Name: Fueled By Hate
Uploaded: 2020-05-12T00:56:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fueled By Hate' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fueled By Hate' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-12. Transcript available.

Fueled By Hate

what up dude we live yes yes motherfucking thing yes this shit out there we go
all right
there we go we're full screen what's up bro chilling man straight up fucking
chilling yeah
dude quarantine sucks yeah i'm starting to uh it's just chilling dude i had
this is the first
time i've not been rolling around yeah it's tough since the quarantine started
this is the first time
i've been in a spot that wasn't party time oh yeah you you really are you're a
fish on land right now
i am dude no booze since i left stan hopes any beers with your dad i tried to i
had one glass of
cranberry vodka during the actually it was vodka soda with a splash of cranberry
during the ufc fight i
was i was excited yeah to it to get that going and then i had one glass and i
was just like all right
i'm not drinking yeah i mean what's your do you get hammered at family parties
or how do you feel
about that i did when i was younger like back when it was like i was excited to
be drinking with the
adults yeah and now now like half my family like can't drink anymore they're
all alcoholic geezers
so they all had to some of them stopped yeah now it's just it's not as fun no
every time i get like
drunk enough at a wedding i end up just like seeing one of my uncles also drunk
and like talking i'm
also like i'm usually kind of stoned enough to where i'm talking to them and i'm
like this is
fucking weird but i'm drunk so i'm just like yeah man you know what fuck this i'll
always be talking
about like whatever at a wedding at a wedding i will black out i will turn up
at a wedding dude yeah
i'm gonna black out at wherever you decide to have your little shindig dude i
mean we are planning a
very patriotic wedding right now please dude how about that fucking flag that's
the original
that thing's wild it's well yeah we're planning at the armory so it's like i
mean full support of
the troops and everything i will wear i will wear my west point uniform i'd
expect nothing less
it might be it might be the theme might be stolen valor we might all
get like a white navy fucking suit for your oh dude it's a crisp white for your
yeah you could
you could have a stolen valor wedding that would be so that's a fucking good
idea stolen valor wedding
would be like everyone go the cocktail hours as you go to various bars and get
a free drink and
then use oh this is a good dude a bar crawl stolen valor bar crawl oh my god
that'd be so funny
that's basically exactly what the boot boys are doing all of them are dressed
up like call of duty
characters like i saw a picture of this dude with like a rocket launcher at
subway yeah dude it's just
like dude everyone's just dressed up like the loading screen in call of duty
where it's like
five dudes like walking around with like fingerless gloves and an m16 it's like
all right
knock it off the rocket launcher that's an interesting uh yeah the rocket
launcher is interesting
people who'll be like people are like you can't have bump stocks oh i might
need a bump stock if
someone rolls in with a rocket launcher there's like dude dude and they're like
i i might have to
take down a blackhawk yeah i mean i i didn't know that that was remotely legal
carrying a rocket
launcher yeah how can you even i can't apparently you can't have a pocket knife
in new york city how
could that guy roll around with a fucking bazooka i guess once you have a bazooka
though the rules do
change as soon as you have a bazooka it is legal you have an arrest warrant
they just see you bought a
bazooka that out that guy he can do whatever he wants now he has a bazooka very
isis-y to walk
around with like stinger missiles i saw the bazooka and i was like all right
man i forgot how much i
loved stinger missile videos oh them just fucking shooting them and falling
over what guy just like
rolling down a dune after he shoots a stinger always just a missile falls out
the back of a rocket
launcher they'll have to run no the fucking stinger missiles that are on the uh
that are like attached
to the wire that they can control what i think that's what a stinger missile is
i could be wrong
i thought a stinger was the one they shot and it had like a like a missile head
out of it not like a
fat bazooka but like a skinny bazooka there's one that's like on a tripod that
is attached to a wire
it looks like it's attached to a cord that the missile is actually controlled
what and it i read
dude i used to watch these videos at helium like before we'd go on it would and
you can always see
like the missile like slowly like hit a group of people like enough that they
have time to like see
it coming yeah oh i'm thinking what are the things called where the people hold
them on their shoulders
and they fucking fire insurgents oh these are like the insurgents they always
have the rpgs the that
is uh yeah i mean it's trying to think what it actually is called well just
whatever all of our
all right four man's bazooka all of our alt-right listeners are going nuts
right now i got that's a
fucking j12 javelin you don't even fucking know dude i got i got someone
reached out to me and was
like actually dude i support everything besides you guys can't make fun of big
boys and it's like
dude well come on they're funny they're funny and it's well yeah yeah it's just
funny they're like
actually they're not antifa it's like yeah they are dude they're jacked antifa
they're antifa that
aren't total pussies but they're all still yeah still retarded guys fucking
anti-bra anti-bra dude
yeah i mean it's uh did you hear about the dude who the venezuelan guy that
might be a false flag
might be a couple of fucking boog boys going wild no what is this dude there
was a so the president
of venezuela who apparently is like a socialist dictator which is funny how you
know i will say
briefly that socialism does find its way and it's a pretty bad place like every
