Name: Ohtani, Godfather Pt II, Cabbage | Monday Morning Podcast 10-20-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-10-20T18:21:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ohtani, Godfather Pt II, Cabbage | Monday Morning Podcast 10-20-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ohtani, Godfather Pt II, Cabbage | Monday Morning Podcast 10-20-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-20. Transcript available.

Ohtani, Godfather Pt II, Cabbage | Monday Morning Podcast 10-20-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, October 20th, 2025.
What's going on? How are ya?
How's it going, man?
How's things out your way? Oh, really?
Oh, dude, that's cool. I hear ya.
It's Sunday evening, and I shut off the football, and I am watching the Mariners-Blue
Jay game.
It's now going to be, I believe, the bottom of the seventh.
Watching this game, I swear to God, it was like the Mariners weren't ready to
play.
It came out, they were like bobbling the ball all over the place.
They were fucking, I don't know what they were doing.
And then that kid, Ya Savage, whatever the hell his name was, he was fucking
dealing until he wasn't.
And then three innings in a row, two times, I believe, the bases were loaded.
They got a double play.
Reminded me of old D-Lowe, Derek Lowe.
Could always get that ground out if he needed it.
What did he throw? Did he throw a fucking sinker?
So, anyway, looks like they're going to force a game seven.
Which, I don't know, probably maybe it would be a better series.
I don't know, if the Blue Jays went against the Dodgers, I have no idea.
But I will tell you this, I watched that game the other night, the clincher,
with the Dodgers.
And what Otani did, like, is like stuff that hasn't happened in baseball maybe
since the early 1900s.
And even then, not even Babe Ruth did what he did.
The guy pitched seven fucking innings, lit up two hits, and had three home runs.
One of them, I don't know if you guys have seen this, Jesus Christ.
I mean, it went over the bleachers, it went over the roof, and landed, you know,
by the concessions.
It's just insane.
And if this kid keeps doing that, I, he's got to be the greatest baseball
player of all time.
I've never seen a guy simultaneously be like Reggie Jackson and Ron Guidry at
the same time.
It was, I'm just going back to that 78 team when Reggie hit the three home runs.
It's, it's, it's unbelievable.
Um, and I don't know, I, I, I talked about this, uh, earlier.
I fucking, you got a fucking elbow pad on.
You're going to fucking sit there and make that face when you get hit?
Yeah, nod your head.
Yeah, why don't you go up there wearing a fucking suit of armor?
You got to love this dude, Kirk, though, huh?
Jesus Christ, look at him.
He looks like he's crouching, playing catcher.
Even when he's standing up, you know he's a catcher.
And how about that dude on Seattle?
And hey, yo, Suarez, I fucking love that guy.
First of all, his fucking batting stance before the, the, the, the pitcher is
set.
He's standing there.
It looks like he's waiting for a bus.
Like, you're looking at the guy like, dude, there's no way you're going to hit
anything.
Get ready.
At the last second, he steps in.
Also, has got to be the most manscaped human being I've ever seen in my life.
I was joking with my buddy.
I was like, I don't think the White House has better edges in their landscaping
than on this guy's face.
Like, he, he always looks like he just took his postgame shower.
Like, while playing a game and hitting grand slams and shit.
He just looks, he looks like he's ready to do like a shampoo, a cologne, or a
fucking beard trimming commercial at all, at all times.
Meanwhile, he's like, the guy fucking dove on the ground, stopped 116 mile an
hour fucking ground ball, throws it over the first to end the inning.
Not a hair out of place.
I've never seen a guy who actually looks like a picture of himself in real life.
Like, you know, when you get, you get your high school photo or whatever, your
Instagram bullshit, that's the best you ever look.
You hold the fucking camera.
This fucking guy, the entire, we get it, Bill.
We get it.
All right.
Um, anyway, I'm rooting for the Mariners.
It's not going to, I knew in the first inning, it just wasn't their night.
Um, that says a lot, you know, in baseball.
It ain't over till it's over.
Well, you know, I don't know.
They're only down by three and they got that guy out of there.
They were into their bullpen, but I don't, I don't fucking know.
I don't know.
The mustache just made a big comeback though.
It's made a big point.
You know what, these are the first mustaches I've seen since the 80s that I
believe.
There you go.
Fucking throw it away.
Throw it away.
There you go.
This fucking game's over.
Oh, Jesus.
Everybody running around out on the bases with a fucking mitten on.
You know, I was actually talking to somebody about, all I do is talk about
sports.
And I swear to God, every fucking one of these, the best thing in all four
sports right now,
the major ones is the pitch clock.
That's, that's one of the few things that they've done to improve the game.
Because everything else has just been about fucking blowing the offense in
every single sport.
And I just feel like they've abandoned their core fans.
They just couldn't accept the fact that they had reached maximum density with
people who gave a fuck about their sports.
So now it just, everything has just become like a fucking, I don't know what.
NBA looks like a shoot around.
Everybody's launching three pointers.
The fucking NHL hockey.
There's no hitting.
There's no fighting anymore.
You're sitting on the side of the ice.
You're fucking looking back and forth like you're watching tennis.
They get rid of the red line.
No more two line passes up and down the fucking ice.
Why?
Because all these non-hockey watching assholes, they watch it once every four
years during the Olympics.
And they look at it and they go, you're the way NHL hockey was.
I would watch every night.
And the NHL believed them.
The NHL fucking believed them.
And they never showed up.
If what?
If it's a team loaded with the best fucking stars in the league you'd watch
every night?
Why did they believe that?
So now it's just, it's all finesse.
Once in a while.
