Name: Oasis, Dystopian Future, Electronic Menus | Monday Morning Podcast 9-8-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-09-08T20:43:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Oasis, Dystopian Future, Electronic Menus | Monday Morning Podcast 9-8-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Oasis, Dystopian Future, Electronic Menus | Monday Morning Podcast 9-8-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-08. Transcript available.

Oasis, Dystopian Future, Electronic Menus | Monday Morning Podcast 9-8-25 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
september 8th 2025 what's going on hawaii yeah how's it going man what's going
on with you how'd
you do your first week of fucking gambling on nfl football did you do as bad as
i did jesus christ
everything i thought was going to happen didn't happen i had the buffalo bills
i had the new
england patriots i had the fucking kansas city chi i fucking hate this all
three and one i somehow
tied one of them one of them i had the fucking dolphins
everything that i thought was going to happen the exact opposite happened so
but i would rather be
all right or all wrong so then people that listen to me can still make money if
i'm crushing it just
do what i say and if i'm fucking eating it like usual just whatever bill says
do the opposite
if you did the opposite of of what i did yesterday if you just said this is a
stand-up comedian
male pattern baldness did not play organized sports past fucking junior high
you know i'm just gonna do the opposite of what this guy said you you want to
make some money
unless you tied them all together which is the dumb move is to tease something
all right let me tell you something the only person you're teasing is yourself
you know doing a two-team tease that's like committing a crime with somebody
else you've
just increased your chances of getting caught by a hundred percent
the other team is going to cut a deal with the league to fuck you out of your
money
oh god i sound like earl weaver you came here for one goddamn reason oh yeah
what's that earl
to fuck us that is the greatest fucking line anybody's ever said to an umpire
you came here for one reason to fuck like like the umpire wasn't had no plans
of going to baltimore
that night and said you know what i i have i'm gonna go i'm gonna go down there
what are you gonna
go down there for i'm gonna fuck the orioles specifically earl weaver 100
speaking of which sad
news davy johnson passed away um just an absolute legend i had no idea
how much i only knew him as a manager he played uh you know his career ended
before my time sort of
in like the 70s but he played for those incredible oriole teams in the late
1960s i believe they won
it in 66 and 70 with with both robinsons brooks and frank um that whole great
run that the orioles had
uh mid-60s right through the late 70s of just incredible offensive defensive
players and pitching staff
and um then he goes on to manage and this is amazing he managed when he became
a baseball
manager after he retired he also went on to the braves and was part of uh with
hank aaron and was
the first was on the first mlb team where they had three players with 40 or
more home runs it was him
hank aaron and i apologize i i don't know the other guy's name so the guy retires
so legendary this guy is
he uh he uh he coached three years in the minors each at a progressively high
level and on each
all the three years he won a championship and then he took over for the new york
mets and the rest
is history one in 86 one of the greatest comebacks you know in in world series
history and one of the most like
that that was the one as a red sox fan they they all this fucking bucky dent
shit and all the yankees it
wasn't that it was fucking 86 because no matter what the yankees did to us it
was during the regular
season you know or it was before the world series you know even like when they
beat us in the playoffs
with aaron boone it was like we won it the next year so it didn't have a chance
to marinate but i will
fucking tell you what that mets loss in 1986 i watch it now now that we've won
world series and i can
actually appreciate how fucking hysterical it is um i mean if you had it in a
hollywood script it's
to be like who gives up 15 singles in a row that's what it felt like but
anyways davy johnson managed
managed that team and um i think he went on to the reds and he did all of this
stuff right on through
like the nationals just like um i would put him up there with sort of a you
know
like he carried the torch of a guy say like a don zimmer or a joe tory those
guys who actually played
the game and then you know had just as much success or if not more success as a
manager like i remember
don zimmer played on like the 55 dodgers joe tory was on the braves um i want
to say maybe the cardinals
too i don't know but anyway just a baseball guy so rest in peace to him and ken
dryden ken dryden of
the montreal command canadians um i didn't know this the boston bruins actually
drafted him
oops i gotta research how he ended up on the canadians but um
absolutely stonewalled us through the 70s he only played he won played like
like he held out one of
the you know we want when we won in 72 i believe i was re i read it real quick
before the podcast i
believe he was holding he held out for an entire year so we didn't have to go
up against him
with esposito kenny hodge and all of those guys derrick sanderson bobby or
and um thank god he did because who knows what would have happened that guy was
like that good he
literally he wanted he played from like 1971 to 80 or 79 i believe and he won
the stanley cup in 71
73 76 77 78 and 79 and then called it a career got into politics wrote a whole
bunch of books
was truly a renaissance man and um i remember all of my buddies that i worked
with in the warehousing
that were 10 years older than me oh my god the nightmare stories they used to
talk to me age to
tell me about ken dryden and there was no eye contact and they would just shake
their head i mean he was
that good um six foot four um an absolute beast and had a whole like i said a
career as an author and
a politician and a politician and all that incredible um anyways which brings
