Name: Stavvy's World #110 - Matteo Lane and Nick Smith | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2025-01-06T11:00:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #110 - Matteo Lane and Nick Smith | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #110 - Matteo Lane and Nick Smith | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-06. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #110 - Matteo Lane and Nick Smith | Full Episode

Oppa! Happy New Year everyone! I'm coming to you from the Wellness Dojo here in
Baltimore. You know, I'm working out. I got my treadmill over there. We have an
incredible episode here coming up with Mateo, friend of the show, and Nick, new
friend of the show. They were incredible. What a duo. So funny. I just wanted
to
remind you, tickets for the Dreamboat Tour are on sale now. We're coming to a
whole ton of cities. Check it out. We're posting it right now. I can't wait to
see
you there. All new stuff. Nothing from the specials. And also calendars, baby.
It's
January. Buy yourself a Stavi Baby calendar. Why not? Wanted to let you know
about those things. Very important. My stand-up comedy and my nude body. Two
things I want you to check out. And without further ado, let's start the show.
Oppa! Welcome, everyone, to Stavi's World. 904-800-STAV. Call in. We'll solve
all your problems. We're happy to have, returning, of course, not a busboy in a
Greek restaurant, even though he does look like it right now.
I look like a busboy. Mateo Lane.
I look like the cast of My Big Fat Greek.
I do. Yeah, that is true. We do have everyone represented here. And Nick Smith,
thank you for coming. First time. Nick is Greek, right? Nick is Greek. Yeah.
Nikos. Nikos, yeah. Nikolaos. Thanks for coming, fellas. You know, you've
obviously been here a bunch. Nick, first time, but we're thrilled to have you.
I've seen your guys' clips. You do the pod. Plug your pod right up top.
Our podcast is called I Never Liked You. And it's a 15-minute podcast. And we,
I was just telling Eldest we do, so we don't have a studio, but Nick's a real
estate agent.
We don't have much of anything, so it's pretty choppy.
It's pretty, yeah, it's a dog and pony show, but we, we find these like $12
million houses that have already been staged and then just set up in there.
Like 12 episodes in a day and call it, you know, we're like, all right, see you
next time. Bye.
That is awesome.
We don't speak for three months.
That's a lie. Nick calls me seven times a day.
That's beautiful.
That's why we did the podcast, because he calls me so much.
And the conversation is that he never has called me.
Almost never.
You act like I'm your stalker.
Kind of.
How did you guys meet?
We met because of him and Bob the Drag Queen were blowing each other.
And then after they realized that there was no sexual chemistry, because Nick
dresses like a Chinese boss.
Gay guys are so sick.
Yeah, so we were sucking each other off for three months and then we're like,
wait, are you having a good time?
Not really.
Are you?
No.
Let's just be boys.
And didn't you guys start watching YouTube videos together?
What actually happened?
That's what happened.
By the way, this is a gay McDonald's.
What's that character called?
You are Grimace.
Gay or Grimace, I should say.
Okay, it was a very straight sort of manly approach.
I think Grimace is straight-coated.
Yeah.
Okay.
You think you know a lot of gay Grimaces?
Well, his name is Grimace.
That's true.
He works for McDonald's.
That's true.
Now, Bob and I met on Grindr, as you do, and we hooked up.
But that night, after hooking up, we started watching five hours of YouTube
videos, specifically golden buzzer moments on Britain's Got Talent.
Oh, wow.
That is our crew.
That's beautiful.
You do that with your straight friends, right?
Sure, we were watching Howard—actually, just yesterday, we were watching Beetlejuice
from Howard Stern videos here.
So, yeah, similar.
But after you blow each other.
After we blow each other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My favorite whack-packer is Eric the actor.
Eric's good.
Beetlejuice, his answers—you never know which—I'm sorry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go ahead.
Well, anyways, so we started watching that, and then we were like, I think we're
friends.
