Name: Roasting, Playing With Primus, Coffee | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-7-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-08-07T21:46:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Roasting, Playing With Primus, Coffee | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-7-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Roasting, Playing With Primus, Coffee | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-7-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-07. Transcript available.

Roasting, Playing With Primus, Coffee | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-7-25 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you just checking in on you
seeing how
your day's going i hope everything's good with you um i had a weird like busy
week i'm supposed
to be like uh you know taking time off but you know people ask me to do things
and i say all
right because they're fun or they're cool and then i don't look at my schedule
and all of a sudden
it's like oh my god i got something fucking three days in a row i'm supposed to
be relaxing is this
fucking bird gonna be doing this shit the whole time oh there he is top of the
roof just running
this fucking yap you're saying the same thing over and over again what the fuck
yeah that's what he's saying it's kind of perfect timing there now speaking of
which i um
so uh what was it tuesday oh jesus
he doesn't give a fuck
just do it
just sitting there with his fucking mouth open what are you appalled that i had
the nerve
i'm out here too
ah jesus it's fucking crows anyway we're just you're just gonna have to deal
with the omen in the
background during this podcast so um there was there is literally no place to
do a fucking pod this is
why people have studios i swear to fucking christ what are the fucking odds
what are the fucking odds
i literally just fucking park somewhere else and then these two fucking
construction guys come out
they're fucking running their gaps i find a quiet fucking street and i got a
fucking bird who won't
shut the fuck up jesus fucking can you tell i don't have time
remember when danny glover was too old for this shit i don't have the fucking
time for this shit
oh look at this fucking old school mustang
that's the one i like i never used to like the rear end on the 65 and 66 but i
loved
the interior the steering wheel and i like the 67 68 rear end better
um but i hated the the steering wheels fucking terrible on that car
but uh now i've come around i like the 65
anyway oh god that's so fucking wonderful get away from that goddamn bird
um what if that's how alfred hitchcock came up with the birds he's trying to
write the some movie
some crow wouldn't shut the fuck up and they're also like crazy like they like
if you help them out they remember it and if you don't if you're an asshole
they they carry grudges
according to instagram so what does that mean i don't know so anyway i agreed
to roast this guy
at his retirement party and i always say no to these things because i just get
uncomfortable like it's
it's outside the comedy club it's outside my comfort zone you have no idea what
the setup's going to be
so you know the further you get in your career the more people ask you to do
this shit and
eventually you're gonna have to do it so you gotta learn how to do them so i
was a huge fan of this
guy i'm not gonna name any names right um it was a sports guy right so i go all
right i'll go down
and do that thing so um so i go down to do the gig and uh i'm a surprise so
nobody knows that i'm there
they're shuffling me through the fucking kitchen and all of this shit you know
i've written my jokes
you know and it's always weird like roasting somebody you don't know right so i
always keep
it classy because you know if i know them you know they know that i'm joking
but if i just met
them it could come off like mean you know and uh i grew up old school roasts
where it was just like
no matter what you said you felt the love and respect underneath it so i was
like all right i'm gonna work
clean i'll do a lot of self-deprecating stuff blah blah blah and all that type
of stuff so i'm standing
behind the curtain waiting to go on and here's the thing about when you do
those when you perform at
one of those athlete things all those athletes like they've given speeches
after like games they talk to
reporters they're on camera all the time they speak at banquets they do
motivational speaking like they
have chops and then they've played the game and they have stories and they're
all guys guys and
they're funny as hell and every time i've done one of those things i'm always
sitting in the back of
the room going they didn't need me these these guys are all killing it like the
first time i ever did
um stand up on something if you can believe this i was an unknown comedian i
was living in new york
city and i probably all the known comedians are like i don't want to do that
that's going to be
a weird gig so i was too green to know not to take the gig so i actually did
like stand up um in new york city at where we're at the baseball writers awards
like they were
literally giving out like the cy young award and huge stuff like that and this
is way back in the
day i remember joe tory was there roger clemens um willie randolph who was
coaching the mets at the
time i remember he he fucking killed everybody was killing everybody was funny
and they were so funny like i kind of forgot i had to go on then i was like oh
my god i i gotta go i
gotta follow this stuff so then i went up there and it's just like you know it's
like pulling the
emergency brake where it's just like who who the hell is this guy right but you
know i was able to get
through it um it was kind of fun because it was it was 2004 right after the red
sox uh beat the
yankees and then finally broke the curse and won the world series so they they
were a little salty
about it so you know and i got to tell a few jokes you know i got booed a
little bit you know in like
a playful way or whatever but uh so i just remember doing that gig going like
man that was that was just
i didn't feel comfortable doing that and i've kind of run from those things so
now i'm like
all these years later going i should have been doing these things right along
