Name: Stavvy's World #65 - Jordan Jensen & Chloe Radcliffe | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2024-02-26T18:21:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #65 - Jordan Jensen & Chloe Radcliffe | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #65 - Jordan Jensen & Chloe Radcliffe | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-26. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #65 - Jordan Jensen & Chloe Radcliffe | Full Episode

Welcome everybody to Stabby's World, 904-800-STAB.
Call in, we'll solve all your problems.
Oh, we got Jordan Jensen, Chloe Radcliffe on the couch.
How we doing?
How we doing, gang?
Jordan is, uh, it sounds like your life's going bad.
You're even, like, I don't know, there's a sadness to you.
Before you were, like, delusional the last time you've been, the last couple
times you're here.
It was like you were happy, but you were clearly lying to yourself.
Now it seems like you've taken some truths.
Yeah, she's settled down.
Yeah, she's taken stock of her life and realized it's bad and, you know, like,
these kinds of things.
So I don't like seeing you this defeated, but it is funny that you're spiraling,
I guess.
She bought a fucking puppy.
Refreshing to have her, like, you know, feet on the ground.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't like to see you this humbled, but...
I know.
Well, it's just two sides.
It's either I'm manic or depressed.
I'm just in the depression right now.
Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
I'll turn back.
Were you manic when you got the dog?
You know what?
That's interesting because I did put some time into it.
Like, I had over...
I had, like, a couple...
A week or so to make the decision to, like, go through with the adoption.
And then I fostered her and then I still...
Wow, wow.
So are you saying you were manic that whole time?
Yeah.
It was a long man.
You just made a bad decision?
It's a bad decision.
I made a horrible decision.
I mean, I don't regret it because she rules and she's the best.
And she's, like, somehow magically a very well-behaved animal.
Okay.
Not true.
How long...
She is.
Did you say she shits all over hotels?
No, she's a puppy.
So she's puppy training.
She can't go outside.
But she poops on one mat and pees on the other.
Why can't she go outside?
Because she has to get all of her parvo shots.
Or else she'll get parvo.
What's parvo?
It's like a thing that kills puppies if they don't have it.
But she goes like this.
Well, good thing you don't expose her to any weird elements.
You just take her from city to city.
She lives in the dirtiest city in America.
Like, the most toxins and shit you'll find.
You live in New York.
And then you take her.
You just took her to San Diego.
A nice short trip from New York.
What, where, where, did you fly with her?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Did you have her cleared as a fake lake?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
That sucks.
How much extra do you have to pay?
She's an emotional support.
You don't have to pay anything because of the...
It was so easy.
That fucking sucks.
To be honest...
This is the most Republican thing that I believe that I have.
I totally agree.
That's so fake.
And unless you're blind, you don't get one.
Look at...
And you have to be super blind, by the way.
Look at...
You can't be like the kid from...
From a fall...
What is it?
Who do I text this to?
What's the number I text this to to throw it up?
It doesn't matter.
What?
You want to text...
You want your puppy to get airtime?
Yeah.
Text to Eldis, I guess.
Go ahead.
Oh, sorry.
Maybe not on there.
Look at how we woke up this morning.
Yeah, Eldis, can you get your social security number?
Wow, okay.
Come on.
A puppy cuddled you.
Who gives a fuck?
That's amazing.
That's classic puppy behavior, dude.
Wait, yeah.
Can I see?
Yeah.
Gals, I just want to interrupt for one second to let you know that
this podcast is brought to you by Chubbies, one of my favorite brands.
I've been a Chubbies user for years.
I'm pumped to have them on the show.
And in fact, we are introducing the Bunch of Wolves collection by Chubbies.
Chubbies, find your inner wolf and put some shorts on him.
At chubbies.com.
Go on.
Yeah, no, totally.
It was a rash decision.
I just was sick of the city and I was sick of not having any of like the farm
person in
me.
