Name: Stavvy's World #129 - Nick Turani and Big Cat | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2025-05-19T10:00:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #129 - Nick Turani and Big Cat | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #129 - Nick Turani and Big Cat | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-19. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #129 - Nick Turani and Big Cat | Full Episode

Opa! Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. 904-800-STOP. Call in, we'll solve all
your problems.
We are in Barstool, Chicago, HQ. We got, you know, we got our boys, Nick Tarani,
Big Cat,
Danny Dick'em Down Cats. Oh, damn. He's in the building. Not me. You got the
wrong guy.
You were like the earliest on record for small dick. Oh, yeah. Yeah, very small
dick. Oh, really?
Oh, yeah. You're a big guy, too. You'd be rude if that came out that it was
like average.
Yeah. No, I just remember being his kid being like, "It's gonna get bigger,
right?"
Right. It just didn't. It never hits the spurt.
Yeah, I was like the sixth grader who was, yeah, like six feet tall and then
ended up six feet tall.
Fuck! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with you, bro, except 5'7".
Is that better, though? Because people don't expect you to have a big dick.
Oh, true, true, true. Yes, height-wise.
Yes, yes. And no, dick to height-wise better. I think societally, if you're
gonna have a small dick,
you might as well be six feet tall.
Yeah, I mean, being six feet tall is way easier.
Yeah, but then the disappointment of when you show the small dick.
Right, right, right, right. Is that why you've just been in one, like,
relationship?
Yeah, I mean, I have a wife. Yeah, that one relationship.
That's a funny way to say it.
Well, you know, since I've known you, basically.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, I remember when we first met years ago, Barst, you know, you guys were
just like this,
it's like a blog full of, like, you know, set predators or whatever, you know
what I mean?
Yeah, nothing has changed, by the way.
We just hired new ones. Have you met Nicky Smokes?
Yeah.
The way they do it is different.
It was like a blog of morons who gamble, got multi, got like $40 million to
move into, like,
a building in Manhattan, because I, like, knew your guys' stuff, and it was fun,
you know?
You went to the original office.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, but I remember, like, you know, and you guys would do, like,
the biggest tits of FSU, you know what I mean?
And then I was like, this is pretty fun, I, like, I'll read something,
they'll say something problematic on their dumb blog, you'll see some tits,
and then, like, you're hitting me up, you're like, come to the office,
and you just have, like, Manhattan, like, in the middle of the fucking business
district.
Yeah.
It's like your company.
Someone gave us a lot of money.
And then you became the only, like, media company that makes any money somehow.
That was hysterical.
That doesn't make any sense.
No, it doesn't make any sense, because it is true, like, there's been
countless, like, blogs that have gone under, like, layoffs from ESPN.
Totally.
It's like, those guys are still doing it?
Yeah, and so when I met you, I was like, oh, this is, like, some piece of shit
who just moved
from, you know, where, I guess you moved from Chicago to New York, and I just
figured you were
all, you guys were, like, dirtbags who were, like, you know, using this, at the
time, what I assumed
was temporary clout to get as much pussy as possible.
Yeah.
And then you're like, no, I'm, like, engaged to, like, a woman who's got a real
job.
Yeah.
It doesn't make sense.
What?
I was like, what's going on here?
Yeah.
Why are you doing this?
It's very, I was telling you this last night stuff, like, the, the coming home,
now with three
kids, coming home with the problems of barstool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is, like, my wife would be, like, you know, running around with three kids has
a real job,
and she'd be like, how was your day?
And be like, I fucking choked at mini golf again.
I choked at mini golf.
Like, I'm so, I'm depressed, like, I don't want to talk to anyone.
Yeah, yeah, I love you.
I don't want to play with the kids right now, because the mini golf game has
fucked me up.
I played too much with my adult male friends.
I'm all tuckered out.
I was in a ball pit with another 41-year-old, so I can't be in one with my
child.
I'll come home and bitch about a case race, like, stress.
That's right.
The best was during COVID, when, like, the world was shut down, and everyone
was high stress,
and, like, we had a kid, and all this shit was going on, and it was, I was
doing Doug's,
the video game, I was playing NCAA 2014, and, like, game days in my house was,
like,
she would, like, legit had to be, like, a real coach's wife, where I was like,
don't talk to me, like, I'm prepping, I'm prepping for Baylor this afternoon.
I've got my finest offensive minds drawing up plays.
Yeah, I can't go over shapes and colors with our son.
I'll have to fucking think about this out route.
Yeah.
That's so awesome, dude.
But yeah, Nick, the best part about Barstool is we've been able to hire very
talented people,
Nick being the most talented we have.
That's not true.
The most.
The most.
What else can you do?
Can you dance?
Dude, no, I can't dance.
I can't sing.
Like, I'm like a 5.5, but, you know.
How about your, would you guys say you have similar,
have you ever seen your dicks in the same room?
No.
Oh, you've seen my dick?
No, no, no.
You've described it enough where I could probably police sketch artist it.
Okay.
We did a blind measurement on, yeah.
We did a composite of our show.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
A composite dick?
Yeah.
6.2?
What are these?
See, now there's like the composite man and it just ends up being a Chinese
dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Same thing.
Yeah, it's a Chinese dick.
Yeah, the sketch artist is like, oh man, who did this?
Wait, what was our, what, 6.2?
6.2.3, but I think some people lied.
Well, so, 6.2.3, yeah, and we had, so we did a, we, everyone on our system,
blindly
did it, wrote it down, put it in a bucket so no one could figure it out, but
then we,
like, I was trying to get everyone to say what it was.
Somebody stole the bucket.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
And I just said right away, I was like, I'm five and a half.
Like, what, how are we at 6.2.3?
