Name: MSSP Ep 301 Fat Sparta
Uploaded: 2020-06-18T21:48:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'MSSP Ep 301 Fat Sparta' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'MSSP Ep 301 Fat Sparta' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-18. Transcript available.

MSSP Ep 301  Fat Sparta

dude I could literally start immediately a wee more wit I could start
immediately a wee more wit
how you like that dude a wee more we on baby you notice my posture it's the
burger method
this is a burger method I went to the chiropractor last week told me I have to
fucking Asian sweet boy DM me sent me like ways to fix my fucking shitty
posture really
unprompted dude it's all right thanks it's a big deal I have the I have
horrible I have
the worst fucking I might start podcasting if you don't mind from a standing
desk I'll be
slightly out of frame but I think it'll be worth it for my posture dude I went
you have a decent
posture apparently it sucks the guy was like how do you sit now you know I sit
like this yeah dude he
was like that's why I had like neck issues what kind of psycho would you be
dude this is the Brueger
method I'm just every every time he's like it's no big deal whatever Brueger of
course a German
sat like that shit yeah it's such a German way of sitting yeah dude so you have
to pull your
sacrum in first is a sacrum is what everything's resting on and then you pull
your shoulders down
during the military guys episode I sat like this I was like I saw you the whole
time very straight
faced yeah sorry about the uh the military episode had to get taken down I
literally I looked at you
like six or seven times during that podcast and laughed which was funny because
it was middle of
him being like talking about a story of him like carrying his buddies out that
just got shot and I was
like the whole time I was like I just want my sacrum to be right for this oh is
that what you were doing
I was doing the Brueger method you did it the whole time and it looked and I
was catching my straight
face yeah I'll catch myself and I would just be like in my zoom screen is like
yeah I was that was
a good one but yeah sorry we had to take that down uh government got a hold of
us true government
came down I don't think people believe it they're like no I'm like dude I'm
telling you yeah dude they
run that shit quick which you know I have questions now it's either how do they
get behind a paywall
right away and pick up names it's either scary time snitch there was no snitch
you think it was just
AI it was his if you say his name onto a platform yeah they have my bad for
them I mean I'm not I'm not
gonna be on the air right now it was good if you listen to it enjoyed it that's
cool yeah yeah yeah
that guy had a clearance he wasn't the government doesn't want him chat all
right we interviewed
Q all right we interviewed Q I'm sorry I'm sorry we interviewed Q and uh he he
disclosed zero state
secrets to me I don't have any oh government I know what they're up to dude
what are they up to
uh government's uh got a couple delias in the senate really is popping around
making laws
senator kell senator delia senator kelson Lee r.i.p crystal yeah man that was a
r.i.p is he
gonna keep doing his podcast he better he better he's fucked I mean I'm not
like you know I'm not
uh yeah he's fucked I I'd say pretty yeah that's it and see that's that's like
fuck it I'll here here's
exactly what yesterday we recorded a full podcast talked about race for about
an hour two hours
two hours straight it was uh it was a lot and uh now it'll just be me saying
something and backpedaling
on crystalia well kids are hot these days I mean I'm not like defending them
but it's gonna be that for
an hour and a half uh no no no but here's what was scary yeah he got called a
pedophile sure and
everybody was so happy to call him that on twitter it's pretty fun there's
literally it is pretty
satisfying to call it when I heard the news when I heard the news I was like oh
nice immediately got
on twitter and I was like ah fuck that sucks for him huh but uh you know there's
no there's no way of
controlling it there's no way of being like hey everybody on twitter we gotta
wait until someone's
proven guilty yeah before he's number one treading trending in America as pedophile
that's a rough one
oh dude I didn't think I don't know I didn't think it got worse than ours
apparently it gets worse
apparently yeah I mean they hit the loo dog with just like masturbator yeah
like yeah yeah aggressive
hit him with aggressive master well that was after the for the initial that he
gets he gets hit with
the rapist a lot does he ludog really yeah King Louie King Louie gets hit with
King Louie gets it they
bring that to his table of like he just says no no get this out of here no but
the Leah man God I read
it it's damning the only the only problem is oh again it was like the Aziz Ansari
situation where
I was like hung out with the famous guy and he just wanted to fuck me it's
annoying yeah that was a
couple of them were like all right shut up keep you fucking moving lady and
here's here's the
fucked up thing is I was it's like a bunch of it's like man why do they all
come out at once
well they finally feel brave enough it's like or do they see other girls
getting a lot of likes
dude that's a valid question that's a valid question valid question anything's
on the table
anymore I'm not doing this forward one step back we're living in a country
right now where the media is
blatantly lying to the population so anything's on the table dude but yeah the
problem is too when you
see the thing that made me laugh is when a lot of them are like I was like a
beginning comedian I
thought he was going to advise me and it really he just wanted to fuck me which
is super annoying
it's like of course you want to you you did two open mics and you think this
guy now like that's
your mentor a famous guy dms you're like oh perfect this is how this works yeah
I do stand up
funny people just do one mic and then Adam Sandler makes me famous yeah uh yeah
it's
so a couple of them are like oh man that's that's just a pile on and then but
