Name: Criterion Collection, His New Car, Television | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-11-25
Uploaded: 2025-09-12T01:49:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Criterion Collection, His New Car, Television | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-11-25' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Criterion Collection, His New Car, Television | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-11-25' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-12. Transcript available.

Criterion Collection, His New Car, Television | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-11-25

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you just checking to see
just checking in to see how you're doing oh my god i've been driving my
wife nuts but making her fucking laugh um i went to the emmy the creative arts
emmys
and for some reason i don't know when they're showing i think they're showing
them this weekend
um i just started doing this impression of arnold schwarzenegger presenting
and it was like and now ladies and gentlemen here are the nominees for best
action movie or variety
special and i was just doing these stupid things and i was just i just kept i
kept naming old school
performers as the winners and i just kept getting more and more obscure um
and it just became me yelling famous people from the 80s names in arnold schwarzenegger's
voice
and i don't know why it was so stupid and so silly she's my favorite person in
the world to make laugh
she was i don't know maybe he had to be there but i was for two days i was just
walking around going like
and the winner and the emmy goes to
john denver and miss piggy
her favorite one was and the emmy goes to max hedrum and cindy loper for i am
unusual too
i was doing it was one of the most fun things it was cathartic to just be
screaming these famous
people's names as arnold schwarzenegger and then just remembering
todd bridges and mary lou retted just all these people that i grew up with
um
anyway uh that's what i've been doing for like the last couple of days as i
mentioned
or maybe i didn't mention i played some drums today i've been working on my uh
uh um 16th notes with one hand that james gadsen jeff pecaro thing
uh i took a lesson with my buddy dave elich who has a whole new uh
uh drum program that he's going to be coming on the podcast spoiler alert to uh
promote very happy for
him he gave me a lesson on that and today some of the stuff that he was showing
me started getting
into the muscle memory you know and feel like a couple of seconds you're doing
it and then you're
like oh my god i'm doing it and then all of a sudden you just you blow it after
that so
very excited about that and um i've also been uh going to my kids
my kids are playing sports now and i am just like the happiest father
ever and i and i i made i made the the rookie dad going to a sporting event
mistakes i sat in those
bleachers you know with the aluminum benches like they had back in the day at
sullivan stadium
um and like i'm just too old to sit on those i felt that for like three days so
i brought i have like a folding chair so i brought the folding chair i had my
little thermos of water
and i and i'm just sitting there watching him practice and everything and like
you know and i've
just made my decision i go i am not going to be that dad okay i i didn't have
some unfulfilled olympic
dream that my kid now has to like fulfill i'm just like rooting for everybody i
just want everybody to
have a good time and uh the end of practice say hey great practice coach or
whatever thanks a lot
and uh then i come home and whatever drills they were working on you know we we
kind of do them in
the backyard just messing around having a good time and uh it's been it's been
great i haven't missed a
practice yet and unfortunately i'm home um i've been doing some sporadic road
gigs out here nothing but
positive shit this week everybody all right i know this was a tough week so let's
just go positive here
um i did a thousand oaks last night in a beautiful theater out there that i
didn't even know existed
um went out there and it was just such a great crowd um right out of the gate i
was just making
fun of them you know it was just a weird part of la like i i we pulled onto the
street and there was
like a ferrari dealership and then like right across the street is like fucking
houses that look
like they're falling down and people are really struggling and it's just like
you know i was just
sort of riffing on like that's what america's becoming it's just becoming like
you know one guy
has 12 ferraris and then somebody across the street is like eating like fucking
a hand sandwiches they used to say back in the day right um hopefully that gap
will shrink it'll
come back again the middle class is the greatest thing the greatest thing ever
about about the united
states is the middle the middle class is the greatest it's the best fucking it's
the best place to be
it's the best place to be you know my voice is cracking i'm so i'm so emotional
about it
being middle class where you you have a job and you have benefits and you can
pay your
fucking rent and you can make your fucking mortgage why people want to take
that away like that's the
people at top want to stay in power that's you you fucking take care of the
goddamn middle class
it's the greatest middle class is the fucking best monday through friday second
five o'clock
friday i don't have to think about this fucking job until monday that's for the
rich guy that's
his fucking problem and you go out yeah you have a good time you got yourself a
little boat you
know whatever whatever you do you got a motorcycle you know what i mean you get
you get yourself a
fucking whatever whatever whatever the hell it is that you wanted to do um
hopefully someone will
bring that back um so anyway i did my my show last night and uh i got a ton of
material right now but
it's like i gotta like sort of hone it or whatever so thank you to everybody
out there that sat through that
shit um but you know it was really just like it was i can't explain it man like
the crowd was just
they it was perfect and just the jokes that i was talking about just really fit
in i think because it
