Name: The Business, Second Weddings, Psychos Celebrating | Thursday Afternoon MMP 12-18-25
Uploaded: 2025-12-18T22:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Business, Second Weddings, Psychos Celebrating | Thursday Afternoon MMP 12-18-25' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Business, Second Weddings, Psychos Celebrating | Thursday Afternoon MMP 12-18-25' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-18. Transcript available.

The Business, Second Weddings, Psychos Celebrating | Thursday Afternoon MMP 12-18-25

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. How the fuck you doing? It's time for the
Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just
checking in on you. Woo hoo. What's going on? How you doing? How you doing? I
am going to be down in Cerritos, California tonight. Where is Cerritos,
California? Well, it's just about northeast of Long Beach, California.
I love Long Beach. Scream for me, Long Beach. I can never say Long Beach
without saying scream for me, Long Beach, because way back in the day in the 80s,
back when old freckles had a nice, thick, full head of hair trying to grow a mullet,
but it wouldn't come down. It just went out. It just went out. And once again,
once again, you know, I just looked in the mirror and be like, can there be
anything about me that's normal?
And God was like, no, no, Bill, you know what it is about you? When I made you,
I didn't feel like trying that day. Okay. We all have those days. And I just
wasn't into it. You know, I sort of slapped you together. And, you know, at the
end of the day, the way I slapped you together, that's how it came out. You
know, that's how it came out.
But I am going to judge you and all the decisions you made based on the fucking
shit job I did making you.
That would be the funniest shit ever.
I die and then I'm getting judged by God. I'd be like, what the fuck was I
supposed to do? You gave me fucking orange hair, you cunt.
You know, I couldn't even go out in the goddamn sun.
Every time I wore shorts. Oh, look at what your legs are.
Okay. That eats at a guy.
It gets to you after a while.
Have a heart. Oh, that's right. You don't.
Do you?
Oh, you have a heart? Really? Is that why you made the devil and Komodo dragons,
you fucking lunatic?
Whatever. Whatever.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
Yeah. Oh, blame the victim.
Blame the victim. That's what you do.
That's what you do.
You make it and then it fucks up and then you yell at the thing that you made.
Okay. I see how that was.
This, this, this, this is, this isn't a new scenario for me, pal.
That's how I picture it going.
Um, all right.
The Bruins beat Mammoth last night, uh, or two nights ago.
Nice, solid goddamn team.
And I've been enjoying watching them and they got the Edmonton Oilers tonight.
So, you know, this reminds me of way back in the day where, uh, the Edmonton
Oilers once
a year would come to the Boston garden and all the hockey players were freaking
out.
Cause you know, Wayne Gretzky was coming and how like his blades were blue.
The, the plastic part, it wasn't white.
Like everybody's out.
His was, I believe were blue and all the hockey players thought like that was
like just some
fucking like next level.
It was basically the Jordan ones of skates.
Um, anyways, they got him tonight.
So I got a bunch of my buddies, uh, I gave the heads up to.
I was like, Connor McDavid's coming to town, man.
You guys are going to get some tickets.
You got to get some tickets and head down to the fucking game there.
Um, but anyway, what the fuck did I write down here?
There's a few things I actually wanted to talk about.
I'm not talking about that, Bill.
You can't talk about that on a podcast.
That's crazy.
Um, yeah, so I've actually, uh, oh, Billy's been around the house lately.
Oh, Billy around the house.
And I'll tell you this, when I used to be around the house for more than two or
three days,
it would start to drive my poor wife nuts because you, you wouldn't know this,
but I'm a lot.
Like, I am like legit, um, fucking crazy here.
So it's, it's, it's a lot to have me around.
But I think that that's like a good thing to know that you're a lot, but, uh,
now that I kind of have more of a calm brain,
I'm just sort of like chilling out, like around the house.
Like we came to a four-way stop and, uh, you know, the four-way stop really
just brings out the worst in people.
You're either too docile or just too fucking aggressive.
You know, that guy who can't shut it off gets to a four-way stop and almost T-bones
an old lady, you know,
coming through there, driving her Chrysler, right?
We came to that stop and there was just a guy, um, you know, I was going to
make a left.
We were like facing each other and I was going to make a left.
And I got there first and he started creeping out into the, the intersection.
And, uh, and I just went like, what the fuck?
Uh, like that loud.
And then I apologized to my wife because I'm trying not to curse in front of
the kids.
The kids weren't in the car, but I'm really trying not to do that.
Apologized.
And then I like fucking was driving away and, um, Jesus, they're fucking yapping
next door.
Um, I was driving away and I was going up the hill and I was just like
breathing, diaphragmatically breathing.
Then going, ah, and she goes, okay, you're breathing a lot.
Like, what does that mean?
It's so embarrassing.
She's looking at me like I'm a ticking time bomb.
And I just said, no, I'm just like, I got a little more upset than I wanted to
there.
And I'm just sort of breathing this stuff out.
And, uh, she was like, like, wow, which was nice to hear.
But then also you're thinking in your head, like, wow, man, I'm a really fucked
up dude that like, that she's surprised that I completely didn't lose my mind
there.
And then I, I, I, you know what?
I get it now.
I get it.
I'm like that guy that was an addict for all these years and then comes out the
other side and realizes how many people he was hurting.
Um, that's what I was doing with my anger.
So here we go.
Billy fucking, uh, nice guy, Billy.
Nice guy, Billy is, I'm looking at it like, like not drinking.
Like where I stopped drinking eight years ago.
