Name: Stavvy's World #10 - Matteo Lane | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2023-02-06T19:38:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #10 - Matteo Lane | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #10 - Matteo Lane | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-06. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #10 - Matteo Lane | Full Episode

welcome everybody back to stop this world 904 800 stop call in if you if you
need us to help
you solve all your life's problems we have our first repeat guest my pal one of
my one of my
best friends and you know what i'm gonna take off the in comedy mateo just just
one of my best boys
that's high praise you know we've it's funny because when you meet someone
through comedy
you're like oh yeah i know him through comedy and it's like if you look at the
years it's like oh
it's i've known mateo almost a decade yeah it's like we've been like we've in
this in this very
apartment we've seen each other's penises probably six years ago seven years
ago yeah i think seven
years ago seven years ago yeah good for us we've gone through so many different
so many different
of my looks no mustache completely bald yeah you you've gone through a huge i've
i've almost remained
yeah the same mario character yes yes yes i'm luigi traditional yeah i'm the
character they have to
keep uh you know they got to make new action figures with me i have more hair
classic that's right
more hair which is nice more hair more botox that's pretty much what i have
what would happen if me and
eldest got botox do you think you guys would look very great you think we'd
look good you have good
skin we talked about this on the plane that you have like you're like the one
of the one of all the
things that god has done for me the only thing the only solid god did my body
the rest of my body big
mess you are not a big mess you look great thank you so you're so fashionable
in paris thank you that's
right and we had to have mateo back of course uh because we need to do a we
need to do a re a recap
of that i was literally both of us were literally fashion week models and i
wanted to talk about it with
somebody that was there in paris shout out to kid super he had a bunch of comedians
out there and it
just feels like crazy to just do that yeah and not you know and not talk about
it at least mention it
a little bit on the pod of course we'll get to your questions you know we'll we'll
help we'll help some
incels you were great you and marie were so great on the first episode you guys
were on the problem is
when marie is anywhere i am i just i'm like so entertained yeah she's like i'm
like oh i should say
something yeah i'm like i fucking love her marie makes me laugh so hard it's
true and it's hard not
it's it was a very we interrogated marie we told her to you know start getting
flown out instead of
paying for her own vacations it was a we it was a more marie centric but now we
get to focus on you
we get so boring you're very you're not boring at all you're you're a hilarious
mateo is one of the
most eldest i'm sure i don't know if you know this how many skills mateo has is
so annoying
you you can fucking he's a he can paint like he just every time he can sing he
can do comedy i've
seen the cooking videos the cooking videos he's jacked good looking good penis
by the way folks
i saw through the corner of my eye a couple times nice nice piece on this man
right here he's got it
thanks i am italian he's italian i know plenty of uh little peened italians i'm
sure you do oh i think
so sorry scusa that is interesting that you have so much uh national pride that
you pretend that
everyone has a big penis in italy all the dicks i've encountered in italy have
been great
interesting if anyone's the expert here uh that's true that's true you know but
no i thanks that's
nice of you do you think it self-selects for the guys with enough confidence to
approach you
in italy have every man has confidence in italy that's true it doesn't matter
what they look like
or what they do they all have this they exude the same amount of confidence
that is it is the most
unearned confidence that people has had they're like they just like look around
look we do we build
this let's fuck yeah yeah it is like greeks are like that too where they have
so much unearned
confidence because of how successful we were four thousand years ago like italy
and greece both have
been nothing but like a mess for the last hundred years yes italy were
literally like you know who's
cool hitler we're gonna we're gonna partner up with him you guys have that
added element to it it's
like greece you ever hear mike vecchio's joke about that he's like everyone
forgets about please
mike vecchio and please follow me goes everyone forgets that italy was a part
of you know uh hitler's
side he's like but i think we're forgiven because of our food people are like
hey weren't you guys on
the other side yeah but look at this chicken cacciatore yeah that is true like
we're forgiven
japan too sushi come on i'm i think with italians too like i would notice when
we were when we were
in paris i'm used to going you're used to greece i'm used to italy yeah these
are sort of comparable
in europe as like chaos and absolute chaos parking on the sidewalk oh cars in
every direction absolutely
and there's no distinguished like nothing distinguishes the difference between
a sidewalk
and a street and no mountain roads that i don't know if italy's like this greece
everyone's driving
drunk as shit everyone's drunk and everyone's on these winding roads not even
the the thought of a
guardrail not at all and no mirror no mirror no nothing they'll honk when they're
coming around
the corner fast that's the only safety measure and literally i knew drunk 14
year olds that would
drive like mopeds up these things at like 2 a.m and it's like this is just you
guys aren't scared i
guess when you've lived in a a culture that old italy and greece it's like yeah
what's life what's
life our life is completely expendable i couldn't get over the like we and we'll
get to this in a
second but just the fact that we were walking around paris i'm so used to italy