It's a good scrap or there's a good hit or something like that.
But they just sort of, you know, look at that guy.
I mean, he's, he fucking, sorry.
They just, they just cut to, uh, and hey, yo.
Suarez.
Six to two.
This fucking game's over.
Anyways, how about those fucking New England Patriots?
Huh?
And how about the New York sports media bias?
Where all you do is just shit on Boston teams the entire fucking time.
The entire time the fucking Patriots were dominating the league for two fucking
decades.
What do they do?
Uh, it's a boring team with no stars.
Uh, Tom Brady's a fucking system guy.
It's still go with Peyton.
And then the back half.
Oh, they're a bunch of fucking cheating pieces of shit.
Da-da-da-da-da-da.
Then we suck for like seven years, right?
Can't get anything going.
The whole fucking thing's over.
Now we're winning.
We're way ahead of schedule.
And what do they say now?
Well, they got the easiest schedule in the league.
It's like, all right, man.
All right.
And then what do they, what do they do in the meantime?
The bias for New York.
New York has, what do they have?
85 professional teams that don't win it every year.
How the fuck do they not win a championship every year?
Three hockey teams, three football teams, fucking two basketball teams, two
baseball teams.
In the state of New York, they don't, they don't fucking win shit.
Anyway, sorry.
Sorry.
I'm on one a little bit.
A little bit.
Not too crazy.
Just, just, just a little bit.
I did notice watching the Pats today.
That there's somebody wearing Aaron Hernandez's old number now.
Austin Hooper.
They brought it back in 81, which I believe was Russ Francis first.
Then Aaron Hernandez made it famous.
Then he made it infamous.
So now Austin Hooper's got to carry the weight of that fucking number now.
By the way, Russ Francis.
Russ Francis was Tom Selleck before Tom Selleck.
He looked like that fucking guy from Matt Houston.
You ever used to watch that show?
Let me educate you young people on some shit.
Back in the day, you had, you know, if you were going to be a lead in a TV
series as a PI, you had to have brown curly hair, a square jaw, and a fucking
mustache.
And then you had to go, I know this would never happen.
That was the formula.
Russ Francis looked like that guy and he was playing for the Patriots.
So here's my question.
What if it's some fucking weird reason?
You know, because they always go, I know this would never happen.
Well, let's say new evidence shows that Aaron Hernandez didn't do what they
said he did.
You found out that he didn't do it.
Now what do you do with the number?
There's got to be some, there would have to be some sort of an apology.
This is what the fuck I think about when I watch sports now.
Like I was watching the Cowboys.
I'm like, who the fuck's wearing Tony Dorsett's number?
Well, Tony Dorsett wore Dwayne Thomas's number.
The Cowboys don't retire jerseys, but they have the biggest bathroom in the
league in their stadium.
And they're wondering why they're not winning Super Bowls.
It's like they're more proud of their plumbing than they are of their Hall of
Fame players.
Sorry, oh my God.
This fucking Seattle pitcher was just deep in thought.
He was thinking about a past girlfriend there.
There's no fucking way he was thinking about the game.
Jesus Christ.
This guy has nine fucking names up at bat.
Here comes the pitch.
Outside for a bowl.
Anyway.
And then I've also been watching my Bruins.
I'm loving that away jersey.
The Bruins away jersey looks like the home jersey from when I was growing up.
And all those great Bruins teams in the 1980s getting into fights would have
blood on it and shit.
It was just like, was an insane thing.
And I've been trying to find one of those jerseys for the longest time.
They don't make them.
All they make is the dark one.
Even if you try to get one from the 80s.
Because I think I got a, I got a Jay Miller and a Stan Jonathan.
No.
A Rick Middleton.
That's what I got.
Can you believe I'm an adult?
But anyway, jumping all the way around.
This fucking commercial bugs me.
Where this woman comes home from college.
And there's a guy like my age wearing the 1980s shorts.
Which are totally playing with the stripe down the side.
And super short.
But he's listening to like 90s music.
It's like that guy would not be listening to that shit.
He would be listening to like In Excess or something.
Note to self.
Don't do podcasts when the TV's on.
By the way, yeah.
That Otani shit that I was talking about.
Like, you know, they always talk about Ted Williams was the last guy to hit 400.
And, you know, Hank Greenberg or some guy like that had 190 RBIs.
If you're a nerd like me, if you go back and you look at those records.
And you look at the progression of baseball.
And some of those gaudy numbers.
Like, as far as like hitting 400, right?
190 RBIs.
Winning 30 games in a season.
Like, all of that shit.
I know they have five starters now instead of four.
But like, once Jackie Robinson came in the league.
And all of a sudden, you know, you're opening it up.
To not just the best white people.
You're opening it up to all races.
Like, nobody's ever going to hit 400 again.
I don't think.
No one's ever going to get 190 RBIs.
If you look at people hitting, a bunch of people have hit 400.
Like, there's years in the late 1800s that like three guys did it in one year.
Then it becomes two guys would do it in one year.
And then it became only one guy would do it.
And then there would be like a five-year gap.
And someone would do it.
And then it became, once you get to the 1920s.
By then, think about that.
By then, they had built like Yankee Stadium.
Like, that's how big fucking baseball was.
And baseball at that point, I believe, surpassed, with Babe Ruth being on the
Yankees, it surpassed horse racing and boxing as the most popular sports.
So now everybody's watching.
There's money to be made.
People are gathering, like, data on how to strike people out, how to get better
at the game.
And all of those fucking crazy things, they just, they all just, they went away.
And, you know, and there's a bunch of people from back then that could play in
the league.
But it's mayb