I now have not lost my fucking temper.
And let's see, 14, 15, 16, 17 days.
Um, I don't know.
I, that's probably nothing for you guys.
But for me, that's, that's, it's pretty goddamn impressive.
Um, by the way, I haven't, you know, I don't watch the news that much, but
someone was mentioning
that like right-wing people have been being assholes about that horrible murder
that happened,
double murder that happened out here and their excuses.
Well, you know, liberals were a dick when the guy in Utah got shot and he just,
you know,
just look at people and be like, like, guys, what are we doing?
Like, is everything going to be politicized and just used?
You're dividing, you're dividing us.
What are we doing?
People got murdered straight across the board.
It's bad.
It's wrong.
It's upsetting.
Why would you try to politicize either one and go after your own countrymen?
I just don't, um, can you imagine if they just got rid of the internet?
First of all, I don't think kids would know what the fuck to do with themselves,
but like
if they just got rid of it, like this is not good for anybody, which is why
they're going
to keep it.
And I just think these, this whole heartless, it's always been a heartless
world, but now
it's like a connected heartless world and you can bond with other heartless
people and decide
who you're going to be friendly to and who you're not going to.
Even if they're your own countrymen, it's just fucking bananas to me.
And, uh, like I went out to breakfast this morning with my wife and, um, it was
funny.
She, we were sitting outside and it was, I don't know, the Santa Ana wins or
something.
It was really crazy last night.
So it was still kind of blowing around where you had to like hold onto your napkin.
She go, I go, you want to eat inside?
And she goes, well, there's somebody in there talking really loudly.
I just, she goes, I thought it would upset you.
So she's literally been like navigating my moods this entire time.
So I said, I was just like, sweetheart, this is, I don't, I don't care anymore.
It's probably going to be funny.
And we went inside and it was a, it was two people talking at like full volume.
So fucking loud.
And it was hilarious, the shit that they were saying.
This woman at one point, she just goes, and I was just like, look, I'm sorry,
you're homeless.
Okay.
Like, don't put that on me.
Like, this is what the job pays.
Okay.
I mean, God, you just like throwing that on me.
It's like these people, it's like, and then the other person goes like, yeah, I
mean,
I really wish that we could pay these actors enough money that this is the only
place they
had to work.
But, you know, we, we, we, you know, if I could, I would.
And I wanted to dip into that conversation and be like, sir, if you had enough
money to
pay those actors where they didn't have to work anywhere else, you still wouldn't.
You still wouldn't because that's how the game is played.
You'd still be fucking them.
That's what the whole strike was about.
Strike was a disaster, by the way.
All that did was give the powers that be time to get together and collude,
which is supposed
to be illegal to fuck everybody in this business even harder.
It's insane.
It's not insane.
It's actually the norm now.
Like what is happening in my business, I'm sure is happening in your business
where like
one nerd figures out how to use the internet to take the whole business away
from everybody
else.
And then for whatever reason, still walks around in public smiling.
Like he didn't just put a hundred thousand people out of fucking business.
It's just, I don't know.
It's a really bizarre time.
So anyways, this person, they continue talking and the other person was, was
talking about
going out and drinking wine and how unbelievably delicious it was.
This, this followed, I'm sorry, you're homeless.
And also I wish I had enough, if I had enough money to pay you, I would.
By the other way, I was drinking some wine the other night.
So anyway, um, I, we actually got a, uh, it ended up being like a great thing
that they
were in there talking loudly and all fucking Billy Newbrain, Billy Newbrain,
you know,
another show new girl, Billy Newbrain, just going to come on right up to new
girl where
he's fucking all happy go lucky little bill, the Christmas fucking miracle.
I'm going to keep saying all of this dumb shit.
I know you guys are getting sick of it, but, uh, I have to do this because if I
don't, I'm
going to go back to how I was.
And I don't want to do that.
Like I'm fucking, uh, oh my God.
Yeah.
I got to stop that shit.
Um, anyway, so what next?
Yes.
Oh, Billy's going to go down to Cerritos.
Cerritos.
And I'm going to, uh, do some standup tonight.
And, uh, this is one of these shows.
I just know I got a feeling like sometimes, you know, you don't know you're
tonight.
I know tonight's going to be a fucking great one because I've been going up
this week.
Oh, Billy's been hitting the speed bag there, you know, throwing some kicks,
some comedy
kicks around town.
And, uh, I got this new bit about Trump blowing Bill Clinton.
That is just fucking, I mean, how do you not, how do you not kill with that?
Um, but I attached it to some other shit that I was talking about that I couldn't
get it
to work with alone.
And then I just sort of fucking welded it together and now it's crushing.
So what that means is I'm excited and I'm also excited to get to go play a
beautiful theater
and I don't have to go to an airport.
That's another thing that I'm liking about the way I've been doing the road
lately.
Cause I got to keep my act.
I got to keep it.
I got to keep it fucking tight, right?
I got to keep it tight like a fucking second, the second wife, you know, she
knows, she
knows this guy's not afraid to pull the trigger.
Is there a word for that?
It's gotta be a word for that.
Being the second wife or husband, it has to be like fucking unsettling when it
starts to
go bad and you just, this person already walked away from one person.
I mean, who the hell am I?
And you have to think too, as you go through life, like the novelty of falling
in love has
got to like reduce.
I mean, there's no way, can anybody talk about their second marriage, the
wedding?
There's no fucking way somewhere in your head, you're not thinking like of your
previous one.
Like this is the second time I've watched a woman