Name: Thanksgiving, Inventory, Public Schools | Monday Morning Podcast 11-24-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-11-24T18:58:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thanksgiving, Inventory, Public Schools | Monday Morning Podcast 11-24-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thanksgiving, Inventory, Public Schools | Monday Morning Podcast 11-24-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-24. Transcript available.

Thanksgiving, Inventory, Public Schools | Monday Morning Podcast 11-24-25 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
november 25th 2025 what's going on how are ya 11 25 25 how's it going man happy
thanksgiving week
you know arguably the best holiday out there you know all you got to do is
fucking show up and eat
unless you know the true heroes of thanksgiving the people that go out and
actually make the meals
while everybody else shows up with like a fucking bottle of wine some half-assed
effort
you swung by a liquor store on the drive over um but you know let's how about a
shout out to those
people how about those people that enjoy the holidays and put zero effort in
that's probably like that's
really like is there a slang word for the person that like just you know
i don't know what what the fuck would that be
it's almost like when you have a buddy that has a boat you know and you just
show up with like a 12
pack or some shit and then he has to deal with the boat and you get to enjoy
the boat but you don't
have to pay the insurance you don't got to take it out of the water you don't
have to get the
barnacles taken off so that person shows up thanksgiving they got a fucking
bottle of wine
they're not doing any dishes you know what i mean they didn't cook anything
they went to a liquor store
and showed up with a bottle of red bottle of white and they just
it could you know those people who fucking thanksgiving's on a thursday and
their behavior
is no different than any other thursday um shout out to them too there's all
different kinds of
people out there
some people are in the game driving the fucking team down the field and other
people the place kicker
you know still an important role on the team they play
they do play a role you know what they do is they make the people that actually
do the work to
make it a nice holiday look better you know
um anyway um i always like thanksgiving i always thought it was a nice uh
you didn't have to wear a costume you didn't have to buy a bunch of shit
you know you show up you hang out with people you love you watch football
inevitably somehow you always end up outside either throwing a football smoking
a cigar
i don't know what holding somebody as they cry quietly you know the holidays
um yeah so anyway speaking of the holidays um i am essentially done with all of
my holiday
shopping and it's wrapped
and it's ready to go which is uh i've never done this i don't know what it was
it was just something
about going through this shit again like because i always i love thanksgiving
right
so i love halloween because you know having kids and stuff having them go out
to halloween is great
and then i look forward to thanksgiving which i feel is like you know halloween's
for kids
christmas is for kids and the thanksgiving that's the one for adults and
everybody fucking blows by
you know you know you know it's for adults is there's no songs about it i am
kind of amazed that
capitalism hasn't figured out a fucking way to make you spend way more money
on thanksgiving i mean it's a tough one if you really put on your capitalist
hat i mean i'm not going to get into details but i've eat terrorist attacks
you know foreign and domestic terrorist attacks are still ways that people
figure out how to earn
money everything from false charity to merch and all of that type of stuff like
very quickly it gets
like you know in remembrance and blah blah blah and it's like you're kind of
making what are you doing
with that money that you get you're donating it to people a portion of the
proceeds
i would just love to see one honest piece of shit out there that actually has a
sign out in front of
their house that this house was purchased on the rest of the portion of the
proceeds
on the majority of the portions of the proceeds this gated community house was
purchased
um yeah but it's just it's a hard one you know who wants no one like a turkey
is not a desirable animal
no one wants to dress up like a turkey it's not a sexy animal it's not a
respected animal
there's a lot of people there's a lot of browns and oranges it's just not good
colors nothing really pops
pretty much the the colors of thanksgiving represent the death of trees
just just browns and yellows they don't even get you know maybe like a little
bit of foliage
they just can't do it it's kind of fucking
you got to give it up thanksgiving thanksgiving never sold out christmas sold
out
if you're a religious person that's the birthday of jesus christ
jesus christ right and all of a sudden who comes in to steal the thunder
it's the holiday season dooby dooby doo right the fucking santa claus comes in
you know with all those religious wackos out there you think that mall santas
would be getting more
shit
sorry i'm yawning i just can't sleep it's like fucking three in the morning
um you would think that mall santas would get way more shit
you know you'd think that somebody would come walking in and be like this isn't
about you man
jesus never made you buy anything i mean you did have to wash his feet
did you have to i never quite understood that story
somebody came over he must have his feet must have been filthy jesus christ he
was always walking around
he was a man of the people
could you say that jesus was the first street magician
he was sort of david blaine before david blaine
you know like when david blaine does like street magic
and black people ah they like run away that would be a great sketch like jesus
just keeps pulling fish out of the basket
and like black people like run away
or he walks on water
and just medieval people oh shit
and they just fucking run away
um
anyway
ah what the fuck do i know
what do i know not a goddamn thing
i lost a lot of games picking this week
it's inevitable