And we were friends for a little bit, until he realized that I was a gay orphan
with no other gay friends.
Oh, really?
And he goes, you need gay friends.
Here.
And then he introduced me to this idiot.
He pawned you all.
Forced.
Forced.
Hated each other from the jump.
From the jump.
Interesting.
Fighting while playing Super Smash.
Our crew is like Bob the Drag Queen, Monet X Change, me, our friend Jacob, Nick.
And we either only watch YouTube videos all day, or we just play video games
together.
Sure.
And so when we play Super Smash Brothers, I always play as Jigglypuff.
Oh.
Because you can kind of float around and then come in for the kill.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Jigglypuff?
Oh, Jigglypuff.
Yeah.
Not Kirby.
Kirby has the smash attack.
Yes, Jigglypuff has the roll.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But Jigglypuff is just a useless pink puffer.
I kind of agree.
What's Jigglypuff's big move?
So put him to sleep.
It's called the rollout.
No, it's called the rollout.
So you could float while everyone's fighting, and then you do this roll charge
up, and you
come and you knock people off.
Right, right, right.
It's great.
You float in the air until everyone else has died, and there's one person left
with one
life hanging on, and then you come down out of the clouds.
Is that your cheat maneuver, Mateo?
Of course.
It's legal.
Wow.
It's not illegal.
I'm not cheating.
You play with no honor.
No.
You stay out of the fray.
But that game's not about honor.
That game's about fucking up with your friends.
He's not getting the purple heart.
What do you play with, Nick?
You know, I mix it up.
I do like Kirby sometimes, or Corrin, because she's kind of cool.
Oh, yeah, she does look cool.
Yeah, yeah.
She's cool.
Yeah, yeah.
She's from the Roy and Marth universe, probably, if I had to guess.
The what?
Those other guys with swords.
Roy and Marth.
Sure, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We never really play as the male characters.
I'm not playing as a guy.
When we play in Fortnite, he plays, we call her the secretary.
So she's in a pencil skirt with glasses and heels.
Yeah.
That is, that's insane, because that's for sure, little boys are too, it's to
get little boys
horny.
That's why the sexy secretary.
Or to empower gay adult men.
Nothing gets me going more than when I hear.
Yeah, that's heels.
Oh, the heels.
And he sucks.
We play with our friends, Donnie and Simmer and Corey, who are very straight.
They play hockey.
They're from Pittsburgh.
And they're very good at the game.
I'm very good at the game.
Hockey in Pittsburgh, by the way, is what Mateo considers being straight.
The straightest straightest.
It's all of us straight guys and then this faggot.
Yeah, yeah.
And we've been playing for four years, and Nick has learned nothing.
Nothing.
So we're all in a battle.
Just looking beautiful.
I just started building.
Okay.
But he is a good sniper, so it's weird that we're in the middle of a battle.
All of a sudden, you'll see someone die, and Nick's like, got him.
Nice.
Awesome.
I like that.
There's nothing wrong with that.
You need someone like that on the team.
I do like a sniper.
A sniper has more honor than Jigglypuff.
Thank you.
Jigglypuff.
You never see me.
Most things have more honor than Jigglypuff.
Well, you can put him to sleep as Jigglypuff.
Sure.
But what Jigglypuff, her better movie is called Dream Eater, and what happens
is when you get
really close to someone and press down B, she falls asleep, and it knocks them
off.
But it's very hard to get.
It was better in Melee.
I like Melee on GameCube better.
I'm a GameCube guy as well.
I just bought a GameCube, and I've been replaying it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, me and Chris Condon, great comic, shout out.
We've been playing X-Men Legends.
Oh, that was a good one.
What's that dragon?
I played that on GameCube.
He was a purple dragon.
Spyro was PlayStation.
Spyro, that's PlayStation.
No, it was on GameCube.
Was it?
I don't remember if they ported it over.
I feel like you know what you're talking about.
I feel like you're talking about.
