Name: Stavvy's World #95 - Kyle Dunnigan | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2024-09-23T10:00:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #95 - Kyle Dunnigan | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #95 - Kyle Dunnigan | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-23. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #95 - Kyle Dunnigan | Full Episode

Opa-ha! Welcome everybody to Stavi's World, 904-800-STAFF.
Call in, we'll solve all your problems.
We got Kyle Dunnegan on the couch today.
Kyle.
Yes.
Thanks for coming, dog.
No problem. I live four miles away. It took me an hour to get here.
That's where you're in Brooklyn.
But actually, I actually had a lot to do in the car, like phone calls.
Nice.
So I took care of it.
Yeah.
And thanks for having me.
A nice, smooth hour.
Yeah.
I had stuff.
I mean, it wasn't like serious health issues, but I kept the timing.
It just didn't work out.
Well, yeah.
The first time you were just like, oh, wait, dude, I'm just not in New York.
Remember, that was the first.
Oh, was it?
I don't remember.
I remember there was an eye issue.
Oh, yes.
There was a weird eye issue.
Yeah.
You know, when it's that weird, you got to go, that's true.
Because I felt like you.
Totally.
I didn't want you to think I was blowing you off because I really wanted to do
this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it was like seemed.
It was too specific to be a blow off situation.
But then you go reverse.
Like, is he being too specific because he knows that seems like not a lie?
But I was like, that's what happened.
But you can only cash that in once.
You know what I mean?
But I did.
I cashed three times.
Yeah.
That's the other thing I had.
That's all right.
Anyway, they were all truths.
I don't give a fuck.
Podcast, dude, I don't respect podcasting at all.
In fact, I remember the one time you texted me, then you canceled it.
I was like, dude, thank you.
Yeah, that's right.
Because it felt like.
Oh, good.
I was like, dude, because I can't.
It sucks.
The only negative of becoming your own boss, essentially, is that you can never
get a surprise
day off.
You set the calendar and then if I wake up one day and I don't feel like
working, it's
like, well, this fucking idiot's got to, I got to tell him he has to come.
I've already booked the podcast.
So you being like, you canceling was like, holy shit, this is awesome.
It's a snow day.
Thank you, Kyle.
Yeah, it's a snow day.
Kyle, thank you.
We'll do a bullshit podcast with one of my friends that's not as funny, but
they live
right here and I don't have to care at all.
You know, we'll figure it out.
That is being your own boss.
It's got a lot of, like, I learned this, that do 10 minutes.
I got it on my phone, set an alarm for 10 minutes and do a thing and then set
the alarm
because it's amazing how you fritter away and your subconscious will trick you
into not
realizing you're frittering.
I know it's the whole thing.
Yeah, I mean, the second I do one thing, I'm like, whoa, doing shit is awesome.
I got to fucking, I said, literally, like, I was, like, I just fucking sent one
email
and then I was like, fuck it, another email.
And then another email and then it was, like, time to do the podcast.
I'm like, well, that's the work I'll be doing today.
It's like, I got three emails and a podcast, but it felt good, man.
Yeah, people in an office will send four emails out before, you know.
I used to love, I used to, oh, I didn't do shit.
It was awesome.
Offices, you could do nothing, though.
That's the thing.
There's so much more.
I guess that's true.
Did you have real jobs?
I had one that I didn't do anything.
I had one that I had.
I was just, you know, I was a receptionist.
I was constantly viewed.
Phone calls.
Svenska Handelsbanken.
Yeah.
You know the building in New York that's, like, that kind of wedge the top?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What was the company?
It was Svenska Handelsbanken.
Oh, that's what it was.
When I got the job, I was a temp.
Okay.
And they wanted something to sound Swedish.
Really?
Because it was an international bank.
So, like, my audition for this Swedish bank was to go, Svenska Handelsbanken.
I'm like, oh, you sound Swedish.
That's good.
Hilarious.
What if they start speaking to you in fucking Swedish?
What's that?
What if they start speaking to you?
Everyone.
These calls are coming in from Sweden, mainly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, I go, Svenska Handelsbanken.
They go, here.
I go, no, I don't speak English.
I don't speak English.
Please hold.
Svenska Handelsbanken.
I don't speak English.
Svenska Handelsbanken.
I don't speak English.
It was a disaster.
So, they barely thought about, they just wanted someone to sound the part, but
didn't think
about the implication.
Yes.
Yeah.
And they never corrected it or thought.
I worked there for two years.
Two years?
And my HR lady, she would take two fingers and she would jab, she walked by me
and jab my
side.
To correct your posture?
No, just hand.
She was, like, flirting with me.
Oh, interesting.
The HR woman.
Yeah.
And she was like, I'm a born-again virgin.
That's what she told me.
You know what?
Respect.
Respect.
Because it's like, I love that because it's like a cop.
Like, what are you going to do if a cop is trying to assault you?
Yeah.
They're going to be, like, that's like you being in prison and the, like, the
warden being,
like, nice cock, little buddy.
It's only a matter of time, you know?
We had the HR person.
You can't go to HR.
Yeah.
The problem with the HR person.
She came to one of my stand-up shows.
I just started doing stand-up.
Yeah.
And then after the show, she goes, I want you to take my born-again virginity.
Wow.
This is also the lady in the car.
I was in a car with her for some reason.
She was driving.
I go, man, I'm like, can you please slow down?
And she goes, I have a guardian angel.
I was like, well, I don't.
She sounds awesome.
Yeah, she was awesome.
Give me, how much older?
So, you're probably pretty young at this point, right?
I was like 22, maybe, 23.
Fresh little piece of ass.
Fresh piece of ass.
Dude, you're looking good now.
I can't imagine.
Nice and trim.
