Name: Stavvy's World #44 - Geoffrey Asmus | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2023-10-02T18:31:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #44 - Geoffrey Asmus | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #44 - Geoffrey Asmus | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-02. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #44 - Geoffrey Asmus | Full Episode

welcome everybody to stabby's world 904 800 stop call in we'll solve all your
problems uh we're
very happy to have jeffrey osmus in the building what's up thanks for having me
of course in the
freaking day cover over that curse we're really trying clean pot for the first
five minutes it's
clean for the first five minutes it's clean and then it gets off and then it
goes off the rails
trick them in a major way then we talk about the trafficking and all that oh
there we go and then
we then we make plans to traffic probably a lot of options in greece probably
right next to turkey
a lot of migrants oh yeah even even the people that aren't even the people that
aren't like
specifically being sex trafficked it's like there was a phenomenon 20 years ago
when i was going
where like every nurse like you could all of a sudden every old guy could
afford a nurse from
russia oh really they were just tens oh they were caring for like old men and
it was like this thing
where it's like you know that was like their asian massage parlor exactly in
home it's exactly the same
thing where it's like not all of them are jacking you off right but i'd like
that yeah a good percentage
we just have the option of getting tugged off by a chinese lady i want
different races why is it just
a chinese lady yeah do we have a russian thing too it's true i'd like a little
difference you do think
yeah well there's the russian baths but those are all pretty much old russian
dudes isn't that just
like old orgies yeah old dude straight but they're all hanging out naked they
they're too pussy to be
gay yeah that's what it is they're like dipping their toes in but they're like
oh i don't want to be
gay there's a level of homophobia where like it's horseshoe theory where it's
like the someone gay as
hell and someone homophobic yeah it's they act exactly they're thinking about
gay sex as much as a
gay man and they're just hanging out nude they're like cut like the like our
boy julio uh julio
gallerati okay he went to afghanistan and he would just the taliban guys hold
hands and walk around
oh yeah like just because they're like they're like we could never be gay the
thing yeah the idea
if our dicks touched they wouldn't get hard it doesn't matter yeah yeah god allah
won't let us
be gay exactly and that's kind of the vibe of the russian bathhouse where it's
like these guys are just
naked playing cards dicks out lounging watching like tv and it's like all right
like it's gay to be
around women yeah it's gay to talk to women only gay men are friends with women
why would we be around
i'm hanging out with my boys dicks dicks out um yeah so there was this so you
know some light kind of
trafficking going on when i was in greece there's like there's packs of wild
dogs everywhere yeah yeah
that was a weird thing in athens they're like don't go out after midnight these
packs of dogs might
rip you to shreds i'm like what because they don't put down dogs it's like a
law they won't use you
can't euthanize a dog in greece i guess oh yeah that's very interesting jeff
but can i stop you
right there it just feels like you're the kind of guy who needs to know about
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start fighting fire with ice jeffrey i'm sorry you were saying then they have
huge roving packs of
dogs that like own some neighborhoods yeah yeah it's like oh the dobermans have
this one yeah i think the
dog problem has gotten better did they okay this is like 2011 maybe or
something yes yes that was the
height maybe they're getting maybe they're allowing you to they had to euthanize
them it might be such a
bizarre form of like morality like we won't kill a dog but we won't give people
welfare right right
be kind to the dogs well it's funny because it's like yeah they wouldn't kill a
dog but it's like
you know refugees start showing up they're like yeah come on we'll kill these
we'll kill these dogs
yeah yeah cut off their dicks yeah yeah tear out their uteri yeah have to be
but it's funny that is crazy i had no idea that that was the law because
i from my experience greek people do not give a fuck about animals really like
they they like them
uh-huh but push comes to shove like my mom has a dog she loves the dog like
look but
the the doctor was like this dog you know they found this dog she's old as shit
she was yeah she was
getting ran through we're talking like this cute little dog nipples long as
hell you know what i mean
just like how many like litters of puppies this tiny ass little shih tzu has
had right and so they
found her in the streets of baltimore and they love the dog but it has a heart
condition yeah and my mom
was like and the doctor was just like okay well you know it needs it probably
it might need
she we might need a test we have to do this test for 500 bucks and if the test
comes back positive
she's gonna need uh uh a surgery that costs eight thousand dollars and your mom's
like no i was like
don't do the test yeah she was like if it comes up i'm not getting her the
surgery it was like the idea
that this is like there's a very like american thing where it's like people are
like cutting like i have friends
who cook like pork chops oh yeah they order those boxes of fresh dog food that
arrive every week
that's insane but it's like it's like this dog or they put it in diapers and
like they eat better than half the bronx
yeah yeah these dogs there's no food deserts for these dogs these dogs ain't
having ramen on their
birthday yeah these dogs get fucking uh lamb chops you know what i mean exactly
and so it is a very
that to me is because i you know i i haven't had pets because it's like we
