Name: Stavvy's World #34 - Grace Kuhlenschmidt | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2023-07-24T16:00:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #34 - Grace Kuhlenschmidt | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #34 - Grace Kuhlenschmidt | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-24. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #34 - Grace Kuhlenschmidt | Full Episode

welcome everybody to stop these world 904 800 stuff call in and solve all your
problems
i'm pumped to have in the stew in in astoria straight from the au pair capital
of the world
fort green grace i'm gonna kuhnel schmidt cool and schmidt fuck i love knoodle
schmidt that was
because i used to say i i like pronounce your name with a hard d yeah there's
like a in my in the
pronunciation i hit it with a kundle schmidt there's two there's frankly too
many letters
too many letters they could have spelled this my last name in like seven
letters and they chose to
do 13 cool and schmidt cool and schmidt wait yeah it sounds doesn't sound bad
when you say it i think
but it's but it's fucked up on the page i know it's really ugly it sucks it's
real real german in like
the bad parts of germany i know it really makes you feel like when you read it
there's five
consonants in a row that's that's like that's not a word almost yeah and it's
like it's one thing
when it's like polish and they throw in some fun z's and x's and right but you
just got regular
consonants i wish i at least had an umlaught that would be so cool an umlaught
would turn it up
like you gotta start throwing an umlaught in there if i had an umlaught i would
just go by cool
k-u-h-l with an umlaught i mean i would change my vibe i would actually take
the h out i would just
go k-u-l and then let the umlaught and i would start my my rap career too yeah
yeah great school
and i'd be british that'd be cool yeah that'd be sick and you could have like a
lot of joe cool the
camel yeah crossovers oh my god you're right okay you're figuring out my merch
now yeah for you you're
you're younger than us but did you remember do you remember joe cool not like
very well he was
awesome he was a camel it was a camel yeah he was like the camel mascot and
just straight up was to
make children smoke yeah like because he wore sunglasses he wore sunglasses he
was like dude
pull up some joe cool shit he was so maybe it was hot maybe it's joe he's a
piece of ass for sure
yeah look at him oh my god like i'm just a little ass kid seeing a fucking sick
camel in a leather jacket
he's got bitches he's like you know he's like he's got a motorcycle yeah yeah
yeah you know he's
fucking he's playing piano and it just looks so like to this day that looks
fucking awesome like i
want to smoke a cigarette right now right i was six years old being like i can't
wait to smoke
cigarettes i cannot wait to fucking smoke i think i literally because i think i
literally asked my
parents for cigarettes yeah because you know you're a dumb ass little kid you
just advertising just
working on you and i think that my mom was very when you when you brought
something to her
attention she was very protective a lot of shit slid by of course a little venetia
easily but
yeah once i let her know how much because i had a joke i had a camel hat that i
would just wear
to school while you were a kid i was seven years old my most prized possession
i don't i think it
just my dad was a you know my dad's a carpenter and they all just wear like
free merch totally like
today you'll see it like uh you'll see like a lot of like hispanic like carpenter
guys who don't
like we'll just wear a shirt that says princess on it or like you know what i
mean like a classic move
where it's like um they just got it from the thrift store and like and like i
think greg giraldo had
that joke i don't mean to steal it everyone relax but um my greek greek day
laborers and carpenters
were very much the same so any free merch they got their hands on graphic tees
yeah yeah yeah and so
he wore a lot of like i think i got it i think it was my dad's hat if i had to
guess so you're like
i'll have a milk and a cigarette i would if it was up to me yeah i mean that
actually is a pretty
good meal a chocolate milk it's pretty well-rounded chocolate milk and a
cigarette we also it also
might have come from our other friend whose family just unapologetically smoked
really we still
in the house do you think oh yeah not do i think i was there my mom made me
hang out with them less
because i had asthma yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you have a full smokers
cough at seven truly um but
uh yeah i always thought cigarettes were cool like i they're awesome i remember
as a kid thinking like
drinking is bad but cigarettes i always was like no that's just visually
visually so awesome because how
because like we also like i'm 34 and so it was like right at the cutoff where
people were still
smoking indoors totally bar like i remember when they stopped when it was they
made it illegal to
smoke in bars like we weren't we were sneaking into bars when you like i wasn't
21 yet but it was like
my first bar experience was like you could smoke in bars a really beautiful
time and they looked
awesome if only we could still smoke on airplanes i know that would be awesome
now it would be sick to
just now weed is so acceptable like i want to smoke weed on an airplane yeah i
think they should do like
that would be sick kind of how the all those billionaires just went on that
submersible yes they
should have people you where you could pay more you could pay double yeah to go
on an airplane and
smoke that would be sick the smokers fucking lounge the air i mean snoop dog
where you at dude that's easy
soul plane for real i would go on soul plane for real if it was if you're that's
a great movie i haven't
seen it honestly it's fucking awesome you think private jets just stink of like
tobacco yeah
definitely they can do whatever they want on those fucking things for sure and
i think they have a
way to although i will not to brag i was on one private jet one time please
brag and yes did i sit
on the same toilet beyonce sat on yes it's the puma jet i'm guessing she had to