You know what I'm saying?
I was like a six when I was 20.
I was pretty.
Oh, you were worse when you were younger, you think?
No, no, I never got over a six, I don't think.
Really?
Maybe a seven at one point.
I think you're being too harsh on yourself.
I appreciate that.
I've asked the audience, because you get dysmorphia on your own face.
You see it every day, so you're like, I'm pretty good looking.
But then I go, wait, when am I at one to ten?
Oscar girl.
Four.
Hold on a second, four.
In the audience or in person?
In the audience.
I get like a...
Nah, they're trying to be funny.
The audience was like concurring.
There was no like, ha-ha.
Anyway, so after the show, she goes, I want you to take my born-again virginity.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh, no, thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thank you, but that's so special to you, whatever.
Right, right, right, right, right.
So then I go outside, and then she goes, at least kiss me.
Wow.
This is my HR lady.
HR lady.
It came to my show.
So again, but so she's, so you're 22.
I think you were probably hot.
You don't agree.
What is she looking like?
Who is she?
She wasn't bad looking, but her personality was like this.
Long-eyed, like the nanny, but not as hot?
Yes, she looked a lot like the nanny.
See, if anyone that was nanny adjacent tried to fuck me at any point, I'm so in.
I fucked the girl who just kind of reminded me of the nanny a little bit once,
and it was
a whole ordeal.
I think I was, it was on at a, when I was like a little kid.
She is hot.
The nanny is hot.
Dude, so insanely hot.
She was not as hot as the nanny.
And you know what's fucked up?
I watched the nanny with this girl that I'm talking about.
Wait a minute.
I put it on.
Maybe it linked up.
We were discussing it, and then I was like, yeah.
I mean, she, this girl was like, she had like curly, basically just big curly
brown hair.
She didn't, she really was not, she was a little nanny-coated.
My, my ex-girlfriend played the nanny's daughter or her like niece or something.
There you go.
Yeah, put up Jackie Tone, the nanny.
And you could have fucked.
She was a lot like the nanny.
You could have fucked the fake nanny, your, the shitty, the shitty HR nanny.
T-O-H-N.
Oh yeah, that's her.
Yeah, go to the bottom right.
Wow, there you go.
Interesting.
Little did you know what you're, at that time when you were rejecting the bootleg
HR nanny,
little did you know what laid in your future.
More nannies.
There were so many nannies.
I didn't even think about it.
A lot of them were.
Oh yeah.
This, the problem was though, she wasn't bad looking.
Okay.
How much older than you was she?
Not that, maybe like three or four years.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, she was like four years older.
Mid-20s, okay.
Yeah, she was still in her 20s.
But she, just the way she was.
Oh yeah.
She didn't.
I mean, they're annoying.
Yeah, but this was like, she would stab, she would like poke me and like, I'm
working.
Too aggressive.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You don't like a woman to be too aggressive with you.
I don't like to be like surprised and people poking me.
Right, right, right.
It was a legitimate invasion of your like privacy and personal space.
Yeah, and like you get that adrenaline of cortisol that's like bad for you to
be.
You know people who scare you and think it's funny.
It's like, I don't think it's funny at all when you scare someone.
Right, right, right.
And watching it, I don't think it's funny.
It is very low level.
Like, it's caveman humor.
It's Ellen DeGeneres.
It's like, what are you laughing at?
You just scared your guests.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's Ellen DeGeneres.
She's fucking, Jack in the Box pops up and then if the bit doesn't work, she
goes back
and fucking takes a cat of nine tails to a PA and just fucking whips her back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love the idea of Ellen just fucking, how many twinks got fucking abused on
that set?
How many like fucking little L.A. gay kids thinking they got, they were getting
their
break in show business.
She'll be nice to me.
This bitch is just like fucking making them walk on hot coals to get her a
fucking latte.
Yeah, who told me she was like, talking like, who should I have sex with?
She's like, the writers in there were like, she was like, talking about who she
should
bang.
Oh, wow, interesting.
Look, this is just, here's it.
Love that fucking fuck.
It's five person telephone hearsay.
Believe it.
I love that though.
I love, but that's, I have a soft spot in my heart for a female dirt bag a
little bit
too.
That's why I kind of like the HR girl.
Because an abuse of power to try and fuck a slightly younger than you, less
secure in
the job, that's usually a man's move.
Yes.
So I do kind of respect her doing it.
I see your point.
I see your point.
It's fun.
And at the end of the day, it's like, if the roles were reversed and it's some
fucking
Long Island piece of shit guy and you're some like, you know, young 21 year old
temp, could
get a little, you know what I mean?
Like the threat of violence wasn't there for you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's always like, I could always beat her up.
You could always just fucking punch her in a fucking, I'm going to guess, big
nose.
I'm just going to, just from the voice alone, I'm going to guess she had a nice
schnoz on
her.
Yeah.
Which is part of what I like about that, about the nanny.
Although I guess Fran Drescher doesn't, let's fucking find her, bro.
You think she kept it tight?
Yeah.
I don't want to start a name with the same shit talking to her.
I mean.
That would be really fun to hit her up now.
Are you a single man?
I am.
And you know, I worry this is going to be the rest of my life to be honest,
because it's
way harder now.
Right.
No one invites me to parties.
Right.
Right.
There needs to be a way, there needs to be some social communities, inter, and
you take
it for granted.
And then you get to my age and it's like, oh, like nobody, okay, like even
these young
comedians who I really like at the clubs, and I feel like we have a good
relationship,
like they don't even, and I wouldn't at that age even think to invite me to a
party.
I wouldn't invite like an older guy to a fucking party.
Right, right, right.
And then everyone I'd rather be at those parties either.
I don't, that's the thing, like what am