Name: Arenas, Snow Plows, Winter Break-Ups | Monday Morning Podcast 1-5-26 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2026-01-05T14:45:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Arenas, Snow Plows, Winter Break-Ups | Monday Morning Podcast 1-5-26 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Arenas, Snow Plows, Winter Break-Ups | Monday Morning Podcast 1-5-26 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-05. Transcript available.

Arenas, Snow Plows, Winter Break-Ups | Monday Morning Podcast 1-5-26 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
january 5th 2026 oh jesus where is this decade going 2026 what's going on hawaii
it is the first podcast of 2026 let's hope it's gonna be a good year hi
everybody let's hope
let's hope well jesus christ let's hope they shut down the fuck what if they
just shut the internet
off oh my god what if racist people couldn't just keep talking to each other on
the fucking
internet wouldn't that be fantastic oh my god it's like fucking i don't even i
mean i like how far back
we have fucking regressed with this shit it it's it's these fucking people out
there they're acting
like martin luther king is still giving speeches it's like it's like back to
that it's fucking
unbelievable um anyway with that positive note hopefully this will be a good
fucking year
i don't know man i don't know i don't know who knows who knows what happens all
you can do is just
fucking try to be a good person yourself um i'm still in a good mood i am
fucking a month in three
days i have not lost my temper i've gotten upset i've been flustered but i've
stayed out of anger
um which has been amazing for me and uh kind of blocked out like mondays for me
mondays is my
mental health day i go to therapy i do my yoga you know i've been like
meditating meditating is
frustrating for me because i used to be able to do it and i would feel i would
just concentrate on
like my stomach going up and down when i was breathing and it was almost like i
had my eyes
closed like i was looking down at it my whole body would get relaxed and then
after doing that for i
don't know a couple of minutes i would it would almost be like i would then
look straight ahead
or look up with my eyes closed and then all of a sudden my stomach would feel
like it was a hundred
feet away from me and i felt like i was floating and i used to listen to jane's
addictions uh three days
i'd listen to that song into like what is the next one done done done done done
then she did
at the corner store all that that really whatever that effect david navarro had
on his guitar
um the flange is that what it is i don't know what it is but that's a very sort
of trippy floating
sound and i i used to do it and i remember my brother would come in and if he
saw me do it this
is what i'm still living at home this is how long ago it was my brother would
come in
and if he saw me meditating he'd start going
just being a fucking at least high-pitched
fucking rick flair screams
and i would be meditating going he's a douche just don't listen to it and uh i
do remember one
time leaping up from the chair and just getting into a massive fucking fist
fight
uh as he was laughing running away and then i hit him a couple times and then
it became like a real
fight you know the usual the usual day in my life as a kid um
anyway yeah so i'm trying to meditate again
and that is fucking right there everybody that right there is my fucking life
okay even when i'm alone and i try to just sit in a chair and meditate somebody
comes in and fucks with
me and next thing you know i'm in some sort of altercation
wow all right we figured that out
so i don't know and then somewhere along the line of meditating it became like
i know how to do this
so then i would be like okay do this for three minutes and now we're bringing
our eyes up and then we should
start floating why aren't we floating why isn't this worried and i was just
between my ears and
then i got super frustrated and i just have tried sporadically for the next 30
years to try to do
it again and i haven't been able to so now i'm trying to be like just like well
just don't have any
expectations keep focusing on the breath it'll fucking happen you know i was
gonna do that um
i almost said tantric what is that
that's the sex thing where you come for like 20 minutes who the fuck wants to
be like
10 minutes later for fucking 20 minutes
um
you know i love acdc i don't want to listen to him play back in black for 20
minutes fucking straight
you're turning coming into like a jam band
i always thought jam band the only fun is the fucking people jamming so that's
a bad analogy
because you're the one busting the nut so that should be you but it's just like
oh my god and then what for the next four hours you're like don't touch me don't
touch me don't
touch me um no what is what is that that that meditation it's sort of the top
of the meditation
chart they give you a word they talk to you and then you give them a word and i'm
like all right
what's my word they're like well you got to give us money and it's just like
fuck you you monetized
meditating go fuck yourself go fuck yourself all right i'll come up with my own
my own fucking
mantra
fuck whoever i just talked to at the the what the fuck is it called now that i
said tantric i can't
think of the name of it trans transdental
no that sounds like where people transition and get their teeth fixed
transcendental
all right people this is it this is the level of intellect i'm bringing for 2026
you know i don't
know why you're listening does it make you feel better about yourself it should
um anyway uh me and my lovely lovely wife went to go see uh i almost said life
there she is my life
um we went monday night to go see janet jackson um at this fucking casino way
out by the san
bernardino airport and uh it was like a fucking 3000 seater this one-off show
she did she's not even on
tour so i saw it advertised here in la and like a fucking idiot i thought it
was in la so i get the
tickets and then you know club soda kenny's like uh fyi it's a two-hour drive
with traffic i'm like oh my
god i had no idea but anyway we got all the way out there and uh i gotta tell
you this janet jackson
