Name: Fresh Air, the Internet, Wedding Disclaimers | Monday Morning Podcast 9-15-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-09-15T20:17:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fresh Air, the Internet, Wedding Disclaimers | Monday Morning Podcast 9-15-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fresh Air, the Internet, Wedding Disclaimers | Monday Morning Podcast 9-15-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-15. Transcript available.

Fresh Air, the Internet, Wedding Disclaimers | Monday Morning Podcast 9-15-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, September 15th, 2025.
What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? Ah, geez. Sorry for all the noise.
I'm fucking outside in an undisclosed location currently.
I can't disclose the location that I'm at right now because it's undisclosed.
Oh, what a beautiful morning. Oh, what a beautiful day. Oh, what a beautiful
morning.
The fucking Patriots beat the Dolphins yesterday. Hey, fucking Pats go down.
We've only lost like eight in a row to those motherfuckers, right?
Haven't beat them since COVID.
When you had a face mask and a mask on, you wore a mask. What are you, fucking
sheep?
Um, anyways, you know, I saw a lot of things that I liked.
Fucking Drake make. Kid's got some wheels.
Buys the receivers some time. He's got some targets to throw to.
And who's this Stevenson kid? That fucking pass he caught over his shoulder out
there in the flat?
Is that what they call it?
One of the real estate agents called that part of the football field before
they develop it.
Huh? I mean, that's the kind of ball I would say 15% of wide receivers will
probably drop.
Had some zip on it. It was over his shoulders. He was running full speed.
And I'll tell you, that so-and-so, he caught it and he ran like a goddamn champ
there.
I will say, a special team sucked.
Lit up a punt.
Punt returned for a touchdown, although we then scored a touchdown on a kickoff.
A little surf and turf there, right?
And then we missed two extra points.
So, and I would say a lot of the tackling was a little suspect.
Um, but, Vrabel's got us going in the right direction.
Who knows?
You know, or we just like the Jets.
The Jets were impressive one week and then yesterday, not so impressive.
You know, we weren't so impressive against the Raiders.
Although, you know, we were in the game.
Ah, the fucking Jets.
The Jets.
Every time, every time, every time, every time they start to believe.
They get the old right there, Fred.
I didn't see any games.
I was traveling, but, uh, I did, I did, by the time I landed, you know, I
scheduled the
flight, so I just missed the fucking one o'clock game.
And then, of course, we get on and there was some sort of problem with the
plane, um, which
they fixed, thank God.
Because at the end of the day, that, that's more important than being able to
see the four
o'clock game.
But then they fixed it and then my, my fucking, you know, my TV wasn't working.
Although, I did get to watch the MotoGP race, which I haven't done in a while.
I didn't know Moto, Fox Sports 1 had the MotoGP races and it was just, it was
more of the
same.
Mark Marquez, just dominating.
He lets somebody else lead the race for the first fight, I don't know, 12 laps
or whatever.
He just watches what they do, you know, and then he passes them.
And then Beshecki, I think it was, was on his fucking ass, it was Bastagnini, I
don't
know who the fuck it was, it was on a plane.
It had no sound.
I'm not putting in those stupid earbud things.
Um, you know, he rides on Marquez's ass for like the final fucking, whatever,
10 laps.
But where the other guys flinch or wear out their tires, Marquez doesn't.
Dude, the guy could literally win the championship.
Since I've been watching MotoGP, I've never seen somebody win it this early in
the season.
He has like over 500 points.
The next closest guy's got like 336.
He has like 512.
The next race is in Japan.
He could, I think if he wins the race, he comes in first.
He has it wrapped up and then he just basically does a parade lap all the way
through October
and the first two weeks of November.
That's insane.
Um, speaking of which, speaking of MotoGP, oh, Billy went on a nice motorcycle
ride the
other day.
I was moping around the house, depression, settling in.
So Nia's looking at me, right?
She's like, this guy's already difficult to live with.
Now, now, he's in a depression.
She goes, why don't you go, why don't you go to the airport?
Go fly.
I was like, I don't want, I don't know, I don't want.
She, you should, you should do it.
You should do it.
She'll be good for you.
You should do it.
Come on, you should do, you know, you should.
She knew what she was doing.
I am not spending my weekend with a sad clown.
Get the fuck out of here.
And I got to tell you, she was 100% right.
I went up there, cleaned up the helicopter.
You know, I don't know if there was a fire or something.
It was really, uh, visibility wasn't the greatest.
So, I just flew the pattern.
And then it was like gusting.
It was like, you know, winds 10 knots or 12 knots or something like that.
And then, like, another, like, 15 knot gust.
So, I'm just like, well, I'm not fucking going anywhere with that shit.
I'm just a little fella.
I'm flying in a light aircraft.
I'm not doing that.
So, I just flew the pattern to see how, uh, bad it was.
Didn't seem too bad.
Wasn't until I got, uh, over Hollywood.
I think it was coming off the ocean.
I don't know what it was.
It was a little bumpy.
So, I was just like, yeah, you know, I'll just go back.
So, I bring the thing back.
Set it down perfectly.
And, uh, I put her away.
I warmed up the motorcycle.
I took a ride through the neighborhood.
I had a great fucking time cruising around.
Um, put that thing away.
And then I came out.
Guess what?
Guess what?
The depression was gone.
I think there's something to be said that when you're depressed,
if you fucking sit around.
If you're not clinically depressed,
but if you just have like a fucking,
I don't know what.
You're in a malaise.
If you do something that requires concentrating.
Anything.
Playing an instrument.
Fucking, uh, listen to your neighbor telling a story about, uh,
what he plans to do with the landscaping in his backyard.
Anything that requires
an effort.
