Name: Heroine Chic, Roller Coasters, Heli-Hogging | Monday Morning Podcast 10-27-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-10-27T20:13:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Heroine Chic, Roller Coasters, Heli-Hogging | Monday Morning Podcast 10-27-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Heroine Chic, Roller Coasters, Heli-Hogging | Monday Morning Podcast 10-27-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-27. Transcript available.

Heroine Chic, Roller Coasters, Heli-Hogging | Monday Morning Podcast 10-27-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, October 27th.
What's going on? How are ya?
Ah, jeez there.
How's your Monday going? We got the June gloom going on out here.
Around here.
That whole decade, I missed all of that music in the 90s.
I just couldn't believe that it was over. The 80s were over.
Around here, it's bigger.
Bigger than you, and you are not me.
See, I go right back to the 80s. Went right back to R.E.M.
I went from that other band that had all those big hits.
There was a lot of songs about runaway kids in the 90s.
I do remember that. And abused kids.
You know, the 80s, it was more, you know, they were singing to those same
abused kids, but they were just asking them whether or not they were still
rocking.
And, you know, there was only one answer to that question.
The same way like if you play sports and you're laying on the turf and the
coach comes up and says, can you still play?
There's only one answer. You have to say yes.
You can't say, well, no, actually, my body's telling me that there's something
wrong.
The music version of that in the 80s was, you know, you know, are you ready to
rock?
Do you rock? Are you still rocking?
There was only one answer to that question.
And that was yes, you know, you or yeah, you know, there was no way in any way,
shape or form you could ever tell anybody for that entire decade of the 80s.
That on that particular afternoon that you were you were not ready to rock or
you weren't rocking or you didn't feel like rocking.
Maybe you've just felt like chilling out.
It's not an option.
And that's because the cocaine was pure.
No, it wasn't.
You're putting bacon soda in it by then.
Typical capitalism.
You can't just be happy with your giant fucking mansion with the initials on
the back of your chair and your two fucking elephant tux, like framing it, you
know, on either side.
You know, you can't be happy with that.
We need to turn more of a profit.
More of a fucking profit.
Anyway, let's let's plow ahead here.
Let's let's move on.
Oh, Billy.
Oh, Billy Jim rat.
Oh, Billy boy.
He's going back to the gym again.
It's been five years since he put on his fucking COVID weight.
When the fuck are you gonna fucking commit?
Stop going to the doctor.
Yes, I'm going to do that.
I got it.
I got to finally do now that I've actually gone and got my blood work and they
said my cholesterol was a little high.
And then they're like, you know, we could put you on some medication by not
doing that.
Really?
And what internal organ does that fuck up?
I'm not doing that.
Or I could not walk around with an extra 15 pounds on my belly that I don't
need.
So, um, I've been, I've been going to the gym every day, last three days.
So I got to go again today.
Um, still doing the weights.
I'm not going to, I'm not going to, I'm not going to, I'm not going to become
like, remember heroin chic?
That was 90s.
Heroin chic.
You know, AIDS-y sort of look.
Blood disease.
That was actually considered hot.
And, uh, for a minute in the 80s.
Looking like, hey, is that person on heroin?
Do they have a blood disease?
Oh my God.
Can you introduce me?
Could I carry that full-grown adult like a baby?
Oh my God.
I could, can, can I meet that person?
That first, for a second.
That was, uh, yeah, that was the thing.
That was maybe the height of miserable, beautiful women.
Is when they had to get that skinny for the fucking weirdos that managed them
and made their clothes.
It was really weird.
And then Sir Mix-a-Lot came out talking about ass.
And, and then, you know, all of a sudden they were allowed to eat again.
You know?
This is all true.
You know, if you, if you look it up, if you go to the right website out there
on the fucking interweb.
The inner, the inner, inner net, the inner web of lies.
Um, I'm still thinking about that bullshit from a few weeks ago.
That was, that was a fucking, what a bunch of fucking, oh, that was one of the
hardest things ever to keep my mouth shut.
And just not trash every one of those fucking cunts.
Oh, oh, am I looking forward to running into a few people?
Hey, what's the latest?
What's the latest on you caring about?
It's weird.
All of a sudden you don't care anymore?
What happened?
You flapping your fucking.
Fucking goddamn arms up and down.
What happened?
What happened?
What's your cause this month?
To help sell whatever project you're on, you cunt.
Um, so my new breakfast instead of a breakfast burrito, which by the way,
having lived in New York City and now living in Los Angeles, um, the breakfast
burrito is just, it's beyond, um, the bacon, egg and cheese.
Bacon, egg and cheese, like, you know, bacon, egg and cheese, like, you know,
that's sort of like, what would they, bacon, egg and cheese as far as breakfast
things.
If you put it in like, I'm doing all music today.
It would be like, you know, it would be like, you know, it would be like, you
know, Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, uh, breakfast sandwiches.
And then like, it gets more hardcore, you know, as Metallica, Anthrax and all
these other bands.
And that, that's, that's the breakfast burrito.
Yeah.
It's like the difference between, but then I, I, I, I, I, I, to that fucking
speed mill.
Fucking insane shit.
Um, I'm a fan of both.
Um, but I would definitely, I would give the nod to the, uh, to the breakfast
burrito.
And then I grew up in Massachusetts and there really wasn't a breakfast
sandwich.
The only breakfast sandwich we had up there was like a fucking egg McMuffin.
But like, you would get like, you know, bacon and eggs or something like that.
And a coffee, you're just sort of a regular breakfast.
Um, but anyway, I can't fucking do that.
Right, right.
