Name: Corona Virus Lockdown Teaser
Uploaded: 2020-03-16T01:20:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Corona Virus Lockdown Teaser' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Corona Virus Lockdown Teaser' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-16. Transcript available.

see yeah yeah see what it comes off as so you're live dude you're live wow wow
you're in the mix
i mean i can hold my mic like this dude it's no big deal i think i can put i
mean i can put mine
down but i'm just gonna yeah this is mine's a condenser mic as well so mine's i
mean mine's
state of the art that is pretty tight where'd you get that thing office max
dude little it's like a
little podcast boy yeah it's not what is something funny about this there's
nothing funny about that
dude ever since ronies you've had a bad ass you've been talking shit i'm just
down here it's five
o'clock somewhere baby dude you're jimmy buffett i'm jimmy buffet dude
oh i uh it's spring break 2020 dude it's endless summer true you're just
catching the endless summer
wave i've been just searching for the perfect wave god damn there's waves there's
no fucking waves how's
jeez down there bro these two rooms like right here are the i mean the hottest
girls i've they're all
perfect dude what are they doing rumpusing really they're frolicking are they
locked in
no they're out they're out partying dude i should show if you get locked down
you should shawshank to
their room i should burrow through dude i'm like fucking kool-aid man through
that wall
dude the middle of the night just explode through the wall they're so hot i
went out to the elevator
and then there was one that was in like a flesh-colored bikini like and with a
thong
and she was just dude it's it's crazy barbie it's like barbie doll gear they're
all they were
literally all perfect they have like just walked the next door in your room
that leads to their room
dad no i don't think so i could just scale the balcony
crawl around i could die trying to get in that room
get to the baby girls or die trying yeah you gotta spit some game dude
they're it's it's crazy and i i don't think i could even i can't talk to them
dude
i i look like a i like catch glimpses full-length mirror glimpses and it's it's
not great what i
look like what are you talking about you're hot no i'm not you gotta lean into
it lean into what
being a retarded alone guy pretend you alone down here is weird pretend your
room service get into
the room be like actually i'm not any pannier aid dude spring break 20 pannier
aid classic spring break
yeah how tight is this not bad in a pinch no this is great got some vid
yeah as long as the audio sounds all right yeah i can i can stop and send you
the thing it's not bad at all
and that's so you're coming straight through your computer uh i have this sick
ass ice blue ice plugged
into the usb into my laptop so yeah you're coming in through the blue ice the
blue ice is streaming
because yeah if you click the microphone thing it'll give you the option
whether you want a
computer sound or but you sound like you're coming through a microphone when
you're coming through a
yeah it says uh select microphone blue snowball that's what this thing's called
dude the blue
snowball how do they spell snowball s-o-s-n-o no you'll be disappointed to know
it's perfectly spelled
however my my headphones are known as riff wireless bro damn classic riff so
your computer doesn't put out
no no no it's got the bluetooth headphones that's so fucking sick
dude what when do you want to rip this thing i don't know fucking put this out
we should they
should put this out as a teaser dude just a little teaser coming tomorrow hold
on let me show you my
sick ass life now let me see that my fucking life dude this is my ball in
kitchen yeah shout out to
fucking politics shout out biden dude shout out biden dude i need biden to win
i need it we need we need
a good biden dude business as usual look at that fucking this is where i scope
the girls
i stare at all the girls dude let me see some girls dude they're down in the
pool
oh no i feel like it's one of those like pornos
wow there actually are some down there i might go down there and drink a couple
cold ones
could you zoom guys should i go down and zoom down there go pod by the pool
just be like yo this is
you know just top 100 comedy podcast not a big deal
go pod by the place zoom outside this is all i've been doing huh
oh fuck i dropped my yo i've been reading the fuck out of blood meridian really
it's so good you were
right i was wrong this is a good book first time i tried to read it i was like
it's i don't like the
way it's written yeah it's pretty the guy goes pretty
huh just the way uh the light's reflecting me looking down on these kids like
they're gonna think you have some sort of advanced fucking like
skeptic like uh some sort of like you're gonna know i'm retarded when they see
this
dude they think that's binoculars dude they think you're
yeah we should just tease him up dude be like all right you want to just put
this up
tease dude
well here's here's the sitch for the for the boys
yeah i came down here for some shows and then i was supposed to go to south by
southwest and it got
canceled so i'm just gonna i think i'm just gonna stay down here and i think
uh going back to new york would fucking suck dude
lock down all the fucking foreigners with all the foreigners in my neighborhood
yeah they're fucking coughing yeah they got ronies for sure
every foreigner has to have it you go back to your neighborhood and kick them
out
oh this is this dude this might be my paradise
he west he west suits you dude you should just you're done you should retire
and just stay
true i gotta go up north again to pick up the cruise and bring it down here
true although it's a fucking jeep thing now dude i got a sick jeep
oh yeah how long how long is he uh
matt it's a jeep thing and you would never understand dude
has anyone flipped i mean dude has anyone flipped you over and read that
no read this flip me over dude um
no this this guy gave me a jeep so that's good we got that going for us
but the beaches here suck there are no beaches it's just rocks
did you drive your jeep on the beach yet no there's no beaches i drove my beach
drive my jeep take it on the rocks and park it all
matt matt can i finish
matt pardon me excuse me
i drove by jeep i'm sorry we're gonna do debate dude
joel admit what you said damn the baby girls are laughing frolicing dude
are they splashing each other
they're splashing you need to go drop a can opener
can opener in the pool dude
should i run down there and go da jackknife
call out the jackknife midair
dude if that was me i'd be ripping a can opener
right now dude biggest splash you show my splash dude
huh
cover your face and fall in backwards
if i went down there and hit a cannonball
the water would be like
it would really it's not that big a pool
it would like actually disrupt the pool
if i ran down there and crushed
go down there and do a whirlpool
oh it makes me laugh so hard dude
just whirlpool them dude just start running
it's a classic
it's just remind me of something like ice man or not ice man like ajax
ajax every time he goes to get in the pool
he runs he covers his face and just it's called a suicide where you land on it's
like a back flop
and you just land your whole back and it just it's the most immense splash
cannonballs you know are all hype
if you do a straight up jump backsplash that's the biggest splash you can get
it would be like i can't even tell you how funny that would be if i went down
there by myself and cannonballed out
and then just then just like brought like a six pack down just
i'm like dude if you made an entrance of cannonball you that's that's it dude
it's gonna be the king of spring break dude
they're gonna be all over you
i'd be the king of spring break it'd be over
cannonball feels like your head's gonna pop off your shoulders
all right all right all right yo chill chill we gotta release hopefully what
you should go
you should go parkour poolside
just roll an ankle on a fucking chair
hold on this is bae
oh fuck dude i'm down here testing out the audio
all right i'm gonna come back up
i got those sniffles
huh
yeah i can
all right here we go
yeah my bae's gotta pee i gotta go watch the baby on the couch so she doesn't
fall off
that made me laugh so fucking hard
dude let's tease this up i'm gonna send you this audio
yeah see what the audio is like and uh
or the vid will be hilarious put the vid up
oh for sure
so everybody can see the pool of baby girls beneath me dude
for sure i'm gonna go
i might be the king i might be the king of spring break dude if i jump off
obviously cannonball down there it's over
i'm gonna say i'm gonna chop this up and send this right now
we'll set a time for tomorrow dude we'll rip a marathon
sounds good
lockdown
it's it's time dude it's time to lock down
all right brother
all right
later