Name: Stavvy's World #109 - Andy Milonakis | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2024-12-30T11:00:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #109 - Andy Milonakis | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #109 - Andy Milonakis | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-30. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #109 - Andy Milonakis | Full Episode

Opa! Welcome everybody to Stavis World, 904-800-STAV.
Call in, we'll solve all your problems.
It's about to be a new year, and we have to celebrate with truly a Hellenic
legend on the couch, folks.
Our boy Andy Milonakis is here. Andy, thanks for coming, dude.
Thanks, I think Speed is a Hellenic legend now, because he phrased putana malaka,
putana malaka.
Oh, really? I didn't see that. There we go, that's big.
I went all around Greece, screaming putana malaka at Greek strangers.
Shout out to Speed. We'll get him in. We'll get him in the... Yeah, I'd love to
have...
Speed, if you want to talk about putanas malakas, you let us know.
Yeah, it was like a really, like, probably like a 92-year-old guy.
And he's like, he couldn't really articulate in English what he was trying to
say,
but he's like, trying to say, like, I don't like that language.
Yeah, it's so funny to see, like, the most energetic black teenager,
that these people have never seen someone like Speed, and he's just saying...
But for those at home, putana malaka means whore, jerk-off.
Yeah.
So he's just yelling it at old Greek people, but...
You know, I just like that the culture's getting out there.
Yeah.
I like that Speed is raising awareness of all the whores and jerk-offs in
Greece,
of which there are many.
I would have gone with, like, a moto speedy suit.
That's one of my favorite phrases.
That's a good one.
Fuck your house.
Yeah.
We have a lot of great phrases.
My favorite is when you're saying someone's not going to do shit to you,
and they're threatening you, you say,
which means you're not going to do shit to me,
and it literally means fart on my balls.
He's like, this is how little I care about you.
You can fart right on my balls, chief,
which is such a great insult, makes no sense.
It's like, how would a guy even do it?
He would have to get really close to your dick and balls.
It's kind of a homoerotic thing, but hey.
And also for a big religious group of people,
the Greeks are insanely religious.
They have one of the most vulgar fucking phrases of all time.
That's like sacrilege.
Right.
You got multi-panayes.
You got multi-panayes.
Fuck the Virgin Mary.
I fuck your Virgin Mary,
which is very interesting,
which is like, who's, yeah,
it's like, why are you,
who's, do they have a specific Virgin Mary that's not yours?
But it is very sacrilegious.
It means, because their whole thing is being a virgin,
we actually covered this in a recent,
actually this will,
we covered it in an episode that will come out weeks from now,
but we do some theology on the Patreon,
and basically her whole thing is that she just never fucked.
But, you know, Mary.
Yeah, I got in trouble.
I was up in the mountains of Crete,
and I was walking around,
and there was like an old church, you know,
and I'm super nostalgic.
I've been going since I was seven.
Totally.
And they have like a big bell,
and I just rang it.
Oh, wow.
And they're like,
I take a mission.
You only ring it for the dead.
If somebody dies.
If somebody dies, we ring that.
You ring.
We think somebody's dying right now.
You're just trying to have a nice time on the mountains,
like, oh, this will be cool,
the bell ringing.
And they're like, oh, no.
Oh, no, Dimitri's dead.
Dimitri finally kicked the bucket.
That's so funny.
It's also very funny to have a death bell.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like, that's pretty depressing, man.
Yeah, they're very blunt about a lot of shit,
like death and life,
but that's what makes them so cool
because they're so like,
wear their heart on their sleeve type.
Like, I have a really big family on my mom's side,
but you go to Christmas,
and it's all like niceties and small talk,
and like, so, yeah, you're doing good?
Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, you're doing good?
Oh, yeah.
And then my aunt is like,
my heart bleeds until you come back.
I am nothing without you.
I know.
They love guilt.
Greek people are great at guilt
and very, like, descriptive guilt.
Yeah.