me back to myself
57 year old bald ginger who's playing thousand oaks
which admittedly pales in comparison to the accomplishments of davy joneson and
uh ken dryden
so um a thousand oaks this wednesday really looking forward to it um i'm
working with two of my
favorite people dean delray and bianca cristavao um the only person missing
from the crew is nate craig who
has a new amazing special on um on uh on youtube he sent it to me and it was
one of those deals i was
busy and i started to watch it and then i couldn't shut it off he just has his
own he really just has
his own vibe super super super smart comedy absolutely love it so anyway check
that out if
you get a chance let's get on with uh now that i've done the announcements let's
get on to the uh the
actual podcast here oh billy oh billy's uh you know i i had what a what a week
i had what a week i had
i um i went saturday night was it saturday yeah saturday night i went to the
rose bowl and i saw oasis
um who came along when i was like 30 years old so i finally got to see their
crowd like losing their
fucking like people were losing their fucking minds at that show um it really
reminded me there's a
couple of times i went to go see a band you know because i've always been a
metal guy right it's weird
metal and big band swing figure that one out it's a combination of who i was
hanging out with and my
dad's record collection so and also when oasis came out like i was you know i
was doing stand-up
at like spaghetti freddy's and and i was approaching 30 i i the amount of music
that i missed in all of
that um because i ran into somebody at the concert and they were they were like
this how many times
you've seen him i go this is my first time i think you never saw him back in
the day i was like dude i
was like i had no money i had the cd i i i didn't have any money so it reminded
me of a long time ago i
saw the dead um at sullivan stadium in the late 80s to be like i gotta see what
is what is you know
i like their music and everything but like people dedicating like their fucking
life
to this band i gotta see what this is and i went there and i was like all right
i get it
or i saw bruce springsteen at uh the honda center in anaheim the most sterile
place you could possibly
be to see bruce springsteen in the east street band and they came in and they
fucking blew the roof off the place and made you feel like you were in new
jersey i would say that's
what that that's what they do they just bring their fucking new jersey vibe
everywhere they go
and fucking murder it and i would put oasis on that list now because i went to
go see him
and dude they came out and just fucking leveled
leveled the rose bowl leveled and it was like and they barely move so it's all
on the basis of what
they're playing you know no jumping around and like the i was watching people
were doing jump splits off the drum riser this was the
it's like as a stand-up comedian you know i got to move around and sell my
shit but like the joke writers they could just stand they don't have to fucking
move
they barely burn any calories i finished my set it's like i got off a fucking
elliptical
these guys could just stand there and murder oasis was like that and um
yeah lead singer is hilarious and uh most of the night you know they would like
jokes i was like is he
fucking with this right now or is he are we in on the joke or is he kind of
making fun of us or whatever
um but it was cool they came out and they both brothers hugged which was good i
come from a
fucked up family so it was good to see them you know showing that they had
buried the hatchet
and then liam said just really nice at the end where he thanked everybody and
he said something
really funny he goes i really appreciate all you guys he goes i'll be the first
to admit we've been
an absolute nightmare of a band to support which was fucking hilarious um yeah
it was great so um and
then i gotta i gotta say um you know i wasn't familiar with a lot of noel's
solo stuff and they
they gave him a whole nice section in the middle and that was some of my
favorite stuff for the night
and i also really became uh even more of a fan of his guitar playing um
drama was great just the whole thing man i've had a really good month as far as
like seeing live music
acts so i did that um and then last night i went with my lovely wife to the emmys
and i saw a whole
bunch of friends of mine and uh we all hung out afterwards and like that's that's
in reality that's
the best part of the awards night is fucking hanging out with all your friends
so um we were just all
hanging out afterwards telling stories and shit so it was it was definitely a
great time and and i figured
out the cruise control on my motorcycle i was so intimidated by just being able
to ride the bike
and i've been riding it again and i'm having a you know having a great time
with it and uh you know
i'm finally just like just like the owner's manual like you know i'm a summer
school kid you give me a
book like that with print that small i'm i i just i just curl up into the fetal
position i'm just like
i'll just ask dean how to do it then i just like no fuck this just bring the
owner's manual every day
figure out something else and it turns out it's not it's not that big a deal it's
like the left
side is your cruise control and the right side is the radio and then the screen
you pair your phone
and you're kind of good to go at that point and then the cruise control there's
all these different ways
to uh shut it off which are really other than like stepping on the brake the
back brake or
or pulling the front brake you can actually roll off the throttle or you can
pull in the clutch and what i
like about that is if you're riding with somebody else you know they're behind
you to have to step on
the brake just even for a second could cause the person to fuck up or whatever
it's just like it's
just a a safer way to do it and um you know i was just riding around the
airport like figuring it out
and i i and i i i don't know made me feel good about myself all right i'm sorry
um anyway uh
what else have i been doing not a lot i've been doing a bunch of stuff with my
kids so i tried to
watch as much football as i could um the patriots