Name: Stavvy's World #64 - Jim Norton | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2024-02-19T18:18:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #64 - Jim Norton | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #64 - Jim Norton | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-19. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #64 - Jim Norton | Full Episode

Welcome everybody to Stavisworld, 904-800-STAV.
Call in, we'll solve your problems.
We got Jim Norton, we're so pumped to have the legend on the couch in Astoria
in Queens.
Thanks so much for being here, dude.
Dude, coming here in Astoria, it reminded me of so many times where I would
look through
back page.
Yeah, I was literally, I was going to ask you, was the last time you were here
to purchase
sex.
It was crazy.
It's the first time I've walked into Queens without pulling my dick out.
Yeah, there must be different flavors up here, you know what I mean?
When you're feeling, when you want to mix it up.
I had one, I saw, I actually didn't come to Queens as much just because
Manhattan is such
a choice.
But I came here years ago and I went, I don't know if it was Jackson Heights,
Astoria, but
I walk out and there's this drunk Spanish guy that kind of started looking at
me and then
he puts up his fist to fight me and he was so fucking drunk.
I'm like, I could kill this guy.
Yeah, yeah.
But I walked away and he's following me and I just ran up the street.
This guy chased me up the street.
I felt like such a fucking coward.
Wow.
And then he's like trying to like throw it out at me and I'm like, hey man,
there's
kids around.
Yeah, yeah.
And I finally lost him on the train.
I went on the subway and lost him.
That's insane.
But I'm like, what am I?
You're doing a full like action movie, get on the train, up and down the steps,
trying
to lose this just drunk Hispanic man.
But I also thought like, you never know.
Like, first of all, I hit the guy.
He was just, he was just that fight.
He was a little guy.
And I'm like, I don't know who he's got around here.
Does he live here?
If I hit him, I'm going to get my ass kicked by 10 guys.
Well, you're also fresh, you freshly nutted.
So it's like you have all your senses.
You're really thinking logically.
Yeah.
You're like, because if you're still horny, you're like, I'm going to fuck this
guy up
and I'm going to get pussy.
But you had just nutted.
Yeah.
So you're like, I have to fear a lawsuit.
I have to get home.
You know, there's children here, sir.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I could hear them at recess while I was eating a trans woman's ass earlier.
That didn't bother me.
But now we can't put fisticuffs up.
Dude, if I was on my way into her apartment, I would have pushed a stroller in
front of
a train.
Get that!
And then ran the fucking house.
Yeah, that's awesome, dude.
Yeah, the back pace.
So I was a very, because now you can't, I think it's off the internet.
It's all gone.
You really have to know what to do.
Oh, man, another egregious government overreach.
The FBI coming in and shutting it down.
When I was in college, getting absolutely no pussy whatsoever, I never, I think
because
I was a coward, I never called.
Sure.
But I did a lot of perusing and jacking.
Yeah, oh, yeah.
I did a lot of, like, put the first five digits in the thing and then, oh, you
know what
I mean?
Coming immediately.
I never, I never actually had the guts to, like, and I think, I think probably
it's a,
I got lucky in that I grew up just, there's enough internet, whereas, like, the
first time
you probably had to buy sex, it was like a true, it was all numbers, it was all
kind
of random, it was all, like, seedy.
There was no safety to it from the jump, right?
It was all dangerous.
I remember I bought phone sex.
Yeah.
And this is, like, old school.
I had to send a money order into California.
And, uh, been jerking off longer than some of you are alive.
And fucking.
Wait a second.
You had to get a money order?
Dude, I'm fucking.
So you had to, like, pre, you had to go get a money order weeks before you
wanted to jack
off.
$90 for a money order.
I mail it into California.
They mailed me through, like, a registered mail, a bunch of phone numbers.
And, um, you had 30 days those numbers were good for.
So you could call and jack off, like, at the time of the day.
Wow.
But they were all California, so I'd be on my way to work.
Right.
And I called at, like, 7 in the morning.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I didn't, but it was 4 a.m. there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the woman was like, you want to talk dirty now?
And she was like, fucking buzzkill.
But, yeah, it was all magazines back then.
Wow, yeah, yeah.
And, uh, I remember I went down to fucking.
So I'm, just real quick.
Sure.
And I want to hear that.
Oh, yeah.
So you're telling me it was more like a monthly pass.
Yes.
It wasn't by the minute.
It was like, all you can jerk, $90.
That seems like a pretty good deal.
It was, until you get fucking cranky woman who doesn't want to do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm a customer, lady.
Customer's always right.
Oh, I would love customer service on phone.
It's just the same women without just dropping with their real voice.
They're like, you know.
Can I speak to your manager?
Oh, yeah.
That lady's a bitch.
Yeah, I'll talk to her.
That's hilarious.
But, yeah, you'd have to mail in, man.
It was a very, it was a different experience than now.
Wow, Jim, hold on.
Quiet.
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My apologies, Mr. Norton.
I mean, I cannot believe that's such a level of dedication of like the, I
almost wonder
if ADD has helped certain types of sex addiction go away because you had to
focus to become
a sex addict.
Yeah.
There were so many steps.
Yes.
I can't even imagine, like even the times I've thought, like I said, thought
about going
so whatever, like going to a prostitute, whatever, I have always jacked off.
Like I could just jack off.
It's right there in front of me.
