Name: Stavvy's World #3 - Dan Soder | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2022-12-19T19:00:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #3 - Dan Soder | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #3 - Dan Soder | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-19. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #3 - Dan Soder | Full Episode

Welcome to Stavis World everybody.
Beautiful fucking day here.
We got my fucking name.
My fucking ace Danny Soge in the fucking building.
So happy to have you here in the fucking studio.
This is like something I should do on a very Greek set.
My friend Stavros, you're beautiful.
It's gonna be back in Astoria where the only place that they're racist
against other brown-haired whites.
Yeah, absolutely.
Even though they have dark hair and they're whites.
Dude, eldest is Albanian.
Oh, shout out dude.
By the way, my biggest joke I've ever had Stan, like the joke that got me Conan
or whatever was about Russians being the scariest white people.
In reality, that was about Albanians.
That's a little behind the music for it.
Wow, you hear that motherfuckers?
I was in the Bronx and I was leaving the hospital and these fucking dude,
these dudes in fucking NASCAR jackets.
You know dudes in the hood were wearing black NASCAR jackets?
Yes, absolutely.
The M&M's one.
Which is crazy to fear of getting stomped out by guys wearing Skittles.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fucking Oreo and Penzoil.
The peanut M&M's was the big one.
That was the one.
That was it.
It was the yellow.
It wasn't Penzoil.
I was like, it was peanut M&M's for sure.
Oh, and the blue Oreo is what I remember.
Yes, yes, yeah.
But yeah, I went like, no problem, go to Turin.
And later I like wrote the joke or whatever.
But my friend's mom that like lived up there, she was like, oh, she's like an
old black man.
She goes, oh, they thought you were Albanian.
Shit.
Yeah, the Albanians, they definitely, we've, you know, this is, we've talked
about it.
Me and Elvis have been friends since we were literally in kindergarten.
Yeah, just looked at the picture.
You guys have an adorable-
We have our second grade picture.
Maybe we'll put that on the fucking Patreon, motherfuckers.
Woo, you wanna see hot kids?
Go to their Patreon.
Yeah, you get to see, honestly, Eldest Crush is that picture.
He's got the Ace Ventura on.
He's fucking got this goofy ass look on his face.
My mom made me dress up and I was pissed.
Oh, dude, one time my mom didn't know it was picture day and I wore my Simpsons
shirt.
Hell yeah, dude.
Legendary.
And it came back, my hair was all like matted because I had slept on it.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, my mom, she called Life Touch.
Wow.
She's like, are you doing redos?
Damn.
Which is unacceptable.
'Cause my mom, my mom, that's like a, when you're a single mom, your kid's
photo back
in the day before the phone, school picture was like-
All you have is the photo.
It's big, it's on your desk at work, it's everything.
Yes, yes.
It's your profile pic.
They see a little tweaked out Dan with his hair all fucked up.
With Homer strangling Bart.
Homer strangling Bart.
Totino's debris all over his fucking hair.
Dude, it was like a, it was like a pinkish orange shirt.
And the frame was like off and it was Homer choking Bart in the family photo.
And I was like, this is heat.
That's a banger.
I gotta see if I can find that photo.
Oh, we need that one.
I just remember my mom being so pissed.
Because she wanted me in a nice-
Of course, dude.
She wanted me in like a-
She wanted you with a little sweater.
Golf shirt.
Yeah, golf shirt.
Hair combed as fuck.
Looking up and those lasers are blasting behind me.
Yeah.
To show the fucking, the other whores in accounting.
So you were dressed up and you were just-
He had it.
His mom probably didn't know.
Because his mom was, he would have, your mom would have you looking nice too,
if she knew.
Yeah, I think so.
I don't, I don't know.
Like, I don't know if they were even like that big on the family photos.
I feel like we pro-
On the school photos, I feel like we probably didn't buy a lot of those or
something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got depressing, man.
Cause my mom was like, I'm sending this.
She sent it to like my dad.
Yeah.
Look who's doing it.
Yeah.
Can't keep me down, Gary.
But they, it was, that was like a big deal.
Oh my God.
My mom gave a, really gave a fuck about those.
We have a lot of those running around.
Did you see your photos?
Oh yeah.
My senior photo is a fucking banger.
All right.
Now here's the thing.
You guys are East Coast kids.
East Coast.
Are you guys tuxedos inside?
Yes, sir.
That's always what it is.
Tuxedos.
West Coast kids were out in nature.
Oh, wow.
A little dressed up, but just letting you know that we're connected still.
Sure, sure, sure.
Mine was like-
In the mountains, up in front.
Where, didn't you, you grew up in the town where the fucking, the Joker shot up
everybody,
right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The original Joker.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, James, James Harris shot the Aurora Mall up.
Wasn't he home?
Wasn't it James Holmes?
Oh.
James Holmes, was it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Aurora, you're from Aurora.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was the Aurora Mall.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I have a joke about that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My mom still tries to get me to go.
She's still like, she's, she keeps trying to sell it.
Yeah.
Like it's an old haunted house.
I love it.
Listen, and look, we're gonna, this is great.
He jumped right in.
This is the kind of shit we're gonna, and listen, me and Danny boy here, we're
gonna get to
your fucking problems.
Oh, excellent.
And we're gonna call 904, the number is, Eldis is flashing it on the screen
right now.
904-800-STAV.
We'll answer your shit.
It's pretty awesome you got STAV.
Isn't STAV good?
Yeah.
Yeah, I had to go a Jacksonville area code for it, but fuck it.
That's fine.
And the 800's cool too.
Duvall!
Yeah, no, they just.
Get a little Duvall on here.
That'll fucking make you pop.