time like dude seriously
it works i'm like all right there's some good models and there's venezuela it's
funny starving under a
socialist regime like no dude we're sharing everyone's like dude we're we don't
we don't have anything so yeah
they're always they always point to like scandinavia yeah like look at that and
it's like well
a couple of watchmakers do the uh yeah no there was an amphibious attack quote
claims there was an
amphibious attack on uh the venezuelan president they said they're trying to oust
him really there was
dude there was a he said he found two american soldiers and then there was like
they went and
it's actually really funny so apparently there's a there's a group basically
like the movie extract
that goes around and does private you love the movie extra dude i didn't think
it was real apparently
the movie extracts real and their next target private work like like blackwater
well this guy has a
website being like yeah exactly but there's this firm started up being like hey
governments if you want
to like you know uh instill democracy you can hire us and we'll instill
democracy for you basically
saying like we will we correct injustice if you pay us there's something there's
some weird ass website
so there's a guy so basically the venezuelan president came out with all these
dudes rounded
up he's like all these motherfuckers just tried to attack me i killed a bunch
of them here's two
americans here's their uh here's their passports donald trump uh like you know
organized an attack
on me because america put out a bounty on this guy on the venezuelan president
america did put out a
bounty on them saying like we'll give you guys i forget what it is like 20
million dollars to like
bring us this dude so like if you capture the president of venezuela what america
will give
you money they do they put i mean they fucking takash 69 put the hit out on
like they did like he did
fucking uh what's his name keith it's so sick to put out like it's it's always
funny when you see like
a bounty on somebody that's still like you're getting paid like a backup
quarterback
like it's like holy shit dude if i turn in the warlord in my village that's
been beheading all
my friends and family i get to get paid like the backup quarterback for the carolina
panthers
i can also make second string nfl money yeah yeah exactly i for it and i think
it is something like
that it's like they offer like 20 mil for this in the middle east they'll
literally they'll be like
10 grand for dude hook them up a little just be like everything's free if you
do this we're
gonna send you to america and everything's free a year's supply of pizza yeah
dude they get like
half court shot rewards like we'll give you a fucking mazda but you gotta pay
the taxes
we'll tax you 40 on it yeah the um yeah man so they went for this guy also okay
so the government
and the cia are claiming like dude we had nothing to do with this but there was
an amphibious attack
so these dudes pulled up on venezuela soil trying to go get this guy and the
way they pulled it up so
the whole thing foiled america's like yo we had nothing to do with it some dude
apparently from
florida was like yo i did that some guy he's the next troop he's like that was
me and everyone he's
like so he apparently was going around to everyone being like we got to get
these guys out because now
venezuela has two americans to kind of barter with and like now america has to
go get them
i think that we should leave those dudes there well they're they're apparently
if they were if they
were mercenaries leave them there operation gideon dude they're there to free
the venezuelan people
and what they did apparently according to this guy uh one of the there's like
nine people they interview
but there's the dude uh i forget his name but he was the one who said he
organized it there's two
people who got captured then there was the guy they think that the guy who
claimed he did it was
actually working for was a it was like a drug lord or guy who got arrested on
drug charges he was like
working with the united states but what they allegedly did was went into like venezuela
like poor venezuela
like towns were who were like pissed off with the leader and we're like yo we're
part of donald trump's
secret army you guys went in apparently like 100 venezuelans were like fuck
yeah dude that's
oh i would do i would join i know it was like yo i'm with a secret army it's
trump's secret army dude
and they're like who trump like yeah dude fucking uh from that show like oh
fuck yeah dude yeah i
remember that let's go get our let's go get this guy's fucking head so then
apparently but they're
also calling it could be they're like a lot of people are being like it's a venezuelan
false flag
because the guy wants to keep lockdown so they're saying like dude they're like
okay so somehow
wait venezuela's in lockdown yeah they're in covid lockdown really people are
saying which is weird
the associated press is like yeah well venezuela might be wanting to extend
their lockdown just to kind of
take advantage of their citizens anyway wear your mask and it's like yeah yeah
yeah all right man
anyway we're gonna push ours to july it's like wait why yeah i'm not gonna we're
not gonna get
don't even get me into it don't even get me started but yeah that was don't get
me started
that was funny man the uh the idea of an unplanned amphibious it doesn't make
sense that there was just
these random dudes who were like all right we're gonna go capture the leader it's
fucking like a
pineapple express it's like these dudes yeah they're like we're gonna go
capture a leader of venezuela
and they just like i guess took a boat from florida and just like landed but
they said that he was
like the security on venezuela's border exactly because apparently the
operation gideon got infiltrated
by the venezuelan regime so they knew it was coming so they were just ready do
we suck does america just
suck are we are we north korea like we can't even fucking do anything we can't
even up venezuela
i think i think this was a venezuelan venezuelan false flag or it