Name: the Patriots, Old School MTV, Drug Names | Monday Morning Podcast 1-26-26 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2026-01-26T19:34:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Patriots, Old School MTV, Drug Names | Monday Morning Podcast 1-26-26 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'the Patriots, Old School MTV, Drug Names | Monday Morning Podcast 1-26-26 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-26. Transcript available.

the Patriots, Old School MTV, Drug Names | Monday Morning Podcast 1-26-26 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday,
January 26, 2026. What's going on? How are you? Oh, I got up a little higher
this morning.
Why did I get up a little higher? Why am I so happy? Why am I so excited? You
may not have asked.
Because New England just had the biggest sports victory they have had since the
Boston Celtics
won an NBA championship a couple years ago. Your Boston Bruins beat the...
I'm kidding. Bruins also beat the Canadians on Saturday. I've only seen a
couple of highlights.
How about that fucking dish from Pasta? Knocking it out of the air, backdoor to
fucking Morgan Geeky,
pulling all the defense to the right. He goes back left. He does it every
fucking game.
They don't know if he's going to do a little snapshot, a backhander, or fucking
an apple across the fucking crease, dude.
I will tell you this.
David Postonok, his game is, it's like Bergeron and crazy combined. What do you
want? You want 30,
40 goals? He can do that, and he can dish out like 100-something assists every
year.
Some of the, I mean, if there's a better passer in the league, I want to know
who it is, because
that guy's amazing. I remember a few games ago against Chicago, when Laurie,
our defenseman,
had two goals. It was the end of the game. Pasta could have easily got this
empty net goal. What does
he do? He's fucking looking for Laurie to give him the hat trick. Didn't work
out, but still.
That's the kind of shit you want in your locker room. Okay? That's the attitude.
Not the attitude
you're bringing to social media, trashing everything that you see, trying to
get a laugh, trying to get a like.
Huh? How did I turn it around on you? I don't know.
Rejection? Being defensive? I, I, I, I really don't know.
Oh, Billy, good mood.
I had a moment with my garage door opener, which, by the way, by the way,
somebody had to come over
and fix it again and said, I don't know why they took away the overhead thing.
I wouldn't have stalled
this wall unit. So now the thing's already going beep, beep, beep, and the
light doesn't work, and I
know what that means. It means they have two more openings, and it's not going
to open.
And, uh, I got the, uh, Bon Scott fucking tribute with Dean Del Rey coming up,
and I got to rehearse
these songs, and I'm afraid to go, I'm afraid to go in my own drum room. Huh?
There's a first world
problem for you. Um, so I'm just going to call the dude back and just say, what
is the most powerful
fucking overhead goddamn garage door opener, excuse my language, that you can
install? Is there any way
you could find it in your heart to come over and do it as soon as possible?
That's what I was like.
Meanwhile, I'm just sort of air drumming. Um, I mean, Phil Rudd, dude, Phil Rudd
is a
vibe. And it's exciting when you first play drums, because you think it's the
most simple beat there
is. And then when you really get into the science of rhythm and all of that
stuff, like what this guy
is doing with a, you know, the most simple beat ever that makes 80,000 people
lose their fucking
minds, it's really incredible. And it's also like, he has so much subtle shit
in there that everybody
seems to miss, including myself. Like one of the songs I'm playing, I don't
want to, no spoiler alert
here. I'll talk about it. The gigs on February 3rd. I'll tell you the, the, um,
songs that I'm playing
and each one of them has these things. I've listened to these songs 10,000
times each.
But then all of a sudden I, you know, I really got to sit down and sit in with
the band and really
deconstruct the song. The amount of extra shit, subtle shit that I never even
fucking noticed
because I was listening to Bond or Malcolm or Angus or Cliff, or even like half
listening to Phil.
I thought I was listening to Phil. Um, there's so much cool shit, so much cool
shit. And it's funny
too. When you go, I've, I've done these songs like on the comedy jam and stuff.
And, um, I've had
people come up afterward being like, uh, yeah, you added that thing. I'm like,
no dude, it's in the song.
It's in the song. Listen to it. And like it is. And then they'll go come back
and be like,
holy shit. It is. Or it's something you thought was there and it isn't there.
Like this is some drum nerd shit. Like if you want blood, if you want blood,
and it's, it's boom, boom, that, boom. And then you think he's going to go,
put that. If you want blood, that, boom, go that, boom, put that. There's no
put that.
There's no, you want so bad to be like, and four. You want the and, and he
doesn't do it.
I don't know why, but it's not there. You think it's there. It isn't there. And
then trying to make
that happen because it's so fucking weird and not slow down the song. And then
you play it with
somebody else going, Hey man, you're missing that thing. I'm like, it's not
there. It is there. No,
it isn't. Listen to it. They're like, what the fuck? It isn't, it's, it isn't
there.
What are we going to say? Phil Rudd is wrong. Cause he's not. Um,
anyway, uh, had a great morning with my kids. Dude, they literally get up
and, and fucking get ready as fast as they can. So they can go out in the
backyard,
La Palouse and fucking play baseball. So today, you know, my daughter, somebody
gave,
gave her these sunglasses at school, the Randy Macho Man Savage glasses. So she
likes going up
there, you know, up to bat wearing them. So then my son finds his little
sunglasses and then they're
both outside and he's sitting down with his sunglasses on pretending he's
coaching my daughter.
It's, it's amazing as I'm in there making a breakfast and of course, running
out, taking
pictures. My son comes home and he goes, dad, uh, can you throw me some hits?
That's what he
go. And I gotta be like, I'm not throwing you hits, buddy. I'm fucking striking
you out.
