Name: Water In The Basement, Diving, Doctors | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-2-25
Uploaded: 2025-10-03T01:29:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Water In The Basement, Diving, Doctors | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-2-25' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Water In The Basement, Diving, Doctors | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-2-25' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-03. Transcript available.

Water In The Basement, Diving, Doctors | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-2-25

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you oh how's it going how's
it going over your
way it's not going so good over my way it's not going so good at all um i woke
up this morning
and i went to brush my teeth so i brushed my teeth that's fine cold water's
fine
all homeowners are cringing right now i go to turn on the hot water it makes
this weird noise like
like that shit like bugs bunny and one water drop of water comes out i'm like
we just fucking got
the hot water tank when the fuck did we get that down i don't know it couldn't
have been more than
a couple years ago so i'm like all right whatever sometimes you got to hit the
reset button i don't
know it's kind of weird that no water's coming out it's not like it wasn't hot
there was no water so
i'm like huh that's weird so i go downstairs it's like 6 30 in the morning i'm
trying to knock out
this podcast right here that you're listening to to um you know before my kids
get up so i go
and i go downstairs and the door down to the basement has like windows and they're
all fogged up
and there's this weird smell in the house
and i'm like oh no
oh no we just had work done in the house we just got back and i open the door
and i just hear
the fucking sound of water
i go downstairs two inches deep
rugs gone floors gone kids toys gone all of this shit
so then it's like 6 30 i'm still in my pajamas in slippers standing in water
and i'm like where the
fuck is the main water shut up and it's already been i mean the thing bursted
fucking the what damage was
already done so i was happy as a man that i at least knew exactly where it was
so i ran outside the house slippers squishing and i shut off the fucking water
and i just and i shut off the water and that was just it
and i just i mean it had been going for hours everything that was on the ground
was just done and i just said
i don't know like i said i flip out over little things bigger things like this
i just go like
all right you know i guess
i guess uh yeah you know i guess um i guess that happened so
so
i'm guessing
the very least i i need a whole new floor down there
i need all the the molding around the wall
um
halloween christmas decorations you know it's just like that older toys
i don't fucking know you know
you know what are you gonna do what are you gonna do i mean you know happens it
happens
so you know it's an opportunity this is what what i try to do with the new
thing this is just an
opportunity
um
to get a new floor
that we didn't need you know and now
now we get to get this new floor and i'm i'm very this is the new me i'm very
thankful
i'm very very thankful whatever what are you gonna do it's the balance of the
universe right
you you get one thing fixed something else has to break it's kind of um how
that works
you know i gotta admit we had a bunch of clutter down there and i've been
saying we we gotta like
i don't like that we have to throw most of it out because i like giving away
um
you know
we've gradually been coming towards the way that i want to live
which the way i want to live is i could do yoga in any room in my house not
that i do yoga
but i want to have the option to be able to stretch because i'm old in any i
need
flow feng shui whatever the they call it so that's a hard thing to have
when you live with a woman because they're they just buy sh*t and they're nesting
and they're always like
i don't know it's like i i don't know i shouldn't put this on on females but
like just the f*cking
chaos i finally to put my foot down it's like i am so sick of having to move sh*t
to get to the sh*t
do you understand what i mean like can we stop putting sh*t in front of doors
this door leads outside why why do i have to move all of this sh*t out of the f*cking
way that
that has been believe me that has been a that has been a debate a debate
one more time for effect a debate but anyway everything else in my life is f*cking
great
um you know can't complain um
i flew yesterday i flew out uh you know it's funny i got up there
and uh as i go to pull in i always look at the flag and the flag was like
sort of drooping and then going straight out and then drooping and i'm like ah
f*ck
so that is gusting you know if it was straight out anyways i wouldn't have
flown
but like worse than just straight out f*cking high winds when you fly something
a lightweight
um helicopter like mine is if you see the flag go straight out and then come
half go straight out
and then be drooping now you have gusts and that's just no fun to fly in so i
was like all right you
know what i'll just wash a pre-flight or no right around the airport on on the
motorcycle right and
when i was there um all of a sudden like the wind died down over like an hour
and i was like all right
so what i always do is like i'll be like i'll just fly the pattern i'll see how
it is when i get up
there and if it's you know too bumpy a ride something i don't want to deal with
i'll um
i won't go you know what i mean i'm not trying to be a f*cking hero so
ended up going over there you know cleaning her up and then i i took around the
pattern and it was fine
and um you know i flew out santa monica you know all over that area and
everything up to like santa paula
and it was a beautiful flight and um it felt good to get back out there doing
that
and then riding the harley too i f*cking love that bike i really love it um and
i love doing both of
those things because i'm a scatterbrained f*cking lunatic and when i do those
things the level of focus
i have to have it just makes everything go away um until i get back in my car
and then it f*cking starts
