Name: Stavvy's World #83 - Alex English | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2024-07-01T10:00:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #83 - Alex English | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #83 - Alex English | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-01. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #83 - Alex English | Full Episode

Oppa-ha! Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. 904-800-STAV. Call in, we'll solve
your problems.
We got Alex English back, returning. Thanks for coming, bro.
Thank you. Thank you, Stavi.
I'm realizing I have a Greek yogurt stain on my tank top, which is an
incredible Greek.
Don't fucking use the laugh button.
You were eating it before we got on camera, and I started seeing the yogurt on
your mustache,
and I was like, am I going to have to tell him before? That would have been
insulting.
Yeah.
It really is like, you know, just got a little Greek yogurt on my shit.
That is, I am a caricature, just crushing Greek yogurt and grilled meats
whenever my guests come in.
I feel like when I was here last time with Devin, like, there was a turkey,
like, on the table?
Maybe a rotisserie chicken?
I feel like there was, like, a chicken, yeah.
We're big rotisserie chicken guys around here. We're huge.
My memory's good.
We're huge rotisserie chicken, guys.
It's the main thing on my rider, is I must have a rotisserie chicken.
Is that true?
I swear to God.
You really be having people in comedy clubs going out to the Kroger, to their
nearby Trader Joe's,
and picking up a whole rotisserie chicken.
That's incredible, actually.
And you just gave me a bright idea.
Because that's the thing, it's like, I say that, right?
And immediately people are like, hilarious, he's fat as shit, right?
That's the number one thing.
And I get it on some level, but a rotisserie chicken's pretty healthy, and it's
not, you're not being a diva.
They cost fucking $5.
That's true.
And you also, like, can't trust a lot of these clubs to have the good food that
you want.
Because, like, I have, like, really bitten my tongue at some of these clubs.
I'm like, listen, these airport-ass chicken tenders is not the vibe.
No, dude.
So I get it.
It's like, because once you crack open the comedy club menu, there's no way I'm
not going buck wild.
Because it's all dog shit.
So I'm going to get tenders.
I'm going to get the Buffalo Bites.
Come on.
The Buffalo Bites.
The Helium Comedy Clubs.
If you're in Madison.
If you're in Wisconsin.
Shout out to Madison.
Yep.
Thank God that club, it's a great club, Comedy on State, but they don't have a
kitchen, so you have to order.
Like through the restaurant next door or something.
So you can get a better restaurant instead of a comedy club.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
No, they're the best.
They're the best over there.
But yes, once you crack, it's like inviting a vampire.
You have to invite them into your home.
Once you order one thing off a comedy club menu, you're ordering everything.
Everything.
Off the comedy club menu.
You're getting shit to go.
It's fucked up.
So we get the rotos going.
It's a beautiful way to live life.
Eldest came to visit me because I've been in Baltimore hanging out.
Eldest was just eating an entire rotisserie to himself a day.
Which you got to respect.
He was like, I'm being healthy.
And he was making like a yogurt bowl that had 4,000 calories in it.
This motherfucker put like a bag of walnuts, fucking maple syrup.
It was awesome.
Yeah.
All whole food natural ingredients.
At that point, it's just like cinnamon toast crunch at this point.
Yeah, dude, it was hilarious.
Walk the people through Eldest's famous yogurt bowl.
So here's what I do for my yogurt.
Of course, I don't measure it out.
So probably realistically, I'm doing like one and a half, two full cups of
yogurt alone.
Which is the best part.
That's the healthiest part of the whole thing is the yogurt.
Then I'll do like some blueberries and or strawberries.
Yep.
So you're still looking good.
Then I'll do probably like a couple, maybe one or two tablespoons of peanut
butter, almond
butter, whatever.
It's out of his mind if he thinks it's one or two tablespoons.
Now we're getting dangerous.
That motherfucker never even glanced at a measuring spoon while he was at my...
He's fucking scooping.
You put the whole thing of Jiffy in there.
He's putting his shoulder into that fucking scoop, bro.
There's no one or two tablespoons.
You got your granola, right?
You put your granola on top of it.
No granola, actually.
No granola.
What are you putting on there?
Lay's potato chips?
I do put salt.
I put sea salt on it.
You put sea salt, yeah.
What else do I do?
I'll do...
The nut butter and the nuts are where you get crazy.
I do walnuts as well as the nut butter.
Because within the peanut butter, which is probably four to five tablespoons,
if we're
being honest, which that right there is, I'm going to say, 500 calories.
And then the bag of walnuts is awesome.
Walnuts are like...
The nutrition facts say like 12 nuts for 200 calories.
And Elders is just like shaking that fucking, hitting the bottom of the bag on
his shit.
It looks awesome.
It looks delicious.
And then the coup de gras is the maple syrup to go with it.
A little maple syrup.
I'll also do some chia seeds and some flax seeds, too.
I know those bowel movements are crazy.
Oh, yeah.
This motherfucker disappears for an hour after that bowl, dude.
He gets the rotisserie.
The rotisserie is like when you pack a musket.
And then that yogurt bowl, that yogurt bowl is the fucking fire, the gunpowder.
And it just pops.
It's just fucking...
It's like a yogurt bowl with the musket.
It's all back in his face.
Salute, guys.
Salute.
You were doing your little workouts.
It was awesome.
He was in my backyard.
No shirt.
Doing fucking goblet squats.
Oh, word.
Oh, yeah.
I was trying to do some little whole body squat shit going on.
Well, I'm an exercise boy now, too.
I'm in the gym.
Hell, yeah.
All of us, we're trying to get it back.
So that's why my place in Baltimore is like the health dojo right now.
So you came over.
And, yeah, it's nice.
It feels nice to be in the gym getting over there.
You know, I actively, like, I had to go to an expensive gym.
