Name: MSSP Ep 302- Dog Girl
Uploaded: 2020-06-24T16:00:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'MSSP Ep 302- Dog Girl' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'MSSP Ep 302- Dog Girl' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-24. Transcript available.

MSSP Ep 302- Dog Girl

what up everybody we're fucking live we're here we're fired the fuck up yes god
damn this is
motherfucking bullshit if anyone needs if anybody well no what i'm saying here
dig this dude
do you ever see ray donovan yes that's what i'm gonna do as my job you're gonna
ray donovan
canceled people pretty much i'm gonna go around and smash n-word right i'm
gonna smash n-word
tapes that's good did ray donovan start out by getting canceled right away no
he got molested
by a priest that's how it started yeah ray donovan and they well spoiler alert
is like his brother
obviously got molested but it turns out ray did too but they're guys from boston
who got molested by
priests and they're like they get hired to like it's funny because they're like
hollywood henchmen
so they go around they're like covering up messes but it's just like now that
like seeing all this
stuff it would for sure be like blackface yeah pictures n-word tapes like it
was funny i was at
my parents last night and at dinner my mom was like oh they got jimmy kimmel he
did blackface
blackface right and i was like no no jimmy fallon although yeah jimmy kimmel
yeah he his was the n-word
well not to be not to get all chappelle on it but it's like can it can a white
guy be famous without
doing blackface is it something they make us do to embarrass us wait what and
they always say you put
black guys in dresses in hollywood why do they always put strong white men in
blackface in hollywood
bro well i mean i'm i'm i'm starting to think this is a conspiracy dude you
want to get into uh
what's that called like embarrassment rituals you want to you want to you want
to have power over
somebody in hollywood oh yeah maybe they don't even have to a kid these days
you can just toss
them in blackface early in their career be like you work for me now well i i
mean i hate to say it but
i'd say that's progress going from like true mandatory kid to some blackface it's
like maybe we can move on to something else yeah i mean dude instead of blackface
just like a fitted
hat also imagine just being like you know like all right we're doing your
makeup you're like all right
what are you doing today be like just a little blackface no big deal you're
like ah they're like
come on we've worked hard on this the same thing for chapelle like we wrote it
we wrote it it's funny
come on just do it it's going to be everybody else does it yeah it's dude i
mean there's a point though
they do that every single black comic has had to dress like a woman true i
actually have a theory
that i think and i don't know if eddie murphy's going to go for it but i think
trump is going to
try to hire eddie murphy to play nine different black cabinet members for 2020.
that's a good idea
dude he just plays nine different yeah i have nine different members just sit
them behind him and
every time he does a campaign you should just have eddie murphy like get up go
to the bathroom come
back as a woman yeah did you watch that you watch trump down in tulsa i caught
pieces of it on on
the thing they're calling him a loser they're like how does it feel they're
basically they're
attacking trump with trump stuff like how does it feel to be a loser with
nobody coming to your rally
yeah man he was up there he like i was you know what i'm sorry mr president for
ragging on you
for the water drinking he silenced me really he was on stage he was like
and then he threw it he could do it and he was like off with that water dude he
was like see i can
drink water i'm pretty good oh that's where we're at as far as the president he's
like watch me drink
this easy next you should just make him go through like assisted what is like
activities of daily
living yeah it's like watch me get out of bed dude not even a problem who's
talking shit dude yeah and
then he my favorite was him talking about stone cold it like stone cold it like
a poland spring
yeah well it was still like slow like someone bragging about how good they are
drinking water it was still
like uh then he he was my favorite part was he was like they tried to get the
christopher's columbus
statue but they couldn't he protected the italians the italians i love my italian
people and all these
dudes in oklahoma are like boom yeah we don't like that
yeah you gotta know his audience it's like yeah it's when you like you do a bit
up in north and you
go down south today and everyone's like oh you're like that shit fuck fuck i
forgot these are different
honkies so he was gonna start calling out different he was gonna start like
yeah he tried to be like
they tried they tried to get that columbus statue but there were some tough
italian there's some tough
wops there that shut it yeah he did he almost hit your your version of the italians
did he he was
close he's like i love the italians you know it was great and just watching
dudes in cowboy hats be like
i guess yeah which ones are they again yeah those damn fucking catholics
yeah it's been fun things are good yeah man uh sean king said jesus was racist
white jesus was
a form of white supremacy sick who's sean king uh he's the white guy that's the
head of black
he's the white guy that is trying to hide being white by putting like a pencil
mustache on
he just grew his facial hair it would look he put on that rapaport's puerto rican
costume yes
oh he fully has like a pencil mustache and the pencil goatee ali g it full ali
g dude oh dude look
you can't you can't accuse somebody of being white i don't think but boy he's
close he's edging
blackface he's edging when he's edging dolezal
he's a couple straight camera i'm gonna need your mic on this i'm gonna need
you to say some things
i can't okay who do you think looks black hair rachel dolezal or sean king rachel
dolezal
oh i know you know landslide yeah in the landslide yeah easy all right thank
you thank you also