absolutely killed it um it was like an over a 90 minute show she did all of her
hits
and she was doing the dances from the videos back in the day and she can still
fucking kill it
i was watching her jumping around at one point going like i'm like my knees
hurt just watching
her doing it and um i don't know where to start like i got like as a performer
i like to think
you know on the low rung of entertainment a stand-up comedian
we're we're what they usually for a music act they'll put us on in front of
them to kill time
um before people see the actual entertainment right so but despite that just
the level of
professionalism um because she wasn't on tour this was like a one-off show and
you know i hate to say
this a lot of performers kind of walk their way through it if they're usually
you know she usually
plays venues way bigger than that you know so you can kind of like be uh you
know i'm not on tour
just gonna do the hits i'll do a fucking medley and i'll just you know get the
fucking money and get
out of that was not the vibe she was a total pro came out there realized
everybody was excited to see
her and her her band um that was my only complaint i felt the drums could have
been a little higher in
the lip in the mix because that guy was killing it and uh i wanted to hear more
of that but the backup
the whole fucking thing the song selection and the just the way she was with
her crowd she was she was
fantastic and um watching my wife going nuts she was dancing like the entire
show and um it's one of
the truly beautiful things i've seen in in my life is my wife dancing and uh
and also earlier this year
when she was in lake tahoe and she actually i got her to jump in that freezing
lake and she went in
and ended up realizing that it was exhilarating and then rather than coming
back up the ladder to the
dock she swam all the way back in and i was super proud of her um so anyway i
was at that um
i was at that uh that show and one of the songs that she sang
um escapade yeah we'll have a good time escapade leave your worries behind
right and i was like oh my
god here's another branding chance if i was janet jackson's agent i would call
up cadillac
and i would fucking have her do a commercial for escalade escalade we'll have a
good time
escalade leave your pre-espa whatever the fuck you would see you listen i didn't
say i could write
lyrics i'm just saying the business is shrinking yeah like five nerds are going
to run hollywood in
about fucking three months and all the money's going to go to them and we're
going to be like can we
please get money for his sandwich um so you got to get out there man
as performers now we're all just going to be shelling for the people that don't
want to pay us
anyway but she was fantastic i don't know when she goes on tour again but um
if you get a chance if you get a chance definitely go see janet jackson and i
am uh
i am very happy that i did it we my god we had a great time so anyway um plowing
ahead let's talk
about my boston bruins because i have a tour that's starting up it's probably
going to start
up in march but i'm uh i'm doing some i'm doing some kind of some fun dates for
me you know
oh billy's been working since the third grade i had a paper route i got a paper
route in the third
grade and i really haven't had time off since so i've been taking a little time
off other than covid
but like covid was not was not my choice so there was that stress the whole
time of like
is this going to go on forever because i don't i don't know if you guys
remember do you remember how
the the whole fucking country divided and nobody could get on the same page so
nothing was going to
work social distancing distancing is not going to work if everybody's not doing
it
became that and then people arguing about solids and gases and then people who
weren't scientists
were just leading people around with information that they they fucking found
on the it was fucked
there was no way to be like ha you know what i'm just gonna put my feet up i
will tell you this next
time there's a pandemic i'm gonna make sure i enjoy it all right i think if i
look back on the pandemic
that's the one thing i forgot to do i didn't enjoy it enough i didn't enjoy the
downtime
um anyway plowing ahead here so the boston bruins i am going up to seattle i'm
going to the
bruins cracking game and then i'm going to do a theater up there in seattle um
gonna run my hour
here over the next few nights out here in la just gonna get up every night and
uh just do different
sections of my act so when i go to seattle i'm going to be ready to go so i can
be a pro
like miss jackson if you're nasty um and the bruins been playing all right one
two in a row
after we were uh kind of out on the out on the tiles as zeppin would say um
which means going
out drinking that's not a good thing i don't know what i'm saying we were
fucking we weren't winning
games so um edmonton which i didn't think we were going to win connor mcdavid
leon dry sidle and all
of those guys and we came in and we actually i think we won like five to one my
favorite goal of
the game was middle stat that sniped to the uh short side and then uh last
night or yesterday watching
um the bruins beat vancouver and seeing uh fraser minton had two goals one was
the overtime winner
so we're on a little bit of a run here this is the calgary used to be calgary
edmonton vancouver
and then you would go down and do play the kings and the ducks they kind of
would get the whole west
coast trip out of the way or they would break it up you do like phoenix anaheim
la
maybe san jose and then you'd come back but now that's become like a whole
fucking thing down
there phoenix is now utah utah vegas
anaheim san jose la you got all of those teams so now i feel like seattle when
they put the schedule
together gets lumped in with calgary edmonton and vancouver which i think is
cool so i'm excited
uh to go to that game i feel like the kraken really have a cool uh logo and
they have a great
fan like seattle fans are fucking ridiculous like they they go all out for
everything um
i really think it's weird they're going to get an nba team back i never
understand an nba team
leaving a city and then you bring aren't they kind of bla