Name: Stavvy's World #4 - Marie Faustin & Matteo Lane
Uploaded: 2022-12-26T19:30:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #4 - Marie Faustin & Matteo Lane' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #4 - Marie Faustin & Matteo Lane' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-26. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #4 - Marie Faustin & Matteo Lane

there it is folks welcome to another episode of stavi's world so happy to have
my friends here
mateo marie we are going to get to all your fucking questions we're going to
solve your
life's problems call 904-800 stav but first i'm going to chop it up with my
guys here we're going
to fucking catch up it's good to see both of you that's right good to see both
of you wow marie i
do like that we talked about it before you are wearing the spinelli cosplay
with the orange hat
you are one of the rudest people i've ever met in my life that is true
they go hand in hand i think those are not true yeah yeah yeah i'm just a good
christian gal
when's the last time you went to church no i played one of the three wise men
once though
did you what you know i forgot the line but i stole that show
which one mer frankincense i'm gonna say frankincense because that's the one
that sounds
sexy that does sound good i mean mer sounds good mer sounds good like purr yeah
of course
yes thank you guys for coming all the way out to queens oh my god despite your
protestations you
made it here finally uh and yeah i'm happy to have you guys in the stew how's
it going i haven't seen
you motherfuckers forever okay so now who did the wall who painted this my
sister-in-law
she did a great job did she do greek diners uh no but we literally looked at
google image search
greek restaurant wall to make this happen this is a composite okay that's
incredible i feel like
i'm in santorini right that's right that's right she did good with the textures
of the clouds see that
yeah that's sponge work right there that's back yep sponge work it's really
nice she was over here
like
come on we don't spare any fucking expenses around here on stavi's world we
wanted you to feel like
you're in a greek this is if you're if your therapist was a vulgar comedian
that works at a
greek restaurant that's that's the vibe here okay but you know what's up with
you guys let's fix
your problems before we get into everybody else how's it going i haven't seen
you guys in forever
we see each other all the time pandemic happens and then yeah i mean you busy
you traveling the
world you you banging girls and i don't know states that i can't spell that's
true yeah yeah yeah
where were we last can you spell colorado
uh yeah no shit's going good um but yeah what's up with you motherfuckers how's
it going you're
traveling all over the place too i think we're following each other just
everywhere so stop was
here last week like we got the foot yeah we do have we do have the same career
same career
same audience yeah same body yeah same body stop we should do an only fans open
up an only fans of
just us two and release those pictures we really should come on we really
should so i will say and
i don't look this is not this is kind of like i can't take you know this is
like the the guy who
signed motown singers claiming like that he made the sound of motown happen i
was the first guy that
got you naked on the internet i was the first man to get you naked on the
internet no you weren't
because the reason well your your texts don't count i was
your eye message is done except that except your eye message to married men
to closeted accountants i remember before we met each other because i was
already putting up like
nude photos on instagram and then someone's like well you and stavros basically
have the same
instagram because the first photo i saw of you was you running through a sprinkler
that was one of the
classics yeah stavi baby originals and then we were like we should do photos
together let's do each
month the the funniest is i come over for thanksgiving and stavros literally
cooked a turkey
i had a prop turkey ready to go you cooked a real a real turkey a real bird and
i had no money at the
time either that was like that i hit my pot it was like a 60 turkey how long
did you cook the turkey
for for a long time it was like a real it was crispy why don't you just get
like a rotisserie chicken or
something those are like nine dollars listen you gotta fucking fake it till you
make it i'm not
gonna sit here i'm not gonna sit here i'm not gonna sit here he afforded this greek
yeah that's right
if i had had a rotisserie chicken we're fucking sitting in my living room right
now no fucking
mural behind us i heard doing a podcast no one's listening to that's true that's
it that's what
really catapulted you it's the turkey
yeah it was just every week was about like how to hide our dicks it was so we
had mario and luigi one
that was halloween those were classic before i had a mustache i had to put on a
fake one
wow can you imagine look at you now in the toothless days the bald and toothless
days not
not anymore what are you laughing at
i don't know what you're talking i have naturally thin hair marie
yeah the bang is juicy thank you thank you so much the curls are pretty nice
what kind of shampoo do
you use i feel like you use like a three in one sulfate free no no i don't use
three in one how dare
you shampoo body wash don't come in here with your with your stock white men
three in one you know
well the hair is a little stringy listen i am in need of a new uh regimen of a
new routine but you
know i fucking now i don't go to a fucking salon but at walgreens yeah yeah at
duane reed i'm i'm
doing the the best shampoo i can find at duane reed that's what i'm doing okay
no coupons no coupons
full price just points yeah yeah yeah yeah my cvs bucks i use that shit um i
don't know what the
fuck is that shit called do you see it in my in my bathroom aldis is it that
round bottle that round
bottle no it's vo5 no how dare you no i'm not i'm past garnier frutiques
but you know if you went to the salon they would probably make that it look
real juicy
i might have to go just go like once where's a good salon oh i don't know i don't
