Name: Stavvy's World #50 - Sydnee Washington | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2023-11-13T14:54:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #50 - Sydnee Washington | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #50 - Sydnee Washington | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-13. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #50 - Sydnee Washington | Full Episode

Opa! Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. We have an incredible show for you.
One of my favorite
comics, one of my favorite people, one of the first friends I've made in New
York, Sydney,
Washington, is on the show today. But it's a very exciting time here at Stavi's
World.
We have the final shows of the Fat Rascal Tour. The final show ever of the Fat
Rascal
Tour is happening December 1st at the Beacon Theater. We sold out two shows
already. We
added a late show. Tickets are almost gone. I want you to be there. Come see me
do this
hour of material for the last time. And why is it the last time? Because a
couple days later
on December 5th, Fat Rascal, the special, is premiering on Netflix, streaming
on Netflix.
And it'll be out there. I'm very proud of it. We worked really hard on it. And
a lot of interesting
stuff, a lot of exciting stuff I want you guys to be aware of. If you're in New
York, come see me.
If you're not in New York, please watch the special. And if you want to learn a
language,
download Babbel. That's right. If you want to learn the easy way, if you want
to learn a language the
easy way, use our friends at Babbel that are sponsoring us. They're doing a
special limited
time deal for our listeners to get you started right now. Get 55% off your Babbel
subscription,
but only for our listeners at Babbel.com slash Stavi. That's 55% off at Babbel.com
slash Stavi. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash Stavi. Rules and restrictions
apply. But check that
out. If you want to be, you'll be speaking a new language in no time. Let's
play the music.
Welcome everybody to Stavi's World 904-800-STOP. We've got one of my favorites,
Sydney, Washington. We go all the way back from when I moved to New York. We
were just talking. The podcast you guys really want is with a half hour. We
were just talking shit.
Whoa. Before. We dropped some shit. We really did. Some really good stuff. I
said, man, it's hot. It came in hot.
You came in hot. Sizzling fajitas. Came in hot. You're kind of spiraling right
now. Truly. It's awesome. It's good. It's nice because you're spiraling, but
you're
under control. You're under control. You know, no relapses. I'm sober. That's
the only way. Sober. If you are going to unravel, it has to be on your own
terms.
That's right. And it has to not include tequila or cocaine or ketamine. Don't
get the relapse going. No. And I'm doing that. So. Good for you.
I'm on the right path. You would have a great relapse. Like, I will say that
the first like week would be sick. It would be the fall. Don't get me wrong. It
would ruin your life.
Yes, it would. But that first like three weeks. I don't know. You know, I did a
relapse. Oh, I didn't know that. I've been sober six years. Okay. But before
that. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I started those two years.
Yeah. I relapsed. I started drinking white wine, doing cocaine, and then riding
my bike in 98 degree weather from Bushwick to Harlem. It was not good. That's
wild. The fact that I did not die is crazy. That's insane. How long was that
bike ride? Oh, when I tell you my ass was high. Yipped. I mean, I was high. My
ass was high. Everything was high. What were you going to Harlem for? Oh. On
cocaine for pussy? No. Just for fun? Just the ride. The music was high.
My music was good. My speaker was fully charged. And I said, whee. You know
what? Even that's progress, though. I mean, I'm glad you're not relapsed.
Whatever. But to go to get cardio in on cocaine. Yeah. Much better than what
you used to be doing. Oh, no. Absolutely. Much better than like, you know.
In my mind, I said, if I ride, I'm riding off all of the demons. Right. That's
what it is.
Which, I'm, this is how dumb I am. Makes sense to me. Yeah. You know, like, I'm
like. Have you done it?
Have you done it? You think I should get on cocaine?
You want my relapse to regime?
Oh, I didn't know if demons were a physical, manifested physically in fat cells.
Yo. It's too much.
Yeah. So, you were here for years. You went to L.A.
Yeah.
Now you're back.
Ooh.
Tough.
L.A. took me out, man.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know if I was going to. I didn't think I was going to make it.
Yeah.
Oh, L.A. is not for anybody who has a soul.
No, no.
It's for the soulless and people who have purpose.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't have that. You're just good at hanging out.
No, no. I'm just a good person.
You are. You're a good hang, for real.
That just so happens to be talented.
Yeah, yeah.
That's extreme ADHD.
Yep, yep, yep.
Self-sabotages.
You know.
Classic.
Just a rag.
Just a rag.
Yeah.
I mean, it's honestly probably lucky you weren't there when you were
younger, in the middle of your, like, real life.
Because here, I feel like, you know, as far as a hot girl on drugs,
being a bottle girl, probably one of the better things you could do.
Yeah, it's mass.
It's mass.
It's actually way more accepted.
When I got sober and I was still a bottle waitress,
and they were like, you have to get out.
You have to go.
You're fucking up the vibe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the customers don't like it.
Yeah, this hedge fund guy cannot, doesn't have plausible deniability
that you might get, you might be on pills enough to suck his dick.
Yeah.
So you gotta go.
You got to get out of here.
They were like, so you keep telling him, like, oh, I know what you're doing.
Yeah.
You keep telling him, like, oh, I see you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They don't like that.
They don't like that.
That's a place for them to buy $600 bottles of Grey Goose
and maybe finger an aspiring actress.
Maybe, maybe.
But not back, you know what, where I was at, they wasn't even doing that.
Really?
Like, I swear to you, the finance dudes, they are really specific
in what they think is fun.
Interesting.
It's just, like, buying a whole bunch of bottles,
doing a whole bunch of blow in their blazers.
Right, right, right.
They don't change.
They go from the office to the clerk.
They'll loosen a tie.
