Name: Sidewalks, Koozies, Pharaohs | Monday Morning Podcast 11-10-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-11-10T19:06:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sidewalks, Koozies, Pharaohs | Monday Morning Podcast 11-10-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sidewalks, Koozies, Pharaohs | Monday Morning Podcast 11-10-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-10. Transcript available.

Sidewalks, Koozies, Pharaohs | Monday Morning Podcast  11-10-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday!
Fuck yeah! November 10th, 2025. What's going on? How are ya?
How's it going? What's going on in your world? What's going on in your world?
I'm fucking watching a little bit of NFL football.
I took the Seattle Seahawks. I got this game on right now.
Is there anything better than being fucking up 38-7?
Granted, you know, I'm going to say what they always say.
There's plenty of time left. There's plenty of time for them to score 32 points
and shut them out in the second half.
I will tell you, the Arizona Cardinals, the all-white uniform, is the shit.
That takes me back to when they were the St. Louis Cardinals with Mel Gray, O.J.
Anderson, Jim Hart, Neal Lomax, Dan Dierdorf.
That was my favorite time in Dan Dierdorf's career when he played football
because you couldn't hear him talking.
No, you know what it is? There's a lot of announcers that, you know, you think
you don't like them.
Wasn't it really that your team sucked during their career and they were just
being honest?
I think that that's what it was.
If I really was to honestly go back and look at Dan Dierdorf, the Patriots were
not a good fucking team.
And he was just stating the obvious.
And rather than me being an adult and just admitting that the patch sucked
during that time, I chose instead to kill the messenger.
That's what it really is.
Hall of Fame.
Who the fuck am I to be making fun of a Hall of Fame?
Offensive linemen, too.
I like talking to offensive linemen about defensive linemen because they think
they're all dumb.
They think they just they just think like their whole game plan is, oh, good
guy with ball.
Right.
Like they're not.
There's no technique.
They don't have set plays, stunts and all of that shit.
They and obviously they know that, but they're like what we're doing is way
more complex.
So I was always interested to hear the shit talk.
Down there, you know, when some guy across the line is like, I'm going to
fucking run you over.
Well, yeah.
I mean, what else are you going to do?
Get a job as an accountant, you dumb fuck.
I can guarantee you that has never been said on a football field, but that
would be fantastic.
Hey, any offensive linemen out there?
I would love to write some jokes for you.
All right.
But the thing is, is you got to be mic'd up because I want I got to hear, you
know what I mean?
This is like one time I wrote for I wrote for somebody hosting an award show
and I got to I wasn't sure if I if that would be something that I would like to
do.
It's like I want to tell Joe got the left and then like to do that gig.
I couldn't believe how fucking nervous I was because, you know, you write all
of these jokes and there was a bunch of people in the writers room.
And all of a sudden they pick one of the jokes that you wrote.
And I remember when it was coming up, just sitting there on fucking pins and
needles and and it got a laugh.
And beyond being relieved, I was psyched for the person that told the joke.
Now, it felt like team sports, but like with comedy, like I didn't let him down.
You know, fucking put I put the you know, nice saucer pass right on the fucking
tape, right on the tape.
A lot of hockey references.
I've watched the most Bruins hockey I've watched in a long time just because I
finally been like home this time of year.
And, dude, I got to tell you, man, we we we are looking all right.
Seven and one the last eight games.
We won three in a row, then lost six.
And I'm like, oh, no, they're going to figure it out.
They, you know, the aches and pains of rebuilding or whatever.
And they just beat the Leafs.
I've been missing the games because I've been working.
I got I got a little bit of work right now, but I've just been following in the
in the newspapers there or whatever online,
however the fuck you do it now.
And we're actually number two in the east in our division, the Atlantic
division.
It's always going to be the Adams division to me behind the fucking Montreal
Canadiens.
Look at them.
They got a team now.
And the Pittsburgh Penguins are a good team.
I'll never like the Penguins.
I'll never like the Penguins.
I just I just can't with that team.
You know, it's not the fucking pieces of shit that they have in their ring of
honor.
It's it's the fact that they have the nerve to complain all of those years
about the way people would treat Sidney Crosby.
You know what I mean?
You just can't have people like headhunting and in people's career and blowing
out knees and you're going to put them in the ring of honor.
So obviously you condone that style of fucking play.
And then you're going to be like a fucking broad about it that if it happens to
your guy, you're going to sit there and complain.
Like once when they bitched about the Islanders, that was it for me.
I was like, fuck, fuck this organization.
Other than that, I got no beef with him.
Tackle the fucking guy.
Now, of course, they're just going right down the field.
My New England Patriots.
All of a sudden, they're fucking eight and two.
You know, I don't know.
Like, there's a chance.
I don't I don't.
Who knows?
There's a still early on, but there's a chance we could actually win the
division.
Who saw that at the beginning of the year?
I sure as hell didn't.
Mike Vrabel, coach of the year.
Is it too soon to say that?
I don't know.
He's got to be in the running, considering where we were last year versus now.
And he's doing a great job with all of these injuries that we have.
Beating a strong Tampa Bay Buccaneer team.
Oh, my God.
When we threw that fucking end zone, pick in the end zone.
The last thing you wanted to do.
Throw it out of the end zone.
Get the three points.
And then make them go down the field.
Score a touchdown and get eight points.
When we threw that pick, I was like, ah, fuck.
Here we go.
Right.
But I was sitting there thinking, like, you know what?
They've only scored 16 points the whole game.
There's only six minutes left.
