Name: Stavvy's World #98 - Chris Distefano | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2024-10-14T10:00:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #98 - Chris Distefano | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #98 - Chris Distefano | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-14. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #98 - Chris Distefano | Full Episode

Opa! Welcome to Stabby's World, everyone. We have an incredible episode with my
pal Chris DiStefano coming up just in one second.
I just want to let you know that my movie, Let's Start a Cult, which I star in,
I co-wrote, comes out in theaters October 25th.
It's going to be in a handful of theaters. We'll have more information on that.
Go to this link that we've added.
We're adding screenings every day and cities every day, but we're also doing a
handful of special screenings before, you know, that I will be at.
We'll be doing Q&As. There's one in L.A., although those might be, by the time
this comes out, it might be sold out.
L.A., Chicago, Baltimore, New York, and Brooklyn, a special screening, both
Manhattan and Brooklyn.
And it's coming out on the 25th in a handful of cities. We're trying to expand
it.
Go to the link, see if it's coming to your town, and if it is, please buy a
ticket.
I'll kiss you right on the, I won't say what, but anyway, let's start the music,
and let's enjoy this great episode with my pal, Chrissy D.
Oppa! Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World, 904-800-STAV.
Call in to get all of your problems solved.
We have one of the greatest, the great geniuses of Queens, New York, born and
bred Chris DiStefano.
How's it going, buddy?
How you doing, my friend? Freshly living in Queens.
Back to Queens.
You grew up in, was it Ridgewood?
Ridgewood, baby, which is, you know, my mom bought that house.
Love it.
For $60,000 in 1984.
Yes, yes.
She's told me that the Hasidic Jews are starting to come around and offer about
1.52 mil cash.
Interesting.
She's like, I'm not-
She better play ball.
You see what they're up to over in the Middle East?
There might be a, oh, wait, there's a Hamas splinter cell in the basement of
this home, unless she sells.
She's told me, she says, you know what, Chris, but I'm not going to sell that.
I'm not, I want you to inherit this home the way I inherit, you know, our
family.
Oh, that's good.
Good for her.
She's like, I want you, and I know that you'll keep this in our family.
And I'm saying, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Right, right, right.
But in my head, I'm going to say, I'm going to invite these Jews to my mom's
funeral and sell it for 2.3 cash at the casket.
We'll throw in the hardwood of the casket.
Yes.
You can strip this, we'll fucking bury her in the ground, and then you can fuck,
yeah, that's-
I'm out, dude, and then, yeah.
I mean, Ridgewood now, it's like, it's basically just an extension, it's kind
of hipster, it's Bushwick.
Everybody will tell you now in Ridgewood that they live in Bushwick.
That's the new thing.
I've been saying it since 2010, since I started stand-up comedy.
It's Queens, but to me, it doesn't feel- this, to me, feels like Queens, this
part.
Right.
You know, I don't know the geography, I've lived here for 10 years, I don't
know, is it northern or whatever part of Queens?
I don't know, either.
But yeah, that part, I guess it really comes down to the train.
We're just starting off with train, with like, well, the M runs that, you know,
you could pick up the M in this part,
and so it's like, this is so boring for everybody else.
No, I mean-
But it does come down to the trains, really.
It does come down to the trains.
It's closer to the Bushwick trains.
It is, and I've got to be honest with you, being like a native New Yorker, I
don't know directions.
Yeah.
You can tell me north, south, east, west.
I have no idea what it is.
I'm like, what?
Tell me, is it by the M trains?
Is it by the Forest Avenue M train?
Or is it by the KFC down Myrtle Avenue?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know which way am I going.
Right.
But I do think that-
That KFC's beautiful.
Or is it that Popeye's Taco Bell Myrtle Avenue nexus?
That beautiful-
Oh, yeah.
Checkers.
Checkers.
Checkers, Popeye's, Taco Bell, I believe.
We're all out there.
It's been a while since I was doing shows out there, but after taking a hot one
at a show,
just bombing my tits off.
Oh, yeah.
You better believe I had nights where I had a little bit of everything over
there.
A little bit of fucking-
It is funny being from Ridgewood, because the neighborhood has changed.
It used to have old school- Ridgewood is a German neighborhood, so it was like
one of
the historically German-
Really?
Like, actually from World War II, Germans came there.
There's actually-
Now, pre or post?
Post.
Oh, wow.
Dude, they had-
You grew up in little fucking-
Little Berlin?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so they had a rally at Madison Square Garden.
I remember, yes, the Nazi party.
In the 1930s, one of the bakeries in Ridgewood catered that event.
Your childhood bakery was making fucking-
Yeah.
Stroopwafels for Hitler?
Dude, when I was a little kid, when I was a little kid, I-
That's fucking hilarious.
Well, the people would come up to me, like older people, and start talking to
me in
German.
And I was like, I don't know, like-
Were you blonder?
I'm pushy-dee.
Were you a little blonde boy?
A little blonde-
Oh, yeah.
I had bleach.
I had, you know, blonde hair, blue eyes.
Were you fatter?
I walked straight up-
Huh?
Were you fat?
No, I was skinny, but I did wear Hugo Boss uniforms.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You had SS Insignia, and you were goose-stepping to that bakery?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't understand why these people were
asking me if
I'm German.
Meanwhile, I'm wearing a Luftwaffe uniform to school.
So, so they, but, but so they would talk to me in German.
I never thought I was German.
Wow.
I had no idea.
And then I did the Ancestry.com, thinking I'm going to be mostly Italian, a
little Irish,
whatever, maybe a little German.
And it turned out I was like 95% German.
What?
Like-
So even your dad?
Even my, so my dad's dad-
Because he looks Italian.
