Name: Diddy Doc, A.I. Privacy, Escort | Monday Morning Podcast 12-8-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-12-08T17:37:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Diddy Doc, A.I. Privacy, Escort | Monday Morning Podcast 12-8-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Diddy Doc, A.I. Privacy, Escort | Monday Morning Podcast 12-8-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-08. Transcript available.

Diddy Doc, A.I. Privacy, Escort | Monday Morning Podcast 12-8-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on?
It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast
from Monday, December 8th, 2025.
What's going on?
How are you?
Oh, Jesus, how's it going?
How's it going out in your neck of the woods?
Crazy day of football.
Crazy fucking weekend of football.
I can't believe the Indiana Hoosiers football team
beat the Ohio State Buckeyes
for the Big Ten Championship.
I cannot believe that.
Congratulations to them.
I mean, that's got to be the biggest win easily
in that program's career,
in existence since I've been alive.
I, of course, missed all of it.
All of a sudden, I was getting text messages.
I was out, you know, hanging with my kids.
That's all I fucking do now.
I just hang with the kids, you know,
because everybody who's my age goes,
oh, they're going real fast.
Make sure you fucking do everything, you know.
It's so funny how parents romanticize having little kids.
You know, take it all in.
Make sure you take it all.
It's like, dude, don't you remember?
You were exhausted.
Don't you remember?
Every time you sit down, somebody goes,
Dad?
Dad, could you?
Hey, Dad?
Dad?
I almost started crying today.
Like, it was just like, I can't, can you just,
can I just?
You can't even finish the sentence.
You can't even say, can I just sit down for a second?
You're like, can I just, oh, I want to get my Pokemon cards.
It's just like, and now you got these empty nesters.
You know, just looking back, which, yeah,
you do look back fondly, and they do have wisdom
and all of that, but they're forgetting.
They're forgetting the lack of sleep.
My son gets up at 6.30 in the morning, no matter what.
I don't care what time we put him down, he gets up.
We tell him not to come in the room.
He comes in the room.
That's how I wake up every morning.
I wake up every morning with a room service order.
Jackie, can you make me pancakes?
No good morning.
No nothing.
I mean, I love it, but it's like, you know,
it's hard to take in every fucking moment.
If you actually do that, if you spend every waking moment
with your kids, you're going to lose your fucking mind.
At some point, at some point, you need to go sit
on a back porch for a second.
You need to lay down on a couch.
I don't know.
I should, they're just projecting, okay?
Because I don't think, you know, if you're actually
a truly loving, involved parent, I don't think
that you're ever going to give yourself the wind
and be like, I did everything I can do.
You're just, that's what makes you a good parent.
So you're going to be extra hard on yourself.
And then that questioning, you're then going
to project onto somebody like me that, you know,
make sure you spend every second with them.
It's just like, you know.
And then I think people who suck at parenting,
they never say shit like that and they never question it.
I mean, these are generalizations, people.
I don't know if you're new to the podcast.
This is what I do.
Anyway, so congratulations to Indiana University.
Oh my God.
Beating Ohio State Buckeyes in the Big Ten
championship game.
I don't think the Buckeye fans give a fuck.
Somebody was saying they actually got a better look
in that first game of the playoffs.
So, you know, what are you going to do?
Oh my God.
Can you imagine if they, if I don't know who they got,
but if they must not have gotten Indiana
because they just played each other.
Can you imagine if they play again
and Indiana beats them twice?
That's kind of the thing.
You know what I mean?
Like, I wonder if, if Ohio State beat Indiana,
does Indiana somehow get bumped out of the playoffs?
I really feel like no matter when Ohio State loses,
like they just, they, they must be a ridiculous draw
because they never seem to suffer.
I mean, I remember one time they fucking had
the same amount of losses as, as like Penn State
or something.
They lost to Penn State that year
and it was like they had a tied record
and they still gave the Big Ten championship
to Ohio State.
So I don't know what's going on.
A lot of money, a lot of money gets thrown around,
but I'm not mad at it because that happens
in my business.
You know what I mean?
Big conglomerates want to buy other conglomerates
and they, you know, they swing by a government agency
and then everybody comes out smiling
and all of a sudden it goes through
and there's no monopoly or whatever.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's just, uh,
just is what it is at that level.
At that level.
It's just people are, the, the, the way the game is played
is something that I don't understand.
And, um, and you know what?
It's not my problem.
All that payola and boosters and fucking drugs and whores
and all of that shit that goes on.
Islands.
Freak offs.
Jesus Christ.
I came home the other night
and my lovely wife was watching
that P. Diddy, uh, documentary.
And I got it.
I got it.
I watched half of one episode
and I was just like, I'm good.
I'm good.
I watched the one where they were basically saying
that he was essentially involved in Biggie's death,
his murder.
And it just made it seem like he coveted what Biggie had.
That's why when you listen to the records,
he like, what always drove me nuts about Biggie shit
is like after every line,
Puffy was on there going,
that's right.
Uh, bad boy.
Stupid laugh.
It's like, will you shut up
and let the guy rap
for the love of God?
And I think he was just
the way that look at,
this is just a documentary.
So I, you know,
I don't know shit about this guy
or that fucking world or whatever,
but I do remember
there was a documentary came out
and by the end of this documentary,
people were convinced
that, uh, Courtney Love
had killed Kurt Cobain.
And so like,
I don't know.
I don't know about these documentaries.
People look at them
like they're a fucking police report.
I have no idea.
I don't know what the rules of libel
and slander are
on, uh,
on social media,
not social media,
on streaming
platforms.
