Name: Roll Call Ft/ The D.A.W.G.Z.
Uploaded: 2020-04-22T03:17:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Roll Call Ft/ The D.A.W.G.Z.' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-22. Transcript available. King Arthur and Merlin check in with Shat Nation.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Roll Call Ft/ The D.A.W.G.Z.' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-22. Transcript available. King Arthur and Merlin check in with Shat Nation.

Roll Call Ft/ The D.A.W.G.Z.

Oh, my God.
All right.
Yeah, and I'm going to – the live stream, we won't really see it.
I'm going to minimize it because it'll be too loud.
We're live, dude.
We're live.
Holy shit.
Oh, my freaking God.
We're live.
All right.
Live stream is getting volume down because the live stream is actually on a
delay.
So, I don't want it messing with our sound.
That's minimized.
Excellent.
This is mission control, bro.
The waiting room is already up to – it's almost maxed out with 98 people.
Welcome, dude.
Welcome to this show.
Bring us the fucking internet, dude.
All right.
Let me make sure my mic – there's going to be some technical aspects.
Microphone is good.
Sound check.
Dude, we're about to launch the moon right now.
I just hope you understand.
This is going to be viewed by like 40 people live.
Oh, dude, our live stream is going to be lit.
Let me see.
We're going to do London Real Numbers right now.
We're going to let this dog in.
Let's see what this dog is at.
I told you.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
Here we go.
Let's see what this dog – oh, you were talking about the dogs last night?
Oh, the dogs last night were barking, dude.
This is so funny.
Information technical aspects.
Huh?
Yeah.
Now that's his – he's listening to the live stream or something.
Yeah.
Lower the live stream on your thing when you do this.
It's like a radio, dude.
What's up, bro?
What's up, man?
Mystery man.
How are you?
Dude, I had no idea what Zoom was.
Well, you're in Zoom right now.
Oh, man.
What do you got for us, dude?
What do you –
Hey, you sound like an old salty dog, dude.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm smoking.
Hell yeah, bro.
No, I have nothing for you, dude.
I watched the Charlie Manson documentary a couple days ago.
Okay.
Pretty dope.
What the fuck?
Get the fuck out.
You're back in the waiting room.
Get out of here.
You're the man, dude.
Thanks for getting in here.
Get the hell out of here, you son of a bitch.
All right.
Let's see.
Wait, do they have the link?
Are they supposed to –
Dude, we got 98 more people to go.
He didn't have anything ready to go.
Let's go.
I'm going to let a couple of these dogs in right now.
Connect to the audio.
Get ready to roll.
Show us that goddamn face.
What do you got?
What's up, Nick?
Nick.
What's up, bro?
Yo.
What's up, Daddy?
What's up, bro?
What's crackalack on?
What's good?
Chilling, dude.
What you got?
Dude, what you got?
Dothraki?
No, you look like the dude from Shameless.
The dude who bangs the black chick.
Dude, I really respect that.
How you feeling?
Good, man.
What you got?
Not much.
I actually just bought a new key.
Dude, I want to see your fucking bong.
Do you have shit up from the internet or what?
Did you tell them to give you a link in a video?
Yeah, I did.
I thought I told people to bring stuff from the internet.
I'm going to wipe this whole thing out.
I'll wipe this whole waiting room out.
I swear to God, if you guys keep bullshit.
Nick, what do you got?
Can I just say one thing?
Say it, dude.
I think that Judd Apatow is definitely still gayer than ISIS.
All right.
All right.
Thanks.
Thank you, brother.
Thanks, bro.
Get the hell out of here.
Get out.
All right.
How did you think this was going to go?
I thought, dude, everyone put their goddamn links up.
Look, all right.
How did you think this was going to fucking go, dude?
Goalously, dude.
Matt Schultz.
You told me about it.
I was like, this will be sick.
But I'm telling you.
We got to.
This is moving.
These are growing pains.
This might.
What's up, bro?
What's up, bro?
What you doing?
What's up, dude?
What you up to?
Just brushing my teeth.
How you doing?
Pretty good.
Do you have anything that you found on the internet you want to show us?
Are you just bullshitting like the rest?
