Name: Stavvy's World #75 - Marie Faustin and Derek Gaines | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2024-05-06T17:16:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #75 - Marie Faustin and Derek Gaines | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #75 - Marie Faustin and Derek Gaines | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-06. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #75 - Marie Faustin and Derek Gaines | Full Episode

Welcome everybody to Stavi's World, 904-800-STOV.
Call in, we'll solve all your problems.
We have a panel of returning champions here.
We have Marie Faust and Derek Gaines.
Thanks for coming back, bros.
Thanks for having me, man.
Of course.
I think I live here now.
Thanks for bringing me back to Greece.
You want to sublet?
You want to sublet the office?
I would die here.
This folds out, you know, we have a nice little...
Wow.
You can just sleep here.
You got insurance?
Is it insurance or healthcare?
Insurance?
Insurance, what kind of?
Rent or insurance?
Yeah, something.
No, if I had to stay.
Is there like...
So you think when you rent a place, they also give you insurance?
Yeah.
Where do you live?
I'm from a different world.
I'm from a very blessed world of South Jersey.
Do you live in Mount Sinai?
I meant to say healthcare.
There, you're describing a homeless shelter.
Where's the soup line?
Where's the soup line?
Is there free bread every day?
Yeah, I got old milk here.
I love it.
I could see...
Because I definitely could see you...
Because you put on some fits that are so wild that it could be the first day of
homelessness.
Oh, yeah.
Where it's still clean.
Oh, yeah.
But it's like...
It feels like, you know, oh, this guy maybe is down on his luck kind of thing.
You could, by accident, wander into a homeless shelter and get a...
Oh, yeah.
It's my first day.
First day of homelessness.
Yeah.
You put together a couple stuff.
It's clean.
It's warm, you know.
I always spit on his hoodie, so I was going to get some soup.
Yeah.
Exactly.
I spit on my...
Exactly.
Get a couple stains.
You know what I mean?
You're good to go.
He's the oldest guy that folds his clothes.
Yeah.
Like, I'm sleeping, but I ain't gonna crease it.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
We ironed it with a pan.
I'll keep that pan up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, no insurance, but you know, you're welcome.
You guys are welcome to stay.
Thank you, man.
I appreciate it.
Thanks for coming all the way from Brooklyn.
I know it's difficult.
I was in the car like, do I even like Stavros this much?
Bruh, you live deep out.
You live deep queen.
My driver saw the address and he sighed.
He said...
He got everybody back home.
He went through the whole family tree.
And then we got here.
Yeah.
That's good.
Gives him a lot of time to make calls.
And you know how, like, I mean, y'all are men, but sometimes the driver will
wait for
me to get in before they drive away.
Sure.
This guy was gone.
Not this time.
Because of my shoes.
He was pissed.
Bitch.
All the way up Queens.
God damn.
A lot of great stuff while you guys are here.
Make a day of it.
You know, go get some Greek food.
Check out the visionary art.
What is it?
The museum?
MoMA PS1.
Moving image, yeah.
Oh, that's MoMA PS1.
Museum of the Moving Image.
Very close to here.
You know, they have a great Jim Henson exhibit.
Oh.
The Muppet Baby guy?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm just pitching this neighborhood to them.
It's very nice.
Fuck you guys.
Derek and Marie, why don't you quiet down for a second?
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We have Trader Joe's.
Whoa, you got a Trader Joe's?
Yeah.
Trader Joe's.
Damn, what the fuck?
Yeah, what y'all got? Just Kifu?
Yeah, honestly, that is kind of bullshit.
Isn't there a Trader Joe's LIC?
Long Island City, yeah.
Yeah.
Let's start with more completely New York-specific stuff
to really turn off 95% of the listening audience.
Well, where's the biggest chunk of your audience from?
Oh, I don't know.
I don't know about the analytics, but let's see what we should talk about.
Let me see the graphs.
We'll do 12% New York, 11% L.A.
17% Oklahoma.
