Name: Stavvy's World #66 - Are You Garbage? | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2024-03-04T15:18:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #66 - Are You Garbage? | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #66 - Are You Garbage? | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-04. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #66 - Are You Garbage? | Full Episode

Opa! Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World, 904-800-STAV.
That's right, boys. You think you're the only ones who do a radio intro?
This kid's got a hotline.
Call in, we'll solve your problems. We got the RU Garbage Boys on the couch.
How we doing, fellas?
We're doing good, buddy. Thank you for having us.
Yeah, man, always a good time.
Good to see you.
Good to see you, boys. It's almost a little more than a year.
Are you less comfortable on the couch than you were?
I thought you were on Ozempick. Have you gotten fatter? What's going on?
Whoa, hey, it was just talking about the accusations.
I feel like you were more comfortable on the first one.
I just feel like I'm not providing a comfortable couch for my guests.
Talk about me being in my head for the next 90 minutes.
First thing, you look very unwell.
I didn't say unwell. I said uncomfortable.
Did you get more bloated?
No, he's down, and I'm down a handful, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maybe it's a posture thing. I don't know what it is.
It could be a posture.
Jesus Christ, I thought I was setting myself up nice.
Last time I was falling off this thing.
All right, never mind.
I will say from where I'm at, I see more room on that couch.
Maybe it's an angles thing.
I was on his lap last time.
Maybe it's an angles thing. All right.
You know, maybe before it was, there was the comfort of you guys basically
hugging.
Smudging into each other.
What happened, you were using Foley as a chair.
Yes.
You were using, so that's what.
We were doing the Santa Claus.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
Rescinded.
Strike it from the record.
Tell the stenographer it's out.
Yeah.
And make the jury forget it.
We did Giannis' podcast right when I started Ozempic, and for some reason, I
took, like,
this little chaise lounge in the middle of the thing.
No, it was, it's an ottoman.
Like, not even one with supports in it.
Just all, like, stuff with stuff in ottoman.
He's like, I'll be okay on this, dude.
Brutal.
And the fans, dude, they did a snapshot of the beginning and the end.
Dude, at the end, it's literally this big.
It goes from 18 inches down to, like, two and a half inches on a slinky.
He's sweating his hair fell off.
Great.
Oh, dude, when I did, have you guys done Sodor's podcast?
Not yet.
When I did Sodor's podcast, that couch is not for the fat.
That couch has no back support.
I was literally like this.
I was like this, and I was trying.
Sitting like a biggie.
I was like, yeah, no, I'm comfortable.
Dude, it was so embarrassing.
I spent 17 minutes just, like, just shifting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, like, trying to be cool about it and not being like, good Christ, what is
happening?
I like a desk.
I like a podium.
Nice podium.
Podiums.
I mean, you'll notice there's a lot of support on this bad boy.
That's a good chair.
What is that, West Elm?
I wish.
Well, you know, I don't wish, actually.
It's like the good folks at Ikea.
They make a good product every once in a while.
There you go.
The good stuff's good.
The good stuff is good.
It's expensive.
It's, like, more expensive, but it's better than spending, like, yeah, I got
this chair
for $14.99.
You know you're a bozo when you have one of those Ikea fucking cabinets and the
bottom
falls out, like, in your underwear drawer?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, fuck it.
Foley, you look like a guy to me that doesn't really protect his personal data
online.
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I know you need to do that, Hank.
Or how shallow the Ikea furniture you used to get was.
Yeah.
And how thin the fucking drawers were.
I mean, they really do make absolute trash stuff at the lowest levels.
Sure.
Dude, what's even worse, my wife will go, they have the as-is section.
It's like shit that's been broken or returned, and she'll show it to me.
Dude, it'll be like a fucking six-foot, like, dresser.
And she'll be like, how about this?
It's already pre-made.
I'm like, how are we going to get that back to fucking, how are we going to get
that
into our apartment?
It's not fitting in my key.
It's got a refrigerator door on the front of it.
Oh, that sounds nice.
It's such shit, dude.
It's such shit.
What is the most-this is interesting, not to turn the tables on you on your
usual format.
What are you talking about?
But how-what's the most expensive furniture you guys have purchased?
Probably my bed, I think.
We did well.
We did-I bought a-yeah, king-size mattress, king-size bed is probably the-
Wow, okay.
Probably-I don't know what it was.
Just the size.
You're not even talking about quality.
No.
You're just saying for the first time in your life, you've got it.
You've got it, king-size.
Well, the first one I had was through the good folks over at Helix.
Shout out to you.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
I believe we all have Helix.
Oh, the whole team has Helix mattresses.
Yeah, they're great.
Yep.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, I would say bed, probably.
Bed, okay.
Yeah.
Come on.
Do something better.
Mine's our sectional that we got from-
Uh-huh.
This was years ago that we got-we still have that we got from Wayfair.
Okay.
What?
That's known dog shit.
The sex trafficking website, I believe, right?
Weren't they saying that, like, Hillary Clinton was putting women in filing
cabinets for Wayfair?
Or the Omar.
It came with two Filipino kids.
You gotta feed this kid now?
Jesus.
Um, but we paid that off for years.
It was like-
You paid off a Wayfair couch?
It was like two grand.
You were paying interest on a Wayfair couch?
I would cost him $13,000.
It was like a mortgage.
I think it was like three grand.
He's just paying interest the first year.
It's all big.
There's no principal being paid that at all.
Payments?
Yeah.
That's awesome.
I think we got that paid off a couple of months ago.
There you go, buddy.
