Name: Unsavory Characters, Chaperoning, 'They' | Thursday Afternoon Podcast 10-23-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-10-24T22:38:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Unsavory Characters, Chaperoning, 'They' | Thursday Afternoon Podcast 10-23-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Unsavory Characters, Chaperoning, 'They' | Thursday Afternoon Podcast 10-23-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-24. Transcript available.

Unsavory Characters, Chaperoning, 'They' | Thursday Afternoon Podcast 10-23-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon
pod...
Friday afternoon... Ah, what the fuck? Ah, Jesus Christ.
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Thursday afternoon,
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm checking in on you.
Wow! Sorry, my brain? My brain, man? It's been fucking all over the place, man.
Anyways, what's going on? What are you doing? Yeah? You're doing good.
All right, what are we going to talk about? Let's talk about sports, baby.
Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the money that you can make
on that shit.
Let's talk about sports.
It's such a weird fucking song. Let's do a public service announcement about
safe sex.
Ladies! Anyway, I caught the replay of the final, like, five minutes of that Giants-Denver-Bronco
game.
All right, here's the new drinking game.
All right?
Whenever the fucking announcer goes, there's plenty of time left.
You got to do a shot.
That's all they say.
There was a minute, like, when I was growing up.
Oh, way back in the day.
When I was growing up, what you had at the end of the game was something called
the two-minute offense.
And if there was two minutes left in the game, it was an offense that could get
you down the fucking field.
Because back then, teams played football for 60 minutes.
They didn't play shutdown defense for 58 minutes.
And then, in the final fucking two minutes, for whatever reason, send two guys
down to their own end zone and leave everybody else giving 30-yard cushions,
right?
So, there was a minute 51 left.
There was three possessions, two touchdowns, and a field goal.
Happened in the final fucking minute 51.
And the announcers, every time the person got 151, plenty of time left.
They go down the field.
I don't know how quickly they scored.
And then there's, like, a minute left.
Giants get the ball back.
Plenty of time left.
They get to, like, midfield.
And they go, at this point, it'd be a 56-yarder, which is well within his range.
All of a sudden, out of nowhere, 56 yards.
56 yards was well within anybody's range.
Three years ago, they'd be the greatest field goal kicker of all fucking time.
I mean, if they hit it.
But if it was well within their fucking range.
56-yarder, for the first 50 years of me watching football, was a fucking...
That was unbelievable.
I still remember my buddy passed away.
I kept his voice messages forever.
He called me.
He goes, hey, he's just calling to see if he just saw Adam Vinatieri's 57-yarder.
And he went up in falsetto.
Because it was fucking amazing.
Now, you know, and then another thing the announcers always say, I mean, I saw
him hit a 70-yarder in practice.
There's plenty of time left.
They got their ball on their own two-yard line.
I saw the field goal kicker kick a fucking 99-yarder.
Plenty of leg left.
Is this the golden age of field goal kickers?
I don't know what they're doing to the ball.
But I feel like whatever they did to the baseball in 1998, when they livened up
the ball, they've livened up that fucking...
The floaties.
They're kicking floaties.
So anyway, maybe if it's going, like, wide right, they turn the air
conditioning on the right side of the arena only, and they blow it back between
the uprights.
I don't know what the fuck they're doing, but it's ridiculous.
And I don't think it's football anymore.
What you're watching is football, like, marketing-applied football, or
marketing-applied to football.
If anybody can score at any fucking moment, any amount of times in the final
two minutes, you're not going to shut the game off.
You're going to watch all the commercials, and they're going to make all their
fucking money.
I don't know what they've done, but it is not...
A minute 51, and there's two touchdowns in a field goal is a fucking abomination
of football.
That's no defense.
That's like something, like, like a 2-14 team back in the day wouldn't even do
that.
Now it's just every fucking game.
What I fucking can't stand, they said, you know, Bo Nix with the Broncos, they
scored the most fourth-quarter points,
most points in a fourth quarter they've ever scored in their life.
Somehow, John Elway couldn't do that.
Couldn't score as many points as Bo Nix.
No offense to Bo Nix, but what the fuck?
I'll tell you, say what you want about John Elway, but, you know, you got a
minute 51.
I want Bo Nix in 2025 defense.
Do you know what John Elway would do with 2025 fucking defense?
I mean, it's ridiculous.
I'm going to keep watching, but, like, I understand what's going on.
They were like, they are trying to squeeze every fucking dime they possibly can
out of every single game.
And they've run out of ways to do it, so now they've applied it to the game.
They're involved in gambling.
I mean, the whole fucking thing is, it's bananas.
Do you know, way back in the day, Mickey Mantle and Joe Namath, I believe, went
to open a bar.
And I can't remember if they did it with some mob guys, but mob guys were
hanging around.
It was what they used to call them was unsavory characters.
There was unsavory characters hanging around the athletes.
And they knew.
You are who you hang out with.
If you hang out with unsavory people, it's kind of funny.
Savory food is salty, right?
So if it's unsavory, does that mean they're sweet?
When you hang out with unsavory people, unsavory shit happens.
So they're like, keep those guys away from those fucking guys,
because something's going to happen to the integrity of the game.
And somewhere along the line, the mob got broken up,
and the corporations took over all the mob's scams.
All right?
All the scams from fucking the numbers up in Harlem turned into the lottery.
Loan sharking.
That's, you know, banking is just legalized.
Loan sharking.
Skimming and all of that.
All of those fucking fees.
All of that shit.
I remember I paid an occupancy tax when I was in St. Louis on a hotel room.
They charged me an occupancy tax.
They charged me for occupying a hotel room.
