had jr richards jose cruz they david they've had all of
these guys jeff bagwell
they've had some fucking players down there you know uh you know what i'm over
that shit what the
fucking yankees and red sox we had a bunch of roided up free agents we're
winning titles we won one
anyways i feel like 2004 you know that's when we finally just we had to get
down and dirty with the
dirtiest of them all back then which was the fucking yankees but now the yankees
are clean man they
fucking pretty much it's their own farm system and now like it's because of the
weather you can't
tell how evil they are but it's the fucking dodgers
got fucking two planes one for the players and one for somebody i mean well you
got gambling issues on
the fucking team shouldn't somebody be watching them you got a billion dollars
tied up in two fucking people
i mean how much money do you got to make where you can still ride with your
fucking manager you know
what i mean i i don't i don't get it um i know it's weird i'm trying to hate on
the dodgers i can't
i i became a dodger fan way back in the day when they were fucking
playing the against the yankees which by the way i saw this uh i saw this
picture of reggie jackson
in an orioles uniform and i always thought that he went to the orioles after
the a's before the
yankees i always thought he was only there for a couple of months but uh he was
holding out for
more money and he didn't join the team until may i mean if you ever want to see
you know i know free
agency is out of control now but why it came about was how stingy these owners
were specifically the
owner of the fucking a's and reggie was coming off three straight world series
titles and he still
wasn't getting paid nearly his fucking worth so i never had a problem uh with
that guy asking for
money i mean he was baseball um god damn it that fucking guy was great he was
fucking great
reggie anyway i'm in a great mood i am uh sunday night i'm doing this podcast i'm
sitting in my truck
which i've been driving every day because uh still on the hunt for a daily
driver and i think this is
the happiest my truck's ever been i've been driving it every fucking day and uh
i like it dude it's
actually been helping me um i drive better because there's no screens i gotta
sit and let it warm
up it's just a better experience and uh you know we figured out something with
my wife's car
hang on a second i'm sipping a little coffee here made myself a double espresso
what do you what do you
that's all i got that's all i got people still off the cigars tomorrow will be
200 fucking days
oh but i will tell you if i walk by anywhere near somebody smoking one i will
stop and i will smell
the air like like like a fucking i don't know like a hippie out in nature
i don't know if that makes sense but hang on a second
oh i got my machine dialed in the la marzocca i was just over there in italy i
could have taken a you
know they give tours of the factory be a funny thing to take a fucking tour of
huh espresso machine
considering you probably can take a tour of the ferrari factory lamborghini ducati
yeah well you know i
want to see how my fucking coffee's made my coffee maker is made um anyway so
my wife my laugh uh she
has an electric car and she's basically driving a fucking ipad and i swear to
god i really feel like
i could just grab the central center console and start fucking shaking it and i
i literally think the
whole car would come apart um it is an astounding work of plastic it really is
it's got a fucking
all the weight is the battery i'm telling you everything else just looks like
you could just
go up and like you know how bullies used to flick your back of your ear in
class i feel like i could
get like anything hanging off the car if i just flicked it like that it's gone
um but anyway it's got
so much fucking it's so over designed like i was driving in the car with my
kids and i tried to turn
on the air conditioning i couldn't turn the air conditioning on because i didn't
know what the
password was so it wanted me to sign in as a guest to turn the fucking air
conditioning on it's like
what what are we doing here um it's also probably taking pictures of you every
five seconds like your
phone does it's really amazing like how much corporations are just openly spying
on everybody
and the government isn't doing it yet it's just
they're just the shit that they focus on you know what i mean
let's get these these these immigrants who are fucking working their asses off
on our farms
let's let's rip their families apart but by all means by all means let let's
let these
fucking corporations do what they're doing and look you're starting to see the
pushback i mean
that fucking incident there that they're trying to say was about the nfl you
know what the
fuck was going on with that thing that was that fucking conglomerate that's
buying up all the houses
and getting just just an astounding level of greed and it was i don't buy that
story for a second so
i don't know man i i really you know i i think that these these corporations
have pushed people
to the brink and when you're dealing with people that are like borderline
fucking nuts you start doing that to people and and they don't give a fuck shit
happens um
i don't know all i know is they don't have any empathy for us
