Name: Stavvy's World #93 - Jordan Jensen and John Kennedy | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2024-09-09T10:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #93 - Jordan Jensen and John Kennedy | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #93 - Jordan Jensen and John Kennedy | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-09. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #93 - Jordan Jensen and John Kennedy | Full Episode

Welcome, everybody, to Stavius World, 904-800-STAV.
Call in, we'll solve your problems.
Damn, I forgot.
I forgot the number.
We have returning.
Did you change the number?
No, it's just been, we, you know.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing's wrong.
I just didn't, I haven't done the podcast in a while.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
I forgot my number.
904-800-STAV.
Jacksonville, baby.
We were really looking for 800-STAV.
So we took whatever we could get.
904-800-STAV.
Not a bad.
800-STAV isn't there?
It's there.
What do you mean?
Who is it?
Let's call it.
It's this number.
It's me.
My phone rings.
What is it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we have Jordan Jensen and she brought it.
1-800-STAV?
9, what are you, I just fucking said it.
Oh, no, it's not a real number.
Not 1-800.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
It's a Google voice number.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got it.
Not 800-STAV.
1-800-STAV-ROS.
That could work.
Does that add up?
Yeah, I think so.
But we're not doing a toll-free number.
All right.
We're not assuming the call, the price of the call.
Okay, okay.
It is on the listener to pay the, like, whatever cents it costs to put a call
through.
But, Jordan's here.
Jordan Jensen returns.
She brought, I don't know this kid.
He's a cute little guy over here.
I love him.
John, literally, your name is John Kennedy.
John Henry Kennedy.
That's hilarious.
Sick.
John Henry.
You ever think, go to Hank Kennedy?
Um, no.
It's powerful, dude.
Yeah, I guess it's pretty powerful.
J. Hank Kennedy.
What's Hank?
Why is it powerful?
Henry.
Is that like a...
Henry?
Hank is short for Henry?
Yeah.
Oh, really?
Henry's my favorite male name.
Henry Jack Oliver.
Well, then Henry and Hank are sort of like, you know what I mean?
Hank is gross.
That's jerking.
Hank's gross?
No, that's...
Hanky.
Yeah, Hanky and jerk off.
Jank off.
Jack.
Jank.
Jank?
I like how I like Jack, but not Hank.
Yeah, Jack is literally jacking off.
Hank is gross.
Hank is a hanky.
Did you know any Hanks?
I think we know a Hank...
I think I know a Hank where I grew up, and I think he's a bad guy.
I think he's friends with my sister's husband who cheated on her.
Gotcha.
Are they still married?
No, divorced.
Divorced.
Oppa!
There we go.
That's great.
Yeah.
I think maybe the last time...
He did a cease and desist on me because I posted a podcast all about it.
Oh, wow.
Wait, his name's Hank?
Yeah, I think we talked about it...
No.
He has a friend named Hank.
Oh, okay, yeah.
Because of that, Jordan's out on the name.
I think it's in a classic...
Hank is one of those classic...
I do know what you mean.
It's not as declarative.
Hank?
Hank's...
It's an old guy name.
Old guy name.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, one of my mom's name is Donna, and I was thinking about...
One of your mom's names?
One of my mom's names.
One of my mom's names.
Oh, I see, I see.
We're not going to again.
I see, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Is Donna, and I was thinking about...
Imagine having a little baby come out and being like, you know what?
Donna.
Donna.
That's crazy.
That's awesome.
I can see that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I would love a little baby with a powerful ass name.
Like, I do like a baby...
I would love a baby named Hank.
Or...
Or like...
No baby.
Hank.
Yeah, what's up, Hank?
Rick, I guess.
Rick is great for a baby.
Yeah, a baby named Rick.
This is Rick.
Yeah.
That rules.
Having a little baby.
Hank's in that family.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
Anyway, the point is we're trying to get this guy a new name already.
Yeah.
Hank Kennedy.
Hank Kennedy sounds better, I think, than a regular Hank.
Yeah, Hank Kennedy.
Really?
I don't know.
I don't like the K's slammed up against each other.
I think the K's together...
Hank Kennedy.
Oh, okay.
What about Jack Kennedy?