was sort of everybody was there and you know i was making fun of uh the amazon
guy actually defending
him how much i'm worried about him and his new marriage you know that's sort of
the angle i was
taking and the guy lives on the other side of the santa monica mountains i
think out in malibu so i
was just thinking like you know there might be somebody in this crowd that
actually knows this guy
which uh you know added to the fun and i gotta tell you something bianca and uh
and dean del rey
murdered dean del rey went up with like a bunch of new materials one of the
hardest i've ever seen him
kill and uh and then bianca came out with all of this new stuff she had a big
event i don't want
to take away from anything that she's doing but she had a big event happen in
her life
which i'm very happy for her and she was talking about that and was absolutely
hilarious
and uh and then one of my buddies from uh glengarry glen ross john pierre cello
he came out
uh we got to chop it up uh you know saw a bunch of friends it was sort of the
it was perfect it was
a beautiful theater amazing crowd and then i i i had a you know good enough set
with what i was doing
and then i went home and slept in my own bed how do you how do you how do you
beat that i'll tell you
i beat that i i watched two and incredible movies this week when i started to
watch last week i was
telling you guys about uh medium cool um i saw that one and then which i really
think a lot of it they
guerrilla shot around the 1968 democratic national convention in chicago it's
one of like
it it's it's robert forster i've just been going down a rabbit hole watching
his movies
and then i saw this movie the parallax view
on uh criterion channel if you're not on the criterion channel it's like cinemax
for smart people
there's still a lot of nudity but it's done in a very tasteful way
um the parallax view might be my favorite warren beaty movie and it's 10 years
it's like made in 73
came out in 74 so it's basically 10 years after the kennedy assassination and
the warren commission
and it sort of shows where a lot of people's heads were at that like this is
like these corporations
are getting out of control and they they might be behind this stuff and all
that super paranoid
kind of thriller thing and um incredible cars and just like and then beautiful
cinematography and all that you know old billy's becoming like a little cinephile
here
i'm reading books now
i'm off social media i finally just decided i don't know what it was i was just
like this
shit is just it's not good for people i want to get along with people i would
like to bring people
together i don't want to be angry um and i don't want to be under the control
of nerds and the fact
that nerds have bots on social media designed to enrage their own countrymen
is it's just like for the so what so you can you can get more people on it so
you can have a bigger
fucking yacht you're gonna you're gonna basically be taking a bat to the knees
of your own fucking
country is insane to me so i don't want to do that man i i want to uh i do not
want to divide people
i don't want to get divided we got to come together here the most dangerous
message
public message you could have is we should all come together and find common
ground that is the last
thing billionaire cunts with yachts who profit off of the misery of others they
just anytime anybody
wants to bring people together they figure out a way
i don't know to tar and feather the person but anyway let's let's stay out of
the darkness of that um
i finally saw that fucking ravens bills game jesus christ um
what a goddamn game i mean i'm still you know old school i like to see defense
but uh i really like
both of those teams um and then i was joking you know i was joking with a buddy
of mine that you know
people say i look like the coach and i look like the punter and now they're
both on the same team
and they're called the bills
i have to get during the football season i gotta go there
you know and do a gig and maybe get a picture of of all three of us so people
can realize that we
we're not all the same person
um it's disturbing how much we all look at like each other anyways it's like
the brady bunch of bills
here's the story all right and i'm the oldest so i'm greg and then sean
is peter and then the punter i i don't know i i got two kids under 10 men i'm
not good with the
names anymore the punter is uh is bobby brady um i'm psyched for that game
tonight commanders versus
the packers um really like both of those franchises and i'm psyched that the
commanders are good again
um oh my god their fans their fans went through it over the last 30 years there
was like
there was some dark dark dark dark fucking seasons over there for long long
long periods of time so
it's great to see them back um i'm excited i like that bill's jets game this
week i think is going
to be a fun one um you know i'm an afc guy and i like that charges raiders game
on monday night
that should be another fun one and i got all the free time in the world to
watch all of this
shit so very excited and i've been getting unbelievable unbelievable quality
time in with my kids
um and i'm getting along great with my wife so what the fuck do i care life is
good you know what
i mean i have no complaints it was funny my my nia was being so like nice to me
last night and
it was the funniest shit ever i just said to her i go i just looked at her i go
i go why are you being so nice to me
and she laughed she goes why are you being so nice to me i go because i love
you
she's like well i love you too and i'm like all right she's like fine
being in a relationship i just really realized it's so fucking like
it's so insane because it's like you go into it and you fall head over heels in
love
and so and in that moment all of your sadness goes away and then and then you
put these this this
unexpected expectation on the other person that you're going to feel like this
with them all the
time and that they're going to make you happy and it took me forever to realize
that that other people
literally cannot make you happy if you if you're bringing all of this baggage
to the party so it's like
it's almost like it's the emotional version of consumerism where it's just like
you k