i i do know that and if you're gonna live your life that way you know i don't
know
evidently shit happens so anyway plowing ahead um so my wife's car my wife it
has
the whole fucking i'm telling you you're driving an ipad so it has uh
information on the inside of the
windshield like there's a speedometer like half a click down with my eyeball
but for some reason you
you know they also have it on the fucking dashboard i'm on the wind inside of
the windshield
like i'm flying an apache fucking helicopter right
so i've been trying you know i was having like uh
just a whole day just hanging with my wife right the kids were over my mother-in-law's
and oh jesus look at that helicopter what do we got up there canary yellow i
can tell you that ah
look at that it's in our 44. blade slapping means they're descending
must be coming in for a landed somewhere i don't know anyway um
so i you know i went on youtube and i tried to figure it out i couldn't figure
it out so i was
literally driving down the street i took my hat off and i put it over the the
camera but then the
reflection my hat was on the windshield and then i realized i was wearing a
dark colored shirt so i
took my shirt off i was driving an electric car shirtless it doesn't even make
sense like it makes
sense to drive my pickup you know this is like total white trash redneck you
know shirtless
like i don't know how many people owned this truck before i had it but the
amount of people
that were shirtless in this truck driving it saying god knows what i mean this
car
this thing's got a gun rack on it i mean this this truck is the real deal it's
heard everything
i got this truck out of georgia this truck has heard some things i like to
think whoever was
driving this truck was happy when hank aaron broke the all-time home run record
but you know you never
know anyway um let's talk helicopters later so uh oh billy all over the map
here so my wife figured out
how to shut that information off and it totally changed our day and now i don't
mind her car
it wasn't this on the dashboard it wasn't that i had to sign in to turn on the
air conditioning
i think what it really was was just that on the windshield and it would drive
me
fucking insane and it really had nothing to do with the car it had to do with
the lack of choice
and the the lack of help you know when i was by myself trying it just tapped in
to my my sit you sit down and shut the fuck up childhood that it just was
triggering that shit so uh
you know i hung out with it today and it wasn't on and like it was to the point
i was like you
have to drive this car because if if i'm driving this car i'm going to ruin
your day which is going
to ruin my day and then you know we're all going to talk about how bill needs
to do this and bill
needs to do that and get better at this and get better at that but no one's
going to talk about the
fucking you know ipad that we're driving down the goddamn street that i need to
sign into it's like
like i i i don't it's i just don't understand these fucking car there's so much
i don't
understand anymore um and i got to get caught up i need to learn how to find a
menu in a hotel room
how to turn the lights on how to turn a tv on and off um it's a lot of i used
to know how to do
what was wrong with the menu what was wrong with it being out there oh covid we
don't have it anymore
you couldn't get a fucking covet off of a fucking menu ever what is this barcode
thing that i'm
sticking my phone up to does that get into my phone and then you take all my
shit
do i sound like a flat earther right now i don't know what's going on
but they're just fucking over designing everything so anyway
we got that taken off and it's been a whole other thing and uh actually had two
great days
in a row not losing my driving that thing so i was very excited about that and
the only thing that
was more exciting than that is i was driving down the street and i saw somebody
was driving an
international pickup truck school bus yellow and the front end of this thing
was so basic it looked like
a tonka truck but it was cool as hell um i if i had to guess it was early 60s
because i remember what
they looked like in the early 70s you know and i remember all the gearheads
loved the
internationals and they used to talk about something something about the i don't
know what the
they were talking about but it was like built more heavy duty the the helper
springs in the back or some
shit or like a quarter of an inch versus an eighth of an inch of some shit i
was never into that stuff
but everyone was talking how great they were um but anyway i've been uh
reading more and uh i'm reading this book that somebody gave me that was
probably not legal
in one of the countries i went to i'm gonna leave it at that i was so concerned
about mushrooms or weed
i never would have thought that i would have a book um doing that i'm i'm uh
andrew temelis
got me a series of three books these comic books to read like a series and then
i was with nia
and uh she took me down to like i think we were down like inglewood or
something like that we went
into a bookstore and i found another comic book of like the same thing which is
sort of like a series
um
and then i got this book that i actually ordered in new york and it never came
in it was had something
to do with new york city before crack before crack came in on purpos