have that kind
of hair that's right or just get hair transplant i did it i don't want to get
hair transplant i do
think what because i i think i'm just stick this is part of the look we're in a
greek diner yes
i can't get transplants i gotta rock this exactly i got but i will say i was
just was i telling you
about it no i was telling my brother about it there will be i gotta go bald
ponytail i'm gonna wait
till it gets real nice and long and then after that i do have to make another
move and i was thinking
weaves i was thinking there is no there is no there's no straight white man
that's that's dipped
his toe into weaves why not well they do yeah why am i workshop so they glue
exactly exactly and just
fucking come out with a fucking full curl blonde curls one day and then you
guys could do like a
rom-com like book cover yeah dude i want to yeah i want to get married i want
to get married with a
with uh you know just hair down to my knees i think you guys do it every two
weeks so my so i had two
friends who did it okay glued hair on the head they really glued okay nice they
glued on the head
but then they tell you you can't sweat and you can't itch it so my my friend
monet got it done
and then ripped it off at the airport because it was so itchy oh my god and you're
not supposed to
that's why you must have patted you haven't seen a black girl do this of course
the classic pat
of course that would feel nice i would feel connected to the to the black
community if i started
patting my my comb over
if i look real fast i feel like i'm in haiti
that would be fucking sick to just be like a fat 40 year old white man at his
son's like parent-teacher
conference so so he's not listening so what's going on with traf he's just not
paying attention
he's just not paying attention i'm wearing dockers
hell yeah that's that's a dream but yeah we'll get there so the transplant's
going good though you
look great thanks it's it's gonna take so i got it done august 29th and then it
could they all come in
uh september or they come in in the end of december takes four months to grow
dude and when the doctor
asked me he was like lineage like do you have anyone bald in your family i was
like no he's like
your brother no but your dad no because what about your mom's dad and i go my
mom's dad is a mexican
with a one-inch forehead oh he looks like theresa judas so his hair starts
there
his hairline literally starts under his nose that's awesome ready like yeah
yeah so you got
fucked genetically genetically but you got the you're fucking your body's hot
though dude thank you you
got that juicy bucket the abs you got the fat ass it's either that or hair dude
yeah you can have
both you're clawing to your hair that's like when i hear women be like i want
to be with somebody
who's tall and smart i'm like girl he's gonna be short and smart or tall and
dumb exactly and eldest
is six five by the way so and he can't read i'm just pressing buttons here yeah
none of this is
being recorded he's practicing for his dj gig this weekend he legit like this
yeah no absolutely that's good man i'm happy for you what's going on though
overall you're traveling
though what's the dating life looking like the dating life is just i was i was
sort of seeing this guy
for like five months we would like facetime every single day and then we may
have vacations together
wow that's cute but then i was like oh do you want to do long distance and he
was like i can't it'd be
impossible i just can't do it interesting i was like god damn now i'm gay long
distance isn't that
just a guy you call sometimes yeah because don't all gay guys suck each other
suck other guys off on
the side or am i being uh homophobic right now uh both you're being problematic
and correct
i think it's true and i mean i guess there's like 12 guys who don't there's 12
gay couples and they're
lying yeah yeah and one of them is cheating most of the guys i sleep with which
is like a very small
number but most of them are partnered yeah and i think their husbands know of
course i love the
thing well they tell what do i don't ask don't tell it's the clinton army that's
the games brought it back
yeah that's nice yeah i'm dating girls in open relationships it's pretty nice
it feels like a
girlfriend airbnb is how i put it oh or it's like you know once a week you know
what i mean i can't
afford a house but i want to go to the you know i want to go to the upstate you
know what this weekend
cabin we'll go upstate because i see everyone going upstate i'm like i want to
do an upstate weekend
where do people go what would you do hang out with some bears yeah no well that's
that means a lot
yes he would uh no i'm not usually into bears but he said no don't wow yeah
yeah yeah yeah he doesn't
want his dms flooded with guys that look like me and eldest i heard you were
into bears
deactivate his whole account i'm actually married
but bears are usually like very i feel like if you like are calling yourself a
bear they've got like a
bear flag bear pride but like bears love bears you know and i'm just sort of
like playing fortnite with
friends you don't like the the tribalism that fat gay guys have have put onto
there it's not just
it's not just bears it's every like i'm so too much but i want to find like an
upstate like people
go and like yeah a little cabin yeah where do people go did you go anywhere on
this did you ever go
upstate like hudson i mean hudson new york is not woodstock woodstock you just
find like airbnb
yeah yeah what do you do up there you just like just try not just like hippie
reformed people who
like were tired of being poor in the city for like 15 years you get some apple
butter yeah you go to
like a a little shop yeah you go to a shop to make sure apple butter you know
you get your dick sucked
while the while the leaves turn that's maybe maybe a deer comes out and you're
like oh it's beautiful
literally that's it you go with someone you want to fuck you don't go to like
there's nothing to do so
you like you fuck and then there's like you go for a little walk and you go you
know you go to a
nice diner what would you do friend whose husba