I'm just bullshitting.
I wasn't sure if this was the Zoom meeting.
But no, I don't got anything, bro.
Dude, I'm about to fucking.
Dude, our fans are fucking wild.
Okay.
That's on an iPhone.
It definitely doesn't have anything.
Let me see.
Let's go up here.
God damn it.
Yes.
All right.
This is absolute nonsense.
It's brushing his fucking teeth.
Where we got going on here?
Steven, dude.
Let's see what Steven Baum has to say.
Steven Baum, what you got, bro?
Yo, can you guys have any links?
Are you guys just staring?
What you guys doing?
Yo, yo.
You got any links, bro?
Got any links?
Yeah.
The whole point.
No one knows the rules, dude.
You didn't tell anyone.
What's the best video you have on the internet?
That's the whole point of the show.
I forget the, this is one video of a politician.
And he's like just filing out papers.
And then it instantly goes to him.
He pulls out a gun out of his briefcase.
Oh, Bud Dwight.
Yeah, Bud Dwight.
That's one of the classics in my opinion.
Okay.
That is a classic.
What, did you fucking hang up on him?
Dude, this is cutthroat, bro.
This is absolute cutthroat.
You're done.
You take too long.
This is absolute disaster.
Yeah, it is.
All right.
Let's take it back.
I'm going to, I got to go to the live stream.
I got to see what's going on, dude.
This is, oh God.
Oh, the volume is so low.
They're saying.
Well, I'll tell you about that.
Oh my God.
There is absolutely.
All right.
We're going back in.
We're going back into the tank, dude.
Let's see what people have.
Dave, please, for the love of God, show me something.
These guys are not prepared.
You didn't prepare them.
I sent, I sent a message explaining the whole thing.
Christopher, what you got, bro?
Yes.
What you got, bro?
What do I got?
I just got home from work and I raced.
I raced to get home so that I could be on the internet connection.
Oh, that's so nice.
You look fucking hot right now.
Thanks, dude.
Yeah, I'm pretty hot.
I mean, I'm a dog, so pretty hot.
Joe.
I'm from Georgia.
I'm just walking in my backyard.
David Norman, dude.
What's up?
Damn, are you guys the same, dude?
Check out my pool, dude.
Damn, bro.
You don't even know where to set my shit.
Yo.
Wait, what happened?
This is David Norman, dude.
What's up?
You guys are in my basement?
Okay, mosaic.
Yo, sick basement, bro.
I got to get a photo of this.
You got to get a client.
Matt, you got to cut one of them out.
I'll meet myself.
I'll meet myself.
I got to take a photo.
Hold on.
Dude, you're going to get...
You got to race against time, bro.
You're in the same room as Matt.
Are you guys in the same basement?
You got to race against time.
Matt, you still have multiple people.
Do you guys have any links?
Is there anything you guys would like to share that you guys have found?
Everyone puts stuff up.
When I did this on Patreon, there's a gazillion links in the Patreon.
I said, save it.
Are we both redheads?
Are you redhead, dude?
All right.
This isn't fucking pasty ginger's meat, dude.
Get the fuck out of here.
It could be, bro.
This is a new grinder.
This is a new grinder, dude.
You guys have to...
Hold on.
Let me get some...
Let me get some beams underneath me.
There we go.
Yeah.
Yeah, I got to be all in this basement.
Yeah.
We all have the same background, man.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
I'm ready.
Get the fuck out.
What you got going on, bro?
What you got going on?
Dude, I just got home from work.
Told you to get on the Zoom.
So, I got home...
Got on Zoom.
Trying to get a workout in.
Didn't figure he used to answer.
I thought this was just going to be a big jumble of people.
Sick tats, dude.
Let me see those tats.
He's out, dude.
God damn it, man.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to get people to have links, dude.
If you're not ready...
Why'd you keep them both in it the whole time?
I maybe thought they could play off each other, dude,
which they kind of did.
I was right.
Jesus.
Yo, bro.
What's up?
All right.
What's up, dude?
Who, me?
No, this dude.
His mic's off.
God.
Remove.
Absolutely.
This is absolutely cutthroat.