Oh, so is your mom's side,
your mom's American?
Can you get the mic a little closer?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, eat that.
My mom is, yeah,
I mean, she's born here.
Like, it's generations removed.
She's Irish-Italian,
but generations removed,
so I'm not like,
I don't, like, pose that.
Like, yeah, I got this,
I got that, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a few generations removed,
so I'm not really in touch with that culture.
Totally.
She was born and raised here.
Gotcha.
And my dad's the Greek one.
Yeah, yeah.
So that does the,
that's the,
that is a definite,
like,
a stark difference
between a Greek holiday
and a, like,
American-Irish holiday.
Yeah.
They love,
I mean,
and Easter especially,
we got the best Easter of all.
Greek people love Easter.
Easter is more important
than Christmas for Greeks.
Without question.
Yeah.
Well, they,
they also, like,
that's why I, like,
last year we had Giannis Papas on
for the New Year.
I like having Greeks on
because Greek people love New Year's.
That's their, like,
big ass,
like,
my family tried this.
They tried to make us wait
till New Year's for presents
because that's what they do in Greece.
And we weren't having that shit.
We're like,
look, motherfucker,
we're in America.
I need my fucking Legos
right the fuck now.
And you gotta find
the lucky coin in the cake.
Of course.
You know who's got,
who gets the good luck
in the fucking Easter cake.
You,
you American Cretans
know nothing about that.
Hey,
watch the Cretan Wars.
No, no, no.
C-R-E-T-I-N.
Not,
not A-N.
Your gift is you find
the lucky coin.
You have good luck.
I've gotten the coin before.
I don't think anything good
has ever happened to me.
Didn't you get the coin
and then you had like
the worst year of your life,
Eldis?
I don't remember.
So,
I don't know.
If I did,
it definitely did not
change anything about my life.
Eldis,
of course,
is Albanian,
Andy.
Do you have any,
what's your relationship
to the Albanian people?
I don't know.
Shit.
Speed went to Albania too.
That was fucking awesome.
I do want to explore
more of Europe though
because I mean,
I've pretty much traveled
for a living
for like eight years
and like,
there's a lot more of Europe
I want to explore.
Yeah.
but in my eyes,
just from what I've seen
and where I've been,
if I had to like rank countries
in Europe,
I feel like Greece and Italy
are the two kings of Europe.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
Greece is awesome dude.
Yeah,
that's your blood speaking
and it's true.
It's fucking sick.
It's the best like hangout culture.
Now,
do we have
the best public transit?
Do we have the best
like infrastructure?
Do we have the best people
that work at cell phones,
cell phone stores
or when you go up
and ask for help,
do they say,
wait
and walk away
and talk to their cousin
for 45 minutes?
Yeah,
it's not,
it's like the customer service
is either incredible
in places
that's like pure tourism
or it's the worst
you've ever gotten
in your life
and if you're there
with a woman,
they will try and fuck her
in front of you.
True.
You know,
that's the,
I mean,
this is what I boil it down to.
If they're in the food industry
or like,
like,
you know,
selling like baked goods
or restaurants,
they're really nice to you.
If they're in any corporate setting,
banks,
cell phone stores,
they're mentally retarded.
You're so right about that.
They're like,
I'm getting a fucking SIM card
and the guy is typing
like fucking
the holy Bible.
He just keeps typing
for like an hour.
I'm like,
bro,
it's a SIM card.
Yeah,
yeah.
Wait.
And then he goes off
like,
it's fucking brutal,
man.
And I don't know
if you've gotten this,
but I,
because my Greek
is like whatever.
Like,
I try and get better.
I'm fluent,
but at a small,
like at a fucking
eighth graders.
Yeah,
but when I'm in Greece,
I'm like,
I'm going to learn,
I'm going to like speak Greek.
I'm really going to get back in there.
They have no patience
for a Greek American
trying to connect
to his roots.