And I was sick of loving everybody else's dog and not being able to have my own.
And I realize now that it's a little bit abusive to bring her on the road all
the time.
And I'm probably going to have to get somebody to watch her, which is pretty
sad.
You're literally like a teen mom that's like, I need something to love.
I need something that has to love me back.
But it's a dog.
Isn't it any dog's life good if you just play with it all the time?
No, not in New York City.
It's this big.
She's this big.
How old is she?
How big is she going to get?
Just this big.
She's tiny.
That's as big as she gets?
She gets this big.
What kind of dog is it?
She's a Chihuahua cattle dog.
Interesting.
That's going to be so annoying when he starts barking and shit.
She's not barking.
She rules.
I'm telling you.
She's not going to bark, but she does need to run.
We ran today.
We ran.
Whatever.
It doesn't matter.
This is boring.
Who gives a fuck?
No one cares.
No one cares about your dog.
It was a mistake that I made.
Yeah.
Sure, I decided.
Why did you?
You said you wanted to be celibate?
I decided that I didn't want to have sex or date anybody ever again.
I got a dog.
It's been crazy.
We went to the vet today.
Not helping the white woman dog stereotype, by the way.
Saying that back to back.
Just externalizing anxiety about being alone.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
And she can't leave me or call me fat.
So I love her.
That's awesome.
She did call me fat the other day because I rolled over on her little and she
went, ah!
And I was like, oh, ow.
Yeah.
To me.
That's, yeah.
That's awesome that you, that's what you think that means?
You're getting fat?
You're just, all your, all your, like, issues are coming to bear, to bear right
now.
Why the celibacy, Jordan?
I just can't do it anymore.
It's too much.
It was, it's too crazy.
I can't.
It was, it's hurting me.
It hurts.
And I hate sex.
I hate, I hate it.
I mean, when are you gonna admit you're a lesbian?
That's really, I mean, this is fucking crazy.
This is like, I hate it.
I hate it.
It hurts.
Is she on a cattle dog?
I got a dog instead of, um, uh, sleeping with men.
Yeah.
And I love her.
Yeah, yeah.
It's so, there's gonna be like one of the most predictable and like not even,
like, no one's
gonna be, you're gonna come out and people are gonna be like, okay, about
fucking time.
It's gonna happen.
I did have a girl come out to a show recently who I had a crush on when I was
younger.
Oh, interesting.
And she had the pheromone smell.
Really?
Yeah.
She was very masked.
Hooked up with a woman?
No.
You had a crush on her when you were younger?
Yeah.
And, and she came and you, wait, you never, did you ever fuck girls?
No, no, she was like older than me and I would, I had my little mall goth
gloves on and she
had a Batman hat and I would go to the coffee shop she worked at and be like,
hi.
So you have been attracted to women since you were a fat goth.
And was she hitting on you at this show?
No, no, no, she was just coming to watch.
But I hugged her and I compulsively was like, I had a crush on you as a kid.
And she was like, okay, well, happy to be here.
I could date a masked woman.
The problem is I'm masked.
So you can't, masked women don't want masked women.
Masculine.
Some might.
Yeah, but you do.
No.
It doesn't happen.
Okay.
Find me a mask.
Tig Notaro.
I would date Tig Notaro.
Okay.
You're just saying you're a lesbian.
This is crazy.
That you think you're not gay.
That you think the phrase you just said was, nah, I want women, but I like a
masculine.
I can't be gay.
Like, that's such a classic.
Yeah.
I mean, what are you talking about?
What the fuck are you even talking about?
Yeah, but I don't like vaginas.
I've tried going down on a girl and I didn't like it.
It's freaked me out and it was gross.
So you have hooked up with a woman?
Well, it was a threesome.
Okay.
And you didn't like just the going down?
Did you like that?
You just didn't like that?
Just hers?
I didn't like the boobies.
Did you like the situation, though?
You do like the boobies?