Congrats.
I'm sure it's broken already.
Congratulations.
But the resale goes up on that.
How about you?
What's one big thing you splurged on?
I, you know what I actually, uh...
Because it's not the couch we're sitting on.
No, no, no.
We were just talking about how pathetic the studio is.
How, I mean, the cover's disgusting.
A lot of diet root beer has been spilled on that.
Well, also, I think we were probably one of the first people-
You were.
You got it fresh.
So the chance-
You know what's funny?
To go back to how uncomfortable we look at the moment, we were on a brand new
couch.
That's true.
That's true.
That's true.
This thing, dude, the ass has been shot out.
That's true.
That's true.
A lot of fat people have sat on that.
It's like from a fraternity house.
Yeah, yeah, yes.
Yes, it does have that.
You know what?
Were they-
They weren't the-
Who was the first we recorded?
We only had a handful, I think.
Was it them?
No, I don't think we were the absolute first.
We were early.
I don't remember the first we recorded.
Sam was the first we published, but it wasn't the first one.
Because there's a chance you're the first people who sat on this cover, and you
will be the
last, because we're taking a break after this, and we will, at the very least,
get a new
cover, maybe even a new couch.
Oh, shit.
Check out Wayfair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Financing terms.
Foley, can I buy the debt on the thing off you?
Give me a third of the sectional.
You want to win on it with me?
Take a timeshare?
Yeah.
You're upside down in a sectional.
You're underwater, brother.
Why don't you flip it to me?
I'll take on the toxic asset.
I gotta say, I know you're smart with your money and stuff like that, but with
the things
you're doing now, I would love to see a monster purchase.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
I would love to see you pulling up somewhere in a Lamborghini.
Many friends have been like, just buy a car.
I literally was driving my mother.
Well, actually, I used to drive Eldest.
In 2011, Eldest purchased a Toyota Corolla that he had no business buying.
He just went to go to a...
Literally, we were...
Man, things are rough when you have no business buying a Toyota Corolla.
Oh, dude, he had no business.
Back then, we're fresh out of college.
Who do you think you are with that Hyundai?
We're fresh out of college.
Me and Eldest had talked...
You know, we've been...
Obviously, everybody knows.
We've known each other forever.
He was like, I think I might get it.
He was driving his mother's Corolla, or Camry at the time, right?
Maybe.
It's a good car.
There's a Corolla.
And then he just went.
He bought a car, you know, just...
He was like, I'm just going to go to the dealership.
Gets hustled.
100%.
Some fucking greasy cocksucker got it.
I got a real good story about getting hustled.
Saw a young, red-faced Sula over here.
And he was like, I'm about to bang this little cocksucker for all he's worth.
Hopefully, he can still get a student loan and pay this car off that way.
He got to go back to school and get a car.
I was like, I graduated college.
I got a job making $30,000 a year.
$30,000 a year, and I'm living at home.
I'm ready to buy a brand new car.
Sure.
That's how I love that.
That's the dirtbag mentality.
That is my mentality.
So, he does this, right?
And he has it for like a year.
How long?
A year or two?
Yeah, it's like a year and change.
A year.
Then he's like, I'm moving to New York.
Every fat-bearded kid from the suburbs, every fat-bearded white guy, Brooklyn
is like...
When they turn 22, it's like they're...
You have to go for the...
It's the holy land.
Let's pray love for a fat...
You know, for a fat only as...
I hear you can get shawarma 24-7.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's Birthright.
Yeah, he was on Birthright.
He was on...
Oh, yeah.
He was on fucking all...
You know, indie rock slash random music and flannel Birthright.
And he sells me...
Then I bang him.
Like, I basically treat him worse than the fucking used car sales.
And I'm like, look, I know you're fucked here, pal.
Sell me the car for less than market value.
Stop squeezing an extra 500 out of me over a sushi lunch.
And a full-timey game.
I was like this cocksucker.
I love it, dude.
I took him out to sushi like he was a client.
You're in a full suit.
That's right.
$30 all-you-can-eat sushi?
That was a 470.
I was up 470 on that fucking lunch.
Sushi lunch.
You gotta shed money to make money, baby.
You gave him a Ravens helmet.
Called it a deal.
So then I had it.
And then I sold it to my brother when I moved to New York.
Jesus.
And then I got it back from him.
And then I was driving it.
More closed on him?
Yeah.
You moved the note?
Kind of repo it?
No, my brother's also dumb, you know, European trash.
He was like, I need a brand new SUV.
When he did the exact same thing Eldest did.
Sure.
I was trying to be like, don't be like Eldest.
We're smarter than Albanians.
Don't do this.
And he immediately just gets a, you know, he makes the same thing, $30,000 job.
Well, I think like dirtbags get like four grand in their checking account.
Yes.
And they're like, the world is mine.
No, my brother couldn't handle it.
It doesn't matter, brother.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so he, I, so I got, then I buy it back from my brother.
And now my mother is driving it in Baltimore.
But that was, that's the, that's the last car I purchased.
And it was from Eldest and then from my brother.
I, you know, but I don't, you know, I don't drive.
I would love to take a look at that car.
That thing's got to stink.
Corlola, baby.
She's still, she's still kicking.
That thing got worn down.
I was like, it was like seeing your ex with a shit bag.
Some guys don't know how to treat a girl.
And the fucking armrest was like dented in.
You left me for this guy?
I loved you.
Dude, I went to my, I had a Kia for a long, when the pod started doing okay, I
crashed.
I had a 2005 Mercury Montego, crash out into a taxi cab, ha