back up again but i always like one of the few times my brain shuts off is when
i'm doing those two
activities or if i'm smoking a cigar which i don't really do anymore which i'm
really happy about
you know i smoked one in bahrain after me and josh did our show
and um i just made a rule in my head i was like you know what i can't have a
cigar again for at least 10 days
because i know 10 days is right where i stopped giving a f*ck about it and then
i think like this
is stupid why am i doing this all right i'll tell you what isn't stupid the red
sox yankees in the
playoffs and um exciting game yesterday yankees won in overtime so now we get
to go to a f*cking
you know we get to have game seven energy over a game three uh really proud of
the red sox you know
big time underdogs super young team still somehow made the playoffs traded away
you know a hall of famer it looks like under the age of 30 and somehow became a
better team
um going up against the yankees so i i guess you know we're underdogs but i
feel like we weren't
that much worse than they were they had like some injuries or whatever but we
were chasing them the
whole year i think we were ahead of them like for like three days but um i have
peaked in a little
bit but i don't get emotionally involved in the game because i have kids and i'll
just be honest with you
i just don't want them to see me like that
so i i have not i have not been watching it um i've been paying attention to it
that's the best
i'll do like i i just started doing that like when the celtics went to the nba
finals
against um was it dallas yeah and i was just like i am not
i'm not going to put my kids through this and we ended up sweeping them and i've
still
yet to see a second of it i am happy that they won and all of that type of
stuff but
i am going to just wait till my kids grow up and get out of the house again
before i will watch
i think i could handle a patriots playoff game
you know just because of where we are right now we're starting to turn it
around it's like
exciting to watch them but like uh i can't i don't know what it is those other
ones i just can't
handle uh you know i can't handle watching i don't know what it is i literally
i i just i lose my
shit and as he as i'm old enough now to realize how fucking stupid that is to
put your whole family
through it so um i don't do that anyway so that's my uh that is my world right
now but i want to go see
that new uh paul thomas anderson movie that leonardo dicaprio is in that i
someone was told
me it's like the best movie they've seen in years so i got all these plumbers
and all of these people
coming over here today so me maybe me and my wife can get out of the house i
can go check that out um
i heard it was uh i heard it was fucking amazing yeah dude everything broke
down this week my
fucking truck i don't know what happened i was driving and i was hearing this
rattling sound i thought
it was the gas cap so i was driving down the streets and i was like grabbing on
the gas cap to hear if
like the like the internal mechanism of it was like rattling because that's
what it sounded like
then i'm like that sounds like a lug nut and then i pulled over it and i was
missing a lug nut and i go
fuck you know why didn't i think of that like two miles ago so then i get back
in my truck i drive down
the street i still hear the rattling so then my side view mirror just decided
it didn't want to do the
job anymore you know you can adjust it but the second you start it up the you
know the vibration
of the engine it just slowly starts looking down at the ground so i'm like all
right i get it
i get it my life is awesome right now so these uh these other things have to
kind of you know
i did my last road gigs of the year i could just chill be with my family i'm
happy so what does
the universe say all right well then you know here's a flooded basement your
truck's gonna break down
it's just like all right all right i don't what are you gonna do i don't give a
fuck um anyway
um plowing ahead here uh i have been playing a a shitload of drums lately and
uh specifically i've
told you i was working on like the one-handed like 16th note things um and uh
and these songs that i used to play to where my arm literally felt like it was
gonna fall off two
things it doesn't feel that way anymore and now um with the information my drum
teacher dave elich
gave me um i can now like feel my forearm if it gets tightened up and i just
focus on my technique
make it more of my wrist and then all of that tightness in my forearm i'm able
to recover while
still playing to the song i know this is some drum nerd but um i don't know
been excited about that
and then lastly um i've been getting involved in this uh soccer game every week
down at the uh
this park that's nearby where i live started just sort of innocently and next
thing you know it just
became like four or five dads against like nine kids
i gotta tell you i cannot believe
how much mobility i have lost like i was playing goal and there was that i
could have saved
like i used to know how to dive and save a ball like i don't think i i can i
don't think my body like
like it blocks when when i tell my body to do it there's something else that
overrides it it's just
like no no we're not doing that we're not doing that this is this is not
happening you are not
you are not diving on the ground you just fixed your shoulders your back feels
good the sciatic nerve
issue is over you're not doing this you know you just went to the hot doctor
oh billy's ticker's looking good
you know everything looks pretty good um outstanding for my age but my age is
just pretty good
so my liver willows was great though i haven't drank in fucking eight years and
the guy said the
last because i know i'm a guy i go to the doctor like once every fucking
president
and uh he said last time you know you had a fatty liver i was like oh yeah
oh yeah my liver must have looked like kobe beef last time i was here but it
was funny was the last
time i was there was 2021 so i had quit drinking three years so what's amazing
is now that's what's
great about your liver if you stop soon enough it can totally heal itself but
like it's it took like
seven years um well maybe it didn't i mean i hadn't gone in the last four year