i was crushing it
for like six weeks
going three and one
three and one
three and one
three and one
two and two
three and one
right
so then what happens
you go one and three
one and three
and it's just
it just
you just give it all back
it's the stupidest thing ever
trying to win that shit
um
i don't know why
i might have gone two and two
i don't know
i won the patriots game
that one i called
six and a half point spread
i was just like
you know
joe flacco
he's got too much of
too much
i didn't like the half a point
and this is how good vegas is
patriots won by six
i mean it really is
bananas
that you're going up
against the corporation
that runs sports gambling
and not only do they have like
these
geniuses
who could fucking pick spreads
before computers
now you have these geniuses
that actually have computers
and analytics
and programs
and with like probabilities
i mean it has to be a fucking
it's got to be a
you know
i feel like
you ever see like those
those
those pirates
that like pull up
on like a cargo ship
and they got this little ass boat
going up against this big ass boat
and then they got these guns
and just the futile effort of that
that these pirates think
that they're going to
this little boat
are going to somehow
catch up with the bigger boat
and not get sunk
that's kind of sports gambling
is it bill
i don't know what it is
you see the commercials
everybody's having a great time
i don't know
but you also see commercials
when they sell cars
and the person who bought the car
just had a great time
they don't have that
bewildered look
on their faces
they walk out like
hey wait a minute
am i the one who got screwed
i thought i got over on them
wait a second
wait a minute
um
i've been doing some stand-up
getting ready
i gotta i gotta show
first week of december
up in bakersfield
and um
i'm excited to do that
and get ready to go back out
on tour next year
we'll see how that
all of that shakes out
oh and also
i finished
i finished that series
that i was telling you
on the criteria collection
that um
those three movies
carlos
starring uh
edgar ramirez
um
i can't say enough about
those three movies
you gotta check that
you gotta check the thing out
and when you're done
watching the three movies
you gotta watch
the interview
with edgar
where he breaks down
the character
and
and
his feelings on him
how he played him
and the fact that
everybody involved
in that project
dedicated a year
their lives
to make it
it's really
an astounding
like
movie achievement
i
it was just
fucking unbelievable
um
i'm surprised
more people
don't know about it
or maybe
i don't know
maybe i just discovered it
and i just assumed
that no one else
knows about it
um
anyway
and i also started
watching this other
movie called
death by hanging
which i just got
in the beginning
of it
i've just been
watching a bunch
of fucking
i don't know
movie recommendations
from
i got a few
friends of mine
that are actors
that are just
like
you know
you know
it's like
the sports fans
that can name
like
offensive linemen
i have a few
friends that are
on like
the movie level
of that
so
they are like
as far away
from like
big hollywood
movie franchises
of like
you know
superheroes
or those
those
um
car ones
and uh
i've been
having
i don't know
it's really
kind of
astounding
how many
ridiculously
talented people
there are
out there
so i'm just
going to keep
recommending
those
um
as i go
as i go
along
and also
something else
that i mentioned
to you guys
that um
you know
i was talking
about with my
drumming
where i'm
trying to
like free
myself up
to be able
to play
ideas that
i hear
and uh
i started
doing that
and it's
immediately
changing how
i play
in a good
way
so it's
fucking
really exciting
um
yeah i've
been doing
that i went
to the
bruins
kings game
the other
night with
one of my
great friends
that i
um
well i started
a few years
after he did
but i started
out in boston
jackie flynn
um i've known
him i can't
believe it at
this point
like over
30 years
and uh
we went
to the
bruins
game
and just
you know
so first
of all
saw a
great game
as great
game it
was like
zero to
zero
until like
you know
five six
minutes left
in the
game
um
bruins scored
first morgan
geeky then
we of course
we left a
fucking
shorthanded
goal and it
goes into
overtime and
then the
three on
three which
is so much
fun to
watch and
morgan geeky
got the
second one
sniped them
both times
um
and we both
just sat
there talking
about the
old days
uh
going to the
boston garden
everything and
jackie was
telling me that
he went to
his first game
in 1970
and i was
like you saw
bobby oran all
of those guys
he was like
yeah
in the game
he was just
oh that's
right we were
trying to
remember two
old guys
he goes oh
i'll send you
a clip of
the game
he goes
they were
playing toronto
and a guy on
the other team
he goes i swear
to god there
was a fight
and he punched
the referee
on purpose
and got a
massive suspension
he goes i
found like this
old like vhs
i think it was
actually before
vhs like
grainy footage
of um
of that uh
that incident
so i gotta get
i gotta get him
to send me that
and i was telling
him the first
time i went
it was the
1983-84 season
and i had been
watching the
bruins since
about 1980
i caught uh
the end of
wayne cashman's
career stan
jonathan
um
it had become
terry o'reilly's
team
and uh
i caught
that whole
wave of
like
you know
peter mcnabb
the last
guy to wear
number eight
before cam
neely
rick middleton
the end of
brad park's
career and
all of that
god those
were such
fucking great
days
so i
the game
i went
to
that year
the bruins
won the
president's
trophy
and um
so of
course the
canadians
we were in
first place in
the adams
division and
the canadians
were in
fourth so
one played
four that's
how they did
it back
then and
um in
each division
right so
it was best
three out of
five and of
course the
canadians came
in and swept
us and it
was funny there
was like this
fucking
despondency i
remember of like
we're never
gonna beat the
canadians we
can't beat the
canadians what
was so weird is
our stanley cup
drought was
only 12 years
at that point
and now i'm
looking at like
right now like
it doesn't seem
like you know
the bruins
haven't won it
for such a long
time but it's
actually been 14
years oh my god
i cannot