Yeah.
Like, who's throwing off the average?
Yeah.
Well, Titus is on there.
He's probably got a hog.
Titus is the biggest.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Za for sure has got a hog.
No, I cut, like, that top plane area of the, the groin trying to push the ruler
more.
Oh, yeah.
Gave you the roots.
You know, when you're like, that counts.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, when you're in, like, sixth grade and you take a plastic ruler from,
like,
You do this.
From science class.
Yeah.
Push as hard as you can.
Push as hard as you can.
Yeah.
You're stabbing your pubes.
You're like, oh, dude, you gotta do the push.
Yeah.
You absolutely have to do the push.
I love that, though.
So that, that, I guess I'm going, just understanding you as a man, Big Cat, the
little cock.
Yeah.
You had everything else.
You kind of, like, you were smart.
I'm trying to prove something.
Right.
Getting pussy with a little dick.
That maybe if I fuck enough, I wasn't a loser in high school and my dick will
just be good.
But you just admitted, dick's a loss.
Let's cut this.
Right.
And let's get a nice wife.
Yeah.
Let's build a family.
Like, oh, she's fine with this small dick?
This small dick, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And also, I mean, I've said this.
This is a crass thing to say, but I'll say it.
Oh, God, no.
Uh, like, I would never cheat on my wife because I come too fast.
Like, I always do the calculation in my head and I'm like, like, 45 seconds to
ruin my entire life.
Yeah.
Like, if I fuck like a porn star, you know, like, then it's totally different.
But it's like, I, so I got the bad combo of both.
Right.
So as soon as I found a woman who's like, this is okay.
This is great.
You have other things that you're bringing to the table.
Right.
I'm like, great.
That's awesome.
No, that's beautiful.
I mean, that is smart.
And you're, but you are a realist in that.
You allow your, your brain to supersede, you know, the reality of your little
dicky busting fast.
Because plenty of men have ruined their lives.
Right.
To nut quick.
Correct.
And you can't have it all.
This is my way of God being like, you don't get it all.
It was Patino.
They wrote a real article.
I love that.
15 seconds.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That is awesome.
Went on to coach the Greek national team.
Yeah.
That was kind of, I think that was big for us.
Yeah.
In the, in the like interview process to be the Greek national team.
Like, have you ever embarrassingly cheated on your wife in a restaurant?
That's a must.
That's a box they have to check.
You checked it off.
Yeah.
They're like, okay, you're hired.
It's awesome to have how fast you'd nut it be in a deposition.
That's like in the, that's probably in the library of Congress somewhere.
We should write a play about Rick Pitino nutting quick.
So that way it puts, it goes.
A courtroom drama.
Yeah.
And get it to be a good enough, uh, work of fiction that they put it in the
library of
Congress and it's forever there.
Then he nuts fast.
Oh, he's just a sensual guy.
Do you think you're a successful with a big dick?
There's no way.
No, definitely not.
Interesting.
Definitely not.
Yeah.
Because then I would have different energy and I would just be like, because
like, I, you
know, I have confidence, but at the end of the day, there's still that.
Sure.
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
At the end of the day, you're like the head of a multi-million dollar office.
Like, it's hilarious.
Like, they just didn't have the right equipment here.
And big, you just come in.
You're like, uh, let's go, fellas.
Mikes.
Let's go.
And like three guys who, you know, didn't graduate college.
You don't understand how dumb the two people that were fixing the.
No, I get, I can feel it.
And it's interesting to know that I'm like, there's no company that's like,
what me, what
we do here at Stopping Baby Enterprises, you couldn't scale it up.
You actually have done it.
Yeah, we have.
You hire your idiot friends who don't know the job.
Correct.
And you've just built a business out of it.
And I'm like, oh, maybe we could.
Eldis, maybe we could scale someday.
I think we could, man.
Maybe you're there.
I'm ready.
I'm ready to move square into middle management.
We're all walking around the office of the coffee cup.
Do nothing.
Oh, you would be the best middle manager.
Just patrolling people.
Getting shit off your desk.
Never accomplishing anything.
Yeah.
Just kind of shifting.
I'm ready for it.
That's the name of the game here.
We have, I mean, Hank, who I've, is probably like the closest person I've known
him since
he's 19 years old.
He's the producer of the number one sports podcast.
And he, we found his old resume once.
He lied on it up and down, had like 15 different misspellings.
Yeah.
He went to college for a month.
Yeah.
Like, and he's a big fucking, like if he went to ESPN, they'd try to pick his
brain and be like,
how'd you do it?
They're trying to poach Hank, a fucking community college dropout.
You should send him off just to try to get poached.
It's crazy.
And then, I mean, Nick, Nick got here because, I mean, he basically lived the
plot of Parasite.
Oh really?
Yeah.
You were sneaking in a guy's house?
KB parasited us.
Yeah.
Me and him were from the same little neighborhood.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You guys, I did your show.
Yeah.
It was very funny, but you are from like, just the, I mean, it sounded horrific.
It sounded.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was bad.
Where was it?
Where?
Wheeling, West Virginia.
Wheeling, yes.
I'm from Bethlehem, West Virginia.
Outside of Wheeling.
Okay.
But yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Not great.
And we hired KB and then KB was like, I got this other guy.
And then they also got another guy, Maresh, like they just, they just bring
their friends.
Maresh, all right.
Yeah.
He's not from Wheeling.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was going to say, there's no way.
No chance Maresh must have this one.
That's beautiful though.
Your hiring process is to hire the strangest looking humans.
Correct.
And then have them like manning tech.
Yeah.
Rather than being in front of a camera.
That's smart though.
You get the fucked up looking guys behind the camera, near, near like some
football player,
they would like kill themselves to shake the