i was texting
this guy that i was briefly dating who's parisian and i said your streets are
like everything is so
organized and he goes well yeah you're italian yeah i think you guys are a mess
it's so weird how
different europe really is and how close everything is yeah like i always had
this idea because again
all i did all i did was go to greece and then you look at a map and you see how
close london and
england like i've been reading a lot of medieval history shit just that i don't
know lady i like i
like to read shit that's gonna put me to bed honestly yeah so i picked it
because i thought it'd be
boring and then i kind of got into they were also drunk all the time everyone's
drunk as hell
everyone lived in in a little hut with their fucking donkey yeah literally
indoors the animals and
like but it's so interesting to me that like most of european histories french
and english in
particular is kings just taking turns taking lands from each other because they're
right next door
to each other and it was like how can they be so different how can these
cultures be so different
when they're this they're like a nut hair away from each other yeah it doesn't
everything is is
completely italian greeks 100 it's the same like you know chaos everything is
the same france france has
that snooty yeah the snootiness that they never really got over they still look
down on england
for like like the first the first kings of england spoke french and just looked
at the english as
they're dumb basically like they're slaves they're like we're gonna take we're
gonna make these dumb
dumb british like you know farm for us while we you know get silks and linens
and all that kind of
punish and have gay sex in our palaces well that part yeah that sounds pretty
good huh pal
but the french somehow have maintained that like type of superiority it's in
the sound of the
language it's crazy it's like it's like it's insane yeah i i almost wonder
sometimes if like
a language dictates a lot of how a society like cultural mannerisms does that
make any sense it
does you know because there is like if you think about italy it's very
expressive it's very loose
it's very you know so the the vibe of italy is so much different than germany
is the best example
of this right oh my god they're just just it's like living in a fridge yeah so
the opposite of
mediterranean it's crazy and and everything is like loud and like it's it feels
like you're getting
yelled at you're either getting yelled but sternly sternly not like with
passion yeah like you've
messed up at your job not like i just caught you cheating like there's a
difference between um uh
and someone being like yeah yeah yeah i was speaking spanish for a second every
italian man is
almost to tears uh whenever they have a when they have like a request of you it's
like they can be
brought to tears so easily yeah uh from beauty or from a minor annoyance or
just needing you know
needing help but can i tell you how i got the invite to paris because i was a
late i was the
day you were and i didn't want to tell this to you because so i replaced mike tyson
that's what everyone said wow you're right because yeah well most people do
think of me when they can't
get mike tyson yeah but i'm like kathy griffin i'm like when back in the days
she's like i have a
dress ready to go so if someone drops out in hollywood squares i'm in like yeah
i don't give a
shit a free flight to paris on a private jet i was literally like a puma jet a
puma the v a 60 million
dollar jet beyonce has been on the jet which there's something humbling knowing
that beyonce
pissed in that it was true beyonce's ass my ass cheeks and beyonce's ass cheeks
were on the same
toilet now i was doing a little more damage if i had to guess after a whole
weekend of eating baguettes
and butter i had seven croissants so much today i feel like we had steak yeah
yeah it was wild i'm not
a big steak guy i don't know why i ordered a steak on our way there i'm a big
steak guy and it was good
but it did definitely it definitely fucked me up for the rest of the trip
eldest could have gone too
i offered eldest to come but he had to be with his girlfriend on the one week
off he gets a year
rica took my only vacation for over a year with my girlfriend wow you can go to
the romantic city
of paris with my friends stop here we had a great time it looked awesome benny
butt cheeks replaced
you shout out to everybody if you guys don't know ben o'brien another member of
the uh the creative
director of stavi baby enterprises uh he he came we had a great crew it was you
know me you ben santino
theo vaughn was on the on the jet with us that was great there's the four of us
sitting there sharing a
steak it was awesome chatting it was insane like it truly was insane and part
of me was like damn private
jets are so bad for the world and then i was like wow they're gonna take the
jet with or without me
but also what is it what is it if i'm not on it you know having kids is bad for
the world that's
so like i i'm not gonna have kids so let me have this one private jet i love
that son of a yeah but
yeah i i would you guys just get to smoke you know they're just like polluting
and imagine if we could
smoke on that plane i mean when i leave this planet i'm leaving a a a carbon
fingerprint not a footprint but i i
i will say i was in the middle of hooking up with this brazilian guy and we're
like like shirts are
coming off oh yeah and i have my phone is buzzing like and i'm like oh my god
and i could tell it was
a text like is someone dying i was like um uh perdona man i have to look at my
phone and it was
mark for who works for market gaggle gaggle gaggle i don't say his name french
i don't either uh saying
can you go to paris tomorrow there'll be a flight that takes you it's a private
jet it's for a fashion
show it's for kids who were louis vuitton and i was like what is this witchcraft
i was like i
literally said i'll call you back yeah yeah then i had sex i have some to suck
pal
i did and i respect that mateo yeah i mean priorities yeah yeah but then i was
like well
they want me so you know uh so i called him and he was like saying t