Name: Stavvy's World #30 - Ian Fidance and Jordan Jensen | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2023-06-26T18:32:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #30 - Ian Fidance and Jordan Jensen | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #30 - Ian Fidance and Jordan Jensen | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-26. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #30 - Ian Fidance and Jordan Jensen | Full Episode

Hello my beautiful friends. We're gonna have to wait a second for the beautiful
theme music to kick in because I want to tell you about our friends at GameTime.co,
the GameTime ticketing app. They rule. They make buying tickets so beautifully
easy. I snagged the app. I was scrolling through there. Me and Nell just
talking about Orioles are in town this weekend. Gonna beat the Yankees. I'm
over it. Gonna beat them up bad. I'm scrolling through GameTime. The app is
beautiful.
They tell you everything they got. Sports, music, Broadway. You want to go
watch Hamilton and get some of the worst, I guess I shouldn't curse in an ad,
the worst something from a woman in your life.
Go see Hamilton and get someone perform something very poorly and dryly from
the least interesting women who probably, you know, voted for Kamala Harris. If
you want to do that,
GameTime's got you.
So, we're really pumped to have them as sponsors. So, download the GameTime app,
create an account, and use code STAVI for $20 off your first purchase. That's
beautiful. 20 bucks on me and Eldis. We're each kicking in 10.
Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code STAVI for $20 off.
Download GameTime today. Last minute tickets. Lowest prices. Guaranteed. You're
gonna love it.
Speaking of tickets. You see that? Speaking of tickets, I am taking a little
break in the summer. Well, I'm going to the Fully Loaded Tour, so the last
weekend of that, so go check that out.
Vegas, Salt Lake City, Boise, etc. George Washington. Is that right? The Gorge
Amphitheater. But, more importantly, not more importantly, sorry, Bert. More
importantly for me, Bert's got a lot of money. Okay? He's fine.
I will be in London Town. Beautiful old London at the Hackney Empire on
September 2nd. I'm also gonna be in Amsterdam, one of my favorite cities in the
world. I can't wait to go back on September 5th.
And then Cincinnati, then the Fall Tour, Cincinnati, Columbus, Cleveland,
Baltimore for a big homecoming run. Detroit, we just added tickets to that.
Grand Rapids, Philadelphia, I'm coming all over the place. Florida, Fort Lauderdale,
St. Louis, Kansas City, Milwaukee, New York.
Go to Stavi.biz, get your tickets. We're very pumped to hit the road in the
fall. Me and my boy, Elvis, will be back out there. It's gonna be great. We're
playing bigger venues, we're doing bigger shows, working on the new, the third
hour. I have a special coming out. Before the special comes out, I gotta come
up with something new. So, come out. I'll be trying a bunch of stuff. Will the
shows be good? Hey, who's to say? But it will be a fun experience.
So, Stavi.biz for tickets. And of course, go buy your tickets to, you know,
sporting events, whatever, theater, whatever, even comedy. If you, you know, if
you want to see some, go buy the, go, go patronize our friends at GameTime.co,
the GameTime app. A great way to get lowest prices guaranteed last minute.
Beautiful. Hey, elders, hit the music.
Hoppa! Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-STAV. We got Stavi's World
after dark. We're usually a morning show, you know? Every time you guys have
been on before. You were here at 10 a.m.
No way. Yeah, dude. I've never been anywhere at 10 a.m. I promise you. It was
11.
Well, yes, the show, you were supposed to be here at 10 a.m. There it is. Maddie
was here at 10 a.m. I had to sleep in Astoria to be here on time. I did.
Oh, yeah. At an ex's house. Hilarious. I banged an ex for you.
You could have banged elders now. If you watched that episode now. You could
have fucked me.
I have a bed right here. I just slept right in this room. Why didn't I think
anymore? Shit.
You know what, Jordan? It's like you just, your brain doesn't think about all
the possibilities. It doesn't take it all in. You have a small worldview.
Did you pop that hole in that wall for that? Did you put that hole in the wall
for the air conditioning? You want to start the episode with stuff no one can
see?
Okay. What's that lighting fixture in there?
Just so people know. No, I didn't. It's a very common thing in New York where
there's a hole underneath the window.
Excuse me, expert. I believe years ago you asked me to come over to put in your
A.C. Do you remember that?
Yeah. And she's dressed like she's just about to.
Not because you know anything about where the A.C. holes go. That doesn't mean
you know anything about architecture.
No, I don't know anything about it. Yeah, I know some stuff. No, you don't. I
don't know some stuff.
Remember how the Jordan did, we've covered this on the show. That thing looks
great.
Hey, can I air something up? Yeah. When's that thing getting glazed? Yeah, when's
it getting laminated?
You paid me $200. What happened? It was $800. Please tell me what happened.
It was $200. What did she do? Pull up the Venmo. What happened? Huh? What
happened?
Okay, great. Let's get into it. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Welcome to another episode of B and Ian with Jordan. No, it's not. No, it's not.
Stavros. Bleep that out, Eldis. Bleep that out.
Laugh track. Laugh track. Let's do a laugh track.
Welcome to Stavros World. Ian is finally on a free episode because he called me
crying.
No. No. My allergies.
Come on, man. How many Patreons am I going to be on?
Pull me on a free episode. And then I had somebody else lined up. He's like,
can I do it with Jordan?
Just getting a free episode in. No, you said. I'll bring up the text.
I said, because I wanted to get, I had JP around. He lives in Astoria. You know.
Are we talking about how I got dragged onto this?
No, no, no. Jordan's got to go fuck her ex for shelter after this.
You know what I mean? Like, you are really inconveniencing a lot of people.
I feel the wind's coming. I need to stay with you.
You're inconveniencing a lot of people to make this happen, Ian.
