Name: Stavvy's World #97 - Paul Scheer | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2024-10-07T10:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #97 - Paul Scheer | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #97 - Paul Scheer | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-07. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #97 - Paul Scheer | Full Episode

Welcome everybody to Stavi's World 904-800-STAV.
Call in. We'll solve all your problems.
We're pumped. We got Paul Scheer on the couch, dude.
Thank you for coming, dude. We're huge fans, big fans.
I am a big fan of yours. I'm excited to be in the apartment.
And I think I have, and people don't realize this, but I have the best view of
this.
Of Fat David. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
His cheeks are out. No, everyone doesn't know. It's not. It exists in the back.
Yeah, it buns out, suns out or whatever.
I went to Italy a handful of years ago.
I say it recently because I have kids and everything is out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Within the decade.
With kids in COVID, I'm like, I don't know, was it six months or five years?
Yeah, yeah.
But what I was amazed at is when you do look at these sculptures, everyone is
rocking.
We're seeing abs. We're seeing abs. We're seeing ball sacks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Every detail is a contest.
The detail in nuts is crazy. It really is.
Like you see a little vein, you see a little, it's crazy insane.
I mean, it really is. It's like, I'm impressed and God bless our sculpture
artists and we should be getting back to that.
Let's get back to it. A ripple. I love seeing like this, like, we should, you
know where we could, our society could compete with these greats?
Wet t-shirt contest.
Oh, I like that.
Because then the ripple of the wet t-shirt, they didn't have that shit. Ancient
Rome had never created that.
Yeah, it's something. Someone's getting wine on themselves.
You're probably right. You're right, you're right.
You know, they just didn't know how to capture it.
They didn't know how to capture it. And that's, have they ever had, have we
ever had like a rock-hard nipple underneath a wet tunic? I don't think so.
I mean, that's what we need. By the way, there's one artist didn't get any
respect, a bunch of people in tunics on the back of like a chariot, like hauling
ass, you know.
I want to see dick print in a tunic. Until we see that, we can, we have a
chance to, to compete with the, with the great masters.
So, so for our sculptor listeners out there, our sculptor viewers, get sculpted.
Show us good taint, show us good nip, show us a nice dick outline.
Yes. Yeah. Outline. Maybe only half of it, maybe half the print. I'm not going
to tell you how to do your job, but.
You do it your way.
Yeah. Thanks for coming, man. Yeah. Like I said, we, I mean, you know, fans
since the human giant days, the league, all that stuff for real.
So super, super pumped to have you here. Read the book.
Oh, wow. Listen to the book.
That's great. That's, you know, reading.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do a lot of listening.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's true. It's like, honestly, it's like, what, why are we holding
ourselves to this higher standard?
Totally. Yeah, you listen.
Especially, no disrespect, it ain't Ulysses.
Yeah, 100%.
You know what I mean?
It's fun, you know.
But even if it is, it's like, ah, listen to it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's how we, this is our world is oral tradition.
Yes, duh, you're right.
We didn't like, you know, we're sitting around a fire, you know, telling
stories.
You're right. Homer, wow, we're really sucking off the Greek, the Greek age
right now.
Between the oral tradition and sculptors. Hell yeah, dude.
But no, I also, I tried to make that book fun, too, because I love audiobooks.
Yeah.
And I listen to it. I'm like, I try to add different things to it and make it
more fun.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's cool when it's somebody who's entertaining that's doing it, you know what
I mean?
Right, to be like, trying to make it like, they treat it like a show.
Like, or like a thing, like a performance.
Yes, yes, something.
Yeah, yeah.
It should be either you or like, do it the opposite where it's like way too stately.
Yeah.
And then I went to Times Square and watched pornography.
I cheated a lot. Well, I didn't cheat a lot, but I would-
On your wife?
On my wife.
Oh my, are these cameras on? Oh no.
When I was in NYU, I was a communications major, which really shows I really
cared about what I was studying.
You're talking to a political science and media major over here.
See, this is what we're talking about.
Never finished my degree.
I don't know if you did.
I did, but I did it quick.
I got out in three years.
I was like, let's go.
Oh wow.
I was touring at that point.
So I was going around.
That's so fucking funny to be like, all right, whatever I gotta do to get
through this bullshit.
Let's go, stamp the diploma.
So I, one of my projects was, I went to NYU.
Um, and so, and it was like, it was, we had to renovate the, or like pitch a
new idea on how to do like class registration.
Cause back then you'd have to call and then type in your class number.
It was like, this is like, it was right on the cusp of internet.
Like I had internet, but no one was like, like incorporating it in.
So what are we talking?
You were talking dial up.
I died.
Like it was, it was even like, you just call and be like four, seven, nine,
five.
No, but I mean internet.
We'll get back to your story.
But what are we doing?
AOL, like AOL is happening.
Dial up is happening.
No, I think I plugged in at NYU.
I think I plugged in at that point, but no one was using email.
How old were you until you jacked off to the internet?
Would you say?
Oh my God.
That's interesting.
That's a really interesting question, right?
Cause it's like, I came up in a, in a world where I literally found a penthouse,
a penthouse air freshener on the side of the road.
Oh, you're jacking off to an air freshener?
I found a penthouse air freshener.
What happens if you get that scent now?
It gets hard?
Sherry's, Sherry's make me go crazy.
Oh fuck.
Don't put this guy around a maraschino.
This fucking guy can't have a Shirley Temple without chiseling his pants.
Oh man, I go to car washes.
I get so hard.
