Name: Stavvy's World #32 - Rosebud Baker | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2023-07-10T19:01:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #32 - Rosebud Baker | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #32 - Rosebud Baker | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-10. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #32 - Rosebud Baker | Full Episode

Welcome everybody to Stabby's World, 904-800-STAB.
Call in, we'll solve all your problems.
I'm very thrilled to have our pal, Rosebud Baker,
our first pregnant guest on Stabby's World.
We did have the person who impregnated you on the show.
Before me, which was an act of haste.
So we've had both, don't worry, he was on the Patreon.
Okay, good.
The way it broke out, you will be on the free episodes.
He was on the Patreon.
Andy, we didn't mean it this way.
We're sorry.
It's not.
I know this feels like what your whole life is like.
Think of it this way.
Think of it this way, Andy.
Somebody's making money off you.
All right?
You'll come back on the free one to plug the new podcast.
We didn't plan it that way.
It just happened.
All right?
What do you want?
He's going to be so pissed.
This is what happens.
Andy gets one win.
Yeah.
One win.
And it's an immediate out.
And then you come up over the top.
It's just, he was killing with the baby nurse earlier today during the
interview.
And now, you know, it is what it is.
You guys should get yourselves a little Caribbean baby nurse.
Yeah, you were, you were all day, you were interviewing nurses.
Ugly baby nurses.
Ugly baby nurses.
Making sure they're all ugly.
There will be no hot nannies in my house.
It is a very classic trope, the cheating with the nanny.
It is a classic trope.
And also, like, it's just so perfectly set up for Andy.
Yeah.
That I, like, if he did it, I would understand.
Right, right, right.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
Because I'm not an easy person to live with.
And if, and if I was married to me, and there was some hot 25-year-old, like,
sort of traipsing
around, and I was Andy, I'd be like, you know what?
Fuck it, she deserves this.
I, I, I.
She comes in, she makes both your lives easier.
Yeah.
Takes care of the baby, makes breakfast every once in a while.
She's agreeable.
She does anything Andy says, she agrees, and she giggles.
I mean, he's going to be rock hard from the second that.
Right.
It doesn't even, like.
Yeah.
Even getting an ugly one, I'm like, that's not quite the insurance I need, but.
That's another, that's a good question, because now, let's say you get the ugly
one.
Mm-hmm.
Does it feel worse if he ends up cheating with an ugly one?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So, you're kind of, you're kind of, you're sort of, it's high risk, high reward.
You go, my personality is worse than that.
Her face.
Than her face.
Than her weathered face.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Interesting.
Well, well, I hope if it does happen, you guys come here on Stabi's World to
really hash
it out.
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, come to us.
It'll be the first place we come.
Yeah, fuck, fuck couples therapy.
No, no, no, come here, you know, that one, Andy, that one's going on the main
one.
I can promise you that.
We'll do an Oprah episode.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I would love to transition into that.
Yeah.
Just kind of like help my friends who, any married friends I have, any who that
have come
on the show separately, will come on here and it'll be.
Anyone who's fucked their ugly nanny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just any, any comedian going through something major you want to, if, we'll use
your personal
life for clicks.
That's great.
We'll use it to, yeah, to sell ads basically.
Well, I mean, how is that any different than what we've been doing our whole
lives?
Not at all.
Not different at all.
I'm just helping out a friend.
I'm just kind of asking to take advantage of you directly.
It's kind of the thing.
Go for it.
That's, that's basically it.
Go for it.
You got the audience.
We need the views.
It's a perfect fucking marriage.
Yes.
It's better than our marriage.
I think so.
It makes more sense.
It didn't happen during the pandemic.
You know, this was really planned out.
Right.
You know what I mean?
It wasn't in the middle of a, of a whole, you know.
Yeah.
It wasn't some traumatic life shit that just led to a, a, an insane decision
that we made.
Get married in a park with N95s.
Yes.
No, we thought about starting this podcast.
This was planned.
It was prepped.
Yeah.
It was a, it was an, there was an insurance policy built in.
Sure, sure.
Yeah.
Um, how's it, so how far along are you now?
I'm 26, almost 26 weeks.
So like that in regular person time, that's six months.
Okay.
So I have like three months left.
Okay.
And I don't know why they like break it into weeks for all the pregnancy apps,
like break
it in a week, weeks.
So when people ask you how far along you are, you're giving them like a non
answer.
Yeah.
You're just like, oh, it's this many weeks.
And then they have to do a bunch of fucking math.
Divide by four basically.
Yeah.
I don't want to do that.
Right.
And so it's, it's just easier to just tell them.
But, uh, so six months I'm so, I keep like calling up the OB and being like, I
think she's ready.
I feel like she's ready to come out.
Trying to get her just like in, like in one of those little, uh, like outside
wombs.
Yeah.
You're trying to have a preemie.
A Nicky old baby.
So you don't have to, you don't have to carry it the last three months.
Yeah.
I'm just like, listen, she might need to go in one of those little glass boxes,
but I think
she's ready.
And they're cute.
Those babies are cute as hell.
They're cute as hell.
They're tiny, they're teeny tiny, yeah, they're like beanie babies, you're
ready to go.
You can have sushi again, you know what I mean?
You sort of knock on the tank every once in a while.
Yep.
It's like having a pet turtle.
Have you had any weird, like pregnant, you, you came in here with your own seltzer,
your
own banana, but that's, that's pretty standard stuff.
I feel like you'd be eating that anyway.
I listen.
Do you have any weird pregnancy shit going on?
I don't have, I don't have cravings really.
I mean, I, I have like, like, I want to drink water for the first time in my
life.