Of course, when I was getting into learning how to make a breakfast burrito,
interestingly enough, I get my cholesterol check and that it's fucking too high.
I was eating like that.
Oh, oh, there's no more fun in the world than getting high cholesterol.
So now I am back to, uh, I have oatmeal for breakfast or I have a parfait with
the Greek yogurt and, uh, you know, a couple helpings because my blood sugar
was low because I, I don't eat fruit and I also don't eat candy or any of that
shit anymore.
So I had to have some fruit.
And then at night, um, I just have like steamed broccoli and I know, I know.
Are you hanging your head too?
It's fucking sad.
Steamed broccoli and like snow peas is what I snack on.
And, um, the first night you put all that green vegetables into a bowl and you're
looking at it as opposed to having like a fucking, you know, something fun,
something that sugary or salty.
It's like, but after like two bites of it, you're like, oh, this tastes good.
This makes sense.
And then you kind of like leveled out as opposed to be, it's like going, it's
like the first time you stop drinking and you go to a party and everybody else
is getting drunk and you're, and you don't.
And at first you feel like you're missing out and then you start seeing people
drunk and then you're just like, oh, oh, I don't, is that what I look like?
They're not even that drunk.
I used to get fucking hammered.
So anyway, there's a number I want to get down to by the end of the year.
Um, you know, 172 is where I like to be, but I'm going to be a little bit
underneath that.
Um, maybe like 169, 170.
That's what I have to get down to.
I was a buck 90.
I'm down to like 187 now.
So that's easy to drop that by the end of the year, a couple, two, three pounds
a week.
And I finally got back on this scale and then I just weigh myself every goddamn
day.
And, uh, that's, that's, that's the way I'm doing it.
All right.
I'm taking it one pound at a time.
You know, the last five years, we, you know, we didn't get it done.
I got no one to blame on myself.
So, um, yeah, that's, that's, that's what I'm up to.
Uh, and other than that, let's talk some fucking sports.
Let's talk some bread and that I can't eat and circus that I don't go to
because of the
fucking, the way they treat the animals.
And I have a special coming out.
Um, I'm going to find the right thing to get sanctimonious about, to mock all
of that.
Um, anyway.
Um, yeah, evidently everything must have cleared up because there's no more
chatter.
They must've fixed everything.
Um, oh, it's going to be passive and it's going to be aggressive.
Um, anyway, let's talk sports.
All right, let's talk my Boston Bruins.
Um, to look at their records, you would know that they are a much improved team.
We're scoring a ton of goals, but we're letting in even more.
Uh, but we've, we've had a bunch of competitive games.
There's only been a few, you know, we, we won the first three, then we lost six
in a row,
but we were in all of those games and, uh, you know, a couple of pucks didn't
bounce our way.
A couple of brain farts on fucking defense, you know, too many odd man rushes,
shit like that.
But stuff that's, it's, that's fixable.
Um, we finally won.
We beat the avalanche on a sad afternoon.
And, um, I don't know.
I like what I saw, you know, they,
you know, I, I listen, I'm not like one of these fucking fans that expects in
one year,
like we are rebuilding, letting Marshawn go and taking that money and investing
it back into the team
and letting Marshawn go out as a champion.
Like I get all of that.
And I know that it's going to take a couple of seasons to bring us back.
But like, it's been a lot more fun to watch him this year than last year
already.
Um, shout out to Morgan Geeky, that fucking, um, that play he came down.
And, uh, beat the other dude to the puck and fake like he was going around the
back of the net.
So the avalanche guy went around.
Not only does he go around the wrong side of the net, the dude fucking wiped
out like me at a public skate.
And, uh, the goalie was looking at his own defenseman thinking he was looking
at Geeky with the puck.
And Geeky came back around the other side and just fucking tucked it in right
at the end of the period.
And I was sitting there going like, God damn, I think we're going to win this
one.
Um, and then the third period came along and my son came in and said, dad, will
you ride bikes with me?
So I had to say yes.
So that is, that is what anytime my kids say, can you play with me?
Can you do something with me?
Even if I just sat down, I just say yes, because I've talked to enough parents
with grownup kids.
And I'm sick of them telling me it goes by fast.
Make sure you don't miss it.
And like, I know what they're saying, but it's also like you are also romanticizing
how fucking exhausting it is to have little kids.
And now you're looking back and you're forgetting how fucking tired you were
and how you just try to make it to eight o'clock at night every day.
You know, um, but, you know, my daughter's getting really good at soccer.
We have this indoor soccer ball and she, uh, she legit fakes me out now.
And then I act like I'm really upset about it, which cracks her up.
And that's how I get the ball back.
Like I kind of just have to make her laugh.
Um, if I'm going to get her back, if I'm going to get the ball back.
So, uh, anyway, so the, uh, the Bruins won.
I don't know if they're playing tonight, but, um, starting to book some standup
dates for next year.
And I'm going to knock out the final three teams that I need to see, uh, the
Kraken, the Mammoth and, uh, the Carolina Hurricanes.
Um, I'm going to do that.
And, and I plan on watching every Bruins game this year.
So I'll be like totally dialed in with hockey.
But I will tell you, I've watched like, I missed the first three games cause I
was, I was, uh, the fuck was I doing?
Oh, but we had the family vacation, but you know, I was checking in on it and
then I had time to watch.
I watched six losses in a row and then the Avalanche game.
So I've seen most of the last seven games.
So I'm just going to stay into that.
Having even said that, I can't even pronounce most of the guys' names on the
fucking team.
Everybody has like 17 letters.
Um, but anyway, Patriots win again.
Patrio