Because I only had, my brother was really big into gaming, and I really wasn't.
I only had a GameCube to play Mario Kart and Spyro.
Interesting.
I'll take your word for it.
I feel like you're, you know, you have a few cherished gaming memories, and I
won't take
those from you.
That's about, are you kidding me right now?
Why not?
I decided this weekend I'm going to vape, and then I'll be done.
I go in and I'll, like...
Have you ever vaped before?
Yeah.
Rosebud.
Every day for the last year.
Interesting.
What are you talking about?
It comes and goes.
So is Bob.
Bob's vaping now, too.
Okay, why don't you throw everybody under you?
All right.
Maybe it's just about you.
Maybe not.
I won't.
It's fine.
I like, by the way, Matteo, this, you can tell when you really believe in hair
plugs when
you go with that haircut.
This is the, this is the, like, all right, they took, I'm going to really flaunt
them.
I tell the person who paid for hair transplant twice.
I respect it.
I respect it.
Because it's not about the hair.
It's about the hairline.
Those who have lost their hair know it's about the hairline.
And I wanted a buzz because I don't want to think about it.
My relationship with my hair has been difficult and triggering.
Interesting.
So I just want to get out of fucking bed, and that's it.
And so I go to this guy, this Dominican guy.
His name is, well, his name is Jaime, but he goes by Nelson.
I have no idea.
Anyway, but then he told me, because I was like, I want a buzz cut.
Think of it, just going to buzz it.
And he was very much like, no, it has to be real artistic style.
You have to really call it.
You have to know.
So he could charge you $80 instead of just $20 for a buzz.
And I do it.
I leave with full confidence.
I'm like, this guy knows.
I'd like to see a straight buzz just to, just to see what it looks like.
I mean, this is, it's already a week out.
So, I mean, it grows pretty, I'm on minoxidil, so my hair grows really quickly.
So I'm going like every other week to get my hair cut.
Interesting.
But I like it.
I think it's a good look.
I think your head shape works for it.
Yeah.
It's a good look.
I like it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's, I really think it's a power move to get plugs and then go buzz it.
I mean, you've known me at all my hair.
I have.
From the wearing the hat.
I only wore hats.
And then I had like the coif look to kind of cover it.
And then I had the, I don't even know, lesbian chic last year.
And then I got the other hair transplant.
So now.
The other spectrum of lesbian chic.
The lesbian chic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Me and Paris Sashay rocking the same haircut.
That is true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Paris makes me laugh harder than I think anybody.
She's awesome.
Has she been on this podcast before?
Yeah, for sure.
Dude, she's fucking so fucking, I fucking, I love her.
She's also a great hang.
Yeah.
No, I mean, I, me, Paris goes all the way.
We did open mics in DC together.
I knew her when she was, still thought she was straight.
Right.
Yeah.
A wild time.
When her name was Barcelona.
Yeah.
She was, it was awesome.
I remember her being drunk as shit at a hookah bar, open mic, and me thinking
she was just
a fun audience member.
And it was like one of their first times she had done a stand.
They called her up and she was just like.
Like fucking so fucked up.
But didn't we all have to drink when we first went up doing stand up?
I never did.
I'm an artist.
I'm an artist, Mateo.
Okay, okay.
I got up there, talked about not being so fat I couldn't wipe my ass sober as a,
as an
open mic-er.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, I mean, my, my material is so atrocious.
I deserve an applause.
My material is so.
Yeah, she certainly didn't hear that this first open mic.
Pumping in the applause.
Eldest actually was there.
Oh, I saw that joke probably hundreds of times like in college.
All right, relax about hundreds.
Stoppers the artist had to work out that joke.
You have to work that out.
I get it.
That was in the, I would say it was never a showstopper, but it was in the
middle of,
you know, kind of filler, but kind of on the stronger end of filler.
It gave you an identity to the other wannabe comics?
Well, it just, I just needed it structurally