let's get a camera on the mayor please well mayor can you do cue cards yeah i'll
hold something up you say
yeah let me film it look at my african-american over there i love them dude the
uh man i forgot
also the mayor there's a viewer who's disturbed by you laughing and wishes you
to stop
did you read that no everyone's like oh it's so fun hearing people one guy's
like i hate hearing
them laugh in their background so for that one joyless soulless individual america
please
muzzle your human joy that would be preferable yeah no it's good it's nice
i hate the sound of that guy laughing on that comedy it pisses me off it's
unbelievable yeah i
saw sean king now i know who you're talking about yeah man i mean that's that's
the kind of uh that's
a classic conundrum if you want to be a white ally it's like clearly you want
to shed your like
physically white persona but you can't shed too much of it he's not white he he
fully claims he's black
sean king claims he well i'm not saying he's claiming he is i think at least
part black okay
but yeah he seems to have some like first meeting white privilege you're saying
he's
got some he's i don't know i can't i'm not gonna like speculate the percent of
black he is you don't
have to do that no one's asking but he's it's up there so he's he's very he's
fair-skinned it's
did you ever read the book the human stain phil brough phil brough it's about a
professor
who is he's born into a black family but he's so fair-skinned that he actually
goes and pretends
he's jewish and his whole life is about like he gets accused of racism as like
a like a pretend
jewish guy but he's secretly black and he's like man this is fucking bullshit
but he can't lie about
it's pretty funny yeah good book so wait at the end he kind of he does the it's
basically the chapelle
racist kind of okay yeah but it's bullshit too because he's just using outdated
language and
somebody there it's it's it's a very long story i won't spoil wait he gets
canceled in the book for
like dude this book was written in like the 90s was he he gets canceled he's
like they cancel him from
they cancel him but he doesn't want to come out because his whole life's built
around that he like
his kids don't even know this is a great book awesome book dude human phil brough's
a
fucking book they would cancel phil brough in a heartbeat but the um hold on
let me oh we got some
info on sean king if you'd like to see yeah what's i'll let you not that i care
i'll let you handle that um he's 40 he's from kentucky and he's 40 yeah he's 40
he's from
kentucky he went to morehouse college arizona state university uh so i would he's
like he's black
by going to morehouse but he's from kentucky there's black people in kentucky
there are black
people in kentucky what are you getting there's not like there's not a lot of
black people in kentucky
well mayor this is trouble don't do that i don't do that i stay in the middle i'm
like copernicus
so yeah again i i remember seeing the guy and wait what the was that you just
gave us his
his wikipedia yeah i was just trying to give you more info no we don't i'm not
trying to
care he's from no he i've i've seen videos of this guy i remember surprisingly
being like
huh okay yeah just being like you know i i wouldn't put him in the doles all
category by intent
but you know it seems like you're in a you're a hierarchy when you're in this
hierarchy of wokeness
it's like how can i ascend this at a rapid pace be like god is racist and it's
like all right bro yeah
thanks man in his defense he was answering it he didn't like come out and make
that statement
say yeah so what happened was somebody asked him about they're like what do you
think of i guess
statues of white jesus and he was like that's white supremacist yeah so i don't
think he wanted to say
that but it did fall under his beliefs yeah which to some extent yes but if you're
gonna you can't you
know well i'm not gonna go to a church in ireland and be like i can't believe
they made him white
yeah or go to obviously everybody there looks like i mean you want people to
believe in him
yeah it's bizarre or to see a black santa claus and be like santa claus isn't
black
take that down like no it's like okay yeah if you went to like a white town
they had a black santa
clause you'd be like that's weird why are they doing that dude i mean it'd be
swagged out dude it'd be so
funny yeah i mean like when i was a kid dude if there was a black santa at like
the mall in mccansburg
people would be like who's doing this like people people would genuinely be
like why is this happening
why is this no who is responsible why is this happening to me right now yeah i
have to confront
it is funny to toss up a black sand and have people have to confront that to be
like he's not oh yeah
oh yes it's made up wait a second he's white oh yeah it's it's not real yeah i
uh okay so the
questions and this is the thing too no one we never have complete information
so the question was posed to
him he's like who's more racist jesus or allah and he's like jesus well clearly
it's funny too because
now easy that's jesus so now so the white like the fox news types got a hold of
the tear down jesus
statues oh we told you if you fucking come for this what happens if they wanted
to tear down muhammad
statues now of course the argument to that is there are no muhammad statues so
people are like you
fucking idiot there are no muhammad they're not allowed to build them yeah you
can't you can't and
you know it's like you can't draw a cartoon of them sure same thing you can't
there's no like
of muhammad really yeah there's no there's no uh art i guess none would do him
justice perhaps
yeah they're trying to now in order to uh counter that argument is to be like
the reason we don't
have statues of them is because we knew in the future he had done some fucked
up things and we
don't want to worship any it's like dude that's what they're claiming yeah they're
going along there's
like there's good reasons we don't have statues of them it's like but don't you
don't get a
mistaken and he is our god okay god we do worship him as the prophet 