never had a pet you were in
love with as a kid no we had we had really bad asthma oh so we never had like a
furry ass so you
like the pet could kill you kind of like the thing okay well the worst part is
my brother who really
wanted the dog was the one who had the worst asthma oh he grew out of it now he
has a dog he has two
cats he stopped being a little bit the doctor yeah the doctor diagnosed him
with being a pussy when he
was seven wrap your mind around it you idiot you can have a dog and who knows
maybe our parents were
also using that as a convenient excuse oh yeah but we're protecting you yeah
but we did do the we we
had to fucking do a nebulizer a lot like oh you oh i never had that we didn't
have like you had to
just i damn i just i'm coming back to this right now where it's like the inhaler
and the nebulizer
that you had to like do for a half hour every like every once in a while like
we would have like
asthma attacks and it would be like isn't that scary like you you can't breathe
yeah yeah that
would freak the shit out of me i just yeah it was just like you just couldn't
breathe that well and
then we just had this thing which is kind of cool because i remember it would
be like it would it's
like a little like a gun yeah yeah it was basically you held like a weird gun
and you were just
sucking this air that like tasted like it tasted like scientific oh and in my
head it was almost felt
like you were like darth vader oh yeah like it was cool i remember being like
this is kind of
fucking it's like a steroid i'm pretty sure exactly i felt like i was like
doing like i was like
getting stronger right yeah you're your lungs have an eight pack yeah yeah yeah
there we go so so we
did have fucked up things but i wonder if they ever like you know they lied to
us but yeah i to this
day i'm like you don't feel that love towards animals that the rest i mean americans
we get real
into our fucking animal i feel like you know and like uh i have that dog i was
just talking about
boo boo boo yeah incredible boo boo with a greek accent uh not boo boo boo boo
boo yeah yeah boo boo i love
boo boo she's got i love her in her fucking long ass nipples uh but you know
you ever somebody
shoots the dog i gave it a little i gave a little twist yeah i gave a little
bit i play with them
like gum you find on the on the underside of your desk in elementary school you
know i'll give them
a little bit and then you're like oh what am i doing you absent-mindedly find
yourself playing
with it and you're like oh disgusting i treat that's how i treat her nipples uh
but um but like
you know i don't have that and like i think it's i don't know i do you grew up
with pets yeah i had
a dog i was deeply in love with in minnesota yeah yeah yeah my mom grew up on a
farm yeah so they
got she has that love of animals but she also had to like shoot them exactly
but she like loves them
but she's like i put them down too like i put the shotgun in its mouth yeah it
wasn't even sick
and just was like we got bored yeah yeah that's i respect that level of animal
love because you do
love them but it's like they love them but they know that life is transient
they're like we got
like it's got to go we can't have another yeah they had like 30 dogs at a time
like and like 10 cats
because they like kill the rats and protect the chickens or whatever yeah yeah
you have a job
they have a job when the rats when the cats stop catching rats they're done
they're out of the
family yeah you got a fucking quota you gotta earn you gotta bring five rats to
the porch yeah
it's like an offering yeah exactly yeah farm life is wild they would have like
chicken slaughters
our uncles would advise to the chicken slaughter every year and they just
invite you to it i only
went once when i was a kid that was like they're gathering like we're gonna
have a potluck and
they're like fucking chopped chickens heads off with axes and shit that chicken
was probably good
as fuck though it wasn't as good as you thought it would be really rural minnesota
food's disgusting
actually even the fucking fresh ass chicken i think my relatives didn't know
how to cook honestly i
really think they were kind of the food we ate as a child and like my relatives
that is terrible
really jello salad and like you ever have that shit like uh pot like uh meatloaf
and like oh hot
dish and stuff it's disgusting it's like norwegian it's they're gross the worst
the worst whites
the worst whites food wise food wise yeah yeah lutefisk you know what lutefisk
is what's that
it's like pickled herring it's disgusting it's like gelatinous it's really
gross i don't know why
everything's gelatinous yeah they love head cheese too it's like brains you
went there didn't you
to norway yeah what was the food it was all bullshit right there's some good
stuff i had like
something that was kind of like a reindeer pot yeah the reindeer and elk was
good when i went to
norway but the rest was trash yeah it's so expensive too it's expensive it was
brutally
i had some like cured whale one time which was just like oh there's like this
strips of like it
almost looked like whale jerky or something but like a little softer than jerky
or whatever but
it's like all black and shit they're also endangered but i was like i want to
share
like the owner of jimmy johns going on safari eldest killing extinct animals
for his own
fucking perverse pleasures and norway's like the final ethno state it's like it's
so white it's like
is this okay yeah you're like is this allowed anymore it's like was hitler norwegian
it's a little like
yeah why didn't he just move to norway yeah he could have solved a lot of
problems they would have been
like yeah we love your ideas yeah yeah i know it is so funny to you see that
and you see like japan
it's all it's like so homogenous racially and like they're racist and like but
smiling to you
where they're just like no you can't come in yeah that happened we don't want
black people here yeah
yeah yeah smiling at the camera like yeah like we were trying to go to some
park and they were li