Oh, it's going to be a wet summer. I'm going to need lots of shelter, mister.
I did think about it on my way here. I was like, do I need anything?
Did I forget anything?
Any excuse.
So we're here. We're doing not B&E with Jordan, but we are. We do have both Ian
and Jordan here.
What do black people call breaking and entering?
What black people? B&E is not black people slang.
Oh, B&E. That's what it sounds like.
B&E, breaking and entering.
What are the ones who do crimes? What's their shorthand for it?
What are those black men? What do those black men call it?
A B&E is a cop term.
When they get their money.
What do black people call breaking and entering? Going to the ATM?
What do black people call their employment?
What's it called when a black person makes their money?
What's that called?
So anyway, here's Ian's third Patreon episode.
I don't know how you thought bringing me on would get you into normal.
We have Jordan and Ian on, couple pals, two faves on the show.
Welcome back to the studio, guys. Thanks for being here.
Thanks for having us, man.
How's the day been so far?
Is anybody else?
So you're going back to your ex for shelter.
I'm, we are.
You're done?
Done.
Are we, are you in a cycle?
Are you currently in one of those cycles as well?
Yeah, you got out of the cycles and I got back in now.
You got to get out now.
No, mine's not a cycle.
Yours is a cycle of abuse and destitution.
Mine is, we broke up and got back together.
You got abandoned just like me and then got back together.
I just had it nine times.
Yeah, but mine only happened once.
Yours happened nine in a calendar year.
Nine in a calendar year.
Yeah, I'm a woman.
All the crazy has to be multiplied by nine.
But it's the same.
And now do you think that the, your ex is, he's also fucking other women, I'm
guessing?
Oh, stop.
What are we doing?
What are we doing?
That's, that's why we are not together because he wants to.
And I see, I see, I see.
I mean, I, I could, but I'm not motivated by it.
I see.
I actually could, but I just don't want to know.
I'm like, fuck whoever you want.
Just do we have to have a.
You're old fashioned.
Yeah.
Cheat on me in secret.
Cheat on me, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's called being in an Italian marriage.
Just don't let me find out.
Don't let me get an STD.
I don't want to be, I don't want to be wondering if somebody's used to live in
it.
I had a halfway house with this dude that was an ex-pagan.
And he goes, Molly, man, we got it.
Ex-pagan?
The motorcycle game?
Motorcycle.
No, he was a Wiccan.
That's what I thought.
I mean, is that out of the question for people you know?
Living in a halfway.
Yeah.
No, this dude was a motorcycle guy.
And he was like, oh, lady, Becky, man, she's the best.
She says, hey, do what you want.
Just make sure you wrap it up.
I was like, that's the way to go.
I think Chappelle has a rig up like that.
A set up like that?
Probably.
I mean, most rich people have, like, LeBron James is married to his high school
sweetheart.
You think LeBron James hasn't fucked thousands of women?
I don't know.
There's something sweet about that.
Come on, man.
Are you serious?
You would cheat.
I would like to think that that's love.
Going off of being a Philly headliner 10 years ago, you would cheat.
A local headliner, dude.
You don't think if you were the best basketball player of all time, you would
get side pussy?
No, I don't know.
Being with your high school sweetheart for that long, there's some sort of
thing there that it's,
I would like to live in a world where they're not cheating and they truly have
real love.
Well, that's great.
I would love that.
I think truly everybody cheats.
You would also love to be fully straight.
I think every single person.
But that's not happening either.
Lord knows I'm making a go for it.
Lord knows I'm trying.
I'm seeing a different type of bacon about that.
Come on.
Give me some sage.
You're doing spells.
Yeah.
It is true.
The hotter your girlfriends get, the more I'm like, ah, death protests too much.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
No, that's a go-to of like, not, obviously Ian is dealing with his own issues,
but like
a fully closeted man, you can tell when they've only ever dated smoke shows
because they don't
actually find someone attractive.
They just, they're like, well, this is who is hot.
Like if no one says some ugly person's excuse for dating gross checks.
You were dagging at my like three armpit hairs.
What's that?
No, no.
Because your armpit hairs are gross.
You don't have to show them.
I don't mind stubble.
I don't mind stubble.
But her armpit hairs look like a Chinese painter's chin.
Just like three that he like pulled on to think about.
She's got a Fu Manchu.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you go fully no shave?
I don't have anything stuff.
Look at that.
Oh, you just have a couple.
Look at the couple.
Oh, okay.
That's fine.
Yes, he was gagging.
That's a, who are you kidding with that?
I, if there's going to be armpit hair, I want it to be straight like a man.
I want it to be this like wispy, waspy little bit.
It's all or nothing, baby.
I actually really like the wispy, waspy little bit because it's like, it's
natural but feminine
at the same time.
Yeah.
When someone barely has any armpit hair, I'm like, great.
You know?
I've definitely, I don't have a problem with that.
I like stubble.
Stubble's fine.
That's fine.
There's no stubble there.
It looks like.
You want to be kissing a 45-year-old man on the cheek?
No.
No.
If it was stubble, it'd be like, oh, that's normal.
But I've never seen a woman's armpit hair look like a teenager getting pubes
for the first
time.
I just don't grow a lot of hair.
It's all my head.
These are tattooed on.
Nuh-uh.
Yes.
Feel it.
It is.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
No.
There's light hair on it, but yeah, it's very light.
That's weird, dude.
I never noticed that.
Microblading.
Good for you.
Yeah, dude.
That's correct.
Well, your stance on armpit hair is insane.
Well, wait a year.
My stance on pubes.
Let's hear them.
I don't like them.
At all.
I like a landing strip.
No period sex either.
Wow.
I don't like period sex.
Landing strip makes your vagina look like a homeschooler.
No, I don't want it coming down.
What are you talking about?
Not o