Name: Stavvy's World #149 - Josh Johnson | Full Episode
Uploaded: 2025-10-06T10:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #149 - Josh Johnson | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavvy's World #149 - Josh Johnson | Full Episode' from Stavvy's World on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-06. Transcript available.

Stavvy's World #149 - Josh Johnson | Full Episode

Hey, everyone. We have an excellent show with our pal Josh Johnson coming up in
a second.
But first, I want to let you know we're going on tour.
It's kicking off in Memphis, Tennessee, Thursday, November 6th.
We're going to be in Huntsville. We're going all through the South.
And then also, we've added a fourth show in Boston at the Wilbur.
Get your tickets to that. That is Friday the 12th.
We can't wait to see it. We're announcing more tour dates very soon, so keep
your eyes peeled.
But for now, enjoy the show.
Opa! Welcome, everybody, to Stabby's World. 904-800-STAB.
Call in. We'll solve all your problems.
We have Josh Johnson on the couch. What's up, big dog? How you doing, man?
I'm good. How are you?
I'm pretty good. I'm feeling powerful. It's a nice day. I city biked over here.
I am like, I don't know. I'm trying to get active.
Do you feel more powerful after you've been active?
Dude, especially the electric city bikes, we were cruising up there.
Yeah.
I can't go that fast.
You know what I mean? You feel like a god on those ships.
It is low-key like the Viagra of Cycle.
Yeah, absolutely.
Where you're like, look how fast I'm going.
It's like, you are kind of going that fast, but it's not all you.
Dude, and let me tell you, as an avid user of both, I can't imagine life
without dick pills.
Or on a, dude, if I was on a regular, sometimes they're not available and I
have to like take a short ride.
It's pathetic.
Can I tell you?
I really feel, I'm huffing and puffing. I'm going like maybe half a mile an
hour.
Yeah, as soon as they make like the blue chew of running, we'll all be more fit.
Dude, they'll have like shoes. I saw something that was going around where it
was like, almost like shoes with like kind of these little wheels.
And every time you would step, it would just kind of propel you. It would be
nice.
That feels like a falling hazard. I'm more of a mind of like, I just want the
shocks to finally do their job.
You want a real bounce.
Because they look like they will help you dunk.
The Nike shocks, of course.
Yeah.
Classic shoe, the Vince, I believe Vince Carter, those are his shoes.
Yeah.
Those were the coolest fucking shoes you could have when we were kids.
Those were the best heels you could wear.
Yeah, they really were heels for men.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You saw those and it did even feel like heels. Sometimes you see dress shoes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you're like, all right, there's a little gap.
Of course.
That's pretty heel-like.
One of my first experiences of children mocking adults was in middle school.
We had a substitute teacher who wore like, I guess, Chelsea boots or something.
And boy, oh boy, did he get it.
He was also the football coach who no one respected. We were bad.
And so it was like, everyone was waiting for something to make fun of him for.
And he was click-clack in.
It was awesome to see like, the click-clack and being a grown man and you're
still, you
know, 5'8 with them.
Yeah.
And I say that as a proud 5'7 warrior, by the way.
Yeah, but I just, okay.
When you are like, doing the most masculine thing possible, there is a tipping
point where
you are in serious danger of like falling off. You know what I mean?
Sure, sure, sure.
Like, if you are the football coach, but also y'all keep losing, that's going
to lead people
to be like, you're actually not the alpha that you're walking around like.
Absolutely.
And then you try to have style.
You try to have style. And he also just cared what children thought. That's
really what it
was. It was like, and you know what's funny? I believe this guy then went on to
my high
school as well. And then he was a defensive corner and then he like switched
over to a
different, to a rival high school. Like these guys have like, you look back at
it and you're
like, this was a 40 year old man who was like invested in the like drama of a
high school
football league. And he really was as pathetic. And the thing is, those
children were right to
mock him. And children really can, it just, it's like you feel vibes at that
age. You don't know
anything else, but you know, when someone's pathetic, because if you want a
child to like
you as an adult, you are pathetic. I'm sorry. You seek his, their, their
approval. You're
a fucking loser.
They don't even have like disposable income. You're trying to impress the
people who have
the least going on.
They have no, they have no power in society. You know what I mean? They're just
like, they
should, you should be leaving them to their own little devices.
It is, it is crazy though, because if you, okay, I look back at this one
instance that
is, was exactly what you're talking about. And it was just so perfectly, it was
almost,
it felt like it was out of a movie the way that it was so transparent.
Yeah. Yeah.
I, I played like pitching machine baseball and like, like peewee, like I did
baseball for
a little bit. It was not good.
Where'd you grow up?
Uh, Louisiana.
Okay. Okay.
And so was not good at all.
Sure.
And was not trying to be good.
I was scared of baseball as a child.
Not only was I scared of the machine, like, like, honestly, the machine, the
thing with
the machine that bothered me is people act like it's not a slower gun.
They're like, stand here.
It's a very shitty slow gun.
You've been avoiding, you've been avoiding projectiles your entire little life.
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, you will actually, something will happen and your parents will get
mad at you
for not getting out of the way.
Right.
Right, right.
Yeah, yeah.
Now I'm supposed to fight those instincts.
Yeah.
You've been telling me my whole life.
Yeah.
I have to stand in front of this thing.
I have to stand in front of it.
For what?