We might have to stop this, dude.
And I might have to wipe this whole thing out.
Send out a message and say,
get ready and start it anew.
Might have to, dude.
Dude, you got to do what you got to do, bro.
Yeah, we got to do this.
Well, wait.
Why would we start it over?
Because then I can wipe out this whole waiting room, dude.
You think it's going to be better the next time?
Yep.
If I start it over, I think it'll be better.
It's just going to be the same guys in the waiting room.
No, it won't.
Because it'll be a new room.
They'll have to get the link.
Yeah, but how are they not going to get the same link?
Because it'll be a new...
No, it'll be a new thing, dude.
It'll be a new thing.
Do you understand that they're going to click into it again?
True, but I think every time you do a new Zoom, it's a different...
Do you think a new waiting room is going to understand the rules better than
this waiting room?
Dude, this is just strictly Patreon.
So these guys, the rules are laid out, clearly.
It's got a bunch of invaders.
Yeah, but obviously not.
So if they don't get it, why would you think the next group is just going to
naturally understand it?
Because the people are watching the live stream, they're going to say,
Oh my God, this is an absolute disaster.
We have to do better.
I put this up on Patreon.
Everyone put links on the Patreon.
And I was like, no, no, no, no.
Don't put links here.
Save it.
Okay.
Look, I'm not...
There's no blame here.
There's no blame.
They obviously didn't get it.
I think dogs just rushed in.
The dogs did not do their homework.
They did rush in.
They're excited.
I know.
The dogs did not do their homework, dude.
Unbelievable.
All right, I'll do whatever you want.
I don't care.
It doesn't make a difference.
Let's see what this boy's up to.
Maybe we could just check in on all the dogs, see how they're doing.
Yeah, just check in on them.
Nobody's sharing links right now.
Maybe next time we'll share links.
Yeah, true.
What's up, bro?
What's up, boys?
Chilling, dude.
What you doing?
Not mocking me.
He's got off work.
Hell yeah.
What you doing now?
Watching this.
What do you want to talk about?
I don't know.
Is it just us three?
Yeah.
Damn, dude.
What you want to talk about?
I don't know, man, but I got a good laugh out of staying on the ground around
this morning.
Oh, hell yeah, bro.
Dude, I was pissing myself.
That's what's up.
What do you do for work?
He's gone.
Jesus Christ, dude.
Dude, if I'm telling you, if they're not bringing the heat, dude, they're out.
This is showbiz, dude.
This is the absolute.
This is the Apollo for dudes who just got off work.
Just got off work.
All right.
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
I'm going to do another crop.
So what happened to the thing last night for the stand?
Oh, the fucking, they had like a live chat.
Yeah.
So it was like, it was only like a hundred people, but it was all just dogs.
It was all just Matt and Shane's fans.
So every single comment was just like, get these fucking idiots off the screen.
Where's Shane?
Cause they, I was the third comic interviewed.
So I have to, and then the owner of the stand got in the group chat and was
like, if you
don't like it, just turn it off.
And they were like, shut up.
You fucking wop.
They started calling him a wop.
It was fun.
That's hilarious.
I got to blow my nose.
Who's next?
Fire somebody up.
Rob Glover.
What you got, bro?
Your mic's off.
Mic's off.
Your mic is off.
Shane abandoned me.
Of course.
Sup, bro.
What you doing there?
Do you guys, all your guys' mics are off.
I guess you guys can just stay in here or whatever.
All right.
Let me see here.
Yo, Hulk Hogan.
There you are, bro.
What you doing?
What you doing, bro?
Divorce, I see you driving that truck for 10 hours on YouTube.
It's the way to go.
What is it?
Hulk Hogan saying brother for 10 hours.
I don't know.
I don't know about that one.
All your guys' mics are off.
I guess you guys can just stay in here or whatever.
Hmm.
Told you the tech was going to be a bit of a workaround, bro.
The tech was going to be a bit of a workaround.
I knew it.
What you doing, bro?
I knew it would be difficult.
What is this coming up now?
God damn it, dude.
What is it?
You got to be honest.
It's pretty entertaining.
Yo, who's that?
Yo, what's up, Matt?