Our defense.
And of course, they just go right down the field.
The amount of fucking times I have seen that.
Team just, you know, scores 12 points.
13 points.
And all of a sudden, they get the ball back.
They're still in striking distance.
And all of a sudden, they just go down the field like they've scored 50 points
on you that day.
But what I love is not only did the Patriots stop them, we blitzed them twice
on that drive.
And I got to tell you, that separates Mike Vrabel, I feel, from like 98%.
That's a false start.
What the fuck?
Sorry.
Cardinals driving.
I should stay on for this whole half if they come back.
Anyway.
I think that sets Mike Vrabel apart from 98% of the coaches in the league.
Most of them would have gone into some stupid fucking pre-vent rush three, like
the Giants did a few weeks ago.
Rushing three?
I mean, at that point, even old Freckles, 57 years old, I could dump it off to
somebody.
All right, Bill, let's not get crazy.
You're right.
You're right.
I got a little...
Listen.
I'm very passionate about this subject, okay?
You've been playing defense the whole game, and you've been shutting them down.
Keep playing defense.
Don't go into make-a-wish defense.
You know?
All the way down to your own 20, and then you start playing D.
We're going to take 30 seconds off the clock and just give them four shots at
the fucking end zone.
That's how we plan on winning this game.
They got the ball on the fucking 30.
I'll tell you, I don't even know what I'm talking about right now, because I
just had my second cup of coffee, and that's an incomplete pass, baby.
Incomplete pass.
There you go.
There you go.
What is it now?
Third and goal.
Um...
Yeah, I had a couple of...
Jesus Christ.
I'm surprised I didn't call that.
Where was his hand?
No, that was fine.
What is the rule?
You can't have it on his hip and pull him around.
He was kind of doing that.
I don't know.
Why the fuck would you run it there?
It was third and goal, and they were, like, on their own seven-yard lines, and
they ran it up the gut.
I don't know.
That was fucking bizarre.
Anyway, I know.
I have the TV on.
I'm getting distracted here.
The fuck was I talking about?
Nothing important.
Anyway, I had a quick acting gig.
I'm back in L.A., but I was up in...
I was up in Vancouver.
Vancouver, Canada.
And...
Oh, now it's fourth and goal.
Okay, now it's fourth and goal.
So, third and goal, you picked up a couple yards.
Okay, I get it.
I get it.
Anyway, plowing ahead here.
I was up in Vancouver doing a...
I had a quick acting gig.
And I got to tell you, you know, they had me staying downtown.
And, like, the level of fucking junkies.
Just openly, like...
I only saw one.
Smoking crack, like, out in the fucking open.
Dude, it was like Escape from New York, Vancouver style, right?
So, my lovely wife came up, because she's just the best.
She came up.
We had an awesome time when I wasn't working.
And she was walking down the street going, like, why the fuck didn't you run it
in?
It's fucking wide open.
Why didn't you just run it in?
Anyway, why am I rooting against my bet?
So, she's walking down the street, right?
We went to this restaurant.
You know, Nia, she knows everywhere to go, right?
So, she gets the whole layout.
She goes, you go up.
You just focus on your acting gig.
I'll find the best coffee spots for you and the best restaurants, right?
You know, so, that's what she does, right?
So, we go to this restaurant, this Italian place, and, you know, we come
walking in.
Everybody knows about the place, so there's, like, no tables.
And they said, okay, we can put you on the list.
You know, go down the street.
There's a little wine bar down the street.
And hang out.
We'll text you if we get a table.
So, we're like, cool.
So, we go down the street.
We start walking down this fucking street, dude.
It was like we were in a goddamn zombie movie.
Just people nodding.
One guy nodding off in the street.
Like, a bunch of people just, like, it looked like, you ever see those old
school pictures
of New York City before air conditioning?
And at night, everybody used to hang out on the stoops.
And, like, you know, that was like community.
And everybody would be talking and joking around and telling stories or
whatever.
It was like that, except everyone was on drugs.
And, you know, that was when we walked by.
And this lady was just, like, smoking crack.
I mean, it was fucking brutal.
And Nia is going, like, goddamn.
She's like, this city, this is fucking hardcore.
And I was like, well, yeah, they don't view, she goes, why is it like that here?
And I was telling her that they don't view, they don't criminalize doing drugs.
They view it as a disease.
So, they don't arrest you for doing that.
They try to get you help.
She goes, yeah.
And I go, yeah.
You know, it's the classic, whenever you go left or whenever they go right to
try to fix a problem, they never go all the way.
They just take one step.
So, it's like, okay, you made the step of not criminalizing it.
These people are in pain.
Like, the stuff they, a lot of those, you know, came from broken homes.
They were beaten.
They were molested.
They fought in a war.
Something happened to them.
And they're trying to numb the pain.
They need help.
So, you just decriminalize it.
And then, like, let's fucking get them into a treatment center.
But, blah, blah, blah.
There's got to be something.
You just don't decriminalize it.
I'm sure they did a little more.
But, like, if they went the other way, what the fuck was that?
After a goal line stand, what do you do to reward your defense?
You come out and you throw a fucking defense.
A fucking interception.
Oh, you motherfucker.
Actually, it did great this week.
I'll get back to the drug.
Oh, it hit a helmet.
My fault.
My fault.
My fault.
My fault.
My fault.
He fucking recocheted off.
You know what?
That defensive lineman pushing the smarty pants offensive lineman into the
quarterback
should get a half an assist.
You ain't get half a sack.
You should get hal