then you
see the one or two that's like he's dm and like 16 year olds like you see you
see the indefensible
yeah the indefensible ones are just like how old are you again well I just
think you don't tell you
can't tell young chicks they're cute man it's like it's weird as hard as it is
or lament the fact
you can't lament a chick's age via text it's like and then I'm sitting there I'm
like damn dude
I better not get fucking popped on any of these like what because they
immediately put up a clip
of him being like 14 year olds are not oh dude 14 anymore they're 35 they're
hot I saw that it's
like oh I saw that yeah if I get if I get hit on anything there's gonna be
clips of me being like
I'd fuck lewis's son I immediately thought about that I'm like dude there would
be it would be like
four it would be people will be like shut it off enough all right there's more
like shut it off god
damn it yeah so uh yeah if you had to go to like a c-span thing like I did say
kids were hot I did
say kids your honor I was kidding I was talking about the gymnastic show and I
did say those kids
were hot they were hot kids hopping around like for the record do you think
those kids were hot
mr gillis you'd be like I just for the record sworn testimony damn yes your
honor did they ever do that
yes your honor you had to do like a newspaper over your face the kids were
fucking hot
running out of the courtroom yeah well it was funny too because there was like
the some of the
girl one of the girls too uh this is actually kind of funny this kind of ties
into other stuff one of
the girls who came forward I think her name's or her twitter name's goblin she
was like I'm like
reading her thing I'm like man that's really shitty and then it's she's like
her link is just
like wet my webcam my only fans profile so I'm like all right so I'm like
webcam models now my
brain my wheels are spinning dude I'm going like all right he totally might
have hit you up but it's
like like right now I've seen this thing where people are like go with this
people have been
complaining about cops right they're like people like they don't understand
cops are a dangerous
job and people are like yeah have you ever met a sex worker and it's like what
there's no comparison
there like have you ever gotten buttfucked in the back of a Subaru in a legally
parked car
it's like it's like I guess man yeah it doesn't make you a hero it's like
I saw people people been trying to be like you think cops got it rough imagine
being a sex worker
it's like that's a weird compare like imagine being a coyote and sneaking
people over the country
all right imagine that it's like well yeah you're not allowed to do that it's
illegal
god damn the Leo what the fuck yeah man I mean where I was going really is like
yeah I was wondering I
see so I start seeing only fans and it's like you know that's this is like as
many people I can get to
look at me I literally get paid basically what we do but yeah you know I don't
know man it's like
probably happened but it's like if it was only only fan accounts being like oh
and he got me too
there has to be a part of that that people are going like fuck it let me throw
my hat in this ring
yeah has to be I think so too but I agree I agree that's what I was saying like
people are like oh
wait you can get a thousand likes by being like Chris Leah DM'd me yeah and how
hard is it dude
so so a lot of them are like all right get the fuck out of here but there's
some rough ones there's
enough there's some rough ones in there and the thing that sucks for him is
like damn what really
so like Louie these are different these are obviously very different but Louie
Louie's so good
that he can just put out a special and it's like fuck yeah yeah and Louie's
like dark and like
fucked up as a person D'Elia's whole thing is like I'm a cool guy I know I'm a
hot guy like now he's
got to be animated during a controversy doesn't he call his fans babies too
yeah he's gonna do you
gonna make some changes look look I was I was listening to these D'Elia things
and I was like
oh shit dude baby girls dude I'm done no more joshing no more joshing about the
babies yeah any woman that
comes to our show anymore has to wear a head covering yes it is we're going
back to the church
skirt down to the skirt down to the things yeah show ankles you are a slump be
sending some slutty
stuff to my I mean I gotta worry all these fucking fat dudes I talked to on
Instagram are they underage
all these fat guys with beards who inbox me underage I'm worried now dude I'm
next I'm next dude yeah
yeah that's what you took out of this man a guy's a predator and you you
selfishly sit there and say
what about me yeah I'm worried now I'm gonna start asking when dudes are like
yo I have a everyone
sends me stuff like yo I have a six month old I'm like first of all how old are
you before we get
yeah I'm 43 like okay yeah that's what next year the one O'Connor was chatting
about was this girl
that was like yeah he invited me to his hotel and I knew he wanted to fuck and
so I said I'd rather
come down to the bar and he said come into my room and he was like no and just
stop texting she like
reported him that's fair enough it's like dude that's what I'm saying you
started it was a dickhead
it was a dickhead move but that's not a crime that and that's the az that's the
thing so you
have it's like the aziz world it's the aziz effect where it's like I went on a
date I thought this
person I you know watched enough Disney movies where I'm like oh finally prince
charming and then you
know little you know princes typically want to like eat your pussy and finger
your butthole
upon meeting you that's what being a prince is about so that's what should have
in a sleeping beauty
just a fucking brock turner coming out of the woods like oh fuck
yeah and it's and here's the other side of that though is it's Twitter so they're
allowed
it's a free they're allowed to just be like here's a shitty experience I have
with this guy true and
it's just a fucked up thing that fucking social media is allowing you know it's
created this thing
where it's like oh we're 