He looks Italian, but he told me, he was like, oh, like my mom, his mom, my
grandmother,
who died when I was a little kid, she was like, she was 100% German.
He was like, I just didn't tell you that.
Like, I just, I just wanted you to think you were Italian.
It was a great shame on our-
Yes.
For our, for our paisans.
We never brought it up.
Right.
That he, because he, my dad wasn't a made man because of his fucking German
bitch mother.
Yeah, yeah.
And so-
Wow, being so Italian that even being German is kind of like being black to you.
Yes, you lie about it.
Being so racist, you're like-
So then my, my mom, you know, when I did this Ancestry.com, my mom was like, oh
yeah,
you know, you're, her father, her actual, you know, dad.
Your mom's dad.
My mom's dad, who I never met.
He left the family.
Dude, he left the family in like 1959.
He had five kids.
My mom was one of five.
Oh my God.
And this guy fully just one day was like, I'm not doing this anymore and left
and started
another family.
Wow.
And then later on in life, one of his kids-
New game.
It's like, ah, I didn't level up my Pikachu fast enough.
I'm going to start a whole new, a whole new level from the beginning.
Which in the fifties, you could not do that.
So it was one of those things.
Nobody's getting divorced.
And then this guy leaves.
My grandfather leaves the family and go starts another life on Long Island.
And then my mom says, my grandmother, the people in the neighborhood would be
like, what did
you do to make him leave?
Jesus Christ.
You grew up in like a fucking, in like a Nazi misogynist neighborhood with mob
ties.
They, yeah, they, they had my fam, my family, they were like these, you know,
they thought
my mom and her were like useless eaters, not contributing to the Nazi way.
Yeah, yeah.
And they're like, why did you have, how could the husband leave?
It must be the woman's fault.
That's insane.
And so for a while, so my mom, my, uh, uh, grandmother then eventually remarried
this
guy who I would call pops, who I thought was my grandfather for my entire life.
And he was Italian?
He was Italian.
So to you, your grandfather's Italian.
Italian, and this is the Italian customs.
And there's some deadbeat on Long Island.
Who left.
Yeah, eating schnitzel.
Yeah.
I didn't know.
And I didn't know that my grandfather wasn't my grandfather until he died.
That's, wow.
Cause I was like, oh, he was from Palermo, Sicily.
And I was like, we should go back.
I want to like meet my relatives.
See my roots.
Yeah.
And then my mother was like, I, what?
Yeah.
She was like, you know, that, that he's your grandfather and raised you as such,
but you
know, he's not like a blood grandfather.
I was like, wait, what?
Yeah.
And she was like, no, no, that's not your, that, that's not, that wasn't
grandma's husband.
How old were you?
15.
Oh, wow.
And she just never brought it up.
No, she's claimed she did, but I just was never listening.
I was just always like working on my jump shot.
Yeah.
Which is feasible.
I was in my, I was in my two bedroom, you know, Queens apartment, just drip
doing dribbling
drills.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But so, so we, you know, I, I, I, I find all this out and then, and then on
Facebook,
like a couple of years ago, I get a message from this guy.
I think his name was, I forgot what his name was honestly, but he messaged me.
He goes, Hey, he goes, I'm kind of like your half uncle.
He was like, my dad left your mom's mom and married my mom and, and, and, and I'm
the product
of your basically grandfather leaving your family.
And then he started a family and I'm one of those kids.
And, and he, and I'm like, oh, this is, he just wants to reach out.
And he, and then it's like, he goes, he goes, and you know, I'm an up and
coming musician.
So if I, if you want me to open for Radio City, I'd love to go to God, he goes,
if you want
to open up for Radio City and I go, and then he goes, I'd love to meet my half
sister.
And then I literally was told my mom, my mom was like, I do not want to meet
him.
My mom convened with her sister.
She was like, we do not want to meet this guy.
Nothing against him, but I don't want to meet anybody from my, um, you know, uh,
my father's
passing.
That's very interesting.
So I didn't write back for like a week.
And then I go to write back.
Cause I talked to, you know, my podcast with you.
So it's like, but we've got to have them on the pod.
And then your mental illness kicks in.
He's in it.
He it's insane that he would be like, let me open for Radio City.
And then you're like, I see you.
And I raise you.
Let's do a pod.
So, so I go, so I go to write.
I write back to this guy.
I write back to this guy.
Hey, you know, like whatever, not interested in the Radio City, but you know,
good luck
with your music.
But if you want to come on like the pond might be fun, like a patron up show or
whatever.
And then his wife writes back on the Facebook.
She goes, uh, he actually passed away.
Three days ago in a drunk driving accident.
Yes.
Is that real?
That's all real.
Do you have the clippings?
What do you mean?
From the long Island times or whatever?
Because that to me sounds like you might have gotten got by one of the most
basic internet
lies.
Oh, hey, this is his wife.
He's dead.
You're like, oh no.
But fuck.
Call Ian Finance.
I have a podcast to fill.
I have a Patreon episode to fill.
You start weeping.
But he's so, so that, I mean, that's crazy.
But you know what it is?
I, you're at his funeral just crying about the clips that would have gone viral.
I know.
That don't exist.
Yeah.
Why couldn't you have held on one more week?
I'm like, man, we had a whole live stream set up.
The YouTube super chat was going off.
They were going to start giving us $10.
Oh, baby.
I have been putting my body through some serious trials.
I've been on the set of tires where there's snacks everywhere, free lunches,
free breakfast.
And I've strayed from all my healthy eating.
The bathroom can get messy, thankfully.
Thankfully, I got the Tushy bidet, baby.
Ever since Tushy sent me a bidet, they have turned me into a bidet guy.
Your hole gets clean.
It's like you showered every time.
It's like God himself licked your asshole clean after a big, messy number two.
Okay?
Easier than toilet paper