Name: The Internet, Football, Hard Drugs | Monday Morning Podcast 9-1-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-09-01T19:21:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Internet, Football, Hard Drugs | Monday Morning Podcast 9-1-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Internet, Football, Hard Drugs | Monday Morning Podcast 9-1-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-01. Transcript available.

The Internet, Football, Hard Drugs | Monday Morning Podcast 9-1-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, September 1st, 2025.
What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? Oh, I'm in a great fucking mood.
It's September, baby. It's Labor Day, baby. The summer is over.
I'm sorry to all you people out there with pigment, but I'll tell you right now,
this is September 1st, okay, for gingers and albino.
That's the beginning of our holiday season. Oh, that's right. The earth has
been tilting the other way since the end of June.
I've been in a fucking lack of pigment chat room on Reddit.
When can we go back outside?
You know, the dog days of summer is not just in baseball. It's also for ghost
white people, especially with global warming.
I'll tell you right now, all you non-white people out there, don't worry.
We're going away with global warming, which for the most part has been created
by white corporations.
Ironically enough, what they're creating is going to, if it doesn't make us go
away, most of us will go away first.
You know, and then it'll be like, because all you guys living down by the
equator, you've been training for this.
You're ready for this.
My people have been hiding up in a mountain.
I want to shout it from the top of a mountain.
I'm just being silly here.
Someone's going to take that seriously.
What is some fucking woke meteorology revisionist history stuff?
Somebody sent me something.
I know it was just rage bait, but it was this Indian dude.
They have, for whatever reason, this stupid thing where they fucking, they have
somebody, you know, that debates.
And then they have 20 fucking people sitting in a circle around the person that
they don't agree with them.
And for some reason, they've added the musical chair element to it.
Like, he says, you know, I'm going to tell you right now, like, whatever, the
one I watched, the Indian dude was, like, liberal, and then there was all these
conservatives.
And he said, I'll tell you right now, I think, you know, if you have a red tie
on, you look like a fucking pussy, right?
And then, or whatever.
That's not really a, I guess that is a statement, whatever.
You know, he'll say things like, you know, the president is not tough on crime.
You know, just to get these conservatives frothing at the mouth.
So the second he finishes his question, all these cunts that are sitting around,
they're going to scramble to the fucking chair.
And then they sit down, and most of them are kids.
So it's like a fucking 50-year-old debating.
I saw another one, it was a black woman, she was conservative, and then there
was a bunch of liberals.
And then she'd be like, yeah, let me tell you this, if, you know, you got hairy
palm pits and hairy legs, you know,
I don't want to hear your political opinion because you're a liberal douche.
And then they're just like, ah, and they'll fucking run up to them.
And then this full-grown adult basically tears a kid a new ass.
Like, I don't, it's just, it's so fucking stupid.
It's so stupid.
And nobody comes away going like, wow, that guy made a good point.
They don't.
Everybody is locked in.
I will say, I did see this one angry conservative guy, and he goes, it's tribal
now.
The gloves are off.
And it's just like, dude, have you considered getting off Facebook?
Have you considered, like, getting offline?
Have you considered not reading comment sections and just going for a fucking
walk?
There's this thing a long time ago.
There was a radio play called War of the Worlds.
And for whatever fucking reason, maybe because media was young at the time,
mass media, whatever, radio, whatever, whatever the proper term is,
they didn't realize the power of it.
So they decided it would be funny if they just broke into their regular newscast
and just said that aliens had landed and they were starting to fuck shit up
down here.
And people were listening.
People committed suicide.
And all they had to do, the big thing is all they had to do was turn the
channel and they would hear that it wasn't on the other channel.
And they just absolutely lost their fucking mind.
I feel like the Internet is the new war of the worlds.
Like, I'm telling you, I'm not saying the Internet's not a fun place.
Internet is like hard drugs.
You know, you do it once, once in a while.
I don't know what, how do you say it?
Is it fentanyl?
Fentanyl?
Fetty?
Fetty whack?
Whatever, whatever people call it.
Jimmy Mac.
Oh, Jimmy Mac.
Whatever the fuck they call it.
Yeah, you can't do cocaine.
But whatever, you know what I mean.
Like, we did heroin once.
You could just get up and walk away.
Did it.
It was fucking amazing, right?
Like, like going to Venice.
If you're lucky enough to do it, most people, you do it once.
And then for the rest of your life.
Oh, one time, oh, me and your grandfather, oh, we went to Venice.
Oh, it was beautiful.
You know?
If you could do heroin just like once, you could do that as an old person.
Oh, I remember.
It was your grandmother's favorite spoon.
And we were lighting it up.
And we were like, are we going to do this?
And she said, 23 skidoo.
Oh, we'll never forget it.
And no matter how bad it got in life, no matter how much the chips were down,
we always had
that we nodded off on heroin that one time.
I loved you then.
And I love you now, sweetheart.
I'll nod off with you any time, but only once.
I feel like the internet's like that.
The internet is like, it's like drugs.
Do you know?
I feel like if you have the ability to do it every once in a blue moon, not a
problem.
But if you're a user, you know, a functional user of the internet, and I'm
including myself
in this, you are going to lose your fucking mind.
Dude, these people were saying, as white people were saying that they, you know,
the guy was
bringing up Native American, he was, you know, making good points or whatever.