piss at some point
maybe she didn't maybe she's too classy she only pees though i'm positive yeah
yeah she definitely
she definitely doesn't shit outside of the comfort of her own home she's got
like the bathroom she
sits she shits in you need like an nda to clean yeah like there's like one
special maid yeah they're
like worried of someone taking dna yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and she
they will kill you if they
even get the faintest hint of like you're talking about beyonce shit yeah yeah
because that would
honestly if you had a picture of beyonce shit that would go so viral i would
and i would love to see
it honestly i just right now i'm one of the i'm part of the problem no i'd like
to see it i think that
it could be really amazing if she came out with kind of like an everybody poops
book oh wow
that's interesting wouldn't that be like kind of something new yeah just so
that we know that like
beautiful women also yeah yeah yeah because i know i do who's the most who's
the most shit forward
hot lady do you think i don't know it's probably you know who it's probably
going to be and it's not
going to work because this is too much her thing is jennifer lauren or lawrence
yes right lawrence yes
j-law j-law it's going to be her and it's not going to work no because you've
done too much of it
and also i can still see her i can still see her and i'm like i know that they're
pretty small poops
right you're right she's not living my life she would act like they're huge
like dumps and i just
know it they're not they're not what about sharon stone i feel like she's
pretty crazy i feel like
she's pretty crazy i don't know man i don't know just for the crazy factor only
now i don't know in
her in her prime i don't think she's talking about her shits to just too much
like the absolute
biggest piece of ass in hollywood she was awesome yeah that's fair maybe now i
think now though she's
aged gracefully as like an ambassador for aging and like maybe take i mean what
who had the shit
the diarrhea yogurt uh jamie uh jamie lee curtis had diarrhea yogurt yeah activia
that was huge yeah
oh that was her that was her well no i think it just makes you shit so it's
like it makes you shit
but it's like a it's like an explicitly it's five fibrous it's like a shit
conscious yogurt totally
like it's about shitting it's like keeping you regular all that kind of shit we
should put all
yogurt in go-gurt form i like that it's so much easier go-gurt was huge i
remember being pumped for
go-gurt that this is another thing that the advertising got my ass because
again we were around when go-gurt
dropped yeah and um i remember being so pumped but it's because it wasn't a
cigarette i asked for it
and my mom got it for me and then you just have hot yogurt in your lunchbox and
it fucking sucked
yeah you're right like the idea that yogurt is on the go is one of the most
fucked up ideas of all time
like it's in plastic heating up yeah and your hand is hot yeah it's like it's a
really fucked up idea
but those days everything in my lunchbox was hot my lunchbox itself was like
hot to the touch so it's
my water my pbj was melting yes it was just horrible did you have like a what
did you have like a who
packed your lunches and did they take pride in the lunch my mom packed my lunches
and like she took
pride in it but my parents were all like we eat like natural organic foods
growing up so yeah my brother
went to a birthday party one time and when my mom picked him up the mom was
like hey can i um talk to
you separately to my mom and she goes so jack ate about 20 peanut butter and
chili sandwiches and my mom
i was like that's insane and she was like i just want to make sure that you're
feeding your son
and i was like what that's fucking awesome but it was because it was skippy oh
yeah he'd never had it
we're like addicted to sugar anytime we can get our hands on it yeah skip skip
if you only had natural
peanut butter oh my god it's like just it's like you peeled the chocolate off
the reese's peanut butter
cups still to this day i can like appreciate natural peanut butter but i'm like
skippy there's something about like you need skiff thousands of grams of sugar
yeah yeah they just do
make it better this is so sick that's an awesome move on your brother's part to
just eat 20 pbj's
was he a fat kid he was like i was much fatter than him always but he was like
chubby up until maybe like
his teens gotcha but i just stuck with it all the way through hell yeah now we're
talking i was like i'm
never quitting yeah yeah yeah yeah all the time it always pisses like i'm
weirdly like happy and it
always pisses me off when a fat friend loses like and it's like look i want my
fat friends to get to
stay fat for like entertainment totally business like you can be a healthy
person and be considered fat
in entertainment yeah and you're not you're like be the fattest guy in like the
70s right little
belly you know what i mean you can't lose the belly yeah you know and so i've
had a couple friends who
have kind of a bit robert kelly uh he had some kind of procedure and worked
really hard and not
he was fat as shit when we met yeah not fat anymore not really i mean still fat
compared to
regular people yeah yeah we should do an in memoriam for all our fat friends
yeah yeah yeah
the best example is my boy ethan suplee who he was he was fat as hell but he
got jacked so i kind of
respect that because you're still a big guy is always cool because he's like
and he's not just
like kind of jack that is like broad and humongous and strong as cool that's
cool you got to become
because my i would i am scared to become i mean people people i get it oh don't
worry stuff i wouldn't
be scared fine i beat you to it motherfuckers i know i'm oh wow yeah yeah yeah
he was fat as hell
now he's like jacked as shit um uh oh my god yeah i know that guy yeah yeah oh
no he's he's had one
of the coolest careers he's been in so many sick movies yeah he's a legend he's
worked in like he's
worked with so many cool directors he's the man cool so many iconic movies but
yeah he's so hilariously
jack now but it's cool because he he's still in a 2xl yeah it's just big ass
arms you sti