Name: Stavvy's World #13 - Monroe Martin | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2023-02-27T20:28:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #13 - Monroe Martin | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #13 - Monroe Martin | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-27. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #13 - Monroe Martin | Full Episode

Welcome everybody back to Stavi's World. We got a heater for you guys 904-800-STAV
if you want to call in and leave your questions. We got my boy Monroe Martin in.
Yo yo what's up can I say hopa too? You can say hopa go crazy. What does that
mean though? It's just like a ohhh. It's like the Greek yurt. It's a really
close to yurt. You know what it is pretty close to yurt.
If you're really letting them fly if you're breaking you're breaking plates.
You can break plates. Oh dude. Greek parties go buck wild.
Because when black people break cops get calls. We're no longer allowed in the
building no more.
No no no that's the thing it's like it really is flexing. They're like we don't
even care about our plates. That's how much we're partying.
It's like we don't go there. I wonder what the overhead is though. Dude for a
good for a good baptism. Yeah. Doesn't even matter what's going on.
That's the first people I ever saw make it rain. It was old Greek guys. And
they just when people are dancing they take it's like the same thing. It's it's
just flexing. It's all it is.
Flexing is across is across all cultures. So why are more like black women
going after Greek dudes. This is a great question.
Giving the money up so freely. This is a great question. I'll be only Greek
dudes. And you know what. Old Greek dudes.
From your lips to God's ears Monroe. Hey. I would love to have a black wife.
That's the next move. Get yourself one man. That would be great. It would be
nice.
We've got Super Producer Eldest coming in. Playing not quite his flu game. Eldest's
cheeks have been loose the last 24 hours. Isn't that right Eldest?
I woke up at 6am. Just my stomach was making crazy noises. And that was all
morning. It was crazy. I'm on a sick episode.
No. Don't worry. It's just Eldest. I think it was a stomach bug. Yeah. He had a
little romantic dinner once. He used a groupon to take his girlfriend out. Oh,
how dare you? Oh. I've been full priced. I've been full priced. That's what you
get.
No, no. We don't worry about that around here. Get him a discount meal.
Poor Eldest. You can see. You can see he's struggling. He's fighting over there.
You're gonna do. You're gonna make it. I believe that you do. Yeah, he's red as
s**t though. He is. He's very red. His body is fighting whatever he's got in
there. It's getting hot as s**t in here already. It's minute two. It's cold. It's
minute two. I am fine. It's perfect temperature, y'all.
All morning I've even been like ice cold to the touch or just hot as s**t. Just
going back and forth.
Dude, you got that little pre-feed dinner that was been sitting under the heat
lamp all weekend. Where'd you go? Chinese buffet?
Yeah, he took his girl out to number one China dragon. No, we went to this Peruvian
spot. This is actually pretty nice. It's a good restaurant. Yeah. It's called Lama
Inn in Williamsburg.
Lama Inn. Okay. It's a good restaurant. Yeah, yeah. It's actually legitimately
really tasty. But I also followed it up with like two slices of pizza right
afterwards, like across the street.
Yeah. And it could have been the fish at Lama Inn. It could have been some old-ass
buffalo chicken sitting out for who knows how long.
And he had a buffalo chicken slice. It wasn't even a plane. No. A plane to
cleanse the palate before dessert. What was your problem? That's one thing.
Well, like why did you go eat another meal? Come on, man. You know the answer.
He is though. I can get his heart. He is.
I can get into this story. Basically, we tried some like breath work class. And
just f*****, you know, it was like an hour and a half. Just some hippie s**t.
The breath work.
The breath work. And afterwards I woke, I felt like a baby at the womb or
something. I was like, what is going on? And I was like, we just like passed
the pizza place on the way there. And I was like, I don't feel like eating some
little fancy-ass dinner right now.
Oh, wow. I was thinking about like pizza all night. So after the breath work,
you wanted pizza. Yes. You do an hour and a half of breath work that's supposed
to what? Connect you with your most inner desires with the person you love. You're
with your girlfriend. And the thing, the dominating thought coming out of that
breath work was, I need a nice slice.
No. If you guys did, I knew how I felt. You would not have wanted to go sit at
some like kitchen place. I'm like, how out of shape is he where breath work?
Yeah. Taking deep breaths. I think I just got ill from looking within. Yeah,
that is the real issue. Eldest looked within. I don't want to introspect that
anymore. No. Everyone on this podcast, everyone at the Stavi Baby Enterprise is
barely keeping it together.
You know what, though? I aspire to that level of love where you go out, you
have a fancy dinner, and there's no judgment between you and your girl love
each other so much that you can get two slices of pizza afterwards. And look,
is she thrilled? Probably not. But she accepts you for who you are. That's
beautiful.
Because in my mind, she's going to have to deal with all of that on top. Right?
Just all of that sweaty cheese.
100%. There's no way Eldest fucks post-meal. Eldest barely fucks on an empty
stomach.
No, it didn't happen last night.
Neither here nor there. Neither here nor there.
You know, she was dealing with it this morning when I was like, I could barely
get out of bed and shit.
She was tending to you. Yeah. That's beautiful, man. Thank you. Thank you. That's
really nice.
True love. Shout out to her. Shout out to her. Absolutely. We're glad. We're
glad you're fighting through it.
That's got to be nice. You got it. I'm sure you've had that. You're married.
You must have a nice situation where you could just...
You used to also be fatter. You look great these days. Thank you, man. Yeah. No,
I had to get my shit together, man.
I had black back problems and shit. I'm about to say black problems.
