Name: Humiliating first time | Stavvy's World
Uploaded: 2023-01-05T19:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Humiliating first time | Stavvy's World' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Humiliating first time | Stavvy's World' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-05. Transcript available.

I'd love to get back to when you first were fucking and you busted immediately.
Oh, right.
That was so many interesting kids.
So this college, set the stage for me.
All right, I'm at college.
I'm at SUNY Purchase.
SUNY Purchase, love it.
Out-of-state tuition, even though it's a state school.
Brutal.
On my part.
Yeah, yeah.
And there's this girl who, we were friends, and one night we're complaining
about how we're both virgins.
There's this other kid in the classroom, like, super fat, who lost his virginity.
We're like, this is bullshit.
Yeah, this is fucking tub of shit fucked.
What about us?
Yeah, so I just joked and I said, we should just have sex.
We're just friends.
I just joked and I was like, we should fuck.
But you were sweating.
Yeah, yeah.
You were like, ha-ha.
It would be so funny if we fucked.
It's a joke if you take another joke in serious if you take another joke.
Oh, believe me, I was a virgin late.
You know how many of those I lobbed out there?
They got fucking smacked down and I had to be like, of course not.
What the fuck?
Yeah, so she goes, really?
And I'm like, oh, really?
And I'm like, you're serious?
Yeah, and I'm like, okay, let's do it.
Wow, you never hooked up, you never kissed, anything like that?
Never kissed.
I was like, should we kiss tonight just to make it less awkward?
And she's like, I don't know.
And then I was like, she was like, let's flip a coin.
Oh, my God.
I know, yeah.
Just no...
No country for old men fucking making it out.
How much will you allow on this coin toss?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it was hedge or whatever, we made it out.
And then we had a plan to have sex.
And I remember I was freaking out about prematurely ejaculating.
And I read this book.
I think I was reading at the time, Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning.
He survived the Holocaust.
It's very weird.
He survived the Holocaust.
So it's a great book.
So wait, wait, wait.
This is what you're reading to get your dick hard for your first...
Well, this is what's weird about it.
So it's actually a great book about like, he survived the Holocaust.
He did it the whole time.
He imagined that his wife was still alive even though she wasn't.
And the whole philosophy on the book, it's a psychological book.
And I get to the end and it says, not coming early, it's all psychological.
So you have to actually use reverse psychology.
If you don't want to come early, try to come early.
Hilarious.
So I was like, in my head, I'm like, we're about to have sex.
I'm putting my penis in the vagina.
I'm like, come early.
And I just come early.
Like, you did not work.
It's so funny to think about this girl.
She's hot, right?
She hasn't made it work for whatever reason.
She's like, you know, I've built up a rapport with this guy.
I trust him.
I want my first time to be safe and nice.
And you are just busting a condom, I'm guessing.
So I came early.
And then I remember I pulled out and said, my condom fell off.
She didn't realize I came.
Awesome move.
Awesome move, right?
Yeah.
So I go to the dresser.
I get another condom.
Yeah.
Try to put it on.
But I couldn't get it up now.
And so I had gone through, like, I had experienced both erectile dysfunctions
on my first time having sex.
Wow.
Which I think was really traumatic.
That's a tough, that's a bad omen, too.
Yeah, that's why I have my back pains.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I believe that, actually.
So I couldn't get it up.
But I was trying really hard.
And then the only way I could really get it up is I started imagining this
other girl I was in love with in high school and imagining fucking her.
And your dick got hard.
And my dick got hard.
So through my first time having sex, I experienced erectile dysfunction, coming
early, not getting up, and just not being present.
Yeah, yeah.
Imagining someone else.
You literally had sex the way a 64-year-old, like, insurance salesman fucks his
wife.
I can't shut up.
I'll think about Maria that one night I spent with her in Paris.
The only time you felt love.