I get so hard.
Evergreen.
Coconut.
Oh fuck, dude.
Wow.
So we had to like pitch this idea.
So I had a friend who did a good Christopher Walken impression.
And I hired him.
I hired him.
I told him, hey, can you record like the new voice for the automated system?
Yes, yes, yes.
And we did it.
And then we just, I just lied in class.
So actually, I know Christopher Walken.
I got him to record this thing.
That's incredible.
And we did it and we got an A plus of his exam.
And it was, but it was all like, it was all just because we had like a guy just
going
like, hey, this is, hit the A.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I always feel guilty about that.
But I was like, wow, it did that, that one, you know, it was like Gravitas.
Yeah, the Gravitas.
Like Christopher Walken Gravitas.
That fake walking.
Thank you.
You know, I don't even do a good Christopher Walken.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like, just the idea of like, just do it like it does.
It levels you up.
You have a little something like Brian Cox, McDonald's.
Would be huge.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, right.
I mean, McDonald's the best spokesman of all time.
It's smart.
They should have replaced that guy, the guy, the child pornography guy.
Jared.
Jared with Brian Cox.
That would be good.
Yeah, yeah.
Put him in the big jeans.
Yeah.
I used to be fat as shit.
But I never made a child give me head.
Maybe, yeah, maybe not so on the nose for them.
But I would be nice to see him in the big jeans.
But so that I love that that NYU was just like, yeah, your project is make our
system better.
It's like you were just doing work for them.
It was so weird because that class in particular was a weird class set up.
You know, I think back on these things.
Yeah.
What was the class even?
What was it?
Oh, God.
I mean, a communications class.
So some bullshit title.
But the premise of the class was he would give you a personality profile.
The teacher was.
And then he was going to split up the class and you could have one of four
options.
He'd get put into groups, two projects.
And each time you do a project to be a different type of group.
So the first group would or a group would be some everybody you hate.
Oh, wow.
People that you work well with, but don't get along with.
Interesting.
Like, so it's like good work friends, but not friends.
Right, right, right.
And then one would be you get along so well, but you get nothing done.
You don't get anything done.
And so you never knew what you had.
And so when we got to the group of we get along, we won't get anything done.
I was in there with a, I mean, I remember that there's a girl in that class.
I was so attracted to her, but she was also, she smelled like liquor at 10:00 a.m.
Love it.
All the time.
I was like, this is who I want to be with.
She's 20, maybe 19.
19, 20.
I'm like the same way.
Yeah, dude.
I'm like, this is the best, but we never, nothing ever.
Of course.
But it was still, it's like, oh, she's the coolest.
I realized this is, I'm in the group of the partiers, the fun people.
Yeah.
And we're not going to do it.
And that was like my impetus to be like, we're going to, we're going to buck
this.
We're going to beat the nerds.
We're going to beat them.
Yeah.
And I'm going to get my friends to record this Christopher Walken thing.
And we did it.
Oh, wow.
That was the thing.
We didn't really do any work.
Right, right, right, right.
We took that Christopher Walken impression and people are like, oh, that is
work.
I love it.
That's so funny because I love it because all that also presupposes that your
teacher's
dumb codification system even made sense.
Right.
You know what I mean?
It's like, what the fuck does he know?
Yeah.
It's like so college and wonderful, but it's also the dumbest thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What am I learning from this?
Like nothing.
It's him.
He's doing the experiment.
Of course.
He's just fucking around.
He's trying to get through.
He didn't give a fuck.
He's a communications professor.
That's it.
What was NYU like at the time?
Was it?
Because I remember.
Because you said, is it true that you literally chose it because Theo Huxtable
went to NYU?
100% true.
Not a joke.
Not an exaggeration.
You were like a bad.
What were you in school?
You were an okay student?
I was okay.
I was an okay student.
Yeah.
But I didn't have any passion.
Like I felt like I was growing up on Long Island and it was like, everyone's
like, I'm going
to be a doctor.
I'm going to be a lawyer.
I'm going to do this.
And I wanted to be an actor.
I wanted to be in comedy.
I was trying to do that, but not really.
I don't know how to do that.
Of course.
Family that's doing that.
No one's showing me the way.
And I think I was so focused on, I want to be this other thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That I wasn't thinking about, well, what college is?
Like college.
And my parents are going to pay for me to be an actor.
Right.
So they're like, it came time.
Like, well, where do you want to go?
And I was like, I don't know.
And they're like, well, you got to pick something.
Then I was like, it's so much work to apply to college.
Yeah, it is.
And I was like, I don't want to do all that.
I don't even want to go to college.
And then one night I was watching the Cosby show and Theo Huxtable was like,
dad, I got
accepted to NYU.
And I was like, that's where I'm going.
And I never talked about it.
That's fucking insane.
And he went for education.
So I went under the education.
I was like, I went full Theo Huxtable.
That's crazy.
For no reason.
And they were like, why?
And I'm like, hey, Theo did it.
Right.
But I mean, but like, it's crazy.
Also, my parents didn't like drill down.
They were like, what are you there for?
Like, why?
And you went for education.
Have you ever seemed like you wanted to do that?
I don't even know what that degree is.
I feel like you go to education for four years and then you take another.
Yeah.
You go to grad school and figure out what you want.
While you also teach and shit like that.
Yeah.
It's very, it's dumb as hell for sure.
You know, it's like, you like, and there was not much like, it wasn't like, it
wasn't
even communicating.
It was like, literally like, like talking.
Yeah.
