Name: Ms. Pat | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-20-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-11-20T23:48:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ms. Pat | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-20-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ms. Pat | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-20-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-20. Transcript available.

Ms. Pat | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-20-25 | Bill Burr

okay hey what's going on it's bill bird it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on your week see how's it going
obviously you see
that i'm filming which means i have a special guest which means i'm not talking
to myself like
a lunatic uh my special guest is one of the funniest and most authentic people
i have met
in this business this person is who she is everywhere she goes it's why i'm
such a huge
fan we've been trying to do this for a while please welcome uh from bet and
what channel is the judge
show on i don't know bet the queen of bet miss pat miss pat settles it um i
gotta add the thing i've
always wanted to know about those uh judge shows on tv like that's the
settlement is they they sign
shit like whatever you say yes that is real now what if they just won't shut up
right is there
like contempt of court on like do you have like a a hollywood jail you can
actually stick do you have
that authority no i don't have that authority but i do have the thought the
thought to say shut the
hell up several times okay so and the good part about my courtroom i think
people know what they're
walking into so i really don't have that you know you know i really don't have
nobody like just getting
out of control because i'll come away from right now and have a real
conversation with you hey let's
talk i don't need you seem like such a fair person i am a fair person yeah so i
wouldn't be like if i was
in your courtroom if you came at me i'd be like all right it must be something
i'm doing you know
a lot of people look at me as like auntie they mama they sister and so when
they walk in their
courtroom they are they automatically feel like i'm family member and i'm that
older person in the
family so they're gonna listen and so i've never had nobody's just act a fool
right but i think when
i i anyway how i'm wired is if somebody is just being who they are then i can
relax because i don't have
to like okay they said that what do they really mean and do all the math
recently had an experience
like that where it's just like you know there's what you're saying you know i
remember this guy
i can't i don't name names but this person always pretends like they're
friendly with me and they got
a big smile on their face but his wife is like staring daggers at me so it's
like all right this
is what you're saying in public that's what you're saying get out of my face
you guys need to get you
you guys got to get on the same like face page to like sell what he's saying it's
it's it's super
awkward so i just always go like all right man yeah hey thanks appreciate it he
haven't taught
his wife how to act in the business um i don't think she's in the business oh
she's in real life
well that's why she got that yeah if she was in sales maybe she could do it do
it also but um
anyway so uh miss patch settles it i gotta ask how do you have time you have
the miss patch show
miss patch settles it and miss pat on tour always always on tour always
somewhere doing some comedy
yes don't you like when people say that like uh when you're going back out on
the road or like
when does your tour end it's like uh never never you know in this business i've
learned the comedy
is the one thing you own you know they're going to eventually cancel the miss
patch show it's in
the fifth season and then miss patch settles it who knows with where tv is
going today but
one thing you know we as comics we can always count on we can tour right you
know we're not like
actors and actresses who got to wait on somebody to call us and give us a job
we can literally go to
a bar and sell five dollar tickets and make us some gas money right and also
what the hard part about
acting is after you like as a comedian once you prove you're funny you're funny
yes with an actor
it's like they prove that they can act and then it's like but can you do this
and it's like i can act
like they i feel like actors have it harder because they have to they there's
no like i did this
so now you can have faith that i am a good actor all they do is like okay so
you played a cop
that's what you can do we're just going to keep sending you cops off so then
you have to fight this
this whole thing this this uh what do you call that stereotypical yeah yeah
yeah yeah you get uh not
stereotypical what is it typecasting yeah yeah the typecast and now all you do
is play a cop i'm
talking about my career copper fireman what did you play oh me oh my god i
played so many cops and
firemen and shit like that that's the face you got bill yeah i know oh yeah i
know but i'm not a cop
or a fireman well i know but you don't look like a principal either well what
because because of why
because tv told you what what a principal looks like that's like germany with
all of that world war
too shit everybody think who has never been to germany thinks it's all like hitler's
dream like
blonde hair and blue eyed that's not that's who we saw across the way that's
the swedish people and
even then that's just in stockholm you go outside of stockholm sweden that's
where they they keep their
brunettes but okay next time i'm there i look for them but you you gotta you
gotta have i mean i think
when people is cast for certain things they gotta be able to play the role and
then they gotta look
like they belong in their role too yes like listen i'm not saying that you
wouldn't hire me to be a
dance teacher why not that because immediately that's an amazing backstory i
can't dance for one thing
i'll give you another injury you had too many kids you fucking lost your dance
body there's a whole
way the whole way i could go with that so i give you another example everybody
think i can sing because