They are. Yeah, yeah. High cholesterol and high blood pressure.
In many ways, being a fat man, that's kind of like cultural appropriation. I'm
taking black health problems.
Yeah, man. You know, with high cholesterol and high blood pressure.
I see it.
I had to keep getting like fucking epidurals on my back and stuff. Wow. And
then the last time...
Like you were giving birth. Yo.
The same shit they give a lady whose pussy is split wide open. Just fucking, I'm
just like...
Just you going for a brisk walk. Yeah. You needed it.
And the last time I went to physical therapy, I had like a young dude and like
afterwards,
he was just like, hey man, can I just be honest with you? And nothing good
comes after that.
No, no. When a medical professional is like, hey, off the clock, man to man, I'm
not supposed to say this,
but this, whatever that is. You're too young.
He was like, you're too young to be really just dealing with these problems.
Cause everyone in physical therapy was like old ass men and women. Yeah, you
get in there and there's walkers.
I'm 36 and I'm fucking just sitting on the floor all the way.
He was like, watch these YouTube videos. Here's some printouts. And he was like,
just lose weight.
Yeah. I was like, well, all right.
Did you ever have any back injuries before or was it just like... No, just fat
shit.
Just being fat as hell. Just being fat as shit, man.
Yeah. I've been working out. I've been, I've been lifting weights this last,
the last like few months. And it's like, it's simply to stay alive.
Yeah. Like it's like, it's like, it's not even like, it's not, I'm not losing
weight at this point.
It's just like the, all the travel, all the like eating, you know, like, you
know,
it's my birthday this weekend. I, you know, I got fucked up.
Thank you, bro.
Um, uh, I was just, you know, whatever. It's like being on the road, all that
stuff.
It's like, I actually do feel good, but I'm not making progress.
I'm just like not getting fat.
And at a certain, at a certain point, it's like, you have to do just exercises.
So your back, like literally my back, I had the same shit with the middle of my
back.
And I was like, wow, I must need a new mattress.
And then I literally worked out for three weeks and it was like, oh yeah, that's
it.
I did a couple of back exercises.
But isn't it like, sometimes once you're big, like, once you start trying to
lose the weight, you can die, right?
Cause then your body will fucking be like, ah, we got used to this shit.
Absolutely.
Yeah. Isn't that what happened to the big pun or something?
No, no, I think he just was fat.
He was so fat.
He died.
Damn.
I don't think it was a trying to lose weight situation.
That guy was big as hell.
Yeah.
I mean, it wouldn't make sense.
Like you can't say big pun.
Of course.
You know what I mean?
It wasn't like...
He had some leeway though.
Chubby pun.
At the end, he was real big.
I salute that guy for getting pussy at that weight.
Because when I get to 325, right now I'm at 310.
Yeah.
When I get to 325, it's like...
Oh, you want to keep going.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, yeah, yeah.
You're like, I got gold.
In the instances when I have been, I said it like I'm building to it.
Yeah.
I was like, if I eat a little more and I get to 325, then my penis won't work
at all.
But dude, when I get one iota fatter than I currently am, it's like you turn
into an old
woman.
Yeah.
Where it's like, I have no sex drive.
I just want to eat chocolates and gossip with my friends.
But guess what?
Big dudes stay with women.
Yeah.
That's true.
At least growing up in Philly, most of the big dudes who would fly and had all
the chicks,
they were fat.
I know.
They had a nice car.
They had nice gear.
And I get it.
You can't fuck your girl that much, but you can eat her pussy and treat her
nice.
Yeah, exactly.
Amen.
That's kind of my motto.
Yeah.
I'm gonna eat your pussy and treat you nice.
Absolutely.
Now, there have been great advances in dick pill technology.
Yeah.
That's true.
However, I think Big Pun probably would have died five years earlier if he had
access to-
Some Romans.
If he had access to the, yeah, Blue Chew Roman.
Hey, you hear that folks?
I could have said your name brand right here.
So think about that.
As a big dick pill user, I'm probably the number one free agent advertising
dick pill wise
out there on the internet right now.
You take dick pills?
They don't make you sweaty?
I'll take them for a special occasion when I really want to throw some primo
dick.
Yeah.
You know?
But then you fucking too long.
Sure.
Yeah, it does.
It does.
It really does elongate the nut in a way where it's like-
Yeah.
Cause your dick stops being an instrument for your pleasure.
At this point, you've turned it into like a rubber mallet.
Yeah.
Where it's like-
They almost have to come by accident at a certain point.
Whoa!
Whoa!
There we go!
You've turned it into a blunt object to hurt a woman's pussy with.
There's no more having a good time with it.
You just have to prove to yourself you can get hard.
So I'm sure there's some actual dosage that, you know, you should-
Actually, the reality is just like that physical therapist, a doctor, a real
doctor and not some bullshit internet company that's trying to sell me $50
worth of dick pills every month.
A real doctor would be like, you're 34, you're fattest shit, just take a couple
walks every week and you'll probably be able to get hard.
Just do some squats.
Yeah, literally dude.
And also, it's also funny cause it's like, also your body just tells you that,
hey, maybe you shouldn't just fuck random strangers.
Yeah.
What did your body tell you?
Huh?
Your body tells you that.
You know what I mean?
Cause it's like, I remember being in a relationship, even when you're, when I
was fat, I was like, my dick would work very, like better than a dick pill.
Right?
And it's like, oh, right.
Maybe I should love-
Love this individual.
Half the people I fuck.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
As opposed to-
But nah, sometimes you get that fucking-
These percentages are not good.
You get that at wood, and it's only like for that perso