When you see that number, he's like 904.
Yeah, we're about to be, yeah, we should get a little Duvall here.
Before we get too off topic though.
No, no, I just wanna say, we're going back into us fucking around.
We fuck around for a while.
Okay.
We get to your shit, because that's, everyone we have on here has a fucked up
weird life.
Yeah, no one gets out unscathed.
So we're getting into, we wanna hear about fucking, we wanna hear about fucking,
you know,
getting harassed as a child.
This isn't about me though.
This is, I was saying, we were all talking about your guys' second grade
picture.
Please.
And this is, I don't know if this is a bad thought.
You might have to edit this completely out of the podcast.
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But would it be.
They're kinda hot, aren't they?
You see those pictures, don't you get hard?
Well, here's my thing.
This is my thought.
Oh no.
Is it child porn if you take naked photos of yourself when you're like seven.
Yeah.
You let them bake until you're 37.
Right, right.
And you're like, look at this naked boy.
But it's you.
It, I think legally it is.
Legally it's child porn.
Because people, people have gotten, my friends of mine in Maryland, they had a
friend who was
sexting and he, and he sent a pic, he sent a picture of his dick that he took
when he was
16 and he was 18 at the time.
And like, first of all, hilarious to reuse.
You didn't go through a growth spurt?
Yeah.
Those are been two years.
She was so, it stopped at 16.
Anyway, he used a picture of his dick and then like the girl's parents found it
and he had
pictures of her and she was like 17 or something.
Yeah.
So he got in trouble for his own child porn and child porn from a girl he was
consensually
sexting.
No.
Cause she, I think she might've sent old pictures to him.
It was like this, this whole fucked up thing.
That's the whole thing.
That was the whole joke I was thinking about.
is you just send your boy a picture of you naked in the tub at seven.
And you're like, you have child porn on your phone.
She's probably taking me to the airport.
I'm just guessing.
My family had a picture like that growing up.
Like I used to, I used to be afraid to like walk in the basement to pee when I
was a kid.
So I'd pee in this jar.
We kept on the nightstand.
One time real Albanian shit right there.
That's how you, that's their elf on the shelf.
How is that jar of pee?
If the urine's too brown, you're being a bad boy.
You get no presents.
One time I was peeing in this thing.
And I don't remember like who, like one of my parents fucking took a picture of
it.
And they just like kept it in like a family photo album for years.
So family friends would come over.
One time I had this family friend over and I was like in elementary school.
She was looking through books.
She was like, I saw you pee.
I was like, what the fuck?
This is like my dick hanging over the lip of this fucking jar of pissing.
Well, so did they have to use like a magnifying glass to see it?
No, no.
It was a normal camera.
Not a high powered magnification camera.
Or your parents have known the thought that I had before when they're playing
chess.
And they're like, we just incriminated you.
Right, right, right, right, right.
That was piss porn.
That was child piss porn.
It's not just child porn, it's child piss porn.
Yeah.
I love that.
That is funny because we definitely had like picture.
There's a famous picture.
You've seen, have you seen the watermelon picture with me, Nick and George?
Me and my brothers have this, when we were, I was like three and they were like,
or maybe I was four and they were two.
And we have pictures, for whatever reason, of us naked holding hands, all like
riding a watermelon.
Your own watermelons?
I think there were two watermelons, or maybe there was one and we took turns,
but just straight, and it was like, our family loved it because it was like,
why were they doing this?
It's so funny.
Yeah.
They took, they happened, because it's like, there's no camera runs, they
happened to have a camera out and captured this weird moment of their like toddlers.
Yeah, you guys rubbing your, rubbing your gooch on a fucking watermelon.
Which we definitely all ate at, that's another hilarious thing, everyone's just
like, for dessert later, is just having.
We ate that watermelon!
Oh!
But yeah, it's like this thing they would just have as a cute, as a cute thing,
and it's like, yeah, that really is just kind of strange to be showing, showing
off a picture of your, your children's penises.
Yeah.
And they would show it well into like, when we were like teenagers and shit.
And I bet it's back around now.
Oh yeah.
Now you're all grown, they're like, you guys wanna see a fun photo?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it is, technically.
Yeah, that's on the, that's not on the Patreon, we don't wanna get.
That is technically child pornography.
Well, but you're.
That's the photo everyone wants to see.
You guys in second grade, I've seen it, it's nice.
Watermelon doll?
The watermelon and eldest pissing in a fucking Campbell's soup tin.
Yeah, dude, I love it.
I love your fucking dust bowl generation.
Before indoor, indoor plumbing.
Oh, they were foreigners.
Like, we were foreign and poor, but like eldest was just one step under us.
Yeah.
Because they were more recent immigrants.
That's so funny.
We, we, my family had like 10 years on his and he was like, they were living in
Ellis Islands.
His grandma like sleep, her room was a hallway.
Yeah.
She had like a cot.
Her bed was in the living room.
Really?
A cot.
Like right, right next to the TV.
It was like.
She used to be watching TV and then you're like, shut up Nana.
She would just sleep through the TV.
We'd be in, me and my sister would be in there late at night watching, just
like kind of whispering, like grandma would just be sleeping through that shit.
Have you lived alone yet?
Like completely alone?
I haven't lived completely alone.
He will never leave alone because we were roommates and then he moved in with
his girl.
He'll never do it.
Damn.
I wonder if you ever lived alone if you'd have to sleep on the floor like Hanks
and Castaway.
Yeah.
Like you're just so used to being with other people that you're like.
Yeah.
Dude, I don't, this is the first time I've lived alone and it is weird because
I grew up a similar
way where it was like grandma had the, you know, had the like room next to min