i'm fat and i'm black i'm horrible so nobody ever put say you're a comedian
they automatically you
sing gospel fuck no i don't sing at all but everybody thinks i'm a fat black
singer everybody
thinks my backstory is goodwill hunting
did you grow up in southey were you good at math did you say did you like
apples no none of that
none of that i grew up in the suburbs it was nothing like that yeah yeah so i
mean you so i can see you
playing a firefighter or a police officer i can see that you're like working
against me right now if
any like casting directors watching this well you bill burr you don't need no
damn casting director
you'd be surprised huh you would be surprised oh yeah look i'm not young i mean
it took me a long
time uh it took a few people you know what it took me it was me going bald that's
what helped me because
then i shaved my head and i ended up looking like the asshole that i really am
so i got to play an
asshole but before that like they had your hair was holding you back they well
they just would i would
walk in like occasionally i've told this story a million times but back in the
day when there was
black and white head shots and it was the 90s and you put moose in your hair my
it could it looked
dark so it looked brown and a few times i got brought in for the lead and there
was an unwritten rule
that the a red-headed male is not a lead in a movie and i would come in there
and i would see see the
faces drop and you know that shit where you prepare like three or four scenes
and they'd be like you
you know we're just gonna do the first scene and like nobody's looking at you
as you do it and i and i
i knew why but i also knew in the back of my head i'm like i just need one
person to give me a chance
to play an asshole so actually you know something it was breaking bad it was vince
gillian and gave me
a chance and i still had hair so but i also got to stand next to lavelle so lavelle
crawford yeah yeah
so i think i look maybe tough by proxy tough or either smaller oh definitely
smaller
so tell me about this the uh the judge show and uh as far as like how how long
does it take you
when you i always wonder on stuff like that like do you just like knock that
out um when you go when
you you do like your taping of a season whatever whatever it's called nowadays
um for the uh the
the miss pat settles it settles it so the way it works is we i want to say miss
pat that's that that's
what i thought they should have called it like the verdict and it's over right
miss pat settles it how
long does it take you to shoot that thing uh two weeks it's how many episodes
we film about 70 episodes
no yes two weeks it's it's it's crazy yeah okay and i don't know five days a
week uh yeah five days a
week by 10 12 13 hours what day do you start going crazy it's what time i start
going crazy probably
about four o'clock i've had enough of it after lunch after you done fed me it's
time to go you become a
hangman judge after four i'm you know just long then it's all ab lit for me so
none of that stuff is
written so i have to come off my top of my head to keep the show interesting
they make sure it's funny
and then you do i do have a jury on the side but it's all really on me being
able to pay attention to
everything and make the crap funny so it's like doing crowd work that's a funny
thing though jury on
the side i don't know what that meant for a second i got a jury on the side
yeah they ain't wolf or
shit but they funny oh they are carlos miller d-ray davis oh d-ray's on that
show d-ray is on it too
yeah okay and it's it's pretty funny it's pretty funny all right well i got
little kids so i i can't
watch stuff like that well we're not cursing on that one i know but they just
they're not going to get
into adults arguing over you put your fence on my property and i didn't
appreciate that like they're
gonna get they watch like jurassic park oh and stuff like that yeah i'm kind of
in like
that world right now how old are they eight and five i started late i'm the
reverse i started oh yeah
really late is that okay that was like two o's oh
i mean it's it's legal
you got some shelter babies because my kids watch any damn thing
um well you know what i kind of go with their vibe like my son will watch like
kojak with me and stuff
like that and he doesn't care but my yeah i'm old but my daughter is not into
that stuff she she doesn't
like violence she's like a good person you know i mean you took him all the way
back to kojak
it's a great show bill bar you sit here sound like my damn husband well you
might know my husband
be watching like old world series game with beiru settlement just dumb crap it's
not dumb crap it's
it's better it's black and white tv everybody at that stadium is dead everybody
on that show is dead
kojak yeah yeah kojak dead cracker just passed away it was a bob crocker bobby
crocker i was like
cracker i don't remember a cracker uh i remember him being on that but i don't
remember my name
no i like going because i like the cars the dialogue is funny and uh it's so
old
i'm so old i can't see how old are you 57. i'm 53 right but i don't watch that
i don't watch
nothing i don't watch nothing past the 90s well the 90s is 30 years ago what's
another 20 years i'm
going to the end of the 90s the end of the 90s jeez i don't even know if i
watch it wait wait a minute
wait a minute what what is the oldest you won't watch like an old like fresh
prince
martin was that in your wheelhouse what were you watching it was in everybody
wheelhouses i don't
watch a lot of martin my assistant love it my i had a friend that love it you
know i can't tell you
i was i watched a whole bunch of martin i did watch some um no taste i didn't
watch a whole bunch of
friends what i couldn't i couldn't relate to it why not what do you mean why
not because they
fucking they don't give me your people huh give me your people come on you know
better than that
you know better than to lump everybody all into one fucking thing you think i
would sit there and have
something to say to the fucking whatever they were talking about you could i'll
tell you you know what
my favorite you're a white man that didn't get uh drinking coffee in a cafe i
didn't start drinking
coffee like two years 