I learned that about myself.
Because I used to be at Blink, and that's just, like, $10, $12 a month.
So it disappears.
It's Planet Fitness, but it's like you're pretending you're better than Planet
Fitness.
But it is Planet Fitness.
Exactly.
The same homeless men are showering in your locker room.
It's true.
It's, yeah.
So I canceled that, and I was like, you know what?
In order for me to actually be encouraged to go to the gym, I have to pay, like,
$200,
which is what I'm doing.
Like, a big dinox.
Yes, that's where I am.
And now I'm like, this is, this is, this is, get your ass up.
Yeah.
Because that money, I can see that money.
Interesting, interesting.
So I'm like, oh, okay, great.
Plus, I thought, so my initial inspiration for going to the gym was I thought
that I was
going to see Beyonce Renaissance.
And I bought, I was, I was, I was, I was.
You bought a metal mesh tank top you were going to wear.
I legitimately bought a shirt that I was like, I'm going to get, I'm going to
get
my chest together, I'm going to fill this fucking shirt out.
And I was, even like, it was before, like, at one point, Beyonce had, like,
announced, like, you all need to be wearing silver.
And I was like, fuck you, I'm wearing this shirt.
Yeah, I'm ready to go.
But only to find out that the tickets that were, I was told that I could get,
I was in Chicago doing shows.
So not only did I, like, lie to myself, I lied to Marie Faustin also.
She was like, we going, we going, I'm like, I am in Chicago.
Didn't let her know ahead of time.
It's awesome.
I owe her, I owe her a major concert.
Yeah, damn.
Fuck you, Marie.
I'm glad you didn't get to go.
So, yeah, so then I just, like, stayed in the gym, no Beyonce tickets,
and just, like, decided to continue.
That was the original thing, was to look good for Beyonce.
Good for Beyonce, and then never go back to the gym.
But now I'm in it.
Okay.
And I got to say, like, you know, men are gross in the gym.
Like, you know, and as a gay man, I'm saying that.
Sure, sure.
You know, like, it's kind of wild.
Like, the, like, the virile sort of just, like, now, I don't know what goes on
in women's locker rooms.
Right, right, right.
What I assume, I assume good behavior is happening in women's locker rooms.
I can only assume that.
Yeah, I would say so.
In these locker room style, it's pretty, because the one that I go to is near
work.
So it's, like, suit and tie guys, like, powerhouse, power players.
And it's just, like, oh, you guys got, like, fetish, you're presenting.
These motherfuckers are walking around, dick swinging, like, no towel on,
staring with no shame.
Like, just looking you in your eye, like, yeah, I'm looking at you, like, it's
kind of wild.
That's what I was going to ask, is that I do feel like the question, when you
were saying, like, your motivations,
me, knowing what I know about expensive gay gym culture, is that you do, it
seems like there's handjobs up for grabs in saunas.
It seems like that's out there.
So me being, like, oh, nice, well, it'd be, like, if there was a place where it's,
like, I could work out,
and then, you know, some, wouldn't have to be a hot lady, just an okay lady
jerked me off in a sauna.
I'd be, like, that's, I'm going every day.
I'm going to the sauna, I'm going to the gym every day.
I will say, and this is me speaking candidly, this is the only podcast that I
go on and really spill my blood.
I can say that I have gone to the gym a couple times, I've been preparing to go
to the gym a couple days,
being like, I kind of want to see some dicks today.
Like, it's not arm day, I just want to see dick in the ass.
I just want to see some dick.
You know, if that means doing an hour, 45 minutes of just, like, lifting, to
justify the fact that I want to go,
just, like, I got to get to the locker room.
That's awesome, yeah.
You should see my face when I walk into the locker room and it's, like, not
peak hours, and I'm like, oh, shit, I'm about to eat here.
It's an old guy, it's an old guy weighing himself.
This sucks, his old ass balls, his old balls hanging so much lower than his
dick, it's not even close.
Oh, dude, if I get 10 more years, I mean, my balls are going to hang so much
more than my penis.
Oh, so I have huge balls and a little penis.
When you lose ball elasticity, too, it's not going to look pretty.
It's not going to be a good photography package.
Not that it is now, but it's going to be bad.
There's going to be no way to make it look.
I'm going to have to get, like, a nut lift.
I'm going to have to get, like, my balls, some ball skin removed.
BBL for your balls.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The way it's, like, ladies, some women don't get breast implants, but they get
their tits just, like, you know how they'll sag too much so they'll bring them
up?
I'm going to need to do that with my nuts.
Oh, oh, oh.
Yeah.
I'm so glad you brought this up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Today, before I came here, I was showering, getting ready to come here.
I was in the locker room, and I saw my very first trans man in the locker room.
Wow, get out of here.
And I got to say, I was delighted.
Yeah, yeah.
I was like, oh, my God, this is incredible.
And I kind of wanted to say something to them, but I was like, oh, let me not
be weird in here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I saw, I saw, like, the scars.
Nice pussy, bro.
No, truly.
I truly, I truly was like, oh, I saw the scars.
I was like, and, you know, I kind of, I kind of, like, my eyes went down a
little bit.
I wasn't staring at her.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I didn't see no balls.
So I was like, oh, there's pussy in the man's locker room.
This is great.
It was so heavy.
Because, like, no, but also, because, like, the vibe was, like, I think
everybody, no one.
No one gave a fuck.
No one gave a fuck.
Dudes really don't give a fuck, like, about the bathroom shit like that.
Especially, we're talking midtown Manhattan.
Yeah.
In, like, in the expensive gym.
It's like, there's going to be very few people who give a fuck.
Yeah, come on, bitch.
Get showered and go, and go, and go work out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We all just trying to get swole.
Totally, totally.
Wow, pussy in the locker r