I don't think I'm big in Oklahoma.
Oklahoma.
You're big everywhere.
You know what?
Actually, in Oklahoma, I actually, I did a casino gig there and I was like,
damn, I'm a fucking piece of ass in Oklahoma.
You petite.
I was literally like, I was like, damn, there's three t-shirt sizes above mine
here.
Wow.
It's like a gift shop and I'm like, I'm a medium, effectively.
When 2X is just, they're just getting cooking.
Stop an Oklahoma tin.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
I did a horrible casino.
I mean, thank you to the gig.
I was opening for Bobby.
It wasn't really my gig.
The lady who did it was nice, but man, it was like, everyone was fat as hell
and it was like, and it's like old people with their oxygen tanks fucking
gambling.
Oh yeah.
Did they pull up in the car in the little carts?
Yeah.
Really tough stuff.
They parked outside.
They tethered a cart outside the show.
I've done Atlantic City plenty.
Atlantic City's old.
All them silver foxes.
Yeah, man.
It's tough times.
Have you ever been to Oklahoma?
Anybody here in Oklahoma?
No.
No, I went to Tulsa.
Tulsa.
Yeah.
Everybody that came to see me though was slim.
Oh, okay.
You got it.
That's my demo.
We didn't need to run the analytics.
I didn't say it was my fan base.
I said they were in the casino.
Yeah.
People stopped booking me.
They're like, sorry, man.
We got to get new chairs every time you perform.
We got to fucking ruin stuff.
The show's not wheelchair accessible.
It's canceled now.
When my parents were still married, I lived in Oklahoma for like six months.
Oh, interesting.
When I was a baby.
A little ass kid.
Yeah.
So you've got some Oklahoma.
You got some Oklahoma in you.
Yeah.
There was an Air Force base on Oklahoma.
Oh, okay.
And I was there.
And then when they divorced, no more Oklahoma.
So it was just that sign.
Damn.
Sound like you want to unpack the divorce.
Yeah.
What's going on?
Everything all right, man?
I'm a product.
No, to be honest, I'm a product of a good divorce.
Okay.
Product of a really good divorce.
Both my parents are engineers.
So I've been pretty much spoiled.
Okay, rich.
Okay, four Christmases.
Super Bowl every Christmas.
Super Bowl every fucking Christmas.
Who won?
Who would win?
My mom.
Because she hated my pops.
So she's like, nah, nah, nah.
I'm always getting gifts.
And anything he don't get, I'm going to get them.
So yeah.
What was the best one?
Do you remember?
Is there like one that stands out?
I remember one year.
There's two different ones.
One year I thought I opened every gift, but my mom hid an entire basketball
court behind
the tree.
A court?
A court?
So you know how you got to put a cement court thing.
Yeah.
The hoop.
So she put the hoop behind them.
She says, we got to build it, but yeah, it's here for you.
Wow.
That was one year.
That's a gift.
Yeah.
And another year, my mom set up the fucking racetrack around the tree.
Racetrack?
What the fuck are you doing?
You got real estate for your birthday?
A court and a track?
My mom set up the high wheels track.
Oh, the high wheels track.
High wheels.
Okay.
I was like, I thought you were talking about, I was literally like, his mother
got a go-kart
track in his backyard.
But my dad, but my pop used to take me go-karting every time I went to DC.
So it was always a thing.
All right.
But no, my mom used to take out the presents and set them up around the
Christmas.
It used to fuck me up.
The setup is huge.
The setup is massive.
My mom is the truth.
Yeah.
I was like, yes.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
It was always fun.
Every Christmas was crazy.
And your mom is still number one in your parent rankings?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Mom, mom, dad, too.
What about step?
Step parents come in anywhere?
Well, my dad's wife.
Yeah.
No.
My mom said mom.
My dad.
My mom said mom.
My dad.
Shout out.
Shout out to Cindy.
I'm like, well, Charlene.
Shout out to Cindy.
I love Cindy.
Cindy's great.
That didn't sound like it, man.