And I have to swing at the right time so people will clap.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I won't actually win anything.
No.
But people will clap.
Anyway, so we were in the middle of a rant.
He was, our coach was giving us a rant about how we were.
And you were about how old here?
What are we thinking?
What are we talking?
I was little.
So if it's Pee Wee Machine Pitch, we're talking like, you know.
I played from like, I feel like I played from 8 to 11.
That makes sense.
I was going to say 10 or something like that.
And he's in the middle of calling us the most God-forsaken team he's ever seen
in his life.
We also couldn't be smaller.
To do that to 10-year-olds, yeah.
We also couldn't be smaller.
You're probably all cute, too.
We were small for our age.
Right, right, right.
Like, we really were like a worse version of Bad News Bears.
Yeah, yeah.
And so then he's in the middle of calling us the worst God-forsaken team he's
ever seen.
And as he got to like God-forsaken, his dentures almost flew out.
Oh, no.
And so he's like, yo, the worst God.
And then as he's like, as he's like trying to hold it together, first of all,
some kids
start crying because they don't know what dentures are.
Yeah, they don't know what's going on.
They think his head coming out.
Like, they straight up think his head coming out.
Yeah, we're so bad, our coach is dissolving in front of us.
Because they were like, like there were a couple kids that started crying
because they
were like.
His eyeballs are next.
And then, and then he's like, he goes, he starts trying to push him back in.
And he's like, he's like, shut up.
Shut up.
Nobody laugh at me.
Oh my, nobody laugh at me.
And a grown man saying nobody laugh at me is like, it's like sadder.
It's one of the saddest things.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
With his teeth coming out.
Yeah.
Nobody laugh at me.
There's never been a better read on a person that they gave.
If you say that, if you say that, like, non-ironically, you're so defeated.
Nobody laugh at me.
You're so defeated.
Teeth coming out of your mouth.
Children.
I'm surprised he didn't kill all of us.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just so that no one could tell the story.
I mean, it is that the psychology of a, like, little league coach who is not,
was he related
to anyone?
I don't think so.
That's nuts.
My soccer coaches were almost always somebody's dad.
Exactly.
That's classic.
That's classic.
Somebody's dad, even like, you know, friend of the family, like if somebody who
used to
play and knows, you know, has a relationship with somebody, whatever.
But when it was like a guy who was just like, just some guy who wanted to yell
at children
who like had no, the most pathetic is somebody who, no family, has no access to
kids.
Yeah.
Because it's like, you meet a lot of parents who like, they want, the worst, a
really bad
type of parent is someone who's like, I have nothing going for me.
My family has to listen to me.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's definitely the type of guy, particularly if we're getting
religious or we're getting
into some kind of structure or like, you know, we're from, we're old world boys
here.
Eastern Europeans, I mean, that's, our dads were fully like that where they had
nothing
going and they're like, well, here I am the king.
I'm the king of this impover, below the poverty line castle.
But, and when you have like a guy who didn't even do that, didn't even do that,
he's like
a middle manager if he's lucky, no kids, no nothing.
And he's like, probably wasn't even a good athlete.
He's like, I have to coach peewee football to yell at seven-year-olds.
That's fucking crazy.
That's sad, dude.
The thing about your, the thing about your kid is that they aren't supposed to
know if
you're a loser.
Right.
Like that, like that is why there are dads that wield that, like, you have to,
you have
to like, listen to me and go by, it's like, it's like you, this is, this is the,
the perfect
setup for it.
Because especially growing up in the South, you get a lot of this.
It's like, the idea is that you listen, you, you respect your elders because
respect for
your elders teaches you to respect people because the, because the, the, one of
the main things
that I do feel like has been lost in like, I don't know, some of it's good and
some of
it's bad, but there is a thing of like, if to respect someone just because they
are older
than you.
Yeah.
Teaches you to respect strangers for no reason.
Yeah.
Like it is, it is a social order type thing and, and not just for older people,
for people
your age, for people below you.
It's like respecting people for no reason is practice at respecting everybody.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's a little, it's like on its face, it's like a little dumb, but the
intention behind
it is good.
And so then the other thing is that hopefully if you have the right people
around you that
are older than you, they've made a lot of mistakes you won't have to make, or
they just
know how like certain paths go so they can tell you.
So then you would listen to them.
Right.
And none of that accounts for when someone's a loser.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Like, like, like, like, like every good intention of like, of like you saying
Eastern European
or Southern upbringing all stems from the idea that this person really does
know more than
you.
Absolutely.
And every time as a kid, especially a teenager, cause you start to get an
awareness of yourself.
Every time as a kid, you realize that the person you're talking to doesn't
actually know more
than you.
Tough.
It's not just like annoying.
It's scary.
Do you know what I mean?
Because it's like, it's like, it would be annoying to be like, all right, I
gotta listen
to who, you know, whoever.
It's like, I gotta listen to my cousin, but my cousin's just older than me.
My cousin doesn't know more than me, whatever.
But then if it's like, if it is like your dad, now you're like, wait, you, but
the house
is in your name.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you, what do you mean you don't know?
Me getting water is up to you.
Yeah.
It's like, it's like, that's that.
And, and so I think that's where a lot of it comes from.
I mean, I had, I had a, admittedly a dark moment where I remember the first
time that
somebody just like ragged on me for being old, but like for no reason, like I
really 