I have no idea what it is,
but I,
I was watching this thing
and they're like,
I'm like,
are they saying this guy
renegotiated his contract
and they,
and,
and Diddy didn't like it
to the point
that he killed the guy
because he actually wanted
to be the guy
and then he was out there
doing that dance,
whatever that dance
was supposed to be.
Didn't quite understand that.
Um,
whatever that dance was
when,
when Sting was singing.
Um,
I saw that episode
and when he finds out
Tupac got shot,
he goes,
was that us?
Was that us?
He was excited.
So,
uh,
I missed the one
where they showed
his abusive childhood,
but I'm like,
you know what?
I,
I,
I've seen enough of this.
I think I've seen enough
of this.
I don't,
I don't want to watch
anymore.
I don't want to watch
anymore this,
uh,
this stuff.
Okay.
I had enough bad shit
happen to me.
I don't need to watch
somebody else who had
even worse shit
happen to them,
which made them do even,
it's really weird.
That whole fucking genre
is just weird.
It's like,
so all of these people's
murders and,
and,
and sexual assaults
are now my
entertainment for the
evening.
I had a joke about that
a long time ago.
People,
hey,
did you see the
Michael Jackson
documentary?
I was like,
no,
I think,
oh,
you gotta,
you gotta see it.
It's like,
yeah,
you know,
I don't want to watch
alleged pedophilia
testimony,
you know,
with a,
with a fucking bag
of popcorn.
It just,
there's something about
it is,
uh,
it's weird.
It reminds me,
I remember back in the
day I had to go to
court over some
bullshit that I did
and I was guilty,
right?
And,
uh,
I just noticed
these old people
that I didn't know
were sitting in there
in the courtroom
listening to my
arraignment and all
whatever the fuck I was,
whatever the hell was
going on.
And I just remembered
that like,
I was like,
I don't know these
people.
They only arrested me.
There's no victim here.
It was drinking and
driving,
right?
So like,
they're just here
because there's air
conditioning and they
were sitting there
like old lady,
just sitting there
like doing needle
point.
and maybe a young
Netflix executive
saw that.
Maybe they went to
court and they're
like,
you know,
someday if I ever
run a fucking TV
network,
I'm going to have
all serial killer
stuff and all that
because people will
come down and just,
just for air
conditioning,
they'll just sit
there and,
uh,
it's very voyeuristic.
anyway,
plowing ahead here.
Uh,
what else?
Oh yeah,
I was told you guys,
I watched,
I rewatched
natural born killers.
I hadn't seen that
since it came out
and I got to be
honest with you.
That movie is low
key,
a romantic comedy.
It's essentially
when Harry met
Sally with a much
higher body count.
It's like,
it's the sequel to
when Harry met
Sally because
they're together.
You know what I mean?
But then they get
separated again.
Like you knew they
would in the,
in the sequel.
Like if they ever did
a sequel to when
Harry met Sally,
this would be them,
you know,
they're,
you know,
what I'm having many
years later,
the kids are in their
teenage years and then,
you know,
they're going through
marital difficulties.
So then they get
separated and something
happens and something
happens and then they
realize they really
love each other
and get back together.
That essentially is
a natural born killers.
Spoiler alert.
This is how the movie
ends.
One Mississippi,
two Mississippi,
three Mississippi.
Give me a chance
to hit pause,
to run across the
row and shut it off
or fast forward.
It ends with them
together in a Winnebago
with a bunch of kids
looking like they're
on their way to a
national park.
My girl wasn't that
nice.
Still really enjoyed
the movie.
I'm just saying I
never really noticed
that it was part of
the commentary on,
even back then,
they were saying
that Americans or
whatever people
watching TV were
desensitized to
violence.
And I got to tell
you, Oliver Stone
called it.
He called it.
And he's basically
30 years ahead of
his time saying
what we were headed
towards.
And now like Netflix,
I mean, they are
just like, it's not
really them.
I mean, they're
putting this shit out
about serial killers
and people cannot
stop watching it.
They just cannot.
They can't get
enough of it.
It's fucking
bizarre.
Anyway, so I put
my money on the
Bengals this week
versus the Bills.
And I thought when
they went up by two
scores in the fourth
quarter, the Bengals,
I thought it was
over.
And then he threw
the pick six.
And something
amazing happened.
I didn't get angry.
I just went, oh, no.
And then Joe, like,
went to tackle the
guy and he slid down
his leg and he got
away.
I was like, no.
Oh, no.
And then I just went
like, wow.
That was quite the
change of events.
And my wife laughed
as opposed to back
in the day, like a
month ago, before I
cried my fucking
inner child out of
me, I used to,
whatever I used to
say to the TV, she'd
be in the other room
being like, Bill, the
kids are here, right?
So that made me feel
good.
It made me feel good
that I could watch a
team messing up my
bet and I didn't lose
my temper.
And then they drove
down, they threw
another pick, and then
next thing you know,
the Bengals getting
five and a half.
And they went up by
like fucking 12
points at one point
and then like two
seconds later, I'm
losing my bet.
And at that point,
you know, my kids
wanted to go to the
mall because they
want to do some
Christmas shopping for
their mom.
So I said, all right,
I'll, you know, I
lost this game.
And then I'm driving
there and I get to
the thing and I get
out of the car, look
at my text message
and my buddy goes,
hey man, great call
on the Bengals, they
covered.
I was like, what?
Still didn't win, lost
by five.
The spread was five
and a half.
Guys, we're going up
against gangsters,
we're going up
against casinos,
we're going up
against computers,
and we're going up
against algorithms.
And what are we
showing up with?
We watch Sports
Center every night,
going with a gut.
Anyways, I had them,
I had the Steelers,
and I was 2-0,
and I was liking
my afternoon bets.
You know, I had the
Falcons getting points,
and I was thinking
like, all right, you
know, they get a lo