I like Henry Kennedy.
All right.
Well, then start going by your middle name.
Or John Henry.
Okay.
John Henry.
John Henry's great.
But that's the powerful...
Well, John Henry's my whole first name.
That's the powerful...
Isn't that the black dude that raced the train?
My mom read that book a lot.
So you have a lot...
Two different forms of Americana is your name.
It's John Kennedy and John Henry Kennedy.
Yeah, and then Berggren's my middle name.
I don't really...
Berggren?
Berggren.
Berggren.
It's like Swedish.
Oh, wait, wait.
Your full name is John Henry Berggren.
Yeah, John Henry's my whole first name.
JHB.
Yeah, okay.
Close to GHB.
The date rape drug.
My mom, yeah.
Big fan of GHB.
They love that drug, yeah.
You love Americana.
My parents were like, well, it is how we met.
Yeah.
What is JHB?
His middle initials.
But what is that?
What is GHB?
GHB is the date rape drug.
Like we just said...
Is...
Is...
Is...
Rufi?
Yeah.
Rufalin?
Mm-hmm.
Go ahead, Elders.
Gamma-hydroxaburi.
Yo, I'd be giving my dog that gamma pet...
Oh, no.
I'd give her gabapentin.
Yeah, you don't give your dog the date rape drug.
Yo, I'd be...
That little ass.
Well, that's great.
Off to a fucking rousing star here.
Um, this is...
Oh, wow.
Daytime sleeping.
Wait.
So, wait, wait.
It's GHB.
We all know what it is.
But why does it say it treats excessive sleepiness if it makes you sleepies?
I don't know.
Treating excessive daytime sleepiness.
So, it's kind of like you take it to fall asleep if you're a narcolector.
Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
So, that way you just pass out.
Man, you know what the best is Klonopin.
Can we talk about Klonopin?
They're good.
God damn, are they good.
I could be in the middle of an epic panic attack where I'm like, the only thing
that
will take me down is being tranquilized in a hospital, and I pop half one of
those, and
I'm like...
You're good to go?
What does it do?
It just, like, makes you tired, or...
You just are like, who cares?
You zone out, yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Is it like Xanax?
It's better than Xanax.
It's better.
Because Xanax, you feel a little out of control, whereas...
Yeah, one time I took a Xanax at work, and then I left the key in the door.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What door?
Just the front door.
Oh, like a...
I worked at a donut shop in Rockefeller.
Rockefeller.
In Rockefeller.
If only.
That would have been my lucky day.
Come on through.
Got the key in there.
I'm out.
I'll just...
It finally happens.
I'll just pull up in a pickup with fucking huge trash bags.
It looks like a heist.
It looks like a setup for me.
Our man on the inside finally fucking took the pill.
We have 90 seconds until the donut alarm rings.
Before the donut police get here.
You'd like go in and your whole family would be there.
They'd like know that you...
Oh, man.
That's good stuff right there.
Wait, in Rockefeller?
Yeah, right next to the Nintendo store.
Oh, nice.
Okay.
Where are you from?
Are you from?
Minnesota.
Okay, nice.
So why the...
Fargo.
Fargo, North Dakota.
That makes sense.
That's checking out.
Yeah.
Why the John Kennedy...
Why John...
Did they like him or...
It was like my grandpa's name, I think.
Okay.
He wasn't like that, like the main...
You know, he was just like a different guy.
Because you're stealing Kennedy valor.
Kind of, yeah.
You are.
Yeah, but I didn't do it, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm not like going...
You have three names, though.
You could go by any of them.
You decided to go John Kennedy.
You have four names.
John, Henry, Bergeron.
Bergeron's kind of...
Bergeron Kennedy.
But then all of it sounds like old money.
Bergeron Kennedy sounds like...
It sounds like they're cousins, you know what I mean?
But there's no, like, old money in my family.
You could really get away with it.
You look like you might have money.
You don't.
Really?
You don't.
You don't.
You don't right now.
But you could pretend to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But his family doesn't.
They're like...
But where's the fun in, like, pretending to have money?
Ever see Talented Mr. Ripley?
Oh, my God.
No, I haven't.
It's fucking awesome.
And then what he, like...
He pretends to be rich.