But I'm not saying that either side was not making good points.
They were saying that these white people were saying, my people, Caucasians, my
peeps, my
white A's, were going on saying that they were fucking Native Americans.
He's like, I'm Native American.
And then he's like, my family has been here since the 1500s, so I got a lot of
skin in this
game.
Oh, you're taking credit for what they did back then?
Like what?
Owning slaves and fucking participating in a genocide?
You cunt.
This fucking dude, if you would have thought he was holding the fucking tree
that that wooden
teeth douche fucking chopped down.
I got a lot of skin in this game.
We've been Americans for a long time.
Oh, so you're a Nepo baby fucking American, you cunt.
Anyway, I really didn't like that guy.
Because I could see what a fucking psycho temporary had.
And I really saw a lot of myself in him.
Anyway.
And then on the other side, there was this ridiculous argument that both sides
were making.
When the conservative black woman was talking, she was saying that the sexual
revolution actually
made women less happy.
So they were both arguing either side and they were just throwing out
statistics and interrupting one another.
But no one was really getting to the sexual revolution had nothing to do with
people's happiness or unhappiness.
It's the squeeze of corporations.
It's the shift of wealth going to like a handful of people and the elimination
of the middle class is what fucking made people unhappy.
It has nothing to do with whether you're married to someone that stays home and
makes pies or goes out and has a career.
All right.
When you work for these new super nerds.
Remember how there was models and all of a sudden there was supermodels.
Now you have super nerds like this fucking ketamine Nazi Tesla guy.
You know, suing his own company so he can get on the creative, get created by
credit.
Yeah, that's what's making people unhappy.
Which brings me to white vengeance movies.
Your Death Wish, Robert Forster and Vigilante, Michael Douglas and Falling Down.
Those movies are very educational.
Very educational.
As far as the way middle class Caucasians, we view the matrix.
We view the matrix that the problem is coming from the bottom rather than the
top.
And that is the genius of the top.
Is what do they do?
It's them.
Look at them.
Look at them down there.
Look what they're doing.
Oh, those sons of bitches.
I saw one of those conservative kids when he was trashing L.A.
He said, you know, if you went to downtown L.A. and stepped over all of those
homeless people.
And he was blaming sort of California for that fucking problem.
Because as we all remember, California decided to have an illegal war on very
flimsy intelligence
that turned out to be completely incorrect that bankrupted this country after
we had a fucking surplus.
I think we all know at this point it was California, you know.
All the other 49 states said, ah, ah.
We do not have the thumbs up from the U.N.
This is an illegal war.
We are not going in there.
California said, hey, man, shut the fuck up.
Yes, we are.
So that's what they do.
They have you blame non-white people.
They have you blame states.
They have you blame other countries, other types of government, other rights.
It's none of that.
It's none of that.
You can sit there with your white shirt, your fucking psycho black-rimmed
glasses like I have,
and your fucking flat top if you were lucky enough to not have male pattern
baldness.
And you can look down all you want and across the sea and over a fucking wall.
And you can do anything you want to those fucking people.
You're still going to be in the same problem.
Same fucking situation because of the cunts that look like you that are above
you telling you who to look at.
Because they don't give a fuck about you.
They don't.
And if you don't believe me, go work for them.
All right.
Billy Treestock.
He's stepping down.
Now let's talk about bread and circus.
Let's talk about bread and circus.
Bread and circus.
What'd you do this week?
Bread and circus.
Let's talk to the meek.
They shall inherit these stadiums that they have to pay for.
Let's talk about football.
NFL football, I believe, starts this Thursday.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Anyway, I was looking up last night when I was watching.
I watched a lot of college football.
All right.
And as a fan of the University of Michigan, I got to tell you, I can say
without question that Ohio State defense is fucking amazing.
If I'm going to judge them on one fucking week.
They had Archie Manning Jr.
On the Texas Longhorns had a great fucking, have a great defense too.
But the fact that the halftime adjustments just led to more of the same.
I know towards the end they scored a touchdown.
They made it look a little closer than it was.
Whenever you're playing against a great defense, when it's seven to nothing, it
feels like it's 21 to nothing.
And you know me.
I was rooting against Ohio State.
Okay.
And it's really hard to do that because it's a state school.
And in the back of their heads, they know that they're a state school.
That's why they try to make it.
That's why they try to try to act like they're the Harvard of state schools.
The Ohio State University.
I heard actually this announcer said world famous Ohio State University.
Now, if you're fucking sitting there in your town and you're young and you
haven't traveled yet,
and all you want to do is finger bang your fucking chick after you took her to
Dairy Queen,
I'm sure that...
Bringing the hot sausage after the soft serve there.
I'm sure that that statement would make sense.
But I am going to stand on my fucking lazy boy chair and I'm going to talk down
to all you youngsters right now
and say, like, I'm not fucking sitting in my hometown.
Driving a Dodge Dat with my first fucking girlfriend, wondering what the world
is like.
I've told my shit jokes overseas.
And I will tell you this.
I have never seen an Ohio State jersey, sweatshirt, or a fucking hat.
And this kills me as a fan of Boston sports to tell you this.
What I see the most is I see Yankee hats.
The New York Yankees are world famous.
Manchester United.
It's starting to drop off, tho