To listen to.
I think it just kind of,
it kind of clears it away.
It's a nice little breeze through your brain.
And then especially if you're doing something
where you could get killed or hurt or whatever.
You know,
the focus of that.
It really,
it kind of,
I'm telling you,
I don't know what it is.
Or maybe flying.
It's kind of up there bouncing around or some shit.
I don't know.
I heard it a long time ago.
Sorry.
Um,
you know,
remember those little mini trampolines
that like,
uh,
skinny blonde women would do like aerobics on,
on ESPN.
For some reason,
like 11 in the morning.
Back when women didn't work,
guys went to work at 11 in the morning.
You know,
right when the paranoia
for the wife started settling in,
like he's been working late a lot this week.
Is he fucking the secretary?
I better get my ass in shape.
Right?
And then they would,
they would,
they would turn on ESPN.
And,
uh,
they had this one guy,
there was a guy who used to do a show on it.
I don't even know this because I'm a comedian.
Once Sports Center was over,
this,
this exercise show used to come on.
And,
the guy doing this show
looked like that soccer player,
rest his soul,
hand of God,
Maradona,
or whatever his name was.
Not the biggest soccer guy.
Um,
that's what he looked like.
Hand of God.
He,
hand of God,
I swear to God,
he looked like the hand of God guy.
And he was doing fucking aerobics.
And I want to say that they had like,
a little fucking trampoline.
Sorry.
Gotta put my sunglasses on.
I'm doing this thing outside here.
Um,
Oh,
Billy,
too cool for a podcast over here.
Um,
yeah,
they would have a,
they would have a fucking aerobics show on.
Um,
after that.
And then I,
then I want to say there was a chick one.
At some point,
I remember there was those little fucking trampolines.
And they would be running in place.
Ah,
ah,
ah,
ah.
And then they would,
they would have their hand on their jugular,
two fingers on their jugular.
And then they would be looking at like a little swatch.
Um,
like that was a big thing to do.
Running in place at a red light and checking your heart rate was a big fucking
thing in the 90s.
Nobody had any sort of cardiovascular training.
No one knew how to read an EKG machine.
Is that what it's called?
But,
but you,
you definitely,
you know,
you ran up,
you put your two fingers to your neck,
you ran in place,
ah,
ah,
ah,
at a fucking red light,
waiting for it to change.
And you looked at your swatch.
And that's,
that let everybody know at the red light that you were fucking serious about
working out.
Somebody's sitting there in a,
in a late model Honda Prelude,
watching you look at your swatch and your leg warmers.
Not leg warmers.
That was the 80s.
Let's be honest,
ladies.
Did your calves really get that cold?
Or did it just look a little hoary?
Give you that attention that you wanted,
you know?
So then you could bat it away like,
oh my God,
stop staring at me.
Well,
stop dressing like a warm hooker.
How about that?
You ever think about that?
Oh,
I'll tell you,
nothing brings the male attention like a fucking warm hooker.
Little fucking Afghan legs over there.
And then the rest of it.
That was,
that was the beginning.
That was the beginning of this ridiculous thing that when you go to the gym,
you know,
you have to dress like an off hours superhero.
I feel like that's starting to go away.
But there was definitely the X-Man cometh
age of working out where everybody like,
I am proud to say,
despite when I was born,
living through all of the 80s into the 90s,
the workout craze,
heavy metal and all that,
I have never,
I have never owned any spandex.
I don't even know what it is.
Spandex lives in the world somewhere between polyester and just straight up
plastic.
I don't know what it is.
It only makes sense if you're fighting crime to have to have clothes that tight.
You know what I mean?
Or if you're like an offensive lineman.
Any,
any,
any job you have where somebody's going to grab you.
Although I will say back in the day,
half the reason they had lapels on sports coats
is so somebody could grab both of them
after they felt they got fucked on a car deal.
You know when they go to bring it back?
Someone was forever grabbing somebody by both lapels.
Let me tell you something,
you son of a bitch!
And what's funny is the person wearing the coat that was getting grabbed
would always just sit with his hands down by his side
and would just sort of move his head back when it would happen.
Or maybe that was just the movies.
I don't know.
Anyway,
plowing ahead here.
Jesus Christ.
Billy Babbles.
Brian Dabbles.
Brian Dabble.
Is that the name of the coach of the Giants?
Jesus Christ.
That guy needs a fucking salad and a hat on his head.
Who is the woman in his life that is letting that guy walk around,
eating steaks and cheeses and not having a hat on his head to coach four
quarters of football?
I can almost hear his head searing in the sun.
I'm probably,
maybe I'm projecting.
Is that what I'm doing?
Are you projecting?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Anyway.
Oh, here's something I didn't bring up in that MotoGP race.
It was just fucking Pedro Acosta.
I don't know what lap it was, but he was among the leaders.
Just put it that way.
I was on a plane.
No sound.
All right.
Every five seconds.
Can I interest you in a, you know, I'm sorry, sir.
Could you bring your seat back up?
We're going to be experiencing some turbulence.
Anyway.
I, uh, I don't know what lap it was, but like the chain on his bike broke.
I feel so bad for that guy.
And I don't think he's going to stay with his team much longer.
He's too good a rider for the bike.
He got off his bike and he was so upset.
They cut back to him.
It was right as he was pulling his hands down.
I think he gave his motorcycle the double finger.
That's when you know, that's when you know you're having a tough day.
When you give a machine the double finger, you know, as if they're alive and
working against you.
Like, like the machine has emotions.
Like what they're trying to do with these fucking robots, trying to say these
robots feel emotions.
It's like they don't feel emotions.
They're not alive.
There are trigger words that the alive person says that then what they do is
they mir