ba ba ba ba ba you know because things come up like a buddy of mine you know
just got an award and
he wanted you know all his friends to come down and say something nice about
him you know and you
can't say no to that you say no then it's like what you don't like me so when i
was getting ready
to do that thing i was like going see bill see you turn down all of these gigs
you attract what
you fear now here's one you can't say no to and you haven't done anything like
this and now you're
like freaking out why don't you just start saying yes to these things so you
can learn how to do them
so i go all right so my manager asked me to do this thing i'll go just give me
24 hours to think
about it and i was just like you know what stop being a bitch just fucking do
this thing
so anyway i'm standing there behind the curtain waiting to do this and then it
finally hits me
like this guy's like in his you know 80s like and he doesn't know i'm coming
here like the odds of
this guy not having any idea who i am are pretty high so they go you know hey
you know everybody has
been coming up here this is like the intro they all been saying like nice stuff
and blah blah blah
they all love you and everything but you know this next guy is a surprise guest
you know he's not
going to be so nice don't get mad at him this was on me please welcome blah
blah blah and i come
walking out there and usually if you're going to roast somebody they're sitting
down in a chair
on like the stage and i come walking out and the dude's standing there wearing
like a fucking
like a black like hawaiian shirt and he's got a microphone he's just standing
there it was like
super awkward and then in the front row is all of these hall of fame athletes
there's not a face i
don't recognize and we're in this conference room at this resort right and i'm
just like
so i'm like hey man and i did a couple of jokes and the dude just goes wait a
second wait a second
he had a big smile on his face and he goes who are you biggest laugh the big i
mean i saw it like
everybody's head just went back and they were dying laughing and then i just in
a playful way i just
snapped going like see this is why i always say no to these things you guys
tell great stories no one knows
that's who i am i don't know why i'm here and then everybody was dying laughing
at that and then um
i just start roasting them like in a playful way and uh but he has like a
microphone so he's like
chiming in so we became like this comedy team so like you know i was saying yo
you built this program
with blah blah and blah and he goes he goes yes i did but that was not the
order he's like the so-and-sos
came first huge laugh i'm not gonna say the jokes and everything because it was
a private thing
and then finally i just said you know usually the person's sitting down so they
finally brought a
chair up and they said he sat down but he had like a microphone
so um anyway it was just so like so weird and the guy was that what was
roasting was so funny and they
were all laughing at me dealing with it and i just sort of rolled with it and
it ended up going great
i finished got like a mini standing ovation and um and you know the guy i was
roasting came over gave
me a hug and i and i said in his ear i go bill burr comedian i'm a stand-up
comedian bill burr and he
laughed and uh and then that was it and i got off stage and i gotta tell you i
felt like a battleship
was off my chest and i was really excited that you know i got through that and
um i'm not good at
those things and i've decided that i'm just gonna start saying yes to those
things so i can turn it
into a uh a strength rather than this thing that i have to be like oh my god i
gotta go on and
you know and say all this nice you know stuff about like that's the big thing
as a guy if you
have to go and actually say nice things about a friend of yours or someone that
you admire
there's always that thing as a guy you're like oh my god what if i get
emotional
you know what if that happens because you know men we're not allowed to do that
you know you can't
go dick for a meal in the middle of a stand-up set saying how much you love the
guy that you're
roasting you know what i mean so i always got nervous about that so i was like
you know what i'm just
gonna keep myself in my nice little walled-off defensive emotional place in
comedy clubs so anyway
um you know to use the sports analogy if you play hoop and you can't go to your
left what do you
start doing you start going to your left and then it becomes a strength and
then you know you don't
have to be anxious when you play and then you can play at a higher level so i
was trying to do that
comedically so i was very excited that that happened so last night i went to
the greek theater
and i saw uh primus um with their their new drummer john hoffman and i gotta
tell you something man
it i've seen that band i don't know how many times but every time i see them
they just get better and
better and better they were like on fire last night it was like face melting
stuff i've so wished
you know i wish i took some mushrooms or something but um they let me sit in on
one song so i couldn't
like you know and i knew i was gonna go early you know it's not like i'm a
musician so they're like
all right let's get the clown out of the way early so it was after three songs
and but then i was kind
of like uh you know is this gonna be one of these things if i if i you know
have some mushrooms like
you know thanks a lot good night and then boom they hit and then i'm just tripping
trying to
fucking drive home i don't want to be doing that so um you know they had the
elephants jumping up and
down on the trampolines and shit it's just like this is the show and the vibe
is great but anyways they
had um i got to sit in on uh too many puppies and um i i don't i can't even you
know i'm at the greek
and i me and my brothers you know we used to jam way back in the day we used to
try and play like
the few songs that they had where like less was sort of playing a baseline that
my brother could keep up
with and like to just be looking up and seeing him you know and and then seeing
lair looking back at
me smiling and everything and and and john was like beyond c