That's like a weird, I know that's like a normal thing that you're supposed to
want.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Your baby's just like begging you, please have water.
Yeah, the baby's like, can you just once in a while?
Yeah, I don't want cold brew.
Just once in a while, stop feeding me seltzer as if it's water, please stop.
And I, I mean, I, I really, it is kind of like getting pregnant, you go like,
oh shit,
I got to like change my mindset immediately to like a different person, a
different woman's
mindset.
Like, for sure.
And I, I'm trying, but it's so hard.
I just like, I still stay up too late.
I still like, you know, I've thought about vaping every fucking day since I got
pregnant.
That's all.
And you haven't.
And, but the only difference is like, I, I would say like the cravings, I'm
just hungry
all the fucking time.
Gotcha.
Like, I was telling you before, like Greg Stone was like, oh, you're fat for
the first
time.
I've never.
By the way, you look great.
Thank you.
People have been talking about what a big fat piece of shit you are.
And you can't, I'm like, well, she looks great.
They're out of their minds.
No, I'm sorry.
No one's been saying that, but you do look, I was expecting you to just be
bigger.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
You look great.
Well, thanks, buddy.
Because of how traumatized Andy was, I was expecting you to have gained so much
weight.
That I've just sort of bulldozed him around the house.
It's just me head-butting Andy through the living room.
Yeah, no, he's like, and that was like early too in the pregnancy when he came
on.
I think it was like, I was like, you haven't seen anything yet.
No, no.
Because now I'm like physically uncomfortable.
I'm like laying in bed in the middle of the night and I'll just be like, oh,
like, it's
just like, I just, these crazy heaving sighs that come out of my mouth.
I'm like, this is for the birds.
Are you running hot?
Are you running hot too?
I'm hot all the time.
I'm like, is there lip sweat?
I'm like, just tell me if there is because I feel like I'm always sweating.
Yeah, yeah.
It really just sounds like you're living a fat man's life.
It sounds like me after like having like when I've ordered $40 worth of Chinese
food and
eaten it by myself.
Yes.
And my stomach, I can't, I can't roll on my stomach because it physically hurts.
Yes.
That sounds like what your life is.
Dude, that is exactly what being pregnant is.
I'm not even kidding.
You're sweating for no reason.
Yeah.
You can't roll over.
You can't, it kind of hurts to even just go from your back to your side.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
And then, um, do you have any headaches?
Headaches all the time.
That's so now, okay.
You know what this is?
You, you're like me off a bender where it's like, I've been eating like shit.
I've got a dick pill headache.
Cause they will give you those, you know, can't really breathe.
Yes.
Like you just being pregnant, just being the most unhealthy fat man possible.
It's like, it's like a woman who's been very healthy most of her life just has
to come
into my life.
Right.
For probably the last, yeah.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
That's tough.
And I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
No, I feel, I really feel for you.
Like, I'm like, I can't believe this.
This is really hard.
This is really hard.
I know.
I mean, sometimes you just want to, you just sort of like sit down in a chair
and you're
like, I could cry right for a second.
If anybody looked me directly in my eyes and asked how I'm doing, I'll cry.
Like you can't look at me in my eyes and ask.
You know what I mean?
Absolutely.
Cause it'll be, it'll be an honest answer.
It'll happen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So just no cravings though.
Just a lot of eating more of what you're already eating.
A lot of just eating.
No weird shit.
Yeah.
No weird shit.
I mean, I, I don't know.
It's really just like, I just want to eat all the fucking time.
And that is weird for me.
I haven't, I never was like that person.
I could just like kind of go and be like, Oh fuck.
I forgot to eat.
You know, I was like that person.
And now I know why that's infuriating to hear.
Right, right, right, right.
I get it.
I'll never say that again.
Of course.
But it is kind of like, it's shocking how much my entire day revolves around
food.
Your meals.
Yeah.
And like when I'm going to get it and, and the bathroom.
What's the favorite?
What's the favorite meal now?
What's a go-to?
It's so boring.
It's like, I've been eating a ton of like, uh, Indian food.
Cause it feels really like crafty.
Yeah.
You can like mix it all up together.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It feels kind of artistic.
I know what you mean.
Yeah.
A little piece of naan, a little dip.
Yeah.
A little samosa.
Yeah.
Maybe open that up.
A little sag paneer.
Sure.
You just kind of, just all, you mix it all up and then you sort of fold it over
and you're
like, oh, this is a sandwich or it's a pizza.
That sounds good.
It's kind of a soup.
Maybe we should get Indian.
We're going to do another episode where we get high after this.
Yeah.
Maybe we should order Indian food.
Do it.
Do it.
I'm sure I won't spill it all over this shit.
No, no.
You don't get to eat it while the episode's happening, motherfucker.
How dare you?
Get garlic naan.
Yeah.
Garlic naan is the shit.
Love a nice piece of naan.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm like, I'm trying to like.
So your baby's being kind of nourished on Indian food?
For today.
Okay.
Tomorrow, it'll be a totally different thing.
Tomorrow, it'll be Mexican food.
The next day, it'll be a different thing.
It's really, last night, I ordered like from a Swedish restaurant.
I ordered Swedish meatballs and like mashed potatoes.
Do you mean Ikea?
Yeah.
I ordered the Ikea.
You made Andy go to Red Hook to get you fucking Swedish meatballs from Ikea?
I'm not even kidding you.
There is a frozen Swedish meatballs from Ikea in our fridge right this second.
I didn't know that they fucking sold them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it wasn't my, Andy bought it for himself, actually.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I understand.
Because I guess that men can have their own cravings and shit.
I have them all the time.
Yeah.
Remember, we said being a fat piece of shit is like being a pregnant woman