Like I was trying,
remember,
I was trying to rent a car
and I was speaking Greek
and they were just like,
I heard that,
I'm like trying to like
piece it together.
They're not doing horrible.
It's just that
when the fuck
do I ever talk about cars
with my family?
Like if we're talking about
like making plans,
doing whatever,
like I can speak Greek,
but I'm like,
and then she just hears me.
She's like,
when do you need the car for?
We have SUV if you need SUV.
And I was just like,
okay,
I will come pick.
Just the most emasculated
I've ever felt
in my fucking life.
they always do that.
They're like,
this is going to be faster
for me if I speak English.
Yeah.
I speak two languages,
you fucking idiot.
They're like,
I'm smarter than you
and I work at,
I'm a guy at a fucking
car rental place.
I'm a 50 year old man
at a car rental place.
I am bilingual.
You live in a different country
and are from ethnically
this country
and you still can't manage
two languages.
Where have you been in Greece,
by the way?
I was curious about that.
My family's from Athens
and so,
and then my yaya,
her island is Thasso,
which is in northern Greece.
Thasso is.
And then my godfather
lives on Naxo.
I've been to a lot of the-
I love Naxos.
Naxos fucking rules.
Yeah.
Naxos,
I've been to like,
you know,
some of the touristy islands there.
Santorini,
Mykonos,
that kind of shit.
Yeah.
had a horrible time
and I just think
those are a little overrated.
They're big overrated.
Yeah,
hugely overrated.
Paros is kind of
turning into Santorini
a little bit.
It's getting much more touristy.
Yeah.
I think Milos has fire,
has fire.
Milos,
yeah,
I want to go there.
My friend just went this summer.
I've never been to Crete yet.
I want to check it out.
You got it.
It's like a whole different subculture.
Yeah.
The food is different.
The people are different.
I was shooting guns at weddings
when I was like nine.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
Like they're fucking wild there.
Yeah,
because it's the most,
it's southern Greece.
So it's like,
it's like if you mix like Greece,
North Africa,
and like even like some Middle Eastern stuff,
it's like,
and I have friends who are like Crete,
from Crete,
and they're like,
you look at them and you're like,
you're like from Egypt.
Yeah.
They're like dark as shit.
And of course,
their father is one of the most racist guys
I've ever met in my life.
And talking about how like,
he's superior to black people.
It's like,
you are African.
Like you're fully,
you're like dark as shit.
You look darker than like Hispanics.
Like you look darker than a lot of Dominicans.
But that happens.
So that's a very funny thing
that you'll get in like,
and that happens in other islands too,
like Carpatho,
which is like really close to Turkey and shit.
Those motherfuckers look straight up North African.
They have like curly ass,
and they'll,
they are the most racist guys
you've ever met in your life.
Cause they're,
cause they're just like,
yeah,
we're superior to that.
We're not the same person.
To me,
this sums up what Crete is.
Um,
my father,
you know,
we have like a,
a house in the village,
like way high in the village.
A lot of the places like no guardrails,
just windy roads,
no guardrails.
There's little statues of the Virgin Mary
for any time,
like a tourist or somebody drunk.
Yeah.
And it's just like,
in your memory,
here's a little statue.
Yeah.
And him and his friends would go in the back of a pickup truck at night,
one holding a flashlight,
one holding a shotgun,
and they would go around,
driving around those mountain roads,
like shooting rabbits.
Crete is some crazy shit.
Just good,
just having a good time with the fellas.
Yeah.
Probably drunk as shit.
I know,
that's my favorite shit,
is that they have guardrails nowhere,
and they'll also just let like,
children drive mopeds drunk.
Yeah.
And they're just going up these fucking winding ass roads.
Yeah.
I remember being a 13 year old,
and being like,
so scared at how like,
like,
experienced Greek children,
village children were.
Yeah, yeah.
They're like,
13 smoking cigarettes,
getting pussy.
Talking about having gang bangs together.
I'm like,
what the fu