I'm brushing you back off the plate. Uh, I throw, I throw lefty to them, get my
left hand game.
So I got the righty and the lefty going on here. Um, and I went out, it was my
daughter's birthday
the other day. So I got her a gift certificate to this fucking great baseball
store, uh, old school
place. Uh, I gotta give him a shout out. Thanks to everybody at Bagger Sports
up in Santa Clarita.
Um, just selection, the people there like this guy was like, you know, helping
my daughter find a bat and
was like helping her work on her swing. I mean, they were fantastic. And I'm
gonna break in the glove
today, which it already has like a nice shape to it. I mean, all the sports
equipment since
I was a kid, like the level that it has changed. I mean, granted, it's been 40,
50 years, um,
is amazing. So, uh, I'm gonna break in her glove today. And, you know, at the
end of the day,
the greatest way to break in a glove is just go out and play catch, which means
I get to play catch
with my daughter, which is fantastic. Um, anyway, let's talk about something
else that's fantastic.
Your new England Patriots won their 12th AFC championship game to go to their
12th Super
Bowl. Um, I think our record right now is six and five in Super Bowls. We lost
to the Bears.
We lost to the Packers. I went to that game. We beat the Rams. I was at that
game.
Then we beat the Panthers. Then we beat the Eagles.
We lost to the Giants. We lost to the Giants. We beat the Seahawks. We beat
Atlanta.
We lost to the Eagles.
We beat the Rams.
Yeah, that should be 11.
And now we're playing the formidable Seattle Seahawks. Oh, get ready for that
fucking,
for them to play that stupid beast mode clip 9,000 times and act like some sort
of vengeance
needs to happen when it's like no one from those games is still there. Maybe,
uh,
our offensive coordinator.
Maybe him. Um, I hate that that would like the fucking story.
Like take the 2007 Giants. It's not that they won on the fucking road the whole
way there.
It's that the Patriots lost. It's like, no, that was one of the great fucking
defenses of all time.
They never got their props. And then somehow Eli gets all the credit like Eli
beat Tom Brady.
Did he like, is that what he did? I thought it was the fucking front four of
the Giants.
You know?
I don't know. They're both super close games or whatever. But like, I never
felt like,
you know, the Giants got like, they probably did like the helmet catch or
whatever,
which was obviously an insane fucking play. But like, it really was the front
four of the Giants in 2007,
not letting Tom Brady be comfortable moving him off his spot. It was an
incredible game plan.
And they fucking dominated our offensive line. That was the fucking story.
But it's got to be like, oh, Tom and Giselle aren't as fucking happy. They
always do that shit.
So that's Seattle Seahawks game.
In defense of Pete Carroll, the play that he called.
Think about it. Everybody knows it's going to Marshawn Lynch.
He calls a play that the entire year has either been a touchdown or an
incomplete pass.
But what happened? He was going up against Bill Belichick.
Bill Belichick was going to call timeout. He looked across the field.
He saw confusion. He doesn't call timeout. They panicked. They put that play in.
And they went up against the only fucking team in the NFL that was coached.
And Malcolm Butler recognized the play, jumped in, and in one of the biggest
fucking moments
in NFL history saved the game for the Patriots and won that game.
Malcolm Butler is what, that's the name everybody should be saying.
Not Marshawn Lynch, not Beast Mode, none of that shit. But that's not how they
do it.
They always find some stupid fucking obvious. It was like that shit last week
when the Patriots
played the Texan. All they talk about is how CJ Stroud threw fucking four interceptions.
Like,
dude, two of them were tipped. One of them hit his receiver right in the
fucking hands.
They always, I don't know, it's like this ball watching shit. And they just
look at a stat.
So anyway, I had a buddy of mine was talking about the Patriots game yesterday.
And they go,
you know, this is how spoiled NFL fans are. He goes, that was an ugly game. It's
like,
yeah, dude, it's called defense. I know that you don't recognize that because,
like, no one fucking plays defense anymore. All right? The first half was two
powerhouse defenses
shutting down the offense. And all they could talk about was this stupid
fucking backup
from the Broncos. By the way, the Patriots, our quarterback's 23 years old.
Their backup is older. I don't know how old he is, but he's older than our guy.
Stop acting like
like he was going up against some fucking grizzled vet.
This is our first time with this kid to this thing. So, I mean,
I don't know. When I saw the spread was only four and a half because everybody
was like,
oh my God, Bo Nix is out. Oh, fuck, not Bo Nix. Jesus Christ. I mean,
they're acting like that guy's a franchise. He's becoming Bo Nix. He's still in
the middle of his
story. Now I get it that that's the starting quarterback or everything, but let's,
let's
fucking, you know, don't act like Patrick Mahomes just went down. No offense to
the Broncos being
out in the AFC West. I'm sure you're sick of hearing about that guy. So when I
saw the spread
at four and a half, I was like, Vegas knows something. Vegas knows something
that I don't
know. And I know enough that when I see a spread like that, that I feel like
should be like seven or
eight and is only four and a half. Okay. One of my strengths is I know that I,
I, how little I know.
And if they have it at four and a half, there's no fucking way I'm going up
against a casino
that hired a bunch of fucking mathlete nerds that have laptops.
Oh, Billy Summer School is going to go up against that. I'm like, all right.
I see what you're saying in Vegas and I'm going to go with it. Patriots win
Broncos cover.
So I took the fucking Broncos getting four and a half final score, 10 to seven.
Patriots win the
game. Broncos cover. Dude, you just, sometimes Vegas like tips their cap. Now I'm
not saying like
during the regular season, the other fucking, whatever, 