No, no boobies.
What are you talking about?
I didn't like the boobs.
You like her boobs?
Do you like dicks?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the problem.
But my mom likes dicks and she's a big old dyke.
She loves dicks.
So another argument on...
You're actually so hysterically gay.
It's like not even...
I'm not even going to...
It's just like...
But any masculine woman we always think is gay.
No, no, no.
That's not true.
What do you mean?
My friend Jordan, who is clearly a lesbian, is who I think is gay.
It's not any masked woman.
It's like the person I've gotten to know over the years who just said she was
too depressed,
she hated men, and she's going to just be celibate because it's too complicated.
They freak me out with their penises coming at me.
That's awesome.
Whatever.
I don't care.
In 10 years, you're going to have a wife.
Maybe you're right.
I'm so right.
Because this guy was sexualizing me the other day, like touching me physically.
And I was like, stop.
I'm not gay.
You know what I mean?
This guy was?
Yeah.
He was like being intimate in a way that...
The only thing I'm attracted to is if somebody's not attracted to me.
It can be man or a woman.
This statue facing away from me, doing it for me.
Yeah.
Okay.
Interesting.
Whatever.
You're going to have a loving gay relationship.
That's the thing.
This is my easiest call ever, is that all of this is projection.
You say you're not attracted to people who give you attention.
Because if you just admitted that you just want a woman to give you attention,
it would just...
You would say like, oh, I'm gay.
I'll try it.
It's just internalized homophobic.
You want me to try it?
I'll get on that.
Yeah.
100%.
I'll get a nap.
I'll go out with...
I've been on a date with a woman.
They get too sycophantic.
They get too like, you're my boyfriend.
And I'm like, that's because you just need a masked woman.
I didn't say...
You need an avoidant woman.
Yeah.
You need a man as a woman.
Yeah.
They're out there.
They're out there.
We're going to make it happen right here.
If you're a masked woman that'd like to eat Jordan's pussy and maybe kind of...
I won't eat your pussy.
Well, we'll see.
We'll work up to it.
We don't have to.
You don't have to day one.
You can just be the man in the relationship.
Pillow princess.
Yeah.
That happens.
That's out there.
Yeah, I'll be a pillow princess.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She goes down to you.
And that's...
See, that's perfect because that's the community you're hot enough to do that
in.
You know?
It's like...
Yeah.
Yeah.
I see what you mean.
For masked lesbians, you're the most feminist, feminine one.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Like in mask.
But with men, they're like, I'm not going to eat out of this bear.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Okay, okay.
You're the belle of the mask ball.
Okay.
Yeah, you're Cinderella.
I like this.
This is working for me now.
Great.
Okay, great.
I'm glad we fixed this problem.
Great.
This is awesome because we'd be having the exact same conversation with Ian if
he was
there.
But Ian, you're just gay.
I think Ian is straight.
He just is.
He's...
Okay.
Let me tell you.
That is a non-starter.
We started by...
And by the way, the reason this is a Patreon...
Or not in a Patreon episode is to make Ian mad.
I'm purely just...
What's your argument that Ian's straight?
How is that?
He's going to see this and be so mad.
I told him he could come on with Jordan.
And then I just put Jordan on without him.
It's awesome.
With a woman.
With a woman.
Yeah.
Because Ian has sex with trans women who are very hot, very feminine, and he
has sex
with super feminine women, right?
And men, though.
Not...
Only when he has to.
What is the...
What are those...
Someone has a gun to his mom's head and suck this black guy's dick or she gets
it.
I don't think that's ever happened.
I don't think he's been...
I don't think anyone's really put him in that much of a corner.
Okay.
Then the other argument could be that he goes super feminine because he's gay,
so he has
to overcompensate.
That's what you think?
Yeah.
Okay.
I don't know what...
I think he just can't get a normal girl because no normal girl is going to get
a 40-year-old
who pees on pee pads.
Ye