My dad.
The bitch my dad.
Oh, shit.
Shout out to my father's wife, Cindy.
I love her the bits.
I love her the bits and pieces.
Yeah.
From afar.
She never set up any Hot Wheels tracks?
No.
No.
No Hot Wheels tracks.
Does she have any kids of her own?
She does not.
No.
Okay.
And did your mom have any other kids?
My sister.
My sister or my father's side.
So, yeah.
Before you or after?
After.
Okay.
All right.
I'm the first one.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
The firstborn son, the little prince.
Yeah.
The little prince of the divorced family.
Nice.
Big old burgers.
Superfluous.
I learned that word a long time ago.
Superfluous.
Superfluous.
Too much shit.
You got too much shit.
Yeah.
You're living superfluously.
Wow.
Superfluously.
Superfluously.
You got it.
Hold on.
Take your time.
Superfluous.
Superfluous.
Superfluous.
What's the origin?
Superfluous.
Unnecessary.
Especially being more than enough.
Superfluous.
Wow.
Absolutely.
Yeah, but it's adding the lead to the end that makes it large.
Superfluously.
Superfluously.
That's hard.
Superfluously.
You'll get it, little buddy.
That's AP English right there.
Good schools.
Good schools.
Yeah.
Whole thing.
Love that, dude.
Dad, you are spoiled.
Derek is a massive girl.
XOXO.
So...
I'm a mean girl.
Lizzie Longhand out of this month.
Regina?
No, I'm Regina George.
You're in the crew.
I didn't know you were Carlton Banks.
You know I dropped out of jazz college to do comedy?
I dropped out of jazz school to do comedy.
You were playing or you were like...
I know.
I had to scat in class.
I had to do scat classes.
We'd be there.
Scat class?
That's insane.
And you had to count it.
You're just making shit up.
No, no.
I'm being there, no.
That's like what poor white people think rich black people do.
No.
Put on a tuxedo and scat.
Well, of course the blind.
Yeah.
Shout out to Michael Jones, my rhythm and diction teacher.
Rhythm and diction teacher.
That's why you're crushing Superfluous.
We had to sing beats.
That's so fucking funny.
We had to sing beats.
That's so fucking funny.
It was like weird shit we had to do in school to read music.
But nah, I dropped out because I suck and I started telling jokes.
I sucked at it.
I was like, man, let me go tell some jokes.
Jazz college.
Jazz college in Switzerland.
Yeah.
It was in Philly, but shit.
Oh, in Philly.
That makes a difference.
Yeah.
Big time.
Okay.
Do you ever go skiing?
in Philly that makes a difference
okay do you ever go skiing
let's keep it going
I'm not an outdoorsy guy
I went skiing a couple months ago
talk shit come on
went to Vancouver with the white people
and the higher we went up the mountain
the more I turned into a rich white lady
the air was so wealthy
I was with all these black people
and I was like where are you people from
you just go up and whisper to the security guard
keep an eye on them before will you
I left my purse back there
I'm like are there lockers
I want to put my Casio watch
seems to be some Crichtons on the mountain
I don't know if I like these Crichtons
after all sprints
I'm just a terrible skier
I've never done any winter
winter shit
I'd like to tube
but that sounds fun
go down that motherfucker
fast as shit
then drink some hot cocoa
I'll meet you down at the lodge
type shit
they start drinking at 2pm
yeah people get really fucked up
cause the liquor keep you warm
right
don't it
well once you start drinking
I'm not going back outside
I live at Aqueski now
did you go with the crew?
yeah I went with Sydney
I mean
love it
oh that's great
you know
yeah I saw those pictures
yeah Chelsea Handley was there
naked
with her dog
wow
that's dope
that's nice
it was cool
but skiing is hard
yeah
I don't want to do any of that shit
I just want to hang out
I said this on a podcast before
but I remember
I feel like
in the 90s
every like
show for
like you know
Saved by the Bell
Fresh Prince
they all had like a
ski lodge episod