I mean...
The show was bad.
I didn't see the show.
How dare they make that whole black and white?
The movie's, like, I don't know, 96, 97?
It's got Matt Damon in it.
See, now it's, like, not cool to be rich.
It's not cool.
Have you met a rich person lately?
They're, like, all, you know, like, dressing...
They're going to vintage stores in, like...
And they all dress like they're in fucking Shawshank Redemption.
The richer you get, the more you dress like you're in prison.
In prison.
In the 50s.
Yeah.
Well, this movie is about Jude Law and Gwyneth Paltrow are rich in the 50s.
They're, like, heirs to...
Or Jude Law, in particular, is an heir to a shipping fortune.
And Matt Damon pretends to have, like, gone to Princeton with him.
He weasels his way into his social circle and just kind of pretends for a while.
It's awesome.
It's a great fucking movie.
It's just like that movie where he fucks the grave.
I don't know who's that.
All right.
The movie that just came out where he fucks...
Oh, Salt Burn?
Salt Burn.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I haven't seen it.
Yeah, I haven't either.
It's really bad.
I mean, I'm sorry to whatever that guy's name is.
I met him at the cellar and he let me touch his abs.
Yes.
He let you touch his abs?
Yeah.
Was he a tiny guy?
Yeah, but he was really hot.
I was climbing into Shane Gillis' lap being, like, stop it!
Because he was right there.
And Andrew Schultz was, like, she has a crush on you.
And I was, like, no, I don't!
And Shane was, like, can you get off of me?
And then he walked up and was, like, you can touch my abs.
And I was, like, okay.
And I was just...
That's kind of freaky.
You didn't ask, or...
He let me.
He said, you can touch my abs.
What did you ask?
I didn't ask.
He gets off of me.
He just offered it up.
He just offers it up.
That's how much of a peasant I look like, where I'm, like...
Yeah, yeah.
Can I touch the queen's fringe as she walks by on Easter Sunday?
Yeah.
Can I get a piece of Barry Keegan's abs to jack off to later?
Wow, imagine if he wanted to fuck you.
That was just, like...
He would have let you touch his dick, probably.
I would have.
Yeah, I know.
Like this.
I'm not...
Wow, your form's getting better, Jordan.
Yeah.
All the straight classes.
Straight conversion is going really well.
Like Silly Putty.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Well, you just trashed him.
You just trashed his movie.
I know.
Your movie's bad.
I love you so much, though.
He's good in other stuff.
I mean, I like...
I really loved him in Killing of a Sacred Deer.
And Ben.
Can you pull up a picture of him?
I don't know if I remember.
You don't know Barry Keegan, bro?
I don't remember.
He's...
Now he's dating...
He looks like a bull terrier.
He looks like a bull terrier, and I'm really glad that I just said that,
because that's
so funny.
That is funny.
The keyboard sounds like a hacker keyboard.
Yeah.
And you're, like, looking at him like Barry Keegan, Dick, like...
Eldest is hacking into the mainframe.
This is definitely some good little gamer keyboard shit.
Yeah.
Wait, can you pull up a bull terrier and see how accurate I was?
Sure.
Look at his face.
Look at his face.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, now...
Bull...
Bald terrier, you fucking idiot.
What is it?
Bull.
Bull.
A bald terrier.
Look, that's him!
Oh, my God.
He's got a bull terrier.
Isn't that him?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
God, I would love to have that job, just pairing people with animals.
That's not a job.
Come on.
What are you talking about?
What job?
That job?
It's got to be a job.
Pointing out what people look like?
I just described it, so it's got to be a job.
God, those jobs are ugly.
Yeah, it's a weird-looking dog, for sure.
I like them.
They'll tear you up.
Interesting.
They'll tear you up.
So, he's kind of like a tiny, jacked guy.
Is that what you're...
You think that's what you'd be into?
A little jacked guy?
I don't know what I'm into.
I'm asexual now.
I did go on a date yesterday when we made out, and it was...
Wow.
Scary.
Scary?
Yeah, I don't think I liked it.
Huh.
I don't like the dating thing and meetings.
I don't like that.
What's going on, man?
I have to do what I've always done.
Something's wrong with you.
I have to know so