Whereas like if I really had to wait for it, like I think it's a generational
thing where
it's like you really earned your sex addiction.
Yeah.
There's no like really falling into it.
No, I worked for it.
Yeah.
You really worked for it.
I worked for it.
You know, when I was like nine or 10, when you blow all your friends, you're
like, this
is going somewhere.
Stick with it, Jim.
It's like I had a gift.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, like, you know, they have that story about Wayne Gretzky as a baby
sitting and watching
hockey and crying.
Yeah.
You're watching gay porn and it's like, oh, you turn it off.
Put it back on.
Baby Jim doesn't like when it's off.
My father was Earl Woods.
He took me out of the Mike Douglas show and he had me blow 10 boys my age.
A prodigy.
That's so funny.
Yeah, but it starts and it was weird.
It's weird to go through this whole era of like, as it gets faster and faster
and it gets
easier.
But I always do the same thing.
Like, do you remember Screw Magazine?
No, Mr. Screw.
Yeah, that was how it was tactile.
Like, you'd have to go to the adult bookstore, you'd buy a screw or you'd get
it from the
newsstand and then you would just peruse.
And I got into credit card debt.
There was this one.
And here in New York, they had this thing where there was a whole bunch of
lovely transgender
gals in this one house.
Wow.
And I put down my credit card because why would they steal from me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You opened up a tab.
I opened up a tab.
100% right.
You want to pay for it up front or just leave your card?
Leave the card.
I'll be back.
So it was like, I fucking, I did it and they ran me into about $10,000.
I was in credit card debt for years.
And the only reason I got out of it is because I would call and this took me
years to get
this off.
And they were like, what are these charges?
I'm like, well, I was going to see escorts.
Like, people are usually embarrassed about that.
But I was single.
I didn't care.
I was lonely and desperate.
Wanted connection.
But I finally got rid of it.
But that took me years to untangle.
Wow.
That's incredible.
So they were just like, and the people were like, oh, okay.
You were getting, you didn't pay for this much sex or what?
They like took it off your thing or you said it was fraud or what?
Well, no, I would, the sex I paid for, but they would, they would use it for
other things.
Like they take your credit card and then they would charge.
Size 11 heels.
Yes, exactly.
You know, like the largest heels you've ever seen in your line.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A prom dress and Uggs.
Yay!
Okay, I see, I see.
And you got those charges off.
Good for you, man.
Over years, yeah.
But I would save, I had paperwork saved for years.
Because it was, again, you had to call and wait.
There was none of the online stuff.
And it was long.
I respect that.
I respect, yeah, the shame.
That is the one time how having no shame has really, it saved you a nice 10 Gs,
it sounds like.
You did, yeah, because I never felt better than anybody.
Like I always felt like, oh, they're doing me such a favor by fucking me.
Right, right, right, right, right, right.
I loved them.
A good customer.
Yeah.
A great customer.
And so what ages are these where it's like, because we, I caught the tail end
of like, you know, physical porn.
We caught the like, go to Royal Farm, you know, go to like a gas station,
whatever.
They still had that one rack.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Because we were like, you know, Greektown was right by like, there's a lot of
truck stops.
So you got just a little bit of throwback stuff, but we, you know, we, we never
called the number or anything like that.
So you're talking about what's the, like, when are you buying from, what age
are you when you're getting that money order?
How old are you?
The money order, I might've been 19, 18, 20.
In that area, when I was a kid, like 11, 12, there was a motel.
Like we used to go over there, like 13 drunk and walk through the hallway and
just eat food off the room service trays.
And fucking.
Just feral New Jersey children.
Just insane.
Absolute garbage with cowlicks and a twitch.
And by the way, Jersey room, leftover room service.
Yeah.
It's not fresh.
You don't want to eat.
Not fine dining.
No, no.
This was not fine dining.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Would you have a pack of like, your parents are working too much or they didn't,
were they were, they were just kind of checked out?
No, my dad would work.
My mom was a stay at home mom, but I would just go out and again, again, there
you weren't, you weren't monitored as closely in the fucking eighties.
Yeah.
And they had magazine, they had a magazine rack there with every month they had
what Penthouse, Playboy and Wii magazine.
So I would go there with a screwdriver.
Okay.
And fucking put the screwdriver on and Jimmy the magazines out and I would
steal the magazine.
That motel really took care of some of my most basic needs.
It's so funny because I feel like people stopped monitoring their kid or
started monitoring their kids.
I mean, I, again, I feel like the like millennial age that we grew up in the,
you know, I was born in the late eighties.
Yeah.
So it's like, we, depending on where you grew up, you did have kind of a, I had
a bit of a throwback childhood where it's like, my parents kind of let us go.
I didn't have a phone.
We didn't have internet for a while, but other people my age totally had all
that stuff.
But I think the big thing was people were scared of like sex crimes, molestation,
all that stuff.
And you truly were pretty much just trying to get molested.
Dude, I was trying to get sex trafficked in everything you did.
I literally stood in the shoulder of the highway with my asshole open waiting.
No takers.
That's fucking wild.
And who are you, like, what are your friends like?
Did you have a pack of sexual deviants?
They were, we were all, I don't know how we connected.
This is back in Edison and, and there were girls too, but they were less deviant
at that.
And they were also scarier.
I didn't know what the parts were, but no, me and a bunch of my buddies, but