And it's like, oh, wait, if you don't take that performance fleece off, sir.
I'm fucking burning this place down.
Okay, so they're not, it's more of a status thing for the other bros, you think.
Interesting.
I think there's, like, probably one guy that's, like, probably getting hoes.
Right.
But then everybody else is, like, surrounding the guy who's getting hoes.
Interesting.
I'm like, where's the fun?
Right.
Doesn't sound fun to me.
No, no, no.
So break down the different, what type of customer are we talking?
We got the finance guy.
We got the finance guy.
We have the celebrity who's, like, you know, they're comped, comped.
Or they're using a card and then claiming that they were robbed.
A classic move.
They're cutting off their American Express.
They're like, I don't know.
Someone took money.
You know, those scammers.
Then it's the people who, like, they really do have money.
They don't care.
Right.
Buy whatever.
Right.
Those people I respect because they don't want too much.
Right.
Interesting.
They're like, we know what we're in here for.
They don't think that we're trying to, you know, do the runaround.
Right.
There's no rigmarole.
No need to scam them.
To them, there's between five grand and 20 grand.
Nothing.
Nothing.
They're like, oh, the men is 20?
They walk in.
They're like, not much is going on.
It's fine.
That's fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bring more sparklers.
It's fine.
We'll make it a thing.
And then there's the Saudis.
Of course.
The prince.
You can't speak to them.
Wow.
They come in with their people.
Don't touch them.
Really?
Don't.
Oh, they're.
What's the point?
What's the point of even doing that?
Maybe because I feel like in Dubai, it's illegal.
Right.
Like, you can't.
Oh, you can't drink.
You can't drink.
You can't be around hoes, I don't believe.
No hoes or something.
So when they're coming here, they're like, oh, this is the.
I think.
I would think the opposite.
You're ready to go crazy.
They probably are, but behind closed doors.
Right, right, right, right.
They can't do it out in the open.
I mean, there's cameras, surveillance, or whatever.
But I remember this was the craziest night of my life.
I had, like, so many tables that wanted to talk to me.
And I just was like, ew, please, can you stop?
And then the Saudi prince guy comes in.
He's got all his people or whatever.
He's ordering Johnny Walker blue.
He's getting Louie the 13th, like, crazy liquor.
The tab is absurd, right?
So I'm trying to, like, talk him up.
Yeah.
Please don't.
Don't talk to him.
Don't even come close.
And then I was like, the fuck?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You're not going to silence a black woman.
And so I kept trying to talk.
To them, just silence.
I don't know.
That's a good, like, that's a great matchup is the misogyny of a Saudi rich guy
versus a black woman on drugs.
You know I was on drugs that night.
I'm just kind of guessing.
Okay, I was.
But I mean, don't assume.
An opinionated black woman on drugs versus Saudi prince.
That's a fucking celebrity death match right there.
That's a great versus.
That's a good versus.
So I keep trying to talk to him.
His bodyguard or whatever comes.
And they're like, can you just please stop?
And I was like, I don't understand.
And then they pull out a wad of money.
It's like $2,000.
And they're like, here's $2,000 just to stop.
Just to leave them alone.
And I said, yeah, I don't care about femininity.
Silence me.
I'm taking the money.
Salute.
And then all the people who are trying to talk to me, I was like, oh, no, you
have to stop.
It costs $2,000 to get me to stop talking.
Stop talking, yes.
And they give me an overtip and everything.
So it was like, I guess it doesn't pay to want to work.
I don't know.
No, no, no.
You got to pick your.
Or I think the moral of the story is be so annoying, people pay you to stop
talking.
Yeah, yeah.
You know?
Well, I think he did understand that like I really did want.
I came in like, oh, let me do my job.
They're paying about to like spin a grip.
But they were like, my dress, my chest is out, my arms are out, all this stuff.
So like for him, it was literally against.
Yeah.
It was literally haram.
It was literally against.
Your titties were haram.
Yeah.
In that situation.
And Mark Simpson, I don't know what.
He might be right, but it sounds wrong.
And I don't want.
Can we do a split?
You need to open your horizons up.
I'm a learned man.
Split the screen.
Slide me over.
You said my titties were haram.
Slide me over.
I beg of it.
Look, in most cases, they're halal.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
But in this specific situation.
Well, that's good, dude.
We should tour Dubai.
I'm Stavros Halalkius.
Put me in one of those fucking white shits with the fucking bandana or whatever
the fuck.
I am not here.
Sam's out.
Cancel the bandana.
I don't know what he's saying.
Oh, fuck.
I love it.
That is a hilarious job.
How long were you doing that?
Ten years.
Ten years.
A full decade.
Yeah.
I did a whole career.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I had tenure in bottles.
Yeah.
And I think that's where I learned how to, like, kind of, like, be cool.
Totally.
Also, like, make money, be bad decisions.
Sure.
Love terrible people.
Of course.
Make good friends.
I will say the best friends I've ever had were people in nightlife.
Even though they don't have no sense of, like, what the day is or, like, real
issues.
I mean, drugs and alcohol bring people together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so I've had friends that, like, yo, their mothers have died.
We've come strung out to the funeral.
Come to freaking Connecticut.
Crusty eyes.
Oh, yeah.
No.
Oh, there was one funeral we went to.
People were definitely doing meth.
To get up for the funeral?
No, because they had a run.
It was, like, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
The funeral's on Sunday.
Right.
So they've, like, oh, we haven't slept.
So we're going to do some Tina.
Just a crystal.
And go to the mom's funeral.
And we're walling in the back, but that's because we're coming down.
We're coming down.
That is true.
Being, like, withdrawals are kind of the best.
The Venn diagram between withdrawals and a very person grieving very hard is
re