I wasn't selling any goods out of it.
I wasn't making any money.
I simply went to a hotel and stayed there,
and they taxed me for doing it.
That was like Pittsburgh for a while.
Had an entertainment tax.
They taxed you for entertaining the people of Pittsburgh.
Yeah.
I don't know.
All of these games are a little nuts.
But I keep watching, and I'm actually watching more sports now than I've
watched since my kids were born.
Because I am off the road.
I'm off the road.
Plenty of time.
There's plenty of time left.
Plenty of time left in this year.
You know?
It's October 23rd.
Yep.
Plenty of time.
Plenty of time left.
Oh my God.
You know, I didn't lose that 50.
Plenty of fucking time.
It's well within your range.
Anyway, yeah.
I will say what I did enjoy is the Bruins did it right when Marshawn came back,
giving him the tribute that he deserved.
And it's been, oh dude, the phantom limb of him not being on the fucking team,
especially when the Bruins go on the power play and he's not out there and it's
just Pasternak.
The fucking positive effect that that man has on a hockey game is just, you
know, cannot be overstated.
And I gotta be honest with you, I've watched almost at least the highlights or
every game of the Bruins this year.
We won the first three and then we've lost five in a row.
Lost to the fucking Panthers.
What I did like about the Panthers game is we at least showed that we had some
hot and we fought back after going down like when, I think we, yeah, we were
down 2-0 and then we tied it up 2-2.
Then had a shit goal.
Let in a shit goal.
Down 3-2.
Then we tie it up 3-3 with a couple of minutes left.
Then somebody on the Panthers fucking shoots the puck on net and a guy behind
the net for the Panthers tipped it in.
My buddy texted me going, that was a shit goal.
And I was like, it was actually kind of amazing.
I don't know how the fuck, the hand-eye coordination of that was fucking
amazing.
But we need a, we need a win bad.
We need a fucking win really bad.
Anyway, we're still in the playoff picture though after eight games.
So we shall see.
But anyway, it was great.
You know, and the Bruins fans made all those signs and Marshawn got emotional
and all of that.
Yeah, it's just fucking, it's a business.
It's a business.
I understand why they made the move.
But, whatever.
Anyway.
Anyway, that just fucks makes me sad.
I will say, I'm going to try to knock out the last three teams I need to see.
In all four professional sports, a home game of.
I got to see the Mammoth, the Kraken, and the Hurricanes.
So I'm going to talk to my agent today.
The Bruins just played the Mammoth.
But they got some, they got an away game.
They'll be in Seattle in January.
And then they'll be in, what do you call it?
North Carolina in April.
So we'll see.
We'll see what my schedule looks like.
Maybe I can knock them all out.
And then what, Bill?
I'll tell you what.
CFL, baby!
CFL is next.
And I can knock that out quickly.
They only got like seven or eight teams, I think.
I believe.
Edmonton Eskimos.
the fucking British Columbia Eagles.
Right?
The BC Eagles.
And then they got the fucking Calgary Stampede.
They got the Rough Riders.
The Argonauts.
I don't know.
Something like that.
I have no fucking idea.
But anyway, I went out last night.
And I did a, uh,
I had a fucking big day yesterday.
Got a bunch of writing done.
I'm getting ready.
I got an acting gig coming up.
I did that shit.
And then I, uh,
Dean Del Rey, I got my, uh,
got some new pipes put on the motorcycle.
Rode it back to the airport.
Had a fucking great time.
Um,
that bike is literally everything I wanted it to be and more.
If that makes any sense.
It's like riding a fucking Cadillac.
I love it.
And I don't split lanes.
I don't do any of that shit.
Um,
said faring just looks too fucking.
I just,
you know,
not into that shit.
I like to ride up in the canyons during the week when none of those fast and
furious kids are out there
in their full leathers,
fucking dragging a knee or whatever,
whatever that young shit is.
I,
I like to go up there during the week and I just go,
wee.
Tra la la.
Um,
no,
but I didn't get like obnoxiously like loud pipes either.
Dean got like this really cool,
like nice fucking solid bass note.
Um,
nothing obnoxious,
but if I need to,
I can make somebody know that I'm there,
which is fucking cool.
And then after that,
I went down to flappers and I did a spot opening for,
uh,
on Dean show.
And I tried out all of this,
this new shit.
Um,
and of course,
whenever you try out all the new shit,
it fucking works.
It's the second time.
That's when you get to decide if it actually works the first time,
you know,
you're in the moment.
So you're just doing it.
And,
but then the second time you have to fight thinking about the first time.
And then you're not in the moment anymore.
You're like,
Oh wait,
how the fuck did I say it last day?
And that's right.
Ah,
that's what it is.
That's how it went.
Um,
anyway,
I am excited to get back out on the road though.
And to start doing standup again.
Um,
trying to keep my life simple after doing that play and all of that shit.
Like,
uh,
I don't know,
kind of pulling back a little bit.
Thinking about doing that,
you know,
less dates,
more time at home with the kids,
you know,
settle in,
settle into the back porch,
stare at the tree line,
do that for three days,
get bored out of my mind,
and then hit the road harder than I ever did.
That's,
that's,
that's how it works.
That's how it works.
Um,
I do got to go talk to somebody about my fucking,
I had no idea.
I had like this fucking anxiety in all of these social situations.
In other words,
I had no idea how fucked up I was,
but I am super comfortable around comedians.
Like last night when I went into the green room,
I ran into a buddy of mine I had not seen in forever.
And we started,
you know,
shooting the shit.
And it's like,
I literally could have talked to this guy all night and it